Today I ended my emotionally abusive relationship

pinkroses · ‎26-01-2017

What next?

Im shaking & scared. Im at my mums & I have told her.

I was brave and told him this morning it isn't okay how he treats e.g. today he is going alone to a girls house to drink. I said that's not okay as he won't tell me where it is and when he will be back. He said I'm a skitzo & other things. I know people that haven't read my past post may think I didn't do the right thing however he does this often. who knows what he does with other people behind my back.

Not too sure what else to write right now. 😕

Apollo_Black · ‎27-01-2017

I did a quick look via mr google - it's a dicey and tricky thing indeed. There is a possibility depending on the state in which you live, whether or not you lived together and the length of time you lived together which would be taken into account. From the quick look I had - it would seem that morally it's best to hand the ring back, legally he potentially could pursue its return. Personally I don't see a problem asking him to return the money he owes you first. If he's going to be a thorn in your side for any length of time about it - I would tend to agree with Wednesday and cut your losses. It's a lot of money but might be worth it, if it's cutting the grief from your life.....good luck

pinkroses · ‎27-01-2017

I would give it back to him but my laptop has died, my hard drive ($1500 to repair) & also my car. Which means I'm in debt suddenly.

I don't have energy to write more at the moment.

Mum beyond exhausted. Crying for hours take it out of you you know.

I have to be semi decent off work tomorrow. Il try anyway.

Wednesday · ‎28-01-2017

The most important thing right now is to take extra good care of yourself. Please don't push yourself at the moment, get lots of sleep and eat well. Maybe mum could hep out a bit on this front. Can you take a few days off work to give you some processing time?

You did so well and made a difficult giant leap. Sometimes all we can do is to make baby steps, but they will get you there in the end. Be kind to yourself, one day you'll look back at this time and be enormously proud of yourself for valuing yourself enough to make and act on decision to move out of this toxic relationship.

Hugs, xx

May_M · ‎28-01-2017

I just want to say congratulations and you 100% did the right thing. Do not feel even a pang of regret. Mean people should not be tolerated

geoff · ‎28-01-2017

dear Pinkroses, even though you are very fragile I too am proud of you, it had to be done.
Maybe you could tell him to give the money to the real estate and if you want to you will leave the ring with them as well.
I wouldn't meet up with him, I think that would be too unpredictable plus you will be too nervous.
Maybe you could also get a new pc on 24 months interest free and as soon as you log on with your email address everything on your old pc will be there on the new one, if I am correct, not that I'm an IT expert. Geoff. x

Croix · ‎28-01-2017

Dear Pinkroses~

First, like all the rest I think you are great - strong and facing up to a horrible situation. Thank heavens you have your mum and can stay with her and talk with her.

Now the following is just my thoughts - YMMV of course

As a policeman from a long time ago I would not have gone near this issue, it's civil at best.

If you have to release the ring for peace and quiet - well I know you need money, however it might be worth it. Why not give it to your mum for the moment?

I would on no account meet with him anywhere, anytime. Apart from the safety issue you may, in an emotional context, weaken. My apologies for saying this, it's just that I'd hate for you to undo all your efforts in a weak moment or as the result of pressure.

He is an expert in manipulation and knows all the buttons to press inside you.

Remember he is a person who does NOT have your well-being at heart and will use every avenue at his disposal to get HIS way - don't go near him.

You are a lovely person and you have my sincere admiration. You deserve a lot better and I expect in time you will find it.

Croix

Starwolf · ‎28-01-2017

You don't know how relieved and proud of you I am...Kudos to you for starting another thread...a new beginning indeed.

To reply to your last post in your other thread, if helping those struggling with addiction could be done, addiction would no longer exist. It would have gone the way of cholera or bubonic plague. Being helped only possible when/if the addicted person is ready. Before then, there is unfortunately nothing those around them can do.

Please keep in mind that narcissistic people don't like to let go of their prey. They are adept at pushing people's buttons, know exactly what to say/do to bring them back under control. With them it easily becomes an art and unfortunately just another power game. Remember your ex is as dependent on that relationship as you were. He needs to stay in control to feel validated. Unless of course he already has another victim hooked.

I am sorry you are in financial dire straits but right now your biggest debt is to yourself. Him wanting to meet sounds like a typical narcissistic strategy. Please don't fall for it.

You are one brave young woman.

Beware and take care.

Guest_1055 · ‎28-01-2017

Hi pink roses,

I understand about the crying and crying....it can be real exhausting, just like you say.

You know, if it is physically safe to do so, and get someone you trust to go with you. I believe you should just give the ring back and forget about him giving you back the bond money. Just a simply statement like here is the ring, then leave. Don't look back. The reason I say this is because it sends out a message that you are a person who has dignity. The way I see it dignity is far more valuable then money. So keep that instead.

Guest_1055 · ‎28-01-2017

It is just me again beautiful pink roses, my last post to you ended very abrupt like. In fact it seem to post itself, even with a blue number 1, how embarrassing......well anyway, may you start to feel better soon.

Shell xx