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PTSD and trauma

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A_Tech PTSD for Medical and First Responders
  • replies: 276

Hi, Well obviously this my situation. I was hoping to find others here that might have a similar background to chat with, it can be so hard to talk about this stuff with non-med people (and I mean no disrespect, it's just often graffic or upsetting t... View more

Hi, Well obviously this my situation. I was hoping to find others here that might have a similar background to chat with, it can be so hard to talk about this stuff with non-med people (and I mean no disrespect, it's just often graffic or upsetting to others). Im a 40 year old female that has spent the last 10years in the State Trauma Hospital as an Anaesthetic Technician. My PTSD was brought about after years of exposure to shocking traumas, deaths, and no support from management. I would love to hear from anyone that has a similar story, or just wants to chat. Cheers

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ReeCar123 Confronting emotionally abusive ex-husband
  • replies: 4

Hello, I would like some advice on why I might be feeling as I am feeling. I left my marriage 3 years ago and see it as 'finally getting out'. It was never an easy relationship and over 10 years, there were regular destructive patterns. Every year, m... View more

Hello, I would like some advice on why I might be feeling as I am feeling. I left my marriage 3 years ago and see it as 'finally getting out'. It was never an easy relationship and over 10 years, there were regular destructive patterns. Every year, my husband would spiral down into a deep depression-like mode of being and usually it would end up with me taking the brunt of it. I believe that we had an unhealthy anxious-avoidant relationship with him tending towards dismissive avoidance and me being anxiously attached. Every year, he threatened me with abandonment, either by telling me to get out or saying that he had the divorce papers ready, even only months after our wedding. He threatened to cut me off from our bank account, told me he would rip me apart in counselling, called me a little girl who wouldn't be able to look after herself, gaslit me when he started an emotional affair with a co-worker, threatened suicide and told me that I was the cause for his trauma. When I moved out, I felt incredible relief and never looked back. It was very hard to get to that point where I had enough pain to leave, especially because I thought I loved him and the good times were deceiving. I have since seen a psychologist who assisted me in understanding that a lot of this behaviour could be considered emotional abuse / coercive control through emotional control. I am currently not having a great time due to other reasons and I have, over the past months, realised how much this marriage aggravated my attachment concerns, especially my tendency to put others' needs forward and suppress mine, be hyper-vigilant to read the room for negative emotional responses and strongly fear abandonment and rejection. So today, I chose to confront my ex-husband by sending him an email letting him know that I want all subtle contact to end (he still gave me cards and occasionally messaged, which I did not really care for). I also told him the reason and gave him several examples which I started with "it is not ok to..." and then the example of what he did. I blocked him on all avenues because he tried to spam me with a response via FB, text, Whatsapp..I am safe. Initially, I felt great and like I finally released this. But right now, I feel as if I did something wrong. I do not understand that feeling because I think I had the right to say what was not ok for me and I have the right to block a person from my life. Can someone please help me understand? Is this learned behaviour?

Murd So I can't get this out of my head
  • replies: 3

Me and my ex broke up at around about just after Christmas last year and we had a great relationship going, but there was one thing that annoyed me. One night while doing "activitys" I told her to stop yet she didn't and kept going and I kept trying ... View more

Me and my ex broke up at around about just after Christmas last year and we had a great relationship going, but there was one thing that annoyed me. One night while doing "activitys" I told her to stop yet she didn't and kept going and I kept trying to stop her but she kept me down and sexually assaulted me that night. I'm now in a state of confusion, stress, anxiety and depression with this as the thoughts of that night still lingers in my mind till this day. Is there anything I can do to help it or just somehow remove the thoughts from thinking about it as it just pops into my mind every night to this day, even something little would help.

Jadebeth Problems years later
  • replies: 3

Hi ummm not where to start and not sure what I'm doing here exactly. I don't know whether to start with a back story or if I'm even ready to do that.. maybe that answers my question since I've never really addresed the problem. Here goes, 10 years ag... View more

Hi ummm not where to start and not sure what I'm doing here exactly. I don't know whether to start with a back story or if I'm even ready to do that.. maybe that answers my question since I've never really addresed the problem. Here goes, 10 years ago I was raped, at the time I thought I was going to die they let me go I survived and I carried on with my life. I did alot of reckless shit in the aftermath of this destroyed my schooling fell out with my siblings and parents even friends. I never acknowledged what happened to anyone until a few years ago when I told my long term partner what happened. Anyway it has been just over ten years and I have buried this deep within me for so long and carried on with my life, I now have 5 children and am happily married however recently I have been unable to sleep because of vivid flashbacks and memories that j have never had before I am finding myself consumed now during the day with flashbacks of what happened that I can't think or concentrate and my moods are awful. I don't know what to do or how to deal with this because I can't explain it and I feel like I'm going crazy. I'm hearing th kings seeing things and even the smells are so vivid. I don't want to talk about it to anyone still I just need help it's ruining my life all over again.

