Complex PTSD - What is it and how do we cope?

[Just Sara]

'Complex post-traumatic stress disorder (C-PTSD; also known as complex trauma disorder) is a psychological disorder thought to occur as a result of repetitive, prolonged trauma involving sustained abuse or abandonment by a caregiver or other interpersonal relationships with an uneven power dynamic.' Wikipedia description..

I think this pretty much sums it up yeah?

I wish I could underline; '..relationships with an uneven power dynamic'. In my own case, C-PTSD was triggered by bullying in my workplace from 2008 until 2014. I developed symptoms such as Anxiety/Panic that grew in severity until a tragic breakdown in 2014. I was forced to medically retire.

Although my history of multiple trauma's and childhood abuse caused specific responses in me from an early age, I thought I was normal and everyone was the same. In fact, a lot of people in my inner circle were.

Decades later, I find out those friends/family members/acquaintances had gone thru their own traumatic situations. So why wouldn't I feel normal around them?

Today, as opposed to the 70's/80's (my adolescence/young adulthood) where abuse wasn't discussed, people have resources to out their pain and confusion in spaces like BB forum or with psychologists, social workers, medico's, psychiatrists and even friends/family.

Treatment has become the 'norm' instead of going it alone which is what many of us here had to do until society caught up with this 'pandemic' (IMO) of psychological disorders.

So, why create a thread dedicated to C-PTSD? Well, stigma and misconception around it's still rife in our society, and people suffering with this horrible disorder and not realising it is a constant.

Your views are absolutely welcome! We really do need to talk about it as consequences of C-PTSD and the benefits of therapy are worthy and an important part of recovery.

Newcomers and current members alike are encouraged to post; old, young, male or female.

Let's pick each other's brain and see where it leads...

Kind thoughts;

Sez

[Just Sara]

Hi and welcome A's Mum;

I'm so pleased this thread's helping people (like yourself) understand about post trauma responses. As the mum of a 5 yr old experiencing unpleasant and uncontrollable symptoms, it must be completely overwhelming mentally and emotionally. I really feel for you and your husband at this time.

I have experience looking at the distress and helplessness on my little boy's face post trauma. It's something I wouldn't wish upon anyone. He was only 2, so there was little I could do except deal with his 'reactions' as they occurred; a daunting and painful exercise indeed.

My advice is to learn as much as you both can. Give each other breaks to 'be yourselves' despite the situation, as you can lose 'who you are' in your son's pain.

Also, don't forget your marriage; intimacy for instance can be affected so pleasant outings and enjoyable times to separate from this is needed for balance. Take care of yourselves first! Then you can be at your best for your son.

Children experience traumatic situations in their body's first because they don't have communication skills to understand or express what's wrong with them, that's why they 'act out'. It's a primal function called Fight/Flight/Freeze which happens automatically in all of us when we feel in danger or at risk.

Normally this function's to deal with facing stress, but if stress is on-going it becomes a problem in itself, especially for kids who have no avenue of protection or recourse; they're stuck in helplessness and fear.

With my son, it caused night terrors (among other symptoms) each night around 11pm. This went on for yrs until one night instinctively I held him like a baby, rocked and hummed a tune I used to do when he was an infant. He settled immediately and was the impetus for his recovery.

Gradually those incidences reduced and by the time he was 6 they'd left. What I feel happened, was 'getting thru' to his subconscious that I was 'there' for him.

At the time of his trauma, I wasn't. He didn't have me to protect him which at times still haunts me terribly. I stopped work until he was old enough to speak for himself.

You can post here anytime you want as your plight's incredibly important. Sharing and talking with others is a Godsend I didn't have the luxury of 25 yrs ago.

Caring thoughts;

Sez

[AsMum1]

Thank you for your reply Sez.

Hugging and rocking him while humming the ballad his Daddy has sung to all our children since they were in utero deescalates him quicker than anything. It was also instinctual for us to just love on him when he is hurting so bad, unfortunately when he spits in someones face and swears at them (two of his very antisocial tics) it is incredibly hard for a stranger to respond to that with love, heck it's hard for us at times as his parents . The hardest part about being a parent in this situation for me is not trusting my instincts. If I had made different decision he would not have experienced the trauma that led to all this so I feel guilty and second guess myself when it comes to advocating for his needs. To any other parents that may read this seeking help I say TRUST YOURSELF, we can't be responsible for the actions of others. Do not allow guilt to overshadow your instincts in moving forward. No one knows your chid better than you, if your head can't make sense of all the noise flying at you, find a peaceful place (I know easier said than done) take a deep breath and listen to your soul, your gut, god, the universe . . whatever it is to you, I call it my instinct, stop listening and start feeling. Let the tears flow, dust yourself off and ask for what you need. Oh and find a great child psychologist! Professional support is not a luxury it's a requirement.

