Poor concentration due to PTSD

[MarkJT]

I like to think that for the most, i have recovered from PTSD, well as much as you can recover from it (just my beliefs) but my concentration is still very very ordinary.

Has anyone experienced this? How do you improve your concentration? I know Dr Google will have some answers but I would prefer to hear from people who have lived it.

I think a bit has to do how much mental energy it takes to keep yourself grounded and the lower amount of mental energy the harder it is to concentrate but even when i feel pretty energised, i still can't concentrate much.

Be interested to hear other peoples ideas on this.

Cheers

Mark.

[Just Sara]

Hi Helen;

Croix and Mark have addressed things really well, so I don't need to reiterate their advice. What I can say, is that my son is now in his mid 20's and suffers from his early yrs with me (in his present circumstances) By this I mean, when he was a child, I did the explaining about what I was going thru; "Mummy needs to get the 'angry' out and it's not your fault"

What I didn't realise, was that he wanted to help me get better, and any attempts he made didn't seem to work. I wasn't conscious of this at the time, because they occurred in a child's manner...making me a cup of tea for instance. This pattern has emerged as him being in a relationship with a girl that self harms and has her own dreaded past. He's so frustrated he can't fix her.

His father died this yr due to drinking/smoking; my son told me he had a dream where his father held a gun to his own head in front of him. Kids are empathetic at their core, and their unconditional love and need for routine, calm and safety, pushes their survival buttons. Eg..if mum's not well, I can't be/get what I need/desire, so I need to fix it.

My advice to you is to get help from a child psychologist experienced with these types of scenario's. I can't tell you how to deal with this aspect of your children's behaviour/beliefs as I'm only just beginning to grasp the concept myself.

And thankyou for the complement on my new Avatar pic; it's actually me. You'll find one soon...

Sara xo

[HelenR]

Dear Croix, Mark, Sarah and all

I definitely agree with you Croix about getting my daughter to have an action she can take, letting her feel she has a measure of control and not feel that 'things just happen'.

I believe now that if I'd had a measure of control of the situations in my past rather than just being subjected to them, my situation would have been very different now. It's that innability to make a difference in the nightmare that happened around me combined with a brain not mature enough to digest the experience and deal with it in a safe way, that has caused most of the damage. The rest is the result of years of living with the trauma which are perhaps ramifications/consequences of the central disease/or wound.

I'll be devising something for her to do. I'm not sure what yet, but will try to come up with some sort of action for her to take. In the meantime, she's looking calmer. Me and my husband are being more sensitive to her and her psychological needs and I'm tackling her anxieties with love and cuddles. I should mention that I went back to 'clean eating' and that is definetely helping.

Dear Sarah

I'm so sorry to hear about your son. His love for you must be moving him to want to fix not just his girlfriend but the world at large. Is it that if he fixes the world he will fix mummy? and if mummy gets better he will have peace of mind? hmm not sure. One has to consider that men have the tendency to want to fix things.

Regardless of the above, it is never too late to reinforce the feeling in your son that his efforts have made a difference and have helped mummy feel better. How to do it? I'm not really sure. Perhaps, when he calls you to tell him how happy it makes you to hear his voice. Or when chatting mention how important those cups of teas were for you. How important and reassuring his presence and existence was....

When I started to write and read this threat I realised that my way to help my mother was to be the well behaved daughter, the obedient one. This realisation gave me a warm feeling of relief. The thought that I had, after all, helped my mum, even in a child way. I wasn't just a useless observant after all. I did something for her and a little warm feeling filled my heart and I had a little cry of relief.

Best wishes x

[Just Sara]

That was so beautifully put Helen - thankyou;

The only reason I know how my son felt, is due to him opening up to me. It wasn't easy hearing his angry and disappointed words; I cried with so much guilt. Some things he said were cruel and hurtful.

We had a long talk a week ago about familial patterns and how to combat the effect. He's tried to change his angry outbursts and intolerance of the 'small stuff', but instant gratification seems the norm in kids these days.

He's tried to stop blaming me and understand he's the one who has to change and develop now, regardless of who I am or was. It's a work in progress. At least he listened and engaged; that's a plus.

I'm sorry Mark for hijacking your thread with parenting issues. I guess PTSD has its casualties on the outer rim too; those close to us who suffer the fallout of the disorder. As a single mum I carried so much guilt and pain due to my bubble of self destructive pseudo protection. I passed on what I knew at the time to be 'the only way'.

I did my best...that's all I could do. More importantly, I've come thru it to still have my son in my life and continue to support his journey.

Love Sara xoxo

[FrankA]

Hi to you all,

This thread has definitely has evolved since my last visit. Personally, the transformation has connected with me. I also have uncontrollable and unreasonable outbursts at my children. I always thought it was just a personality flaw. I never considered a relationship with the many years of DV.

To bring the conversation full circle, I do know that when I have these moments of anger, I cannot recall what I have said. This makes it really challenging when I apologise to the kids for mummy's anger. It is very interesting and a topic I would like to explore with my psych team.

Thank you to all for raising a sensitive parenting issue. FrankA 💕

[Just Sara]

Hey Frank!

Ok...I had to come back and comment; Frank, you're a woman? (a Mummy?) Well I'm floored! How stupid do I feel? lol

I may have to call you Francis now. Ha ha

Joking aside, this thread has morphed, but the premise is the same. Self knowledge and our efforts in dealing with this insidious disorder, needs to be shared and discussed. Our truth and pain is better off out than in. And who better to do it with than other survivors?

I'm glad you gained something from our's...

Sara xoxo

[FrankA]

Hey Sara,

You make me laugh 😂

Yes, I am a women, mother of two beautiful girls, and don't feel stupid, I am comfortable with being called Frank. Lol. BTW, we refer to ourselves as Franko, all three of us girls!

Have a magical Christmas Eve Eve Eve (that is what my eldest is referring to today as!)

Love Frank, Franka and Franko 💕

[HelenR]

Hi guys,

One of things I agree with you Sarah is that regardless of what happened to us in the past we as adults must work at fixing ourselves and prevent at all costs to spread the damage on the next generation. That is much easier said that done but with some help we may just make it.

FrankA the way I saw my past anger outburst were as follows: a child has no power to cause damage to us adults. What's more we're in total control of our child and he/she love us dearly and depend on us. A high emotional charged response against a child's behaviour (regardless of the input) is disproportionate to the real 'threat' our own child present to us. Therefore, a disproportionate response to the child's behaviour may have something buried under it that we must find out in order to control it and stop it. My anger was directed to the person and events in the past. Years of building up.

In my case, my worst outburst were before I had the kids against my husband. One day, while apologising to him after an event, I asked him that next time he should hold me tight, cuddle me with some force if necessary to bring me back to him (reality). He did it even when he said it was frightening for him to do it at that time but it worked and we pulled through the worst and had the kids.

With the kids the responses were less intense but I was not and I'm not going to let it affect their lives the way it affected me. So, one thing I've noticed is that bad sugars are very much responsible of uncontrollable anger outbursts. When I don't have bad sugars the anger is very much under control, almost none existent. The extreme fear and anxiety are still there even with clean eating but the anger, which is the one that causes most of the damage to our loved ones and relationships is much better. I should add excercises and I'm on hols now so less stress.

Lets all enjoy the festivities and I wish you all a very Merry Christmas xx

[MarkJT]

Sara, not hijacking at all. Any discussions around being healthier and making good better decisions when having PTSD is most welcomed. We can all learn so much from each other.

Mark.