Looking for others physically abused at work and/or by work colleague

[Panic90]

I would be very interested to chat with anyone else who has been or is being physically abused at work and/or by a work colleague.

My abuse ended four years ago but it haunts me every day. I still work in the same industry, although at a different organisation.

I was mostly verbally abused but occasionally the abuse was physical. Hair pulling, pushing into doors, arm pinching, kicking shins. On a few occasions it got out of control but I don't like to talk about those. I think it went on for about 9 months. The man was my direct supervisor though he wasn't the head of the office.

I never told anyone at the time. I've only told my psychiatrist now, and that was about 12 months ago.

I have PTSD and pretty bad anxiety. I don't like men being close to me. I don't like being touched. I hate people being behind me where I can't see them. I don't like the quiet because that's when i didn't know where he was. My treatment did help but it's up and down at the moment.

I'd love to hear from anyone else who has experienced the same thing. I feel pretty alone. I've never heard anyone getting physically abused by a work colleague. I send my support to you.

[Doolhof]

Hi Panic90,

Please know this is a safe place for you to share how much you are comfortable to express.

I have used this forum to unload unwanted thoughts, emotions and feelings and know it has been beneficial. We all release what we are comfortable with.

It has been along time since I have experienced physical abuse. There has been all other kinds of abuse. I don't know that one is more harmful than the other.

I would like to encourage you to take on board what the psychiatrist recommends and try to work through what you can of your trauma when you can.

Dealing with trauma can be a rough ride. Do you have other people there for support? They don't have to know what you have been through if you don't want to tell them.

Just knowing someone cares can make a huge difference.

Hope you find some answers and support.

Kind regards from Dools

[Panic90]

Thank you Dools

The hardest part about keeping this secret is that people don't understand why I am the way I am. I don't like to be touched so it's uncomfortable when people want to hug me to say hello. It's hard when people ask why I am single and have been since I was abused. Because I don't trust men. I don't want to tell people so I guess I have to accept that my choice makes it difficult.

I think constantly about whether people would believe me if I said anything. Hence why I was asking if anyone else had been through this. It feels weird to say "hey, my supervisor used to verbally and physically abuse me at work for 9 months." I feel like people wouldn't believe me, because it seems just crazy that someone would do that.

[Doolhof]

Hi Panic90,

I would like to think that people would believe you. The crazy thing is that people like your supervisor are able to get away with their actions.

I was in a physically violent relationship for a year with a partner. I stayed there because I thought I had no choice. The other person has a power of you, even if that power is only in our minds, it is real, it is controlling, it is debilitating.

Some people don't understand why you don't just walk away. Sometimes it is not that simple!

I'm sure there are other people here on the forum who have experienced something similar. Maybe it is out of shame, a feeling of (misguided) guilt, embarrassment or what ever that stops people from also expressing what they have endured.

How would you feel trying to express what happened to one person in your life, you don't have to tell them the whole experience. Maybe just stating you had a horrid experience with another person that has affected you deeply might help people to understand you a little more.

None of us know what another person has experienced.

I suppose this imposed social isolation can be helpful to you in one way, but also may be preventing you from trying to create a closer bond with people.

Regards from Dools

[Guest_1643]

Hey there,

I'm so sorry for what you went through at work. That can be really traumatising. I'm glad you got out after 9 months, in my case it went on a lot longer.

To follow on from Dools' kind post, I wold also like to think that people would believe you. Also, not to get discouraged as there may always be some that won't believe you - this is their onw problem

And those would not be supportive people to have around. People can make their own assumptions sometimes that can be very hurtful - but it takes time to be able to share what you went through. It's up to you what you want to share with others, and if you need to keep it a secret for now, thats okay. I agree that sometimes testing the waters, like Dools said, with one person, can be an interesting idea.

[Anna_123]

Hi Panic90,

I am so sorry to hear about your experience and that it still affects you today. No one should have to experience the sort of behaviour you have mentioned. I want to let you know that I'd be happy to talk with you about it if you would like to. I have experienced something very similar, although my experience was all verbal abuse. I can understand many of the things you have mentioned about not handling people being close to you/ being touched and worrying about people not believing what you tell them. My experience ended almost a year ago and I experience very similar feelings. I have to say, although I feel so sad to read your experience, it's strangely comforting (please forgive me for using that word!) to hear something that I can relate to.

Thinking of you 🙂

Panic90 said:

I would be very interested to chat with anyone else who has been or is being physically abused at work and/or by a work colleague.

My abuse ended four years ago but it haunts me every day. I still work in the same industry, although at a different organisation.

I was mostly verbally abused but occasionally the abuse was physical. Hair pulling, pushing into doors, arm pinching, kicking shins. On a few occasions it got out of control but I don't like to talk about those. I think it went on for about 9 months. The man was my direct supervisor though he wasn't the head of the office.

I never told anyone at the time. I've only told my psychiatrist now, and that was about 12 months ago.

I have PTSD and pretty bad anxiety. I don't like men being close to me. I don't like being touched. I hate people being behind me where I can't see them. I don't like the quiet because that's when i didn't know where he was. My treatment did help but it's up and down at the moment.

