Hi Kara, yes it will be a bumpy journey hun, and a painful one. But through it I hope you'll gain a better understanding that puts things in context and helps you towards a reconciliation within yourself and a peace of sorts.
You might find some things that you've been deflecting or burying come to the surface and present themselves as substantial issues that you previously only had hints of. But sometimes, once we see something clearly, for what it is, we can rationalise it and stare it down. I hope so hun.
I had an epiphany early this year, of a very different nature, but an epiphany nonetheless, when I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder. Once I learned more about how it manifests the lightbulbs started going off - suddenly so many things in my past (including alcoholism) made sense. But suddenly too I had to learn and face new things about myself - eg that not everyone thinks and acts like me. Now that sounds obvious, but it wasn't to me (I used to think everyone else was strange haha).
When your understanding of yourself and your world takes a big shift like that it takes time to adjust, and yes it is a bumpy road. So be gentle with yourself along the way. And know this - really know it - none of what happened to you was your fault. No way, not ever.
Very best to you Kara
Kaz
