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PTSD and trauma

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Sophie_M If you need to talk about Bondi Beach - Our community is here
  • replies: 6

Hi everyone, After the heartbreaking events at Bondi Beach on Sunday night, we know many people in our community may be feeling shaken, distressed, or unsure how to make sense of what has happened. Religious and political violence has no place is Aus... View more

Hi everyone, After the heartbreaking events at Bondi Beach on Sunday night, we know many people in our community may be feeling shaken, distressed, or unsure how to make sense of what has happened. Religious and political violence has no place is Australia and we extend our heartfelt condolences to the individuals and families affected by this tragedy. We wanted to create a space where you can share whatever you’re feeling - whether that’s fear, shock, grief, or anything else that has come up for you. If you need support from others in the community, please feel welcome to post here. Violence and acts of terror can bring feelings of shock, grief, profound sadness, anger and fear. It’s normal to experience these emotions while trying to make sense of distressing events. It may take time for these feelings to ease, but it’s never too early to seek support if you are feeling distressed. Beyond Blue is here for you anytime, by phone on 1300 224 636 or via webchat: https://www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support/talk-to-a-counsellor You can also support those around you by being available to them and listening. Thank you for being such an important part of this community, and for the kindness, honesty, and wisdom you continue to share with each other. We remind the community that Beyond Blue is here for all people in Australia, no matter what you believe, how you live or who you worship. Kind regards Sophie M

A_Tech PTSD for Medical and First Responders
  • replies: 276

Hi, Well obviously this my situation. I was hoping to find others here that might have a similar background to chat with, it can be so hard to talk about this stuff with non-med people (and I mean no disrespect, it's just often graffic or upsetting t... View more

Hi, Well obviously this my situation. I was hoping to find others here that might have a similar background to chat with, it can be so hard to talk about this stuff with non-med people (and I mean no disrespect, it's just often graffic or upsetting to others). Im a 40 year old female that has spent the last 10years in the State Trauma Hospital as an Anaesthetic Technician. My PTSD was brought about after years of exposure to shocking traumas, deaths, and no support from management. I would love to hear from anyone that has a similar story, or just wants to chat. Cheers

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el-d Do I have PTSD?
  • replies: 3

So about two years ago we found out that my dad had been having an affair for almost 7 years. Since then my parents fight a lot and my mum has been diagnosed with PTSD from the night she found out (there was a big thing). A few weeks ago (maybe even ... View more

So about two years ago we found out that my dad had been having an affair for almost 7 years. Since then my parents fight a lot and my mum has been diagnosed with PTSD from the night she found out (there was a big thing). A few weeks ago (maybe even a month or two) my parents had this big fight (my house is small so every time they fight I can hear them). Usually, it ends with my mum walking out or her coming and sleeping in my bed with me. However, this time when my mum tried to leave my dad wouldn't let her (he usually tries to stop her). My mum was saying stuff like "why don't you kill me." The whole time this was happening it was like I couldn't even cry, I was just shaking uncontrollably. My dad was being manipulative and telling my mum that she couldn't tell anyone what he had done or he would call the police on her. Ever since the night we found out I have constantly been worried that my mum was going to kill herself, she has assured me that she won't but it's hard to not think about it. Anyway, ever since that night whenever one of my parents raise their voice, my dad uses the tone he reserves for arguments, a door is closed too loudly or someone is stomping on the floor (sometimes it's even people arguing on the tv that I can hear from my room) it's like my heart skips a beat until I realise that it's okay and my heart beats really fast. It also happened while writing this. I don't know if it is PTSD, sometimes I feel like maybe I am just looking for attention and reading into things too much. Anyway, let me know what you think.

Nay1309 Anxiety & guilt
  • replies: 1

Hey. Ive never done this before, but I’ve been suffering badly with my anxiety lately and it’s effecting my life way to much. My major problem is the guilt I feel for my fiancé who’s constantly feeling lost and alone because he can’t help me and can’... View more

Hey. Ive never done this before, but I’ve been suffering badly with my anxiety lately and it’s effecting my life way to much. My major problem is the guilt I feel for my fiancé who’s constantly feeling lost and alone because he can’t help me and can’t understand because quite frankly I don’t even understand. im seeing doctors and pyscologist but I feel like nothing is going to work, I hate my job 90% of the time and I don’t feel like it brings me joy but the thought of changing careers makes me feel embarrassed. the only way I can escape these feelings is if I’m high, which I don’t want to do all the time. I just want to be able to cope with this on my own and stop putting so much pressure on my fiancé to make it all better, I hate myself for that.

