Trauma Counselling - how do you get through it?

TheBigBlue · ‎29-09-2020

I’ve been seeing my psychologist for almost a year now.

But we have only had one session (yesterday) where we started to look into my trauma. Prior to this both my psychologist & psychiatrist wanting me to be admitted for specialised care. I was considered high risk. I didn’t want to, so I never did.

Anyway, we barely touched touched the surface yesterday. In fact, it wasn’t even discussion of the trauma that triggered me. I was really anxious & I shaking so she asked me to breathe (as in my deep breathing exercises). But I couldn’t doing it if she could see or hear me. I don’t understand why, I don’t understand why I felt distressed, I don’t know why it was so hard. In the end she had to turn away from me & put her headphones in & play music before I could do it.

i feel like such a failure because I can’t even live a normal life, or be “normal”. Can’t imagine anyone else being as stupid as me & not being able to to do some deep breathing in a room with someone else. It’s weird because when we talk I don’t have any issues looking at her or making eye contact, but something about the breathing triggers me.

so we spoke about other things for a while & then she said she wants me to do just one thing. She wanted me to inhale loudly through my nose & then exhale loudly through my mouth.

And this distressed me so much I started crying. She explained that we need to dig a bit deeper to find out the reasons behind it, but when she asked how I was feeling I didn’t know. I can’t explain why it’s happening. I just wanted to cry.

i feel so stupid. I don’t know if there is anything behind this but I feel so distressed. I feel like my depression is so ready so come back. I was doing so well, had a routine, was going for morning walks, cooking dinners, doing dishes every night & was starting to sleep better.

i got up this morning to find last nights dishes still in the sink. I couldn’t bring myself to do anything. I didn’t sleep well so had no energy to go for a walk. I’ve just sat on the lounge ALL day.
I understand it can be difficult to work through the trauma but how do others manage to do it? I feel like a failure at life. And we still haven’t discussed the person, the abuse etc.

i don’t know how I will get through this.......

Rubybleu · ‎29-09-2020

Oh hunny, first of all - you are not stupid or silly! You are strong and so brave for attempting to heal.
I relate so much to your post. I often hate that I can’t just be normal, that I often fall in to depression where I can’t do anything and feel like a failure.
It’s great that you are going through this with a psychologist. I have only just recently started seeing one for my childhood trauma. It’s so easy for me to mask and talk but when I have to talk about the trauma I freeze up and can’t say what I’m thinking. Maybe this is similar to you having trouble with the breathing.
I hope others can also give you answers and advice as I’m just a newbie to all of this.

b_abbey · ‎30-09-2020

Sometimes when it gets to the "moment" of recall and telling we are flooded by memories of the event/s and it can be really hard! There are memories in the body too, not just the mind - and that is why we have such a physical reaction (true story - check out Bessel van der kolk - the body keeps the score - he's a trauma specialist). Sometimes we don't know the entire story in our heads. Therapists are quite used to dealing with this - it can be like peeling the layers of an onion and the more you reveal the more you can peel, and it takes a lot of time to get to this point. You are absolutely not "stupid" - you are peeling, and those onions can sting. It will get easier, but that outer layer is rigid and tough - and it takes time, not intelligence - even an utterance can help you on your journey. Keep going to therapy - & allow yourself a 'delay' when you need it - and go forth with one word at a time 🙂

Ggrand · ‎30-09-2020

Hello TheBigBlue,

I am going through trauma counselling, with Victims Services...The same happens to me, my counsellor could be talking about things unrelated to my trauma when I totally loose myself in tears or have a panic attack...

For me when I’m having a panic attack and need to just breath deeply and slowly I need to be on my own, to focus myself into deep breathing..I had one a few months ago when my supporter was taking me to a medical appointment..I was in the back seat of her car, I think she spotted what was happening through her rear vision mirror..Then she started telling me to breath..Which made my anxiety worse....Your not alone BigBlue...It takes all our concentration to calm ourselves down to breath without others watching us....

I know when something triggers me..I go into tears before I realise it....and to explain how I am feeling is impossible for me..because I don’t know myself....it’s too hard to put into words what’s going on inside of us..

