Complex PTSD - What is it and how do we cope?

[Just Sara]

'Complex post-traumatic stress disorder (C-PTSD; also known as complex trauma disorder) is a psychological disorder thought to occur as a result of repetitive, prolonged trauma involving sustained abuse or abandonment by a caregiver or other interpersonal relationships with an uneven power dynamic.' Wikipedia description..

I think this pretty much sums it up yeah?

I wish I could underline; '..relationships with an uneven power dynamic'. In my own case, C-PTSD was triggered by bullying in my workplace from 2008 until 2014. I developed symptoms such as Anxiety/Panic that grew in severity until a tragic breakdown in 2014. I was forced to medically retire.

Although my history of multiple trauma's and childhood abuse caused specific responses in me from an early age, I thought I was normal and everyone was the same. In fact, a lot of people in my inner circle were.

Decades later, I find out those friends/family members/acquaintances had gone thru their own traumatic situations. So why wouldn't I feel normal around them?

Today, as opposed to the 70's/80's (my adolescence/young adulthood) where abuse wasn't discussed, people have resources to out their pain and confusion in spaces like BB forum or with psychologists, social workers, medico's, psychiatrists and even friends/family.

Treatment has become the 'norm' instead of going it alone which is what many of us here had to do until society caught up with this 'pandemic' (IMO) of psychological disorders.

So, why create a thread dedicated to C-PTSD? Well, stigma and misconception around it's still rife in our society, and people suffering with this horrible disorder and not realising it is a constant.

Your views are absolutely welcome! We really do need to talk about it as consequences of C-PTSD and the benefits of therapy are worthy and an important part of recovery.

Newcomers and current members alike are encouraged to post; old, young, male or female.

Let's pick each other's brain and see where it leads...

Kind thoughts;

Sez

[startingnew]

Hi Sez
sorry its taken me so long to get back here too.


Thank you for explaining your views on the different fear responses. It gives me something to think about. I never really thought of it as you described it 'peparing for death' that is really very interesting indeed! Ive had many situations where I havent been able to run or defend myself.
It sounds abit like the dissociation I experience, I cant control it it just happens and is more of the subconscious responding but shows externally too in the form of freezing.
Yes youve been most helpful, your right information is empowering.

xoxo

[Just Sara]

I'm glad I've helped you understand yourself better SN;

When you began delving into your MH issues and diagnosis', thoughts, emotions and feelings overwhelmed you. As you've moved along your path of recovery, you've progressed to new stages that cause more panic; it's all so new and foreign.

However, there has to be times when you congratulate yourself for getting thru these stages. You describe understanding concepts of what 'Freezing' means and our human rights. Could you have done this a yr ago? I don't think so.

Every time you pat yourself on the back, you're retraining your brain's pathways to accept 'gain' instead of 'loss'. It's about acknowledging small successes along the way as valuable, which provides self confidence and insight leading onto health/healing.

I think you're doing great work and will continue to do so because you've got the bug! You're healing yourself and it's moreish. You're growing, learning, practising, picking yourself up after falling and accepting/asking for help. This wasn't you back in the day...

Well done young'un! Very proud of you...

Pepper;

A belated thankyou for posting your interest on this thread. I'm grateful and humbled to have such a wise and insightful person as yourself here, as I'm sure others are too.

Kind thoughts to all;

Sez xo

[Ggrand]

Hello Sara,

Thank you for your post,

I read your post and became quite sad and I could say very angry with myself.

You said..."Two words abuse victims rarely use are 'my rights'. Everyone has (human) rights; these include but aren't limited to - FREEDOM, respect, choice, equality, mistakes, anger, sadness, grief, disappointment, opportunities, access and participation, to be loved and to love, empathy, nurturing, informed consent and the list goes on".. How many of these were you afforded by your abusers?

None, I was his property, to do what and how he wanted things done....pathetic yes I know.. Why didn't I leave, well I did 3 times only to go back feeling ashamed and guilty because I was bad person, because I left him.. Geez I'm So over me.. Parents I ran away once, the police took me back home, because the home was clean and had nice furniture and my eldest brother lied, the police didn't believe me...

I'm beginning to believe my life has been mapped out for me, to first suffer at the hands of my abusers, and now to continue to do so because I cannot get rid of the hold he/ they still have over me over my mind.. The struggle with nightmares, triggers, constant meltdowns, and my total lack of the ability to live in peace.