SuperMeggy Years after violent rape, dealing with the effects
  • replies: 3

Hi everyone, Posted to BB a couple times now. Have always found it useful and helpful. Hoping with this post I can get some advice and feel like I’m not the only one who experiences this. Apologise if this is triggering for anyone or TMI. As I’ve tal... View more

Hi everyone, Posted to BB a couple times now. Have always found it useful and helpful. Hoping with this post I can get some advice and feel like I’m not the only one who experiences this. Apologise if this is triggering for anyone or TMI. As I’ve talked about before some years ago now I was brutally raped by a stranger. I’ve had an extensive journey of healing and made some great, massive steps, but struggling today because of how I’m feeling which in turn makes me frustrated. I want to move on with my life and I want to be in control. I’m wondering if anyone on here has experienced what I’m experiencing as I can’t find much research about it, it’s been years since I was raped as I’ve said but I’m really struggling with what I think is psychosomatic physical pain, resembling the pain exactly I felt while I was being attacked. It’s something that has come and gone since my attack but it hasn’t happened in quite a few months, for some reason today it’s really bad and I’m struggling to concentrate on my work as a result. It’s making me extremely upset. I shouldn’t feel this physical pain. I’m safe, I’m alone, no one is touching me and I know that, but I can’t make this pain cease. I have strategies and things I have learnt, but as of yet none seem to be effective today. Feeling lost, tired, flat, frustrated and overwhelmed hoping someone understands what I am describing and can tell me I’m not alone in experiencing this and maybe even some tips on how to get through it, that I maybe haven’t tried or thought of. Thanks.

LaurieD Seeking long term support - I'm a mother whose firstborn was coercively taken for adoption 30+ years ago. Severe PTSD, MDD, complicated grief & more.
  • replies: 150

Hello I've hesitated to post in these forums as loss to adoption is often a volatile topic, but I write in hopes of meeting other mothers and fathers too who have lost to adoption against their will. I am blessed with wonderful help now but what I'd ... View more

Hello I've hesitated to post in these forums as loss to adoption is often a volatile topic, but I write in hopes of meeting other mothers and fathers too who have lost to adoption against their will. I am blessed with wonderful help now but what I'd highly value is to meet others like me in here for ongoing interaction, especially when I'm running rough. Like right now. I'm suspicious this time of year (Nov) has an anniversary date in it but I can't recall what that could be. I know the richness of trusted friends who walk beside each other, sharing their experiences and what gives them strength and hope can be the most helpful sometimes. Knowing the diagnoses etc is helpful, but living with it every day is the challenge and cannot be done alone. This environment allows for focus upon difficulties which perhaps my friends & family are somewhat jaded by after over 30 years, especially since they don't know what it's like to live with (thank goodness!). Is there anyone in here who also walks this life-long journey with whom I could join in support for each other? Thank you for your time :). Kind regards Laurie

marcymae I can't afford to be alive anymore. No family to help me out. I don't know what to do or where to begin.
  • replies: 4

Hi everyone, I hope you're all keeping safe and well during Covid and taking care of yourselves. Right now, I really need some support and Amy advice I can get. I don't know what to do or where to start. I'm in my late twenties, in NSW, and my rent i... View more