I'd love to hear from anyone else who has experienced the same thing. I feel pretty alone. I've never heard anyone getting physically abused by a work colleague. I send my support to you.

[Emmen]

Hello Panic90,

I used to intern at an ad agency which was verbally and psychologically abusive. The owner of the agency was awful. Every email we'd get would laced with profanities and belittling us/our work. There were security cameras installed in the office and she'd get her HR manager to spy on all of us every minute of the day. Lunch hours were closely monitored, we weren't allowed to go for lunch with our bags (the one time I did, I got a call from her asking me to account for why I took my bag). Our hours were crazy, we'd start at 8am and end anywhere between 11pm to 2am the next day. My contract was for 3 months. I tried to leave at 1 month but got threatened instead. So I had to survive those 3 months there, took a month's break after I left to recover.

That was 5 years ago. Recounting it still sends chills down my arms. I guess I deal with it by not dwelling too much on it. I've cut ties with everything related to that place. Sometimes the whole episode still feels like a bad dream, I can't believe I was actually working in a place like that.

Bad workplaces exist and sadly, we get trapped in these situations sometimes. Let's be glad we've left it behind, because now, we can look forward.

Take care,
Emmen

[Panic90]

Thanks everyone for your replies and sorry to get back to you late. I am heartened to hear your stories and while I am so very sorry for what has happened to you, I thank you for sharing your stories. I feel less alone.

About 18 months ago, I caught up with an old friend who worked in the same industry I did. Not for the same company though. Anyway, we got chatting about "old times" and he told me he he witnessed an incident where my work colleague assaulted me in a (comparatively) minor way. I didn't realise this friend was in the room at the time. It's hard to give too much detail without identifying where I worked. Anyway, I have obsessed over why he never intervened or said anything to me. I wonder what would have happened. What my life would have been like if this didn't carry on for as long as it did. I also became pretty upset with thinking somebody knew. I worked really hard to conceal what was happening to me. To cover the marks and the absences. I wonder if anyone else knew. It really knocked the wind out of my sails.

Some days are better than others. I get by. I wish I wasn't so afraid of some things. People walking too closely behind me. Men getting in the elevator with me alone. Having meetings in small rooms with male colleagues. I need to break bad habits of always needing to have an escape route for where I go. It's a work in progress.

[Keats121]

Yes. Thank you for posting, this is the first time I've seen anyone ask this, and it is a different KIND of trauma.

I was in a 'work place' for four months and every day I was subjected to things that people still don't believe, much less want to talk about or hear. It's hard to hear that it was a 'work place' it's hard to explain it as 'my boss did this'. I wasn't paid, it's hard to explain why a person stays in that circumstance when you are afraid for your co workers (in my case young women) and on bad days, when there were weapons or situations that have caused my PTSD, their lives. These words do not fit what I experienced because to me it wasn't a work place, it wasn't a job, I was held hostage in a space that I could physically leave in theory, sure. Mentally, no way.

Then theres the questions you get of 'well why didnt you just find another job'. Again, it wasn't a job, how do you describe these kinds of experiences with using benign language like 'work, bullying, even s@xual assault' when it doesn't accurately describe what it was. Now, seven years on, I know people trauma bonded in that space, which is why we stayed. It doesn't stop people from not listening half way through because unlike someone else who is a first responder, who was at the scene of a car accident, or a nurse fighting for the lives of their patients (thankyou heros) I experienced my trauma in a chicken shop.

I don't have scars from a car accident, or war or [insert heroic setting here]. I have scars from what went on inside of the "work place"

It is a different type of experience that many people don't want to accept happens, regularly, and yes - just down the road. "What about H.R?!" -.- How do you even go about explaining the kind of culture that allows that kind of stuff to manifest usually in plain sight.

The next job I got was through a job provider and I was diagnosed with PTSD after breaking down in an interview with my job provider, as working was a huge trigger. I specifically requested not to be put with a male boss, and for the workers I worked with to be vetted, and most importantly not to be paid in cash. What happened? I was put in exactly that situation, which furthered my ptsd at the time and also, when pleading with the job provider/ centerlink to go for another interview etc, they said no they wouldn't place me anywhere else because 'I had a job' and that if I quit, they'd cut any payments I was receiving. Ty Op for postin

[Panic90]

Dear Keats

Thank you for writing to me. I appreciate it more than you know. I'm so terribly sorry for what you went through. You are right: it's a different kind of trauma

I fully understand what you say about people thinking/saying "why didn't you just get another job?". For me, my colleague was my supervisor and he made me think and feel like I was constantly stuffing up and doing things wrong. I was just starting out in my profession after uni. He would say things like "What are you even doing here?" "No one will hire you" "I'll make sure you don't get another job ever".

I suppose I fear people saying "why didn't you leave?" to me and that's another reason why I don't tell people.

I also struggle sometimes in my current job. It's in the same indsutry but a different employer. My boss doesn't physically assault me but she's just very unkind, absent and unsympathetic. I get anxious when I think I've done something wrong and briefly wonder what might happen to me. I have to remind myself I'm safe and no one is going to push me into a wall, pull my hair, kick my shins and it goes on.

Hold strong.