Suffering so many problems...

Limpy · ‎22-07-2020

Hi,I suffer from anxiety, stress,and depression, pstd,just to name a few. Most of these come from being in an physical and emotional abusive relationship.This I still carry with me even though I lefted this person who did horrible, horrible things,I have tried to put all this behind me,him being a addict was the reason that I was subjected to a living night mare.I had got help from women's support and even had an avo done,just to feel safe,truly believe that there are people who care.But,growing up with an a abusive parent just made me feel like I didn't mean much,so having to try and cope with being abuse almost most of my life,has taking it toll on me, I have seeked both medical help and counselling to no avail.I feel so alone with this. I have family but not near to spend time.this is where I will leave my story for now.It has been hard for me to write as I have trust issues with people,however, I wish to say thank you for allowing me to express myself here.Limpy.

white knight · ‎22-07-2020

Hi, welcome

well done in moving on from your ex. That takes courage.

Time is the best healer but also distraction in the conventional sense like sports, hobbies even jigsaws and crosswords.

Another thing to consider is dating again. That will raise your trust issues when you realise that other men are NOT your ex- far different.

This is a good site for you.

I wish for a speedy recovery

Regards

TonyWK

White_Rose · ‎22-07-2020

Dear Limpy

Hello and a warm welcome to the forum. So pleased you have come here where we can offer support.

Escaping from an abusive situation is often quite hard which means you have some courage and determination. It was good you managed to get in touch with your local women's support group. It would have been a hard time to go through. Well done you for getting there.

It's often said that find partners that are very similar to our parents. You have been abused all your life to now and think it's not so bad because that's what happens in life. Now you know this is not acceptable but I imagine it's still hard to tell yourself you deserve better. You said growing up with an a abusive parent just made me feel like I didn't mean much,so having to try and cope with being abuse almost most of my life,has taking it toll on me,

Yes it has and you do mean much. Everyone is precious. No one deserves an abusive upbringing and I am glad you are beginning to realise this. This is a huge step on your journey.

How long did you stay with the counselling? It takes time to reset your frame of thinking and at first it can appear that nothing is happening. I used to ask my psych why he wanted me to talk about my experiences because I could not change the past. He replied that it helped me understand what had happened. Took me a while to grasp this. This is why I ask how long you went to counselling.

It's not a pleasant journey but I think you have got past the worst bit, the reality of leaving. Keep reminding yourself that you have strength because you did leave. Not an easy thing to do. I want to suggest you return to therapy, perhaps with a psychiatrist? Your GP can refer you to someone. I suggest this because DV is such a traumatic thing to experience and you have had a double whammy.

Have a look at these websites. https://www.servicesaustralia.gov.au/individuals/subjects/family-and-domestic-violence This is a commonwealth govt initiative. They suggest you contact 1800RESPECT That's their phone number. This is their web address. https://www.1800respect.org.au/ Also check out this site. https://au.reachout.com/articles/domestic-violence-and-what-you-can-do-about-it Being informed is a powerful tool. Also look at https://www.publications.qld.gov.au/dataset/domestic-and-family-violence-resources It's the Qld branch but each has its own DV help.Google DV and your state.

Hope you will get back to us.

Mary

P0L0 · ‎22-07-2020

Hello Limpy,

You are very strong to come here for help, that's a big first step. Well done!

You are not alone in this, and there are people who care for you, and that means you are worth the world to them! Just remember there are people here that support you, are thinking about you, and wishing you all the best.

And remember, if you need anyone to talk to immediately, or if you need support, please get in touch with Beyond Blue Support Service on 1300 22 4636 or on Webchat 3pm-12am AEST at www.beyondblue.org.au/getsupport . There is also Lifeline on 13 11 14 or the Lifeline crisis chat 7pm - 12am at https://www.lifeline.org.au/crisis-chat/ .

You can get through this!

P0L0

monkey_magic · ‎22-07-2020

Hi Limpy,

It's been brave of you to open up and reach out.

You are definitely not alone in this. So many ppl in this world have experienced abuse in many different forms.

I'm an abuse surviver. I got through the pain and took up swimming laps at the pool while I was getting through it all. I swam for hours and hours to make myself feel better. Depression was getting a hold of me and I knew I had to do something about it.

I'm also on meds and talk to a psychologist. I don't like the meds much because they've blocked my memory and I can't remember things from the past. How am I meant to work through things if I can't remember now?

Maybe you can find a support group for abuse survivors?

I like your name btw. After being abused I also felt Limpy.

I wish U all the luck in the world for your healing and recovery journey. Always remember we are here for you if u feel like popping in again. You don't have to do this alone.

💜

Ggrand · ‎22-07-2020

Hello Limpy..

Your story is my story..

I survived a terrible emotional, physical, sexual abusive childhood, only to marry a very abusive emotional, physical and sexual abusive man...

