Making a change for someone who's miles away

[ocean-man]

Hi all, I need some advice.

I've been in a long-distance relationship with a girl living in the US for about 3 months now. We both love each other very much and can depend on each other. However, as of late things have become much more concerning for me.

This girl lives in an abusive family, physically and mentally, and it's beginning to have an extreme toll on her mental health. The main offender is her mother, who's had three children including her (that I know of) with a fourth on the way. For so long this woman has done so much to harm her. She's neglected her, played favourites with her younger brother and, in the worst cases, physically assaulted her for almost no reason. I can elaborate on some things if need be, but that's about the gist of it.

I've done so much to try and help her, living in Australia, yet it's beginning to fall flat. My ultimate goal is to get her to a place where she's able to live without having to worry about not being treated right, where she doesn't have to hole herself up in her room in order to avoid being yelled at for nothing.

I've urged her to call the police and yet her family lies in order to save their own skin. I've given her hotlines to call and I'm not sure if she's contacted any of them. I genuinely don't know what to do anymore, but I don't want to leave her to fend for herself. She's very unstable mentally and I'm worried something bad will happen if I don't do something soon.

Thank you in advance

[Sophie_M]

Hi Ocean-man,
 
Thank you for sharing your circumstances with your long-distance relationship with us. We can hear how awful things must be for your girlfriend and how difficult it must be for you to cope with this situation from afar.
 
You’ve mentioned providing her with some helplines to call, that is an excellent suggestion. Have you provided her or is she aware of any shelters or help-lines that support people within domestic violence situations? Does she have any friends or any family that she trusts locally that she can stay with for some time?
 
What supports do you have for your self to help you during this difficult situation? Have you been able to speak to anyone about this?
 
Please feel free to keep the community updated about how things progress and what support we can provide you.

[ocean-man]

Hi Sophie, thank you for your reply.

I have only given her a broad list of hotlines to call and I'm not aware of any domestic shelters she's able to reside in. Also, the only family I know of who would be best for her to stay with is her father, and the rest of her family does not want her staying with him.

I've not been able to find a way to cope with all of this outside of my usual hobbies, which mostly involve videogames or browsing the internet, however I don't find myself in need of one most times since it often doesn't affect me to the point where I can't control my emotions. Also, I don't have many people to talk with about this outside of other people on the internet. I've only told one real-life friend about my relationship so far and I've been meaning to tell my parents for some time, but I don't quite feel comfortable with it yet.

Fortunately she's doing okay as of the time I'm writing this response, however I know it's only a matter of time before something like this rises again.