My first step to getting help (trigger warning: abuse)

[Sadmummy]

My hubby wants me to go to a therapist or start on some pills.

im not keen on either of those treatments so thought I would try and find a safe place to vent.

a rather Long summary of things weighing on my mind most days

a) 18 months ago my 2nd child was sexually assaulted by my brother which caused a massive rift between me and my mother and made me feel isolated and alone because she used to be my first go to vent person.

b) 9 months ago the same child was physically abused by a biological parent and opened a huge can of worms court battles etc in regards to 1st and 2nd children.

C) same child has diagnosed behavioural issues and can be extremely challenging. Add in two massively traumatic life experiences and it is very hard to watch this child suffering.

d) 3rd child is experiencing behavioural issues too

e) I feel unappreciated and not respected by my kids and sometimes hubby also.

F) I feel like I am always doing things or trying to please everyone else. I have not enough time or energy to do everything and no part of my individual person left

g) financial issues. Not on struggle street but huge amounts of debt thanks to custody court etc and means working 4 days a week and hubby working a lot of hours. Putting off plans such as buying a home, having another child etc

h) really wanting another baby but knowing it is not going to happen due to cost and situation and other existing children's special needs

i) thinking my relationship is the only good thing going for me for my hubby to turn around and say we are suffering because of my low moods and decreased libido and basically saying that he can't do it much longer

j) my mother burdening me with her secret about childhood abuse by a family member and expecting me to not tell anyone in the family because she dealt with it by sweeping it under the rug. And then having my extended family basically disown me because she has told them I've kept the kids away from her.

K) my in laws lack of love for 3rd child (not hubbys bio kid). They make it reasonably obvious 3rd child is different to the others. And 3rd child's bio parent brainwashing to think that in laws aren't allowed to be called family.

i think that covers the most of it. But mostly I am just exhausted physically and mentally. And I don't know who to talk to.

[Sadmummy]

Mary I don't have contact with my mother really. And she knows the reasons why.

as for the kids getting therapy the 2nd child is very well supported with all of their problems between school and home. We have a counsellor weekly, the school chaplain, a psychologist thru the education dept and at one time also a family support worker.

3rd child isn't really aware of the issues with my mil it is more obvious to me. It has been addressed before by my hubby multiple times. It is easier not to fight it at the moment with everything else going on.

for example we are going away in 2 weeks for a few days. She suggested she have the other 3 kids but wouldn't mind him because he "doesn't like to be here"

he is staying a few extra days with his dad which I would rather because he will probably be treated better there anyway.

Havent approached his behavioural issues with the idea of counselling or anything at this point because there's so much going on and don't want to have a discussion like that with his dad because he would probably not want to have it.

in terms of court they wouldn't know about my issues unless they were told. It is more me being stubborn and not wanting to admit I need help because she is the crazy one not me.

she denies all issues and doesn't get help though so if I do I guess I am being the more reasonable sensible one.

[Sadmummy]

I forgot to add my 2nd child is not really getting much better emotionally.

16 months of weekly counselling and other interventions and it hasn't made a big difference.

because of the constant exposure to emotional abuse compiling the issues and not being able to stop it (custody related). we are still going through the motions in court so I can't say too much but it is extremely frustrating the way the police and DHS work.

If it is in family court they don't want to have any involvement. Too complicated

[White_Rose]

I do apologise for getting your story mixed up. There are so many factors which complicate our lives and it is difficult to fully understand someone in a few words. I hope you will accept my regret, especially if I have stepped on your toes.

I am surprised and disgusted that the police and courts do nothing when the safety and well-being of a child is at risk. I will not make any further suggestions but I hope you will accept my care and support of you during this time.

Mary

[Sadmummy]

Sadly yes there is a big issue with the safety system.

courts don't want parents to withhold access without documented proof.

police and DHS not keen on providing proof if the matter is in family court because it is too messy.

a lot of pointing the responsibility at each other.

[blondguy]

Hi Sadmummy

I am sorry about the floundering you are encountering in the family court.

I have spent a few years in the court and they seem to have lost their way...too bureaucratic & dysfunctional.

The first charter of the family court is to operate in 'The Best Interests of the Child'

Sadly it doesnt

Kind Thoughts

Paul

[Sadmummy]

Thanks Paul

we were lucky enough to be appointed an ICL this time around.

hopefully as they are acting on behalf of the children they will do just that and put the kids interests first! They are from a different town so would not know a thing about either party other than the legal stuff they are presented and the info they subpoena for themselves.

really hoping it makes a difference and we get somewhere.

meanwhile I am going to my gp tomorrow so that's a bit nerve wracking but I really think I do need it.

work has been very draining this weekend 😞

i love my job but hate the nature of it sometimes. Only sometimes.