Tired

[Delectable]

I’m tired of a lot of things, of doing this thing called life alone. I chose not to have children after living a traumatic childhood till I was 13 and placed in stare care. I never experienced love from my family or my past boyfriends. I have spent my entire life feeling never good enough for people, in the last fifteen years after I left a relationship I have felt more distant then ever. I worked as much as possible so I was either tired and didn’t think about the loneliness. I lot a few contracts and started baking, giving the food away when I could afford to do so. I’ve rented for the last 15 years and have had to do one bad move which was very hard on me giving away a beautiful harden and accessories to people I thought were friends but users in the end as I only live 30kns away and they choose to have nothing to do with me. I only work one day now and am struggling with filling in time, I do exercise every day for an hour, but there’s still over 13 hours to fill in. As i live in Victoria near NSW I’m stuck because of the coronavirus in Melbourne and not allowed out of my state though my area hadn’t had any cases for 90 days.

Tired of making friends to be let down by then, one life friend said speak to the psychologist, so I speak once every 6 weeks. I really don’t see much point continuing my life, there’s only so much one can take and I feel like ending my life especially iff I cannot go to Queensland in December for Christmas which I have not had Christmas for over 35 years with anyone. I do not take drugs or drink alcohol, just extremely overtired of my living.

[Hanna3]

Hi Delectable,

I am alone too and moved to a new town just before the fires and covid, so I do understand about filling in the time and being alone, yes it's been a long difficult time - I am retired and just moved a year ago, not the best timing as it happens!

I have people here that I have been "chatting"with for a year now and it's been a real help, so don't give it up yet, it takes a while to learn your way around and get to "know"people. The BB Cafe is a good place to start and any of the easy, fun games here - that way people start becoming familiar to you.

I am in regional NSW and yes it's been hard to get to know people - I go to the library a lot and that way I can chat to the library staff who are almost all lovely - and i read a lot - and it is a help to have a pet as I meet people out walking my dog - and now I meet up with another lady most afternoons for a dog walk - but that has taken a long time. It's a shame you can't have a pet. Even a budgie is a big help, or what about a cat?

I don't know your interests to know what to suggest, just to try looking around BB here... it takes a while to learn to navigate the site and then you'll settle in better here..

I am often on here only once a day or evening... I have just been in visting my neighbour, do you have any pleasant neighbours? I've also thought about volunteering to visit an elderly person in their home as a way to help someone else alone and it would be a help to me too. I'm just putting out some ideas... as I said I don't know your interests or your full situation. I hope to stay around BB and get to know some folks here... it has helped me a lot. Sending warmest wishes!

[Delectable]

Thank you Hannah, I had a wonderful neighbour but she has moved. We have been in a lockdown since the start of July which has been very hard and now we are only allowed in our own bubble. Melbourne haven’t had the strict rules from July like we have, they were allowed to roam endlessly around the state and do as they please.

I like travel, I was supposed to go to Estonia, Vienna, Budapest, Venice and France in May and of course I wasn’t allowed out of the country. I used to go to Melbourne for a day trip or to cultural festivals which I haven’t been there since March. I cook twice a week and give the food away, sometimes three times depending on the cost of the ingredients. I visit two elderly people and help on their garden, and spend time with them..outside. I go to the library and get dvds, I have reading to do for my psychologist but find the books hard to get into, they are American and really difficult to get into. I’m in the start of CBT, it’s hard when you only see someone every 6 weeks.

I do exercise most days, a dance class once a week, a walk of 11kms, or exercise bike of 16kms..I did start running but my knee didn’t like that so I gave that away.
I feel a lot of anger as I’m upset my friends I thought I had have cut me off altogether, I have always made the effort and when I don’t neither do they. I’ve tried to help them and given them beautiful gifts to make them feel better. I really don’t understand their cut off... it does hurt and I’m less likely to meet people because of that now, it makes you question what sort of person you are.

[Hanna3]

Hi Delectable,

It sounds like you are quite busy and active where you are so that's great. Everyone has had their plans wrecked by this virus I do understand, it's difficult for everyone.

I'm sorry I don't know what the CBT is that you mention...

