Abuse and depression

[lilley]

Can depression be an excuse for abuse ,I am really confused. What is acceptable ?​

[sydneyharbour17]

You are not alone, lilley. My ex-boyfriend lied to me, manipulated me, used me for sex and to solve his problems, stole, used drugs, dealt drugs, put his friends before me, neglected me when I told him I was depressed, blamed his own depression on me, and, ultimately, told me he feels nothing for me.

He has severe depression that I know played a part in all this but it excuses nothing.

I am hurting right now more than ever, and the worst part is that I still do love him and want the best for him.

I'm not sure what advice to give you other than to say that it does get better slowly and that at the end of the day you have to put yourself first.

[blondguy]

Hey Lilley

Being 'overwhelmed' is an awful feeling. You dont have to be a punching bag for anyone...even a person with depression...

sydneyharbour17 has really given some great advice above. Please post back and let us know how you are going when you can.

My Best

Paul

[White_Rose]

Dear Lilley

As Sydney Harbour has said, you are not alone. I left my husband because of his bullying and have not regretted it. It was a huge step to take after 30 years together. I do regret not leaving earlier.

I feel we are trying to help you blindfolded. All we know is that you wonder if abuse is acceptable because the abuser is depressed. Everyone who has answered you has said it is not acceptable. Can we help you in any other way? Would you like to simply talk about life? How do you feel about the replies you have received?

Abuse starts slowly with unkind words and small actions. These are forgiven for whatever reason and the abuser increases the abuse. But it's not much more than before, so we again excuse. The abuse again escalates, and again and again until the victim is exhausted and unsure which way is up. You can't remember what it is like to live an ordinary life without being afraid of the outcome if you say or do the wrong thing. And all the while you want to protect the abuser because you care for that person.

There is also a great deal of shame for allowing someone to abuse you constantly. So you are caught in a trap between not wanting to get help because of shame and yet afraid of staying and allowing the abuse to continue.

Lilley, is this your situation? Please talk a little more and let us know what is happening. We are all concerned about you.

Mary

[geoff]

dear Lilley, you have seen what all of us have said about your question, and what they say is absolutely the whole truth, however it can happen and the person who is doing the abuse think that by having their depression they have every right to verbally and/or physically because they are sick, that's their thinking, but it's still wrong, and depression can never be any excuse for abusing anybody under any circumstances. Geoff. x