Tired

[Delectable]

I’m tired of a lot of things, of doing this thing called life alone. I chose not to have children after living a traumatic childhood till I was 13 and placed in stare care. I never experienced love from my family or my past boyfriends. I have spent my entire life feeling never good enough for people, in the last fifteen years after I left a relationship I have felt more distant then ever. I worked as much as possible so I was either tired and didn’t think about the loneliness. I lot a few contracts and started baking, giving the food away when I could afford to do so. I’ve rented for the last 15 years and have had to do one bad move which was very hard on me giving away a beautiful harden and accessories to people I thought were friends but users in the end as I only live 30kns away and they choose to have nothing to do with me. I only work one day now and am struggling with filling in time, I do exercise every day for an hour, but there’s still over 13 hours to fill in. As i live in Victoria near NSW I’m stuck because of the coronavirus in Melbourne and not allowed out of my state though my area hadn’t had any cases for 90 days.

Tired of making friends to be let down by then, one life friend said speak to the psychologist, so I speak once every 6 weeks. I really don’t see much point continuing my life, there’s only so much one can take and I feel like ending my life especially iff I cannot go to Queensland in December for Christmas which I have not had Christmas for over 35 years with anyone. I do not take drugs or drink alcohol, just extremely overtired of my living.

[Hanna3]

Hi Delectable,

Sorry I gave you the wrong information on my thread about posting - the reply will come at the top of any discussion anyway. It's been a hectic week here so I got a bit muddled! Anyway I hope things are improving a bit for you with the restrictions in Victoria easing a bit. Feel free to come by anytime you want to chat on my thread you're very welcome to, but it varies when/who is around from day to day. Best wishes anyway!

[Delectable]

Don’t worry about it, Hanna.
Victoria will never seem to shrug the virus, well Melbourne that is, they take one step forward and two backwards. I’m sure Dan won’t get re-elected and I’d hate to see what the liberals have in store for next winter, I doubt very much I’ll be here to see it. I can see it’s highly unlikely I’ll be going to Queensland and having Christmas thanks to the Melbourne fools who think it’s okay to keep spreading COVID 19, there’s only one place for them and that’s jail -5 years. Bet they will do the right thing then.,as it’s highly unlikely they will pay the fines.

I hope for the people left next year it’s postcode or shire based.

[Hanna3]

Hi D,

I partly replied on my thread.. this virus is a tricky wretched thing to manage without hospitals being overrun.. gaol won't work as the prisons are overcrowded now, there's no room & it would be a bit harsh.. people during the Spanish Flu earlier this century refused to wear masks or distance too.. there's nothing new! World wide nobody knows how else to manage it than what we are doing...plagues are as old as history... I and you and everyone would just rather not have to have lived through one!

A rainy chilly day spent at home here, lazing on the couch reading and listening to music! Hope you are comfy there.. cheers. Maybe things will look up with the virus next year... none of us knows!

[Bananie1234]

Hi Detectable,

please hang in there a little more,
We heard on the radio in QLD, all interstates will re-open by Christmas except WA. maybe thats a silver lining for you?

Also, I reckon you can still come to QLD for Christmas if borders are still closed, you can still quarantine for 14 days? Is that something you may consider?

[Hanna3]

Hi D,

If you can't get to Qld at Christmas you might well get there early in the New Year at least - but you may still get there at Xmas... hang on and see... overseas is much harder... we are managing so well here in Australia and NZ... don't give up on getting to Qld yet.. cheers.

[Hanna3]

Hi D,,

If you're feeling really down can you ring one of the help lines and maybe talk to somebody? I may not be on here much longer tonight but if you can say what's wrong... people will try and help.. hang on as getting to Qld may still be doable for Christmas, don't give up on that yet!!! I hope you will telephone someone and get some support. Please do.... people here do care about you.

[Delectable]

Sorry I have to get their for Christmas or what’s the point, add it to the 36th one I’ll miss out on. I’m not in a position to pay for isolation and my plane doesn’t leave till 23 December anyway. We haven’t had any Covid-19 here since April so making people in my area pay to isolate is unfair.

There are plenty of abandoned buildings, the old Beechworth jail is still in good order and can take the rebels of covid 19, throw them in all together.

Notringing anyone up, there’s more worthwhile people out there to save who actually do mean something to people in real life so thanks but I’m not one of them nor will I ever be. As time goes by I realise I’m just a joke to others and as I said I’m tired, just want to switch all the feelings of especially in December if I’m forced to miss out on a day that means the most to me, Christmas Eve

[Bananie1234]

Hi delectable,

You’re so looking forward to QLD, which means you must have some loved ones in QLD. People who you can be yourself with, people who certainly do not see you as a joke, People who see your worth. Please hang in there, for yourself and for them. I’m sure they care about you more than you think otherwise why are you so eager to see them over xmas right?

I’m losing my plot too, I was so stressed i literally said to my psychologist I don’t care about the virus anymore. I don’t care whether we have no cases, 10 cases or 100 cases anymore. Because its not worth it in the end when we are slowly losing ourselves. but one thing i know is the borders can’t stay closed for too much longer. They are already getting a lot of backlashes now. They have to open it up soon otherwise they’re gonna get a rebound effect, people will start to fight back. it’s unsustainable to close forever. So please hang in there. At least right now, people on this forum/thread cares about you and would love to connect with you.

[Hanna3]

Hi Delectable,

I don't see why you would be considered a joke by anybody. I understand your feelings about people not practising the distancing etc, it's a pain here too - that and masks are the easiest way of helping to control this thing. My neighbour is a nurse at the hospital here and they dread an influx of sick patients they are unable to cope with, and then the staff get sick too.. a country hospital doesn't have a big ICU.

Is the main thing(s) getting your down the isolation and lack of friends? Is it that your friends stopped seeing you? Is it the worry about your trip to Qld? All of the above? Sounds like it's all got on top of you. I have European friends and Christmas Eve is the important day for them so I do understand why you want to be there with people you care about. There are zero new cases in Vic today so that's looking very hopeful! Don't despair yet.

I'm sorry you are down and hope you can get chatting to some nice people on BB, it truly does help.. I've been chatting with people here for a year now, and it is a help and you're not judged by others here.

Will drop by later if I can.. I hope things will improve for you.

[Delectable]

I lost contact with these people and they invited me last November, for this year. They come from a similar culture to me, where we celebrate Christmas Eve, it’s an European way of like. They had other people last year hence I couldn’t go as to why I desperately need to go this year.