You mention your friends have cut you off, is this at once or just gradually or during the pandemic? I have found the pandemic has given me lots of time to think, as I had a dear friend break off a year ago, and I think there were faults on both sides, hers and mine. If I had the time over again I would react differently to what she did to annoy me. At this time in life I regret being too tough on friends, friendships are too valuable to lose... I think give them a bit of slack and give them a ring and suggest a catch up. This pandemic is difficult for everyone, maybe they are preoccupied or not thinking well...

Those of us who have to live without family have it very tough already, a couple of good, reliable friends is terribly important. I would give them another go if that is at all possible...

I hope you stay around BB and get to know some people, there are some nice supportive people here..

I don't know if this helps, but my thoughts are to give your friends another go, and great that you are visiting some elderly folk and helping them and doing dance and exercise, well done you! This virus will end eventually but yes we are in for a wait I'm afraid - it's messed up things for everyone! We'll get there slowly... warmest wishes!

[Delectable]

Maybe Hannah, but if you let people continually treat you bad then you’re giving them the message that’s ok which for me it isn’t. I don’t have mangy friends close by, but the ones I do asked ,e out last week to which I said yes and then they failed to tell me where to meet them, I don’t have the tolerance for that. I said don’t invite me out if you haven’t intent of doing so, they correspond on Instagram. I’d rather people correspond via phone, most people have free text these days, how hard is it to speak to someone on the phone instead of social media. The other life friend just hasn’t rang, they never ring. I’m the one that does it all, and their actions show me they aren’t interested when I don’t do it. I’m tired of a lot of things and friendship is a two way street, not a one way lane, for me anyway. My friends don’t work so it’s not like they don’t have the time, if you mean something to someone people make an effort and if you don’t then you get a situation like I have.

I’d go insane if I didn’t do all that exercise, it’s a way to release stress. Some days there’s too much time on ones hands, as you know. Trying to keep busy to turn my thoughts off, I brought some jigsaws on Europe, St Petersburg, Prague, Menton, Paris, Budapest. I cannot see myself ever going back overseas, I went on a shoestring. When the airlines go, it will be expensive and out of my price range, I have only just gotten my cheap fare back from Etihad, from a flight that never took place 5 months ago.

The puzzles past the time but can also make me crave going there, as my heritage is European. I never knew anything about my mother’s side of the family, and I’ll always feel France is my home, there is a connection so strong there.

[Delectable]

CBT - Cognitive brain therapy.

[Bananie1234]

Hi Detectable,
i'm really sorry for what you're going through especially with friendships. I moved to QLD from nz almost straight outta high school for uni and i always wondered if my friends here are true friends. I'm also finding myself losing tolerance towards them due to the same reason. They say they're here for you but when you need them they take a millions years ( sometimes not at all) to reply. They say let's hang out soon and you never hear from them. You ask them to hang out and they say sure, that they'll get back to you and you never hear from them. It happens so much to a point where it feels like i'm begging them to hang out with me. Thank goodness I've trained myself to be content on my own, however, sometimes i do feel lonely or isolated and have this fear of rejection that makes it difficult for me to reach out. I've acknowledged I can't depend on others for my happiness. i think this is the norm with how people socialise and treat each other now.

I've had plenty of failed relationships in the past and most of them are LDR even though i'm pretty stable with my current one but as it's also LDR, i still need to rely a lot on my family and friends especially during COVID border closures. Not getting the support that i need has been really hard on me lately.

It's great you're doing things and staying active to keep yourself busy, it definitely helps. I find that joining some sort of club has made me so much better too. is this something you might be able to consider? even with current restrictions, a lot of them have moved online instead of cancel.

please stick around.

* hugs *

[Delectable]

Thank you, it’s nice to know others understand. I’m not bothering with so called friends anymore, tired of making all the effort really.
I hope strict laws come into place regarding coronavirus spreaders such as jail terms instead of fines, really over the Melbourne people breaking the rules in regional Victoria and doing as they please yet once again. I hope someone imposes jail terms of minimum 5 years and then it might finally stop and like can return to somewhat normal.

[Delectable]

Could you explain what LDR is please?

[Guest_1643]

Long Distance Relationship

[Delectable]

Thank you, prefer the old fashioned way of spelling words. You’re brave to try a long distance relationship or any relationship these days, it’s so hard to find non cheating partners...I know I’ll be by myself till the time comes for me to end the misery... when you’ve been cheated on or abused it’s very hard to go back for more.
I just have to hope I’m allowed to go to travel fir Christmas as I need more then ever some human contact with people who I don’t feel pressured to be good enough for.