Thats okay BigBlue..about not washing the dishes last night, or not sticking to your routine..Please don’t be hard on yourself...Tomorrow is another day..one that you can start your routine again if your up to it...If not tomorrow then the day after....It’s okay dear BigBlue to not be okay always...Just tiny baby steps each day is all we need to do...

I don’t know what normal is, or if their is a normal...You’re not failing at life...your getting through each day the best you can...

I think your counsellor will wait until they think your strong enough, ready enough to start talking about the trauma you went through...I know mine did..and some visits we have to stay away from it..because some appointment I’m not strong enough to talk about it..

Talk here anytime you feel up to it..

Sending my care and kind thoughts to you TheBigBlue..

Grandy.l

ecomama · ‎01-10-2020

Dear TheBigBlue

You're doing SO WELL. You really & honestly ARE!

Take this & ALL the other understanding replies so far & know without a shadow of a doubt that you are not alone in every part of what you're saying and feeling.

Don't you just hate it when you get distressed BECAUSE you're distressed?

Already it's a BIG thing you're doing.

Deciding to enter a journey of discovery about yourself.
Deciding to get help dealing with the trauma of your past.

It's a BRAVE thing to do.

But to be brave we must acknowledge our vulnerability.

We were vulnerable when we were abused, terribly vulnerable.

What I want you to know is that the feeling of being vulnerable may be there in therapy but YOU ARE SAFE.
It's not the same vulnerability of when we were abused.... but these feelings may be linked.

You're an ADULT now.
You're SAFE.
You're taking responsibility for your healing.

I'm gonna be brave myself now... you with me?? throw the breathing thing OUT THE WINDOW.

What I'd like you to suggest to your psych is that you do GROUNDING exercises to help calm you. Breathing is NOT a hapnin' thing. Not now, release that pressure on yourself. It's increasing your anxiety not dissipating it - no reason continuing.

My favourite grounding exercise from the Red Heart Foundation are...

5 Things.
5 things you can SEE TOUCH HEAR SMELL TASTE

Let's do it now so you can practice any time you choose.
SEE - I can see my messy balcony lol! tissue box, chair, spoons, laptop.
TOUCH - I can touch my smooth dressing gown, fluffy warm slippers, foam, seat, cane chair.
HEAR - I can hear the traffic going past, rustling leaves, washer, drier, dishwasher.
SMELL - I can smell cold wind & I just lit an incense stick.
TASTE - eucalyptus lollies. Not 5 lol.

These exercises bring you back to your now. The present.

You can take things in to your session to help you with the 5 things...
A squeezy ball, mints, perfume, a little stuffed toy you like the texture of - I like velvet. I also like the cute little wooden toy humans you can change their limbs about - I laugh at the impossible positions I put them in.
You can buy these at a $1 shop. I have these in specific places... my car, my handbag, at work, next to me now.

Whatever it takes to ground you, bring you back to your present where you are SAFE.

You're doing so great!

We're with you all the way.

Love EM

Anzee · ‎04-10-2020

TheBigBlue, you are DEFINITELY not alone! I am in a similar situation, I have been seeing a psych since may for a different reason but I ended up telling her about my childhood abuse a couple of months ago and I still haven’t been able to go through with the appropriate trauma treatment and our sessions are over the phone as we are in vic and I still have to email her if it’s something big or triggering because I cannot talk! I stutter, I cry, I lose my train of thought, I have panic attacks and then I just get angry at myself for not being able to function as a normal person. I am on the waiting list for the specialised trauma centre but every day I convince myself I can’t go through with it because I am so scared and I’ve learnt that talking or recalling the abuse comes with very dark and overwhelming emotions I feel like I have no control of and I cannot stand feeling that way so I just keep telling myself to forget about it and move on but then I have my psychologist tell me I can do it and am already doing it so I get some strength back but it doesn’t take long and I’m back to overwhelming fear and anxiety. I’ve started talking to 1800respect and they have been so good and have specialised trauma councillors 24/7 and that has definitely helped me when I’m feeling scared and unsafe.

ecomama · ‎04-10-2020

Hi Anzee and TheBigBlue and others

I was diagnosed with Complex PTSD formally this year by a Specialist Trauma Psychologist (STP) but was told this diagnosis over 5y ago. I had no idea what it really meant back then, nor did I have the capacity or money to get more help as I was in the middle of many Court cases.