[Just Sara]

You seem to be doing a great job of being a parent! Well done!

It's the first time I've come across anyone else who instinctively held their child and sang to treat a trauma response. Thankyou for giving this to me; it's validating 🙂

I hope I'm reading you correctly, so forgive me if I'm not ok. Is his tic diagnosed as Tourette Syndrome or a trauma response? If it's the latter, triggers may be found.

There's an outdated assessment tool called an ABC (Antecedent, Behaviour, Consequence) I personally think it's a simple method and can be correlated each week/month to hopefully identify causative factors.

These can be useful in understanding why your son lashes out as well as finding an effective response plan. Most importantly though, it's being able to 'predict' an episode thru identifying specific triggers and/or small clues in his face/behaviour for instance, in the lead up to one.

If you fill an ABC form out each time it occurs, you may find common links that can be bought together to tell a story so to speak. Then take your findings (along with the ABC's) to his paediatrician for assessment. This might even support a formal diagnosis.

The following is a link to an image of a simple chart that suits your needs. You can make multiple copies to fill out and even leave them in his backpack for others to use when you're not around. It's self explanatory, but please don't feel 'thingy' because it's used as an early behaviour intervention tool for autism.

https://www.google.com.au/search?q=abc+behaviour+chart+early+years&biw=1031&bih=524&tbm=isch&source=iu&ictx=1&fir=-M6RUPEkOtujYM%253A%252CSdlLA7dqD8q7eM%252C_&usg=__L_ZiVsemx0LwP7V0Gdep5XEuClQ%3D&sa=X&ved=0ahUKEwjW5KCD6aTaAhUE6bwKHWSZDGQQ9QEIMTAD#imgrc=OWw6fV8F_eGg9M:

I really hope this helps. If you have questions or comments, please feel free to post. And please, talk it over with your husband and GP before considering it.

Caring thoughts;

Sez

Note: To those reading, the above assessment tool can be used by adults as well to help identify triggers and responses. Self analysis is a great way to address symptoms in a non emotional way.

[startingnew]

thank you Sez for explaining those things and pointing out the better things too. we often forget those. keep up the good work on this thread. its helping so many! huge kudos to you xoxo

[Just Sara]

Hi everyone;

While soldiers are in the trenches or anywhere that fighting occurs, there's this sense of 'dread' hanging over their heads. They're on full alert all the time waiting for the next bomb or gunfire to kill them or their mates. This hyper vigilant mode becomes ingrained as a normal everyday way of surviving.

When they return home to family, this danger isn't present. They're so used to being on high alert; it feels 'wrong'. They don't know why, it just does.

When I was little and mum/dad were home, danger was around every corner. I lived on high alert wondering when the next violent or fearful situation was coming. If at school, I knew at some stage I'd be going home which played on me all day. I didn't know any other way to live.

When the psychiatrist told me I had c-ptsd, I found a book about war and ptsd in returned soldiers. I got chills as I read thru their responses after they'd come home.

This was me trying to come to terms with what peace meant; I had no idea as I'd never experienced it in my mind. When I finally did, it was foreign and scary.

This way of living interfered with every relationship I'd ever had. I wondered why I always chose partners who resembled my parents, or at least the feel I had when I was around them. I complained about them, not realising it was me who stayed even though I was unhappy.

Choice wasn't an option, so I thought; leaving meant I'd failed. But failed who? I was so busy feeling afraid, I'd not realised I could walk away anytime I wanted and save myself.

This is what faces returned soldiers. They'd never had a choice to walk away just like I hadn't as a child. We were trapped in our environments by rules we didn't make. When the time came for independence, how could we cope without anyone to tell us what to do and how to live.

Sometimes we see ourselves in others even though we don't seem to have anything in common. I remember visiting the War Memorial in Canberra when I was 11. When I sat in the dome room looking at statues of service men and women, I had an eerie feeling and was unsettled. I never understood why until I read that book.

Food for thought;

Sez

[Peppermintbach]

Hi Sez (and all),

What a powerful post...actually, speaking of chills, I got some reading it.

I suppose most people gravitate towards familiarity. Familiarity, for better or for worse, can feel reassuring even if it isn’t always good for us...like certain partners that you were drawn to...