Hi everyone, I hope you're all keeping safe and well during Covid and taking care of yourselves. Right now, I really need some support and Amy advice I can get. I don't know what to do or where to start. I'm in my late twenties, in NSW, and my rent is due this Monday or I'm going to be evicted I'm on a centrelink payment, with a job agency, receive rent assistance (Centrelink) and have a health care card. I've been using the local food bank because I can't afford to eat. I'm extremely lucky that my GP bulk bills and does a brilliant job with my care. I've used my once yearly Centrelink advance up, and do not qualify for an urgent payment (my next week's payment advanced toe today). I have severe depression, anxiety, ADHD, and PTSD. Recovery is a part of my daily life and I have the will to keep improving, although not always the means to afford everything I can to help facilitate it. As far as I know I'm in touch with all the local services and charities and what they have to offer. I've already been given an extension to pay my rent from my landlord which she can't and won't do again. Basically, I can't afford to be alive anymore. I usually budget very well and can live off extremely little. I'm always looking to improve myself and my situation and have been applying for different jobs with no success. My job agency has yet to find me work even though I'm a good candidate and have a very good case manager who's been helping me brilliantly. Apparently a job is coming, one that I've been told I'd be perfect for, but it's been months now and I'm at the absolute end of my financial rope. I struggle with horrible flashbacks, night terrors, nightmares. I experienced extremely prolonged and violent trauma growing up and it feels like I'm paying for it even more so now that I'm an adult. I also experienced terrible domestic violence over a year ago and spent a long time trying to escape and to get help and treatment and to rebuild my life. I knew that I would most likely face homelessness upon escaping the domestic violence, and after getting away and not being able to keep myself afloat anymore I just collapsed mentally from all of the stress and became homeless. I became socially isolated during the abuse. I made my way to a shelter and my experience there was as terrifying as the domestic violence. I have nothing left to sell for rent, and I don't think I can face homelessness again. I'm terrified, exhausted, and so sad. Sorry for the long post.

Mum Chris Can you over come PTSD
  • replies: 15

Hi I'm in relapse of PTSD and not functioning well. Any type of loud talk or noise or if someone has a scowl on their face I am going straight to panic. My heart races I get terrified and imagine terrible things are going to happen and I can't stop i... View more

Hi I'm in relapse of PTSD and not functioning well. Any type of loud talk or noise or if someone has a scowl on their face I am going straight to panic. My heart races I get terrified and imagine terrible things are going to happen and I can't stop it. I'm always trying to keep ahead of any drama making sure everyone is happy. Hiding things and not saying how I feel and when asked a question I can't answer. I stutter and get sick in stomach i listen for sounds in the house and their voices to see if tone is ok. Are they happy is dog doing the right thing are neighbors ok are bills due is my boss happy. I'm having days where I can't move or function. But if any family say how are you I say I'm fantastic and smile. I'm working cooking cleaning but my hairs not done and I'm in pjs I'm working remotely so on good days I work longer hours to make up for my bad days and I've taken leave when I'm really bad. Bad dreams are back all my husband has to say to me is something he's not happy with and I nearly fall to the floor. He's not the cause of my PTSD but he is making trigger back to my life of terror. Is there a cure or something that can make me be able to calmly talk about disagreements instead of me saying yes yes whatever you want no problem it's good. And then hands shaking stomach sick heart racing cold sweat crying panic grab keys and ready to run while begging please stop talking I can't handle it I'm going to die it's too much. No matter what the discussion is about that's my reaction. I'm crying all the time now too so I have to hide in bathroom till I can calm down. I need a cure I've been carrying this for a long time and I really had gotten better and stronger

Beth14 I don't know where to start- everything has been falling apart *Trigger warning- suicide*
  • replies: 2

I am 14 years old and I have been through more than any teen ever should. It began with my awful parents, who verbally abuse me and have told me my whole life I am not good enough. They lecture me and shout at me, and today only an hour ago my dad pu... View more

I am 14 years old and I have been through more than any teen ever should. It began with my awful parents, who verbally abuse me and have told me my whole life I am not good enough. They lecture me and shout at me, and today only an hour ago my dad put hands on me and hurt me and now I am a bit scared. Everything began to fall apart when I was 11 years old. My parents had told me I was not good enough, and I had had enough. I lost the will to live and at just aged 11, one day after school I made a suicide attempt. I didn't go through with it as you can tell, and I have regretted it every moment since. But it cannot be undone, and the ramifications are ongoing, ranging from anxiety and panic attacks to depression to confidence issues to trust issues and even to the feeling of numbness and emptiness I feel every day when I get home or when I have even a moment to think. And I don't know what to do. I saw a counsellor and I made her cry with all the issues and crap I was going through, and yet my parents don't care. They think mental health only exists for depressed teenage girls who struggle with social media, and that suicide is selfish and lazy and wrong because it hurts the person's friends and family, not once thinking about the person. I never outright told the counsellor about the suicide, but she kind of knew, and so said to me that sometimes last resorts can become our last resorts multiple times in our lifetimes, and she said there is a chance that I made resort to my last resort again since the conditions and causes have remained constant and only worsened. I don't think I am strong enough to deal with another suicide attempt alone (since I haven't told anyone or gotten help in 3 years), so if there is a second there may possibly be a third, and I am worried that might not just be an attempt. However, at this moment, I would never commit suicide, and I am holding out for my 18th when I can leave and never speak to them again. I know none of you can physically help me, or even come in here and stop my dad from all the verbal and increasing physical abuse, and that's ok because I have learnt to fend for myself, but it would be nice to know someone else out there cares and that there are good people in the world. Please reply to this with kind words, because those are increasingly scarce in my life, and I need someone to help me feel good about myself and about life again.

