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Alone. But not!

Community Member

Since we lost our daughter in march, I feel like my husband and I aren't .... I don't know just we don't talk, he now has a "friend" that snapchats him all day/night,

it feels like he's avoiding me, I asked him why he talks to her and doesn't talk to me he said it's easier with her and he can't talk to me because I get upset,

ive told him I feel hurt and betrayed that he's talking to another woman,

he got mad said that if I think he would cheat on me we shouldn't be together, that it's my issue not his he hasn't done anything wrong,

😞 am I over reacting?

How can we fix us when we are both so broken.

Thanks for listening. Xx

3 Replies 3

white knight
Community Champion
Community Champion

Hi Dory, welcome

I have views on this. Men are entitled to have female friends and visa versa. It never used to be that way. Now its more common.

That doesnt however mean he doesnt love you. He might well be honest in his response, that he risks upsetting you. Sounds plausible. How else can he get relief from his grief?. Men have this build up inside that is most difficult to release. Its really good he can do that with someone.

However there is a limit. Once or twice a week is fine in my view, for me but it could be not for you. See we are all different and its important that you have confidence in yourself that your boundaries are acceptable in your life because thats you.

So there is a risk this friendship will develop in the wrong direction. If it becomes too often then why isnt he seeking comfort from therapy? What is "too often"?

Its when you feel it is so. Nobody else, just you.

Sometimes such friendships die over time. But keep watch all the same. Good luck and, so sorry to read about your loss.

We are here for you.

Tony WK

Champion Alumni
Champion Alumni
hello Dory, my sincere condolences for the loss of your daughter, it must be very difficult for you and offer to you my deepest thoughts.
This is such a difficult situation, because the two of you must be hurting so much, and perhaps he doesn't want to make you any more upset by discussing this, I know that the two of you would be asking, 'why or what if', but none of these questions can ever be answered.
If he was talking to mate then there wouldn't be a problem, but because it's a female changes the situation, and if this was me I would be upset if my wife started talking to another male, which in fact did happen, but it was because of my depression and alcohol intake, however conversly if my wife knew I was talking to another female she would be really annoyed, so there doesn't seem to be any happy medium.
Sometimes husband and wife can't talk anymore, because they're discussed it over and over and not making it feel any better, and as Tony has said if it's done occasionly then it maybe OK for some people, as I wasn't when my wife did it as it's a break of communication, so I'm sorry you are in a difficult situation, but it's something that needs to be kept on eye on, especially if his routine changes. Geoff.

Hi everyone, we're going to close this thread off as this conversation is happening in two places at the moment and it's potentially confusing for members to keep up.  The original thread (linked below) has more replies and information in it.  We'll retitle the original thread and move it to the Relationships and family issues section so this discussion can continue:

Hi, another newbie