You asked me.." How could you possibly know how to love/like yourself under these circumstances?... Well I can't, because I was constantly being told all horrible things about who I am without question....Now I'm free of them in there physical form, but they are still here, when I need to do something, I usually start doing it but breakdown when I get a little unsure of of what I'm doing..I can still hear them telling me how useless, stupid, dumb etc I am, Then I start thinking yes I am those things, so then I start disliking myself until it turns into hate and anger because I am so weak, so stupid so lacking in courage and confidence to let it happen to me..

Saying no, was not allowed to be in my vocabulary, is it now,? I stay away from people I stay at home mostly, but when I need to shop etc. I just don't talk to anyone.

Love

Karen.

[Peppermintbach]

Hi Sez and all,

Thank you so much for making me feel so welcome here. Really, the honour is mine to be here...

Heart of hearts,

Pepper xoxo

[PamelaR]

Hello everyone

Sez, I haven't read all this thread, but I've been thinking constantly about c-PTSD over the past weeks and what I would write here to help with everyone's understanding and managing.

Let me step back a bit and say, I'm not a clinician. So I'm uncomfortable making any self diagnosis. All I can do is relate my experiences that may or may not fit into a particular 'clinical term'.

There are two defining things in my life:

1. I was raped repeatedly for days when I was about 12 years of age.

2. My mother was (to me) - emotionally, physically and psychologically abusive.

In relation to 1 above I never remembered the incident until 7-8 years ago. Since then I've had a mental breakdown, been diagnosed with depression and anxiety. The triggers associated with this incident are almost all identified now and 'reasonably' controlled.

In relation to 2 above I'm currently going to a psychologist to manage the abuse I was subject to from 0 - 20yrs. I find this the most difficult, and if I read correctly from your thread and research on the web, that I am experiencing c-PTSD. I approached this with my psychologist last visit, however, he didn't respond and we had other matters that required attention.

I think that understanding the difference between the two has given me better insight into how to manage #2. It is easier in some way to isolate the two and not confuse the two. If that makes sense. #2 in many ways had a far more impact on my learning, emotions, trust, values. Possibly for a number of reasons - it was ongoing, it was by a care giver, it was traumatic. I felt devalued, rejected and unloved. Al these have led to my self-worth and self-esteem.

Whereas #1 was a violation of myself and how I needed to protect myself. That was fairly easy to resolve. BTW I blamed my mum for putting me into the circumstance of being raped (i.e. sending me on a holiday to relatives I'd never met before or since).

Having said all the above. I'm moving on and growing every day. Beyond Blue has helped enormously and your thread in particular has been so beneficial to me. Thank you so much Sez. Big hugs to you.

Hope your Easter was okay.

Kind regards

PamelaR

[Just Sara]

Hi Pam;

Thankyou so much for your contribution; it's very similar to my own, though I have many trauma's under my belt along with an abusive childhood as well.

Unfortunately, therapy that drags up memories can be more destructive than once thought. It's now more about the lessons and beliefs we learnt from them that requires attention.

Your lack of self esteem and confidence for instance. Those beliefs/lessons are deeply hidden in your psyche, so it's identifying current behaviour that can open you up to change and recovery that matters. You seem to be doing a wonderful job btw. 🙂 Congrat's!

It's our patterns of behaviour that's a key to change. If we make the same mistakes over and again, it's telling of an underlying belief (or ignorance) that needs attention. In my case, so many childlike patterns had to be dealt with. It took courage and forgiveness to face them because I've lived that way since forever.

There can be a fine line between ptsd and c-ptsd. After I was raped at 21 by my defacto, mum asked me what I did to make him do that to me. That one sentence resonated throughout my being; ergo - I was at fault and needed to prove myself to men. I only dealt with it successfully a yr ago.

The other problem was not being able to assess my defacto as a 'risk' to me. The signs were there, but because my home life as a child was based on staying in a relationship no matter how toxic it was, I followed suit. Even now I struggle to identify if the person I'm with is good or bad. It's so ingrained as part of my personality.

So consequences of trauma and childhood merge to become the norm. I was raped 4 times due to a lack of assessing skill and trusting the untrustworthy. I was never taught how...