Unlike you I never had the courage to leave him...Oh I tried a few times but out of fear went back to him..only to a more angry person...He died nearly 7 years ago...and that’s when I crashed big time..even after so long he still has a hold on me...because PTSD can trigger me back to the past, when I feel, smell, hear his unkind demeaning words...

I went through different councillors, psych, meds, that seemed to make everything come to the surface again..and I ended up in hospital for nearly 6 weeks...It’s hard to get him out of my head...but I’m getting their now..because it was not my fault it happened to me...Dear Limpy It’s not your fault it happened to you..We are survivors, monkey Magic is a survivor and I’m sure many more are as well...

Limpy, we can’t let them take away the freedom we found from them...We need to start living for ourselves, not for anyone else..not for them..He is out of your life now Lovely Limpy..I admire your strength so much in getting help and moving away from him...You are incredibly strong for doing that...I’m so proud of you when I read your post...

Trusting People is so hard, when the people who are supposed to love and protect us only hurt us....I also have trust issues but being here has helped me to know that their are some beautiful trustworthy people in the world..I hope one day that you can find the freedom from your life and learn to trust again....I now have a beautiful real life friend that I trust..also the wonderful people here are so caring and kind that I trust and they have been a tremendous help to me..

Keep talking here dear Limpy, when you feel your able to we are here for you ...the best we can..

You are not alone lovely Limpy...We care about you and you matter so much to us....You’re a very beautiful person who had been done wrong to....

Here for you, whenever you feel up to talking..you are safe here..we got hold of your hand...

Sending you my care, love, and some gentle hugs..

Grandy..

kyrani99 · ‎22-07-2020

Hi Limpy, you can get over these problems by one simple realization and that is that not all of the thoughts that arise in the Mind are our own thinking. Some are our perceptions of other related people's mental suggestions. For those thoughts to be indicative of some past trauma or difficulty etc., then they are simply perceptions of some related, inhumane (i.e., no conscience and no empathy) person's hateful mental suggestions.

Now how does that help? Only our own thoughts carry our authority, which is why we react to thoughts. And of course that reaction is in the body, mostly some emotion. Another person's mental suggestions have no authority. A hateful suggestion is mere rubbish. So knowing this you can discard those thoughts.

Limpy · ‎25-07-2020

Hello Grandy,thank you for taking the time to read and for your kind words. Even as I write this,I still feel like nervous and that I don't make sense in what I say.It did take me a long time to leave with many times in either going back or he would come to get me as I didn't live with him but had my own place,I think that I was lonely and just wanted someone to love and care for me.However, that was not the case.I did finally get help and went into crisis housing and from there into women's refuge, It was okay, but I did find it hard as I do lack confidence, but I knew that I could not do back..But anyway, I finally went home,and had found that he had broken in while I was gone,so I had help from police,scary for me as I get easily intimated by people, silly I know, but that is my insecurities.From there, I did get help from my brother, who did help me to see an advocatewho was so wonderful and did help heaps.I have my own place and more secure. But still go though all the anxiety, stress,fear .I have been on meds but don't feel that makes much difference, also tried counseling, but brings back memories. So I feel it is good to share experiences with others,if it can help others in similar situations.again I do thankyou with kindness. Limpy☺

Ggrand · ‎25-07-2020

Hello Limpy...

Im so pleased you posted back...It is hard to write out your feelings here, I struggled so much when I first joined here and shared my story...I found that the people here are amazing, kind and caring....and want to help so much..

These type of people groom us and make us so dependent on them...for every day living....by taking away our self esteem, confidence, making us feel so vulnerable and scared of life without them....That’s the control my husband had over me...not so un similar to what your feelings seem to be with what you’ve posted here...They made us feel like this..This is not who we are..Living with them, and for them, has put fear into us...because we have been groomed to feel useless without them...But sweetheart, we don’t need them...You have a life without him in it...You can be yourself again..it might take some time, to rediscover you, who you were before all this happened to you..It’s hard work to be gentle and kind to you ..doing things that you want to do for you..but now you’ve left him...it will become easier...

It must have been so frightening for you to find out your partner broke in to your home...I’m deeply sorry that happened..Sounds like you have a lovely kind brother who helped you so much...Do you often talk to him?..

The feelings of intimidation, fear of people, going out on your own, stress, vulnerable, lack of confidence, is so familiar to me and I’m working on them with my new social worker...It hard to talk to them and bring up old feeling and memories, I think that once we get them out, we can process them with the help of our therapist and then those memories, are then pushed backed into the back of our thoughts....Just my thoughts here Limpy...

I spent 38 years with my husband..he took my identity away...and now 7 nearly years he’s passed away....I’m slowly but surely beginning to discover who I really am...The thing I keep saying to myself is..To not let him win..I can live alone, I am worth the struggle to find peace in my heart and soul...You are worth it..Your life is now your life...I hope you can find some peace within yourself..

Im here for you, as others are...Talk when you feel up to it Limpy...your not alone..You’re safe here lovely lady and cared for...Please keep us updated as to how your feeling when ever your feeling up to doing so...

Kind caring thoughts..

Grandy.l