PTSD for Medical and First Responders

[A_Tech]

Hi,

Well obviously this my situation.

I was hoping to find others here that might have a similar background to chat with, it can be so hard to talk about this stuff with non-med people (and I mean no disrespect, it's just often graffic or upsetting to others).

Im a 40 year old female that has spent the last 10years in the State Trauma Hospital as an Anaesthetic Technician. My PTSD was brought about after years of exposure to shocking traumas, deaths, and no support from management.

I would love to hear from anyone that has a similar story, or just wants to chat.

Cheers ✌️

[Cornstarch]

To clarify the 'weapons' part of the PTSD is my own, all on my own, experience, and essentially the central feature of PTSD which is a 'direct threat to life'.

Maybe I can 'change my relationship' to my other traumas, but that one, I just don't think that is realistic.

I'm just a person.

A direct threat from a father figure is just too much for anyone's psyche.

I should focus on grounding not opening.

What do you think?

[MarkJT]

Cornfritters (love the variation of the name!!) I didn't have a gradual slowing down but for an incident that occurred some 13.5 years ago, i can describe the stairs up to the flat, the hand rail, the door, the lock, the layout of the unit, the colours of the rug on the floor, the tv, the tv stand, the wine glasses in the display cabinet, the kitchen, the pots and pans in the cupboard....well fair to say i remember everything about it and i was only in the flat for around 8-10 seconds. Burnt into my memory would be the appropriate wording!

Changing your relationship with flashbacks is excessively hard to do but if you can continue on trying to do it, i would well recommend it. I flashback constantly to that day but the flashbacks have no power in them thanks to exposure therapy. As I have said to you before, i only have visual flashbacks and you have physical so different traumas to deal with but you are showing huge courage to take them on. Much respect.

Alex: Yes keep reminding yourself. I was feeling semi-crap this morning so did some exercise, some mindfulness and reminded myself that i have been through this before and i know what to do. Ended up being a decent day. The more you practice, the better you get.

Cheers

Mark.

[Cornstarch]

Oh my god yes!

The sound of the mop slapping on the tiles when my sister started the clean up rings in my ears.

Thanks Mark. Doesn't feel like courage some days. My body isn't giving me any choice. It is spewing out unprocessed muck. I'm not above the shame & humiliation of a rape victim don't you worry.

Having said that I hope to advocate one day, or at least tell as many people as is comfortable for me to make others feel less alone, and I guess it may be a lame attempt to feel like he hasn't won.

The physical flashbacks are the ones that embarrass me because they often happen in public because I'm in sensory over-load.

I'm doing my best.

xxx

[MarkJT]

Gday Darren, I believe the Code is i'm a 56, (Emergency Services brother in blue). Fantastic that you have posted in here and are engaging others.

Have you sought out a psych to treat the trauma? The good news is that after a 2.5 year return to work plan, i reached full time work and functioning quite well so there is no reason why you cannot also get back into the workforce and contribute.

Cheers mate

Mark.

[MarkJT]

That is a very admirable thing to do, being an advocate and i sincerely hope that one day you get to realise that goal. Not before time though - make sure that your health is taken care of first. I don't doubt that you will make sure but I've seen others want to be advocate for mental health but have relapsed in the process.

I have squared away with myself that the flashbacks are with me for life and i am fine with that, not that i choose to but that is reality. That is easy for me to say because i am on top of them, for the most part. Keep working hard on it though, the hard stuff now will serve you well in the future.

Cheers

Mark.

[A_Tech]

WOW, I have to say I am so impressed at the response this thread has been getting. I turn my back for 5 seconds . . . . . . ok, more like most of the year, lol.

When I was fist diagnosed with PTSD 2 yrs ago there was NOTHING available for us! Private therapy of course if you have the money, but not all do. I was discusgusted at my treatment by the health department, the lack of resources, but mostly by the stigma!!!

That's what hurt the most! For most of us we are in these positions because we just so happen to have a passion and dedication for a career that exposes us to horrific events. Most of us NEVER received the correct debriefing/counselling if any, and there was definitely no follow ups.

I'm an anaesthetic technician and I spend 10 years in theatres in the State Trauma Hospital. I saw trauma for sure, emergency trauma was actually one of my specialties alongside cardiothoracic, and organ retrieval/transplants.

But watching some of my colleagues take their lives hurt more. Brilliant surgeons that couldn't cope. This is what really haunts me. I knew these people, worked with them day and night to save others, only to watch them go.

It's so hard! When will people get that this is real? PTSD IS REAL!

I've since been told that health department has a reputation for being one of the worst for not helping their own, probably why things got so bad for me. I should have seen it and left sooner, but I didn't want to walk away from the job.

