Tired

[Delectable]

I’m tired of a lot of things, of doing this thing called life alone. I chose not to have children after living a traumatic childhood till I was 13 and placed in stare care. I never experienced love from my family or my past boyfriends. I have spent my entire life feeling never good enough for people, in the last fifteen years after I left a relationship I have felt more distant then ever. I worked as much as possible so I was either tired and didn’t think about the loneliness. I lot a few contracts and started baking, giving the food away when I could afford to do so. I’ve rented for the last 15 years and have had to do one bad move which was very hard on me giving away a beautiful harden and accessories to people I thought were friends but users in the end as I only live 30kns away and they choose to have nothing to do with me. I only work one day now and am struggling with filling in time, I do exercise every day for an hour, but there’s still over 13 hours to fill in. As i live in Victoria near NSW I’m stuck because of the coronavirus in Melbourne and not allowed out of my state though my area hadn’t had any cases for 90 days.

Tired of making friends to be let down by then, one life friend said speak to the psychologist, so I speak once every 6 weeks. I really don’t see much point continuing my life, there’s only so much one can take and I feel like ending my life especially iff I cannot go to Queensland in December for Christmas which I have not had Christmas for over 35 years with anyone. I do not take drugs or drink alcohol, just extremely overtired of my living.

[Delectable]

There are no bulk billing psychologists here either, only social workers. I’m on jobseeker, don’t have much money after I pay $510 a fortnight in rent, I therefore go without heating and cooling and I walk everywhere except when I help old people as it’s a 40km trip one way..too far too walk.

[Guest909]

Ok, the updated story is:

1. An old social worker from 6 years ago thinks you have PTSD
2. You have a foreign GP, that is not sure which way is up - no diagnosis
3. You have had two Telehealth sessions with a psychiatrist - he thinks you have BPD
4. You are seeing a social worker that suspects BPD

It seem to me that BPD is the best diagnosis that you have to date. Given that PTSD and BPD often go hand in hand, PTSD is also a good possibility.

In regard to your "mental health care plan", you said that there were no bulk billing psychologists in your area. Can you do tele-sessions with a psychologist that does bulk bill?

Here is an outfit that will provide 30 free Medicare subsidised sessions with a phychologist a year. I imagine they will need a mental health care plan from a GP.

https://www.remotetherapy.com.au/

To get in, you may have to wait for an appointment or go elsewhere. My point is, there are any number of free online phycologists out there. You just have to track one down.

Paul

[Delectable]

Ok. I only have mobile phone internet, no webcam or zoom. I like my social worker, the psych said talking therapy is the best for me....

I’m more then happy to keep seeing her with a hard version of a dbt book....

[Guest909]

You can do your remote sessions over the phone; no internet required.

Your social worker might be good for local support.

If you want more, talk to someone that can help. You can do all the "talking therapy" you want, over the phone.

You have options; use them!

Paul

[Delectable]

I never said I don’t have a problem, I’ve always said I’m different. Since you have never suffered from MH you have no idea what’s it’s like, I’m sick of people saying we like being the way we are. It’s not like we asked for this. It’s important to me I have someone I like, I’ve had plenty in my teens I didn’t like and it was compulsory as a state ward to do it, I found it a bad negative experience and something I’ll never do again.

I have stated several times I want nothing to do with people, I know I’m the problem, I have been since birth, so please don’t make assumptions about me.

[Delectable]

Besides I have been advised to apply for the dsp I need consistency, and since I have to change the doctor I cannot change the treatment or it will be a waste of time applying

[Delectable]

Thank you for your advice, hopefully people like Sleepy will read and be able to access the service you suggested. They are the ones that will benefit the most as they are worthwhile people and worth helping.

[Delectable]

I saw my social worker today, she is going to help me by teaching me how to communicate with people, something taken for granted for those of you that had parents and taught you the simple things. You may not agree that’s right for me but I like her and want to stick with her long term. She tells me I’m not like her bdp other patients, I don’t go to emergency department or create drama...I have stepped up my exercise and am doing things I missed out on as a child/teenager. I’ve joined tennis, it costs $2 per week and I’m back to dance two nights a week which is being paid for out of my food money, it’s too hot here to eat. Going to be 43 at the end of the week. I received the psychiatrist letters and have changed gp, my social worker will teach me, it won’t be dbt, it will be the approach like teaching a child even though I’m 48. I hope those of you reading do not give up on Sleepy, she is such a worthwhile person as one can see from the comments on her post. I ask any of you if you wish to say something, follow it through all the way to me. Yes I’m a black and white thinker, it’s hard to change after years of trauma. I know I do not matter to people here and that’s ok. I have a long history of trauma of various types, death, violence, rape, alcoholism from birth to 17. It’s a wonder I’m still alive, a few people say they are proud of how I’ve turned out with all the obstacles thrown at me. Yes, I know I’m abnormal and highly sensitive but putting it there not for people to trigger me if they comment or just throw me on the too hard basket.

[Guest_1643]

hi delectable

good on u for finding a nice social worker who you can stick with long term

some ppl say it doesn't matter what type of therapy or therapist it is if there's trust and a good rapport. sounds like u've found someone good for u

doesn't matter what anyone else says only you know what you need

i never learnt social skills as a child either

i sometimes get anxious about "normal" things like giving gifts, what time is too late to call someone... i still have fears that i've got it wrong. I can see the advantage of learning social skills at any time in life.

I've met someone who's job was to be a "friend coach" ... she told me she worked with vulnerable people to help learn about making friends. I think sometimes we all need a "friend coach" - I wouldn't mind such a thing myself!

Stay well Delectable and remember your worth

[Delectable]

Thank you Sleepy, I’m glad you’re still around, you matter to a lot of people here as you would have read, I hope you realise your worth here and in real life.

I’m still here after my diagnosis but I wonder what my purpose is... I’m barely sleeping and doing a lot of exercise, at least I’m losing weight which is hard in peri menopause.

I have booked a camping trip in May from Broome to Darwin via Kununurra,& Katherine which I funded with my super. I’d always wanted to go and now is the time, as I will not be able to return home.

Getting my results have meant I’ve tried to isolate myself further from people and I have realised the reality of my worth as a person so it’s important I get things in order.

I have yet to apply for the dsp and ndis which my social worker seems to think I’ll qualify for with Bpd and chronic ptsd. Still waiting on paperwork but maybe it’s better to just ride out the jobseeker for the time remaining.

next week is all the death and birthday anniversaries of my two mothers, my real mother died 13 days before my birthday and she will have been gone for 45 years. My foster mums death and birthday are on two other dates all within 4 days.

people say it gets easier but I find it gets harder, especially now.