Having said that though, and I’m sure you know this already, it wasn’t your “fault.” If “choice” was never much of an option growing up then it can often be a foreign concept even in later years too. Sometimes, as adults, I feel we are simply slightly more evolved versions of our childhood selves (to varying extents).

I recall once growing up, long story but my parents were fighting, and I don’t remember the exact details but I promised myself that I wouldn’t end up like my mum. So I try to run like the wind when I encounter men who (consciously) remind me of my dad...most of the time at least. Anyway, that’s a loose aside...

I noticed you said:

This is what faces returned soldiers. They'd never had a choice to walk away just like I hadn't as a child. We were trapped in our environments by rules we didn't make. When the time came for independence, how could we cope without anyone to tell us what to do and how to live.

The words that came to mind after reading that was “lost” and “scared”...like a deer caught in headlights.

Sez, I so admired that beautiful (if heart wrenching) post. You don’t need me to tell you that you have a gift with words and conveying emotion. You’re a truly beautiful soul...in fact, reading that, gave me some newfound understanding about you. Thank you for sharing...

For what it’s worth, and even if it doesn’t always feel that way, you’re safe now. The “war” is over (and I say this with no disrespect to war veterans). You’re safe.

Much love,

Pepper xoxo

[Peppermintbach]

Hi again,

Sorry, I forgot to add...

Choice wasn't an option, so I thought; leaving meant I'd failed. But failed who? I was so busy feeling afraid, I'd not realised I could walk away anytime I wanted and save myself.

Hey, you now know, you do have choice. You can stay. But you can also walk away. You’re your own best judge of what is best for you. The power is in your hands. I know you like to say:

You’re (I’m) more powerful than you (I) once knew.

Love from H x H

Pepper xoxo

[Ggrand]

Hello Sez, Pepper,

Thank you for both of the last 3 posts, I left my hubby 3 times and went back, I was scared to be with him but more frightened to be on my own.Thinking back, and now what your saying is making some sense to me, afraid to leave the situation because that's all I knew my entire life until 4 years ago, when it was forced upon me that I had no one ordering me around, I had to start making the rules. This must be when I became so scared of life or is it peace or is it me I'm so afraid of. Something that needs some thought..

Karen.

[Just Sara]

Thanks Pepper;

Choice is indeed a new experience for so many of us; along with independent thinking and the rawness of being alone which is really apt for Grandy. (Hi Grandy!)

Your choice to avoid men like your dad isn't the same as not wanting to be like your mum. My sisters and I laugh about the same thing sometimes. Once #3 sis saw mum walking next to her in town and stopped to say hello; it was her own reflection in a window! lol I know this isn't what you meant, but it's funny.

Although we took different directions in life, we all carry snippets of mum. The difference is how we cope with people resembling our parents that matters.

If I met Mr from when I was 21 tomorrow, he'd have little chance if any of pulling me in as he did back then. Yes, I still need to be highly aware of 'me' when a man reminds me of someone in my past, but practice has made me who I am today.

I can't change 'them', it's my thoughts, behaviour and intent that requires vigilance. The greatest man on earth will at some stage challenge your 'ways'. How you respond to those triggers? That's what defines you...

I hope this makes sense.

Thanks again for your wonderful post.

Love Sez xoxo

[Just Sara]

Hi Grandy;

Yes, staying and staying is a prime example of being stuck in those childhood habits of behaviour. The Universe has a way of forcing us to face ourselves though one way or the other.

I was told once, that we're born with a particular lesson to learn in life. That lesson usually presents itself early and grows as we mature. If we ignore it, life gets ugly and eventually tears us apart. Ultimately we end up in a situation where we can't avoid it any longer, just as you are now.

I've also heard we all have the same lesson; that being how to truly love ourselves. These are theories btw, not set in stone.

You're at a place Grandy where there isn't a choice anymore; you're in the guts of it - thrown in at the deep end and having to learn to swim for your life. The way I see it, you're treading water waiting for someone to rescue you. How am I doing?

I know that place so damn well I can tell you. You're not alone in this respect ok. There are days I 'wish' like crazy a white horse carrying a hero will pull up at my door and take me away from it all. The reality though is much less romantic unfortunately.

I'm glad you're staying with this thread hun. Getting your mind wrapped around the details is one thing, but putting that into practice takes time and courage one foot in front of the other. You're here and that's great because we can all help each other.

Have a lovely weekend...

Sez xo