Fighting_Daughter Manipulating Narcissistic Controlling Mother
  • replies: 3

I'm trying not to break from my Mother destroying my passions, life and sanity. I've been hiding in my room for 4 months now I cut her off ever since she put stuff in my food to make me sick , she trashed my room four days straight when i was studyin... View more

I'm trying not to break from my Mother destroying my passions, life and sanity. I've been hiding in my room for 4 months now I cut her off ever since she put stuff in my food to make me sick , she trashed my room four days straight when i was studying and working on my First ever Blog to express myself and share my work that i have been doing for 17 years. She wouldn't let me sleep and i lost my job. I'm still in my room and she got some of the people at my work that i just started 4 days ago to make it hard for me and i already was trying to cope after finding out my mother hates me but wants to control me because i can give her stability. I ended up quitting and that's how i found out she was involved. I'm currently waiting for a session available for counselling but I don't have three months left of fighting in me. I have to pay rent next week and i need a job ASAP my mind is fighting with me and my fears are beating me but im trying so hard not to let her win. She got someone else to give me an Album called The Family Jewel by Marina Through...... I thought she finally wanted to love me and say sorry and stop lying to me and tell me she misses me and regrets what she did but NO!!!! IT WAS THE MOST EVIL SONGS TO GIVE TO YOUR CHILD.

24yearoldgirl huge decision to make
  • replies: 8

So as some of you already know, I'm 25 now, and I've been a carer for my mum since 2012, due to her head injury.. My mum doesn't need full-time physical care, and is not physically disabled.. I just help out cleaning the house. Plus if I leave she'll... View more

So as some of you already know, I'm 25 now, and I've been a carer for my mum since 2012, due to her head injury.. My mum doesn't need full-time physical care, and is not physically disabled.. I just help out cleaning the house. Plus if I leave she'll be financially worse off, and can't afford to rent a house or unit by herself.. even housing has a long wait list. What is annoying for me, she doesn't do much for herself, she drinks a lot of a nighttime to ease her depression. I'm finding it really hard to breakaway without feeling guilty or selfish. On the other hand I fear wasting my whole life for my mum, when she isn't really helping herself. Thinking about packing and leaving to the backpackers, this would be a great chance to meet new people, and start a job or study.. Any thoughts or advice?

Grimace PTSD - Disconnecting From Friends and Family
  • replies: 7

Morning All, I suffer from PTSD, Adjustment Disorder and Depression stemming from my time in the Service. Currently under treatment of Psychologist and Psychiatrist but have found that there is only so much talking I can do and take on board. Being i... View more

Morning All, I suffer from PTSD, Adjustment Disorder and Depression stemming from my time in the Service. Currently under treatment of Psychologist and Psychiatrist but have found that there is only so much talking I can do and take on board. Being in the hole and trying to climb out is bloody hard and with everyone giving advice its all just overwhelming. So far I've lost a marriage, a new relationship and I'm close to losing the bond with my children. The kids can see me falling apart and they can sense its a struggle for me to show them the affection they deserve - I know its wrong, but it all feels like a chore trying to put on that brave face and pretend I'm ok. My parents have an understanding, but as much as they are trying to help, once again its the feeling of being overwhelmed with advice and concern. As stated earlier, I do appreciate everyone in my circle trying to help, but there is only so much talking a person can do before it gets too much. As much as its not good, I've found myself disconnected from everyone. On one hand its needed but also I know its not the better thing to do. Its been six weeks now and I still have no real way forward - its almost a sense of comfort being away. Apologies for the rant, but had to get it off my chest - my biggest concern is trying to get the bond back with my kids, but it feels almost impossible most days; feels like a "tick-in-the-box" exercise getting through most days...

Scapegoated My new anti-depressant makes me less anxious but I have to rest more
  • replies: 3

Hi, My new anti-depressant is working better. I no longer feel anxious and like i HAVE to do something or people will think i am weird for being inside too much. I feel better so I am grateful. I also feel less angry. I was taking another antidepress... View more