I've had the same Counsellor from Uniting for about 7y now.
It was her head Psych who told me I had C-PTSD.

I thought I just had to live that way but a friend told me to get Specialist Trauma Psychology (STP) help or else things would get worse for me (and they were getting worse, I was dissociating to cope).

I'd seen LOTS of therapists over 40y but no one mentioned PTSD.
I've got a LIBRARY full of self help books lol and exhausted our local libraries too.

It's scary, I know.
I've been there and am on the other side of the STP help now.

I'm sharing this in the hope it helps.... there were 2 things that helped me progress through this STP:
1. Not having depression - this apparently saved 18 months of pre-trauma therapy
2. Being very good at Grounding Exercises (like the one I listed above. 1800RESPECT can teach you more. Google is your friend) - USE THESE to help you "settle" and bring you back to the present time.

Have strong faith that you CAN get through this.
I held onto my picture of Mental HEALTH and pretty much got there.
Be aware of "wobbly" times between.

Over time the memories will have less and less power over your mind and present time.
But going through this with a Psych is very important.

I would say I'm 80% cured of PTSD now but it was alot of determination that got me there.
The other 20% I've been taught how to do Exposure Therapy on my own.
I use other people to "co-regulate" me when facing pending traumatising things and this 20% lessens all the time...

Love EM

Anzee · ‎04-10-2020

That’s so amazing EM, and gives me hope, but at the moment I have a lot of other things contributing to stalling my progress unfortunately and without the support of my partner I feel like I need to be present and fully supportive for our two young daughters so they don’t get dragged down too and when I am in this state I feel like I’m not capable of doing that so that’s why I keep trying to push my trauma away and be strong enough to move on (I feel completely stuck in it at the moment) at least until they’re old enough to not need my constant attention.

Anzee · ‎04-10-2020

TheBigBlue, I just felt like I should also mention when I first started talking about my trauma I felt like all I did was cry, all day every day for about two weeks. Then I got really moody and agitated and felt angry at everyone, especially the abuser! I tried really hard not to let my kids see me in that state, but there has definitely been a few times I’ve had to apologise for being grumpy. I don’t even cry every day now and my anger isn’t as regular haha.

TheBigBlue · ‎04-10-2020

A big thank you to everyone who has posted here.

I started seeing my psychologist last year in regards to a chronic illness, but I felt comfortable with her so after a few sessions I told her about the abuse. Since bringing it up with her I have managed to tell my boyfriend & one sister, so that’s a start. The psychologist said she thought I had PTSD. But after my first appointment with the psychiatrist he told me I had all the symptoms of trauma & diagnosed me with complex PTSD.
I had trouble dealing with that initially, as I felt like it was another problem on top of my anxiety, depression & medical issues.

i haven’t had the courage to tell my parents, because in a twisted way one of them was aware what was happening at the time but did nothing. I can’t tell the other parent as their heart would be completely broken. So they know I see a psychologist & psychiatrist but they don’t know why. Oddly they have never asked why either........
And I’m afraid to ask the one parent why they didn’t help. It’s a burden everyday wondering why a parent didn’t help a child in need. It hurts me very much. The psychologist suggested I br8ng this person to a session (when I am ready), but Im terrified. Terrified they will deny it, or say they “don’t remember”, then terrified I will break the unity of the family. It’s so overwhelming.

BUT, after being distressed for 2 days after that appointment I am back on track. Back to my morning walks, cooking dinners, eating lunch in the sunshine & taking on a few more household duties.
And previously I could be depressed all week between appointments, so I am getting there, and I know there will be ups & downs but it’s still really difficult to come to terms with.

Next week is a video call so I’m not sure how in depth that session will be. I’m also concerned that the psychologist might pull back from the trauma counselling. Initially both her & my psychiatrist had suggested going to hospital for specialised treatment but I refused. But with improvements with my mental well being the psychologist thought she could start to work on the trauma again. But now I’m scared she will pull back. I want to work through it with her, but as I have felt suicidal after previous sessions she considers me high risk. But I do not want to be an in patient. I have to wear a medical device attached to my body 24/7 & I’m so scared they will not allow it & my medical care will be seriously affected.......

But today was actually a good day 👍