I now realise though that I almost didn't have a life to walk away with!

I let things get so bad and stay their for so long without professional help, that it has taken the best part of these 2 years to be where I am.

I STRONGLY urge anyone that's suffering, please don't stay for the job. It WILL be there when you come back, thats a given. If your passionate enough to even think that, the bosses know what type of person you are too. But if you stay just for the job, YOU might not be there later. I know that might sound dramatic, but I also never expected to see respected surgeons, CN's Chief Anaes Techs take their own lives.

I'm only now starting to think seriously about returning to work after christmas, but only part time to start with and definitely no trauma, haha.

I've also had a lot of personal tragedies to deal with the last 2 years and they nearly took me down more than the PTSD.

My dream is for change in regard to PTSD. Recognition for what we're going through and real time to heal (not 2-4 weeks).

[Cornstarch]

Hey A Tech,

I really feel for you navigating bureaucracy with PTSD. I'm not an emergency responder but just a civilian. I met a lovely ex-police officer that was retired at like the age of 43-sih from it. One last call out just did her head in and that was that, BOOM, PTSD and a nervous breakdown that required several hospitalisations.

Unfortunately the condition and how seriously it is taken is largely dependent upon America and the insurance companies over there. PTSD is thus a very politicised diagnosis, except politics that is being played out not in our own country! We are at the behest of American politics but the reality is that no matter what your diagnosis, we are all very limited with the sorts of therapies offered. If you have Anxiety, Depression, Bi-polar, PTSD, schizophrenia, alcohol dependency or anorexia we will all be offered the same pharmaceuticals and talk therapies. We truly do have a mental health crisis in Australia.

I share your frustration, it really grates me. In my own experience PTSD is not taken seriously enough or the label is used far, far too loosely. Not everyone that has experienced trauma has PTSD, thank goodness.

Just like all the other 'psychiatric' conditions represented on this website no-one can see with the naked eye the physicality of the condition, they're not able to see the nervous system flipping out and causing havoc unless you become symptomatic in public which is often the case. With PTSD though, people are very susceptible to becoming hermits, simply to drop the arousal enough by cancelling out as much unknown/unexpected stimuli as possible.

I used to read up on it in the medical journals but the lack of research and the ignorance became so depressing I cut back. If something catches my eye I will read it.

With you guys I think government agencies and the police/fire/ambos services are afraid of formally acknowledging it as legit because requests for compensation, loss of earnings and medical retirement will increase.

The politics is disgraceful for not supporting you all, it makes me really angry.

I hope your stress bucket has enough room to cope with work.

Good Luck

Corny

[TrailRunner]

Hi,

im happy to see this forum is still active.

im an ED nurse with just 6years under my belt. It's more than just a career for me, I was spending my spare time studying for my masters thesis. I was exactly where I wanted to be. I had big ideas I had dreams.

6 months ago I had 2 horrible cases on back to back shifts. I barely had a chance to 'come to terms' with the first case when I'm confronted with another. i took a week off, I felt okay and I needed to be back at work to know get a sense of Being Okay.

recently I was told those cases are up for review. I had to talk about both cases in detail over and over again. I was horrid to work with and no one likes a snappy in charge. I tried hiding from the work to be done, I put on a happy face.

I took some more time off. Life turned into a comedy skit of errors. I drank to forget but it never works and it was enough to push me over the edge.

I spoke with a counsellor, I spoke with my GP who said I'm not well and I need a mental health plan for PTSD/Anxiety.

So this is the beginning of healing right? But I can't coordinate myself to organise more than 1 thing at a time, feeling pretty hopeless. I overthink plans, and then overthink how I'm overthinking.

how do you get through this? It's debilating. I end up doing nothing all day.

Help..

[CJs_mum]

One day at a time, slowly does it. It is very hard to keep motivated, keep going after an event like that and it is completely understandable! No one could go through that. I think you're amazing and the job is so so so so demanding - too much for one person to go through. But don't let it beat you!
Don't let the red tape get to you. This will take time. Keep speaking with your counselor, get help with the red tape if you can and go easy with the alcohol - especially around Xmas and New Year...trust me, it really makes things worse!!! Ask friends for help and to get out during this silly season to do activities that don't involve drinking.

Love and respect yourself, give yourself time and find something that brings you peace - go for a walk, do some gardening, clean out that cupboard you've been meaning to for years or something constructive that makes you feel better for doing. Good luck and much love

[MarkJT]

Hey all, just a post for the Melbournians who may have attended yesterdays events in the CBD.

Make sure that you look after yourself and your colleagues what ever service you are in.

I shudder to think how many of the members that attended will struggle for a long time after being confronted with such horror.

Cheers

Mark.