elliptic I was sexually assaulted by my friend
  • replies: 3

Hi, I’m new here & don’t really know what to say. But I’m feeling so lost right now. 2 months ago I was sexually assaulted by a friend. We were out and he offered me a place on his couch to crash. When we got there he started hitting on me and wouldn... View more

Hi, I’m new here & don’t really know what to say. But I’m feeling so lost right now. 2 months ago I was sexually assaulted by a friend. We were out and he offered me a place on his couch to crash. When we got there he started hitting on me and wouldn’t take no for an answer. He told me “I was asking for it” by coming there, and that “it didn’t matter if things were weird, it’d be awkward after anyways so it might as well happen”. He kept touching me and he had me pinned to the couch. I always thought that I was the type of girl who’d be strong enough to get out of that situation. Or that I would never be in that situation in the first place. But there he was touching me, and I was frozen. He didn’t rape me, but there was a point where I thought he was going to. I couldn’t say anything, or move, let alone push him off. Since then I’ve been a wreck. I’m too scared to tell my parents. Some of my friends know, but they don’t fully understand. And to make it worse we play the same sport so I have to see him every week. Every week I get worked up about seeing him, and it’s so hard. But if I don’t go, and do the thing I love, he wins. So instead I’ve been suffering in silence. This past week it’s really gotten to me and I don’t know what to do anymore. I can’t sleep, I can’t eat, I can't concentrate on uni, I’ve stopped hanging out with my friends. He’s controlling me still and I hate that. I hate that he makes me feel weak and powerless. I hate that he makes me feel as if it was my fault, even though I tell myself it isn’t. I don’t know what to do next, but I know I can’t keep going on like this. Just needed to get this off my chest to start with, maybe someone can help me work out what comes next.

mish_kebab CPTSD from Family of Origin/Enmeshment
  • replies: 1

Hi all, I'm struggling a lot from a recent realisation that spun a lot of my internal thoughts on their head, I used to think more along the lines of having to deal with how I was responding to a dysfunctional family environment; having to be the one... View more

Hi all, I'm struggling a lot from a recent realisation that spun a lot of my internal thoughts on their head, I used to think more along the lines of having to deal with how I was responding to a dysfunctional family environment; having to be the one that stepped in between family disagreements/fights/yelling matches. This alone has left me in a lot of ways feeling like I am a failure for not being able to keep the family together. My therapist introduced me to the term of enmeshment, which started to unravel a series of thoughts because some of the ongoing symptoms of being raised in an enmeshed family described me perfectly. The void that seemed to grow from that recently is; that having to be there for my parents as a 'voice of reason' has left me with years of not being 'seen' or 'heard' by my parents (reaching into up until recently, some 20 years at least) as someone that was suffering from the fall-on affects of them being both too proud to admit there were difficulties which left me with nobody to talk to about how hard it was for me (because in order to come to my level they would have to admit they were doing something wrong). This has hit me for a six, and I'm feeling a bit emotionally overwhelmed. Has anyone else had any experiences like this growing up? I'm trying to listen to resources around it, but they are making me feel more and more raw. It might help to have someone to talk to that has been similarly affected.

Wartz_n_all Burnt out, ugly and alone.
  • replies: 12

Hello anybody out there. My first post. Reduced story is I am 48 Single mum of 4 for 18 years. Left my kids father for domestic violence, shunned by my family along time ago so I am all my kids have it has been a long journey. I try to be grateful fo... View more

Hello anybody out there. My first post. Reduced story is I am 48 Single mum of 4 for 18 years. Left my kids father for domestic violence, shunned by my family along time ago so I am all my kids have it has been a long journey. I try to be grateful for what I do have. I do believe the universe is on my side as we have been housed clothed and fed with very little drama. The years are telling on my me i have not aged well. I have no friends but strangers seem to sick me dry and when they feel better I am lime a lepper.. I am really struggling with what is it all for....my soul is just so empty.