When buttons get pushed

[Speak Your Truth]

Can anyone help ? My buttons have been pushed to the point of bringing on severe anxiety. Does anyone think this is curable ? I am desperate to feel relaxed and at peace again and to be able to enjoy my life. I don’t know how to cope

[Ggrand]

Hello Cala, and Birdy..

I am sorry your both doing it so hard as well, I also wrote a long post a couple of days ago to you, but it hasn't landed as yet, I'm thinking that it's my connection here as it's usually very slow and connection can be lost..

I understand very well about needing a warm and caring mother, I had none of that growing up..Im sorry I'm still to fragile to go there now... I never had plans of doing great things, I could never see past the day I was given..Still today..well I had one plan the shop and making enough to live on..boy was I wrong.

I think that a lot of times my little fur buddies are my saviours, I mean we are responsible for their lives and well being and we love them, so the get us up daily..they give us reason...

Cala, I'm the same I know what could help me but motivation gets in the way, although I must say, that I did use some coping tools from here this time and I'm slowly pulling up now....So easy to go rock bottom with one single memory from the past but so darn hard to get out of it..

Cala, I'm not sure if it's been mentioned before, but have you tried talking to a psych at all? .or a lifeline number.. I can't remember I'm sorry...

How did your day reading with the children go yesterday..I used to do that at my sons school I enjoyed it so much...here there is only a very small number of children I can't remember but it only around 8 or 9 I think, and the mums do the reading, canteen etc...

Have you tried to get yourself a routine started tI get yourself out of bed and motivated..I know that once I can drag myself out of bed, I'm not to bad, although most days I'll spend on the lounge, I do get up every so often and do little things through the day, like washing, or sweeping just something..

I wish also that we could all meet up someday, as I think that we would all be life long very caring and supporting close friends because I think the friendships that are formed here are genuine because these friendships are made through the heart and soul not by face value....

I am returning some of that Love and care you both gave me.. I'm giving you both huge hugs and cuddles, given with my love and care..

Please both of you be okay, you are both so loved here on these forums. and are both so needed..Look after yourselves because you are very important to others especially me..💜🌹🌹..

Kind thoughts and warm comfy hugs 🤗🤗..

Grandy..

[Birdy77]

Dear Cala 🌞 and hi Grandy 🌞

Cala thank you so much for your lovely post to me, and your flowers and hug and very kind thoughts, and to you Grandy for your gorgeous, caring words. I really appreciate it a lot.

Do you find the wintry weather another hindrance to your motivation? I sure do. Don't be too hard on yourself, be gentle and understanding with you. I will try and do the same!

We borrowed a lovely movie the other night, called "Maudie", it's the story of folk artist Maude Lewis who lived in Nova Scotia, we really enjoyed it, she was a tiny little lady with huge determination and drive, I wonder if you've seen it?

Those coastal places you mentioned are all gorgeous, I know Mollymook rather well. What part of the country are you in Cala?

I hear you about how things would be so much easier for you with a loving companion by your side. I don't know how I would cope without my partner's loving support. It really does make a difference. It is good that you have the contact of the new people you are meeting through your meetup gatherings. You never know what may come from those Cala. And it's great that Grandy has started darts again, it's brave and good. Take those knitting needles to fend off the snooties in the breaks!

Love to you both.

🌻birdy

[Speak Your Truth]

Hello Grandy and Birdy - it’s Tuesday now and sooo cold here, I found it so hard to get out of bed, even at 11. I can hardly believe how cold it is. My fur buddy is warm inside with me.

Grandy I have answered some of the things you mention above on your thread, so I hope you don’t think I’m ignoring you here. I wouldn’t do that.

Birdy what is your thread called? I’m always talking with you on mine, and that doesn’t seem at all fair. How are you ? I havent seen you about for a few days now. You must be feeling the cold on the south coast. I hope you and your partner are nice and warm. Somehow I imagine you have a log fire - I think I can hear the crackle and pop of the wood burning.

Grandy you went to darts last night I read on your thread and that’s fantastic. I’m so pleased you got yourself there. It sounds like you were able to recognise that it was a safe place to go, as you plan on going again. That is so good. Right now you are probably at Vinnies and I hope it’s working well for you there too. The people at Vinnies where I go sometimes are really friendly. At any Vinnies there are often people with MH problems so there is a lot of support there.

Emotions ! Ourselves ! So hard to understand. I have a project I need to get done and a while ago I made a little start on it. I got some things ready and gave some thought to decisions I need to make - nothing big deal at all, nothing emotional or very personal. But I found myself getting very anxious, emotional and feeling that I want to cry. I don’t understand why. I’ve wanted to cry for so long but haven’t been able to. Now it seems close and I’m holding it back and feel almost afraid of it. I feel sick

I have to go now, Cala

[Birdy77]

Dear Cala,

I'm so sorry you are feeling sick over this project. I read something the other day about this, I can't remember it exactly but I will try to find it. It's like, the best way to turn something really simple into something difficult, is to put it off.

