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Not sure if i can do this
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Hi,
I'm new here and i guess with every emotion and thought im feeling , I know i cant do this alone. To be honest, Im not sure if i can do this at all. Opening myself up and feeling more vulnerable than what i already am is difficult. How do you let yourself go, knowing that its so open to anyone and then removing this ridiculous fear that comes with it? Fear is my killer along with anxiety. Trust is another and that too is a big issue for me. i guess being so broken has those affects. I'm here so that's a start.
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Hey Mark,
Im checking in on you.. Hows you? I hope your ok.
Hows your daughter settling at school? I hope she's doing ok.
Im ok. I have my moments which i guess is normal. Works been busier. The students are returning to class in a week. I didnt expect that to happen so quickly . Ive been over loaded at work. I went in today and there were too many kids with not enough staff. It was crazy . Every kid wanted my attention and i didnt know where to divide myself. Im glad its over. Im working from home tomorrow. Im looking forward to it.
Emotionally ive been all over the place. Some days i have great days and other days i dont. My mind drives me insane sometimes. I cant help it. I find it doesnt rest.
I really do hope your ok and keeping well.
Blessings
Gabby
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You dont ramble. You write whats on your mind and express it well. I like it. You help and give guidance that may help me. If you wrote more, i still wouldnt think its rambling.
Your right, the light will shine. The light will eventually come through and eventually ill walk into it. Eventually feels like a long time. Im taking one step at a time and stepping one foot in front of the other. Im trying not to turn back or even look back. Thats a huge challenge. I visualise what it will look like in the end but the distance is so far from where i am. I wont give up though. Ive too much determination in me to fight this even if there is pain that comes with the process.
I write when im in a tiffle. I write what goes through my mind because i cant talk to anyone about things. I dont highlight though. I just ramble and dont hold back. sometimes i i throw my paper away so no one reads it. I get afraid if i keep it, someone will read it and it can become too overwhelming for anyone to read.
Ill look at the link later tonight. Im in the mood of watching a movie before dinner and having Gabby time. If i am able to say this myself, Ive worked so hard today. I worked on site and I didnt stop. It was quite demanding. I was pulled in all angles by students who needed the extra support. I think some teachers arnt aware of the difficulties in teaching all 6 year levels in the day. They've this expectation that isnt realistic. i got through it... Just ..
Study? I studied the other night. I didnt finish the module though.
To clear my mind today,i had taken my dog for a walk. I walk an hr and a half a day. I cant go to the gym due to the corona virus so i walk instead. Its refreshing on the mind . It also feels good.
Blessings to you
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Hey Mark,
Im doing ok. The best I know how. I hope your ok. Please let me know your ok. I hope i never said anything to have upset you. If i have i am sorry.
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Hey Gabby - how was your day today?
Study tomorrow for me. And a little programming related stuff. Going to visit parents.
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Hi Gabby no you haven't said anything wrong i enjoy talking to you.
I saw the specialist yesterday at hospital and am going to have more surgery in 3 months.Their can be some permanent side effects that arnt real good so is a bit risky but after a long discussion decided to go ahead with it.
I have been having trouble with getting my daughter to school because of her anxiety.She told me she is scared of everything.She couldnt get in to see her psychologist to july as she is so booked up.Shes on a cancelation list so hopefully can get one earlier.My son has one more week of home schooling then he is back at school.
Take care,
Your friend,
Mark.
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Hi there
i not even do anything for the day.
i get up in the morning, brush my teeth, having a shower and breakfast.
turn on the TV, computer than sit there doing nothing playing with my phone.
try to fix the light i broke the other half way without right tool.
look up few thing online now turn the page in here look something in the forum.
don't know where to start, what i can say in here not even wants to going out.
than i stop right here, than i look up again just want to say something
i know hope is always out there but our laziness and motivation to cause us sit here.
that's all i can thinking of have a great day everyone.
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hi brilliant168 - welcome to the forum. I would think you like that I did nothing. I did similar to you, and my psychologist told me about the positives - that some people cannot get up, some won't brush the teeth, or shower. I am curious how you stopped by this thread to post? There are a few other threads you might find useful here including threads on grounding, mindfulness and another titled "three things to be thankful for today". As for where to start - anywhere is fine, it's up to you - though you might want to start a new thread? I will listen, and the others here are non-judgemental. I hope to you come back to share more of your story.
Peace to you - Tim
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Hi Brilliant168
Welcome. I get days too where i dont know where to start or what to say. My head is full of things but my words dont come out. Ive realised its ok when that happens.
Not sure how you got here but thats ok and Im here to listen. I may not always know what to say as i do find things hard at times but Im here .
Blessings
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Hey you,
I can only imagine how amazing it was to see your parents after isolation.. How did study go? I hope you got some of it done.
Today i chose to pull what little plants i have out of my garden. I moved in my new home 3 months ago and i havent touched outside.(i thought it was 6 weeks ago but clearly i got it wrong).. It needs a new design . Actually i can count the number of plants on one hand. There are 5 bushy plants. That's all i have and now its had lol.. I felt some what emotional this morning and i decided instead of feeling sorry for myself, i'd go in the backyard and clean it up. It was a beautiful sunny day here in Melbourne and i must say it felt nice. A distraction i needed.
Im seeing my psych on Tuesday. Im looking forward to it. I bet you never thought id ever say that? I need her to to help me from thinking a certain way and block thoughts that take over my mind. I dont have my kids as they're with their Dad for the next few days. I find when im alone my mind is worse. It takes over. To top things , instead of going to see a girlfriend or my sister for a distraction? Ms here stays home and isolates herself. Its my challenging time.
I hope you had a very blessed day with your family and enjoyed the sunshine (if you had it where you are) , like i did.
Blessings to you
Gabby
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