Hi, My new anti-depressant is working better. I no longer feel anxious and like i HAVE to do something or people will think i am weird for being inside too much. I feel better so I am grateful. I also feel less angry. I was taking another antidepressant and it was making me anxious and more angry. THere is something that I do though and i am doing it more. It is not self harm it is part of my ocd. I have body dysmorphic disorder and part of that is grooming or skin picking the other part is distortion of my physical appearance so with this new antidepressant i am free of the physcial appearance distorion and that bothers me SO MUCH MORE it is torture. If i have dead skin on my feet I pick it. And I try to only remove the dead skin but sometimes i go too far*not often) but it's like with a hangnail and then i feel sad because it hurts. I have told someone about this and read about it and I was doing it with the last antidepressant but i am more aware now than i was when I was taking my previous medication. I am on another medication and I feel bad that I have the urge to fix the dead skin on my feet but i know this is ocd. I have never bled or anything from removing the dead skin but last night I took off a piece that was too close to the good skin. It is the same as when you bite your cuticles and you think you ae taking a hangnail off but then you take too much off. ANyway. At least I don't feel anxious-well obviously if i have ocd I still feel a little anxious but nothing like when i was on the other antidepressant. I feel calm and not caring so much what other people think. And my body dysmorphic disorder is much better. THat was really torturing me if you look at my other posts. I was really distorting my appearance on my medications together. I read an email to my friend that was so bizarre i thought i looked like someone who I have nothing in common with-but that is becaus eof something my mother said to me when i was little and my mind distorted it. I am very creative LOL! ANyway this is good news even though some of you are probably thinking that removing dead skin from my feet is gross. I remember when I was little my mother did that and i thought it was the most disgusting thing i had seen. And now I am doing it. Also my father bites his cuticles so I guess it runs in the family. But i did not do it when I was five. And i only do it when I get callouses. Hope i did not gross anybody out.

Scarlett06 Toxic behaviours and wanting to fix them
  • replies: 7

Hi everyone, I have recognised some toxic behaviours in myself that I’d really like to try and stop as it harms my relationships with others. Ive been with my current boyfriend about a month, we haven’t been able to see eachother due to lockdown. I r... View more

Hi everyone, I have recognised some toxic behaviours in myself that I’d really like to try and stop as it harms my relationships with others. Ive been with my current boyfriend about a month, we haven’t been able to see eachother due to lockdown. I realised that frequently I will put my problems on him and expect him to know how to respond and help, and get angry if he doesn’t. I really dislike that I do this. For example, I was telling him that I don’t want to eat breakfast or lunch since I had McDonald’s last night and he wasn’t sure how to respond. I got mad at him for how he responded even though he wasn’t trying to harm me and I shouldn’t have put that problem on him in the first place. I also notice that I sometimes do things just to get attention from others. I think my biggest problem is getting mad at people for small things, I lost my best friend because we hadn’t talked for a few weeks and she replaced me with another girl. I got angry at her instead of talking it out. I feel as if I don’t really care for others as much as I do myself, and I don’t like that. I have been diagnosed with Autism, complex PTSD & anxiety. I would appreciate and tips or advice. Thank you so much for taking time out of your day to help me.

Scarlett06 Extreme panic attack
  • replies: 2

Hi everyone, I posted this morning to this same topic but needed help again. I’m 17 and have complex ptsd, autism and severe anxiety. I have a long distance boyfriend, who I haven’t been able to see because of lockdown. Tonight I had flashbacks from ... View more

Hi everyone, I posted this morning to this same topic but needed help again. I’m 17 and have complex ptsd, autism and severe anxiety. I have a long distance boyfriend, who I haven’t been able to see because of lockdown. Tonight I had flashbacks from all my past traumas and started having tremors and “seeing” the same demon thing that comes only when I’m with someone I’m in a relationship with. I have no idea why this happens and id like to understand because every time I had a thought about why it happens my tremors and flashbacks got worse. I have seen this thing when I’m by myself sometimes, but mainly when I’m with someone. It tells me to do things. I know it’s not there and I don’t actually visually see it, it’s just in my mind. move mentioned it to my therapist. is it an attention thing? i can’t stop shaking, it starts out like a normal panic attack and gradually gets worse. im sorry I can’t type well enough to explain it right now, I’m stillshaken up. I hope you understand and thanks for helping me out.

LinaWarrior96 PTSD behaviours
  • replies: 3

About 6 months ago, a really toxic person moved out of my house. He wasn't paying rent on time which was the main reason he was asked to leave, but the other reason was that he was emotionally manipulative. He didn't hit anyone, but he would blow up ... View more

About 6 months ago, a really toxic person moved out of my house. He wasn't paying rent on time which was the main reason he was asked to leave, but the other reason was that he was emotionally manipulative. He didn't hit anyone, but he would blow up if something small wasn't done his way. It got to the point where we weren't allowed to drink water from a tap if he was asleep. He literally turned off the water because we had woken him up with it. If there were dishes in the sink he would slam doors, or storm off. On more than one occasion he ran off and threatened to harm himself. It honestly feels like such a long time ago, but still it feels like I'm still scared by him. I still jump if a door is closed a little too hard. Today, one of my housemates left the house and my first thought was "oh god, what did I forget to do?", and the first thing I wanted to do was text that housemate to check what I did wrong. I thought I was past all of these behaviours. I still get a little weird about turning on taps too late. My psychologist basically told me to practice exposure therapy. Turn on some taps, or leave dishes in the sink. But doors closing, particularly the front door (which is especially loud most of the time), is really hard for me. I don't know if I'm really looking for advice, but I just wanted to tell my story and not feel completely crazy for being scared of things like doors closing. Am I alone? Because I feel like I should've moved passed this already.