Too scared to seek help, where do start?

Louloubelle7 · ‎17-08-2016

I was abused for many years as a child by a family member who committed suicide when I was in my teens. Since then I have had persistent PTSD symptoms such as flashbacks, triggers, nightmares, aggression and extreme mood swings. No body in my life knows about the abuse so I feel extremely isolated but seem to have been able to 'switch off' that part of me when Im around others so I appear 'normal' and my issues stay undetected. It has been about 10 years since my abuser died and I was so hoping I would gain some closure from that event but I am still haunted daily by horrific memories that repeat themselves over and over. I have only been brave enough to see a psychologist once and I never had the courage to reveal my abuse and then just stopped showing up to appointments because I felt like a coward. I know deep down I need to deal with this, the symptoms arent easing with time and as my friends start to have children I am finding myself being triggered more and more often. I need advice on where to go and how to find help. I also have very little money and I'm too scared/embarrassed to say to a GP that Ive been abused.... I just don't know how to deal with this. Any help/advice from people in similar situations would really be appreciated. Thanks guys

Boxhead1 · ‎17-08-2016

I read what you wrote and had to reply.. I have never been through what you have so have no idea of the pain you must feel...you say that you don't know where to start it where to turn to get help,but by posting on here you have taken the first step. There is no shame in asking for help or admitting that you need it,everyone needs help every now at some point and those who say they don't are incredibly strong or lying. Have you tried a close friend of family member? Maybe opening up to someone you trust would be easier than to do it to a complete stranger.yes it may be scary and hard to ask for help,but doing it on your own is that much scarier and harder. I hope you find the strength and courage to ask for help and move closer to getting some form of closure.

geoff · ‎17-08-2016

dear Louloubelle, my heartfelt condolences for what you have been through as I sincerely detest child abuse, where an older person takes advantage of a child, the thought horrifies me.
Well the family member must have felt totally guilty for what he did to you, and of course he should have, so his only option was to suicide, not really a pleasant way to say it.
Now he will not hurt anyone else, but not telling anyone about this dramatic event has stuck with only you, when you do need to release all of this tension and the only way is to start with your doctor, write what happened on a piece of paper and hand it over to your doctor, that means you don't have to start this conversation, because that seems to be the big problem.
You can't even begin to start your recovery and help you with the PTSD that will plague you still for a long time, it's amazing how you have kept it quite for as long as this, but can I say that all doctors and all psychologist's have heard everything possible, so nothing will shock them, except that how sorry they feel for you.
I have just emailed my doctor and asked him for something which he did, but his comments were 'nothing is to much trouble for you'.
I wonder how your relationship is with your doctor, because now this is what you definitely need now, and if you ask your doctor about the 'mental health plan' this will give you 10 free visits to see a psych.
As I said write down what you need to, this will break the ice, and even say 'you find it difficult to talk about', then they will treat with extreme care.
I really hope that you can get to us, because my reply may not be enough to convince you now, but lets take it slowly. Geoff.

Doolhof · ‎17-08-2016

Dear Louloubelle,

Welcome to the community here at Beyond Blue. I am so sorry to read your story. My sexual abuse was at the hands of my first husband. That was bad enough. I have no idea what it must be like for you.

You have already received a couple of heart felt posts here with suggestions. I too would like to suggest that you write out how you are feeling and hand that to your Dr. Most Drs. also have tissues in their consulting rooms. I know I have been through boxes of Drs. tissues! Tears are okay. They are healing.

You could use the CHAT line here at Beyond Blue where you chat to someone on line. They will be able to offer you advice and may be able to help you find a suitable place/person to help in your region.

Look in the front of your local phonebook and see if there are support services in your region to help with your issues. There may be support groups even.

Do you have a close girlfriend whom you can talk to? Or a relative? This family member of yours may have abused other females in the family as well. Someone else may be going through the same torment as you.

Please know that in no way are you accountable or to blame for what has happened to you. You are a very special person. You did not deserve what happened to you.

Girlfriends having babies must be very difficult for you. Try opening up to just one of your friends and tell them what has happened to you.

A girlfriend of mine was sexually abused by her brother. She used to chat with me a lot about what had happened. I didn't have the words to comfort her, but just listening seemed to help.

Sharing here is a great start for you dear precious lady. Hopefully you will find the courage to chat with your GP and get help.

Thinking of you, from Mrs. Dools