I feel like writing down some of my story might help me ease some of the pain in my head right now. Ive been on beyond blue for a while now and had a few different threads but haven't shared much of my story, or the reasons why I have developed DID.
Be mindful this post mentions different types of abuse.
On the outside my childhood looked normal. I had a mum, a dad, a brother, and some extended family. And although we weren't well off, my parents still owned their home and we had food on the table.But behind closed things were falling apart.
It starts at just 5. My dad was diagnosed with a serious brain tumour. It mainly effected his emotions and his body's ability to regulate itself. He was very sick, spent over 6 months in treatment. The drs got rid of his tumour but he was never the same, with serious brain damage and vision impaired.
My mum became physically abusive not being able manage, or lock us up for days. I don't know what was worse.
At 5 I also had a big operation in my abdomen and with things going on at home began my struggle with eating and thus I later developed an eating disorder but that is only a side note.
In the years following I had issues with my grandfather, he was always touchy but I vague memories of this slowly getting worse.
Then at 8-9 I was the product of incest. My brother would touch me, but in the later period this left to much more and rape.
The next year my family moved states and I got away from grandfather and my brothers abuse stopped.
I would withdraw into fantasy and began to dissociate a lot.
Then High School came around and was difficult with very few friends and bullying and avoidance.
My mum had an affair when I was 13 and then left my dad. Forcing me and my brother to live week with her week with dad. It was very destabilizing.
Later on in school I became increasingly withdrawn, and began to self harm. My weight at this point was getting very low. By the end of high school my weight was critical and I made my first attempt.
Ive spent the next 11 years in and out of hospital, institutions, in various therapies, seen so many different professionals, struggling to come to the conclusion that I am not not what has happened to me
