Marriage problems

[Elsam]

I have been with my husband 25 years, i feel like I do still love him but hate him at the same time for the way he treats me and destroys our life. We have been together 25 years and there has been a long history of Domestic violence, abuse, cheating and dishonesty. I cannot trust him.
The violence has now stopped but he has now started with emotional abuse.
I left him in August last year and then he begged me to come home after 8 weeks, I finally came home because he promised me the world (all fake promises, just telling me what I wanted to hear).
By Christmas he abandoned me on Boxing Day for 2 months, I never saw him and he never spoke to me for the 2 mths.
February I went to see a Solicitor and they sent him a serious letter, he then called the Solicitor saying he wanted to work things out with me.
My brother has just passed away and now he has abandoned me again and I have not seen or spoken to him for the last 3 weeks.
I cannot go on like this but I am suffering from depression and PTSD from the trauma he has put me through. He is a narcissist and very controlling and manipulative.
He is good at Gaslighting and giving me this silent treatment to make me feel guilty so I come crawling back to him! It is just a cycle of abuse that never ends
I just don’t know how I am ever going to get away and feel as though I can survive on my own I am so scared. He has made me co-dependant.
I want to be on my own and he happy but feel like I still love my husband but cannot keep letting him treat me the way he does.
Does anyone have any experience with this abandonment? Is it another form of abuse? He never used to do this before?

I have tried for so long to get him to address our issues and problems and attend marriage counselling together but he just runs away from the truth all the time!

We are living separately in the same house!
I just don’t know what to try next or who to turn to, it is always me making the effort in this marriage

[geoff]

Hello Elsam, I know how you are feeling must be terrible and I'm just so sorry for you.

You have done all you can and he's done nothing, you love him and have not done anything wrong.

This Saturday is the auction and could be the key to open up a new life an this can happen, might not be easy, I know it wasn't for me, but now I have developed another life, but still talk to my ex-wife and this may eventually happen with you, depending on whether that's something you want to do.

Please let us know how you are going.

Take care.

Geoff.

[Elsam]

Why would my husband abandon me for no reason???
After 25 years how can he do this to me??I have not seen him or he has not spoken to me for 2 mths! I am not coping I m going to have a mental breakdown! Who do I turn to??
It disgusts me that there is no face to face support for Domestic Violence!

I am sick and tired of talking to people on the DV lines that do not know what they are talking about!
I am so devastated, frustrated and angry!

[Elsam]

You tell me I do not have to do this alone!!
I am alone and I am struggling, I am going to have a mental breakdown because I have no one!
My husband has isolated me from family and friends so that I have no one to turn to!

Where is the support for women in Domestic Violence?

I just want to die so I don’t have to think about this anymore!
I heartbroken!

[Sophie_M]

Hi Elsam,

Thanks for reaching out here to the forums tonight, we know it can be really difficult when you're feeling so low, so thank you for having the courage. We can hear how much pain you're in right now, and we are so sorry to hear that you're struggling, but please know that support is always available to you. Our community is also here to help support you through this and offer as much advice and conversation as you need. Our Support Service are also currently getting in touch with you via email as we are worried about you.

We can hear that this is a really tough time for you and you're wanting support and somewhere to turn to. We would strongly urge that you contact 1800RESPECT. The lovely, supportive counsellors have a lot of experience offering advice and assistance to support to women who have been through domestic violence like yourself. You can contact them on 1800 737 732 or https://www.1800respect.org.au. We'd also welcome you to reach out to our Support Service on 1300 22 4636 which is available to you 24/7 to provide support, advice and assist you in finding face-to-face support. 

We hope that you can find some support and comfort in the forums and please feel free to keep us updated here on your thread throughout your journey.
 

[smallwolf]

Hi. Given everything you have been through, it would be natural to feel angry - to be isolated, frustrated and feeling there is no or inadequate support, not know where to go for help, when for all that time you have been for your partner and not deserving of the abuse you received.There would perhaps be a feeling of loss as well.

The forums here are not the same as talking to someone face to face, but it is still a form of communication. You could write your thoughts here, what you would hope to see. I am also aware that Anglicare provides support. One example...

Anglicare Sydney provides counselling services for those who are or have been living in abusive situations and is able to refer people on to frontline service providers.

Finally, and perhaps after a while if you post back here, you might feel part of the community here. We all want to the best for you and posting here you become part of the family here.

Tim

[Elsam]

I am sick and tired of talking to people on the DV lines, half of them do not even know what they are talking about!
Every DV line I have spoken to, not one of them can advice of any face to face support!!

No one takes DV seriously!!

Where is the help when you need it???

This is why women all over Australia are being murdered and no one helps.

The Police do nothing because they are all corrupt!!!

[Elsam]

Thank you Tim appreciate your message.

i am trying to find face to face support or an advocate that has some authority that can help me or come to the Police with me or make a report for my own safety.
Why do I have to live in fear and be threatened because my husband lied and had the police take out an AVO on me for no reason.
I am scared to go to the police to make a report for my own safety because I know my husband will lie to have me breach my AVO! He is a Pathological liar!

So I just have to live in fear and not feel safe being threatened.

[ecomama]

Dear Elsam

Please reach out to the Red Heart Foundation via Facebook or in any other ways.

They helped me by providing a support person to go to the Police Station and so much more.

Love EM