Recovery Frustration

[lavendar]

I have had PTSD since being assaulted by me ex a few months ago and am so frustrated by how easily triggers have pulled me back for the 4th time now. The frustration with dealing with police, trying to get into counselling, doing what I have needed to to move on and then BOOM a trigger knocks me back down again. I finish up at my job next week - I just can't work anymore. My workmates have not been supportive and in fact retriggered this current spell. I am so hurt by them - and withholding anger that he gets away with doing this to me (have just found he denied assault and due to lack of evidence will not be charged). I live in a community where I feel outnumbered by his associates - he is a well respected member of the community - and I feel like he is winning. All I can really do is go back to doctor for more medication and wait until I can finally get into counselling. I can barely function - I just want to hide from the world - this sucks.

[Nikkir]

Hi Lavendar,

Thank you for taking the time to reach out to us. My heart goes out to you, I am sorry to that you are suffering from PTSD and this has affected your work and your whole life. It must be so frustrating when somebody has done the wrong thing and they do not get convicted or recognised for the wrong that they did. But believe me, karma really does work! Not in a mean way but if we behave in a bad way, bad things happen, its just how life is.

It's unfortunate that your friends have not been there for you at a time when you needed support, that is very hurtful and disapointing but you can only keep going forward and know that they are not the right people for you. I hope that you get into your appointment soon. You can always ring our line on 1300 22 4636 for a chat resources, may there are other people you could see. I am sorry I don't know how to help with PTSD you might be able to reach out to our DR KIM. I did download a nice app called " smiling minds 'which has nice mindfulness and relaxation excercises and practices and I recommend get out in nature and breathe. I do yoga sometimes and as hard as it is because my mind is all over the place focussing on the breathe and linking with the postures helps me to stay in the present moment. You could you tube " rick hanson" he talks about rewiring our neural pathways by taking in the good experiences and has a practice for this. " I try to do it each morning if I am not to agitated or lazy, otherwise I get up and get moving because an idle mind for me is not good along with an idle body. I wish you all the best and just know that you are not alone. Best Wishes Nikkir x

[Dreamwish]

Dear Lavendar

I'm deeply sorry for your pain and what you've had to go through with your ex, this terribly frustrating situation of people not getting charged for the crimes they commit is all too common and sickens me. Who is the law meant to protect, seriously? I too suffer from PTSD so I can kind of relate to how you might be feeling. Please give yourself a break about being triggered, it is a completely NORMAL reaction when someone has violated and assaulted you, you are doing nothing wrong and you have done nothing wrong at all. I've been in therapy for nearly a year and not even scratched the surface, it is a very slow process with ptsd, I'm not saying it's going to take years but there's no quick fix. You need lots and lots of patience for yourself and lots of support. Do you have any family or friends to talk to about what you're going through? Hopefully the sooner you can start counselling the better it will be for you. I've found counselling to be tremendous value despite my slow progress (my fault as I like to run away and ignore my issues). When you say he is a "well respected" member of the community I hope the people who know him will find out what he's really like! That is just disgusting. Just remember even though with the lawful side of things he won't get arrested (this time) you can and will move on from this a stronger, wiser person but he will always be a terrible one. Nikkir gave some brilliant suggestions of relaxing and peaceful things to try as well as the counselling and gp for medication, I should be doing that stuff too thanks Nikkir. Be kind to yourself lavendar and please take care.

I hope my post is ok for BB, I really worry about if I'm saying the right things on here I just want to help others.

Best wishes Lavendar and Nikkir

dreamwish

[SourceShield]

Hey Lavendar!

Aside from the advice from Nikki.

Be patient with you.

The external-body may have healed from the trauma, but alas the brain and mind do not work like that.

You're still dealing with the shock of the experience.

The grief and loss of your own sense of security...has rocked you, on a very deep level.

You're gonna get really angry, and then really sad, and then confused, and then angry again...and so it goes for all of us.

The emotional wounds are still fresh...they will always take longer to heal than our physical wounds.

Your workmates are just ignorant.

Thats on them...but refuse to let them beat you as well.

You're better than that!

Expect to be up and down right now...all normal and natural responses to a shocking, and traumatic experience.

Just know that we hear you, and support you.

Please stay in touch.

Take good care of you now.

MuchLove

[lavendar]

Wow - i actually feel like you guys understand what i am going through. I finish up work next week and going to take some me time and reassess my life from there. I have tried to be so strong by still working and barely keeping up with uni work - but doing enough to pass - but it is time to take time out to heal my mind. I will just survive financially - and anticipate I am going to go through ALOT of anger which I have been suppressing. I actually need someone to help me be angry and express the inner anger I feel. At this point I just feel nothing.

[lavendar]

Thank you - yes shock. I still haven't really accepted and processed that he did it. I completely disassociated from it - didn't want to face what he really was. I have been trying not to hate him but deep down I am so angry with him.

[Cornstarch]

Hi lavendar,

I just thought I'd weigh in and share some personal experiences with navigating the judicial and legal systems, and bureaucracy in general. Hopefully it may help someone.

What a lot of people don't realise when they report an incident or there is a domestic event in the family home, is that the reporter, or 'victim/s', are also now under investigation. Sounds horrible, but the police are just doing their job. Myself and my family found this out crudely when Dad took his own life, the house was now a crime scene and we were now suspects because of the way he did it, and the time lapse in when we had last seen him.

You will be scrutinised if you make a complaint, they will actually look into everything about you. Sounds awful, with the latest news stories of DV in the papers, but as far as perpetrators go, nothing shocks law enforcement, there are female perpetrators and gay couples are just as likely to experience DV. It is a fallacy that it is only man-on-women.

To ensure that fairness and justice prevails you should have PTSD formally diagnosed by a psychiatrist and not a GP. It will go against you if you make claims that are not backed up with evidence. Unfortunately there is a lot of red tape, you will be treated just like a number, and once something becomes a matter for the court, your actions will be looked at throughly over the course of your entire relationship.

This will also mean determining if the assault was actually an act of self-defence.

The legal system is cut and dry and dealing with it is very stressful.

Good luck.

[pipsy]

Hi Lavendar. I feel it for you as I too suffer PTSD brought about by years of abuse. One thing I learned during my recovery which helped me immensely. I too hated my abuser, than I realized that hating him was stopping me from taking back the power he stole. The person who helped me 're-direct' my thoughts pointed out that hating him meant hating me for allowing myself to waste time with hating. I now realize my intense dislike is for what he did, rather than who he is. He still exists, but I no longer let him control my feelings or emotions. Yes, I still intensely dislike what he did, but as for him there is no emotion whatsoever. I still have the PTSD, that is permanent, however, small price to pay for freedom. I'm sorry you had no support by w'mates and the police weren't much help either. I was unable to report my abuser through lack of support, the police were not summoned. Your abuser took away your control and this is where the PTSD comes in. If you can overcome your hatred of him and concentrate instead on intensely disliking what he did, rather than who he is, your inner strength and peace will start to give you back your identity which was also stolen by being abused. It's okay to be extremely angry with him, I would be amazed if you weren't angry with him and the 'system' which often appears to favour the abuser. Be good to yourself and take care of yourself

Lynda