For those of us (mature aged) suffering both ptsd and c-ptsd, trying to separate them is probably a lost cause. We need to just deal with what is, and change 'us in the now' by using what happened as a guide.

I still have to learn how to protect myself properly by not being in situations I'm not experienced dealing with yet. Just 18 months ago I was sexually assaulted because I didn't listen to my body's signals. (Instincts) Looking back it's easier to identify the signs, so I keep my distance from intimate situations to stay safe.

Thankyou again Pam. Maybe you could take the 2 definitions on a page to show your psych next visit to discuss.

Hugs;

Sez xo

[Ru_]

Hi Sez,

Just dropping a quick line in response to one of your first posts on this thread asking for posts to help guage numbers. After reading your definition of C-PTSD I believe it may apply to me.

Thanks for starting this thread as the comments from everyone are really useful — particularly the one from somebody about the sensation flashbacks. They described exactly some of my experiences.

Anyway, this was just a quick intro post. I have never posted on B.B. before, this thread inspired me to join! So, thanks 🙂

Ru

[Just Sara]

Hi Ru and welcome to our caring community;

Thankyou so much for posting. I hope you enjoy the company and words on BB forum as much as I do.

You've bought up a very interesting and important point about ptsd/c-ptsd; until we're formally diagnosed, we don't actually know which category we're in or if it's both.

You've identified with another member's post about flashbacks which could still be within limits of either disorder. That's why I began by saying it's not as much about symptoms as the causative factors, because both disorders share a very similar list.

I'm wondering if you've seen a psychiatrist or clinical psychologist and been given a diagnosis. I ask this because we're not clinicians. We speak from our knowledge, experience and insight, but don't have qualifications to validate you from a diagnostic perspective.

In my own case, bullying in the workplace triggered c-ptsd from childhood to rise, on top of the 7 yrs at work which eventually broke me. Until my psychiatrist said the words; "Complex PTSD", I had no idea why I responded/acted the way I did. It was the beginning of my recovery.

Please post anytime as there's usually someone to talk with. It might not be on the thread you want at the time due to response times, but having people 'there' is always a bonus.

Thankyou again for contributing. It's really important to the topic.

Kind thoughts;

Sez

[AsMum1]

THANK YOU SARA!!!!!!!!

My 5 year old has PTSD from an ongoing situation at childcare. It took a while for a us to figure out what was going on, there in lies the sustained, prolonged part and where the mothers guilt enters. He is seeing a child psychologist and has been diagnosed with PTSD. Your description of C-PTSD sounds exactly like our child

"Complex post-traumatic stress disorder (C-PTSD; also known as complex trauma disorder) is a psychological disorder as a result of repetitive, prolonged trauma involving sustained abuse or abandonment by a caregiver or other interpersonal relationships with an uneven power dynamic"

We're really struggling right now transitioning him to part time schooling and his psych is unfortunately on maternity leave so she has been unavailable to guide us at this time. Your comments about routine are hitting home for me. This year he has two different support officers splitting the role, his teacher has had many days absent for training and his days/times of attendance have changed five times in 7 weeks - no wonder he's spinning out of control! My poor little man! You have no idea how much this post has helped out a stressed out Mum, there are no words to thank you enough x

[AsMum1]

Sorry to post again in such a short time - I hadn't read everything . . . You recent post describing uncontrollable anger and outbursts followed by a shame spiral. . . . . A all over. Not anything new here for his psych but for me it's actually a comfort, there is a community of others, he is not the only one, we are not the only family. Keep doing you Sara, you've provided me with great help and comfort today which was sorely needed. I've been feeling so alone and misunderstood by our wider family and community, my husband and I are both incredibly stressed and feeling ostracised. He has severe anxiety, he experiences a lot of fear which often presents as tics and a couple of them are very anti social, because he is 5 people assume it is 'bad behaviour' and even strangers feel it is ok to reprimand him . . . cue another trigger and escalation . . . sigh. I've seriously considered putting a shirt on him explaining "I'm not naughty it's a tic"

If anyone has any suggestions of groups, therapies anything that may help a young child please feel free to make them, we will explore everything with his psych to see if there is anything we can do to bring more peace and comfort to his daily life. Thank you all for bravely sharing your truth, you really are helping others by being honest and open and discussing your reality