I am the Queen of procrastination, so I understand. My motto seems to have been something like "why put off until tomorrow what you can leave until the next day?" 😕

I am going to tell you something embarrassing so that you don't feel alone. We have needed to order a shed for a long time, we really need the storage space. I have put it off for some mysterious reason and each day I get more and more anxious about it. It's ridiculous, I know. Last Tuesday my partner said, right, I'm going to go order the shed now, do you want to come? I burst out crying, for some reason. Complete irrationality. I have wound up so much anxiety into choosing the exactly correct dimensions, shelves etc etc that I have made myself sick over it. So, you're not alone Cala. I hope that makes you feel better?

You imagining us with a lot fire is correct 😊 we are cosy in our little house, and it's cold and wet and miserable out.

Yes I hadn't posted on the forums for a few days.

I like talking to you here Cala. I don't have my own thread, so it's good to chat here 😊

🌻birdy

[Speak Your Truth]

Thanks for your reply Birdy and thank you for sharing your embarrassment with me. You don’t need to be embarrassed though, not with me anyway, but I am sorry it has caused you to feel so badly. A shed and fittings purchase commitment is definitely a much bigger decision than my project which is just hanging a few frames. But I guess whether it’s a shed or some frames isn't what it’s about. It’s about our emotions and what’s going on in our head isn’t it.

So is the shed on order now Birdy ? And how are you feeling about it now ?

I’m so tired of all the MH stuff I’m going thru, and I’m sure it’s the same for you Birdy. I’ve had depression before but not for this long. There’s so much going on in my head, so many things I think about, worry about - not just my situation, but things out there in the world, how life in general and the world is changing, the sad and awful things that happen, the things people do to each other. There are good things of course, but it’s all the bad things we hear about most.

I wish there was someone with me who would listen while I poured it all out, but if there was I would totally exhaust myself doing it and anyway there are no answers to most of it, so kind of self-defeating. There’s so much on my mind I can’t do it here, not all at once anyway.

I’m near the north coast Birdy and although so cold at least the sun 🌝 is out. I’m feeling the cold more because I’m not eating much I think.

That’s all for now Birdy. Enjoy that log fire 🔥🔥🔥 with your partner. I love log fires.

Cala xo

[Ggrand]

Hello Carla,

Im really very sorry that your project is making you feel sick...While we are confessing projects...I wanted to make some curtains for the kitchen..those cross over ones...I bought some nice material from work..then later that week measured my windows, cut the material, got my sewing machine out to do them....that was over three weeks ago...sewing machine is still out and set up on the table with the material sitting next to it....🙃😁..I look at it..sometimes I'll cry other times I go off at me...

Cala, I know I think how your feeling about the world and the sad, bad things that are happening..So many times I cry for others, when I hear what's happened...it's not that often we hear of Good happening. Sometimes I'll look on YouTube but I think they are all staged...

Cala, Please hun, you have to eat properly, that's a must to beat mental Health.....Cala I wish I could be there for you, I would sit down with you, have a nice hot beverage, and just start talking, I am good at listening, not much good at giving advise, especially face to face..but I have a big shoulder and a lot of love and care to give out.....

I read this today... Be like a very small joyous child, living gloriously in the ever present now without a single worry or concern about the next moment in time...by.Eileen Caddy...

I hope you sleep good tonight..my mind is tired and not working the best..Darts is complicated, the women their used me big time, hurt me really bad emotionally..I'm not comfortable being with them..but I have do get out.

Sleep well Cala. Speak tomorrow,

Love and care. xx. Big 🤗 hugs...

Grandy...🌹🤗💜.

[Ggrand]

Hello Cala,

It doesn't look like you have been here for a while, but I want to let you know, that I posted to you in my thread but it hadn't landed yet..I thought I better come here and let you know that no, sweetheart, you did not trigger me by your posts.. please believe me..

Love, care and big hugs..🤗🤗🤗..please take care of yourself..

Grandy...

[Birdy77]

Dear Cala 🌞 and hi Grandy 🌞

How are you feeling today Cala? I hope you are ok.

You said you would love someone to listen to you pour your heart out. We will! You don't have to do it all at once. I know it's not the same as sitting across the loungerrom from each other, but we genuinely care, and will always listen to you.

How is your project going? You asked if I had ordered the shed. Can I answer that question next week please 😁

What are you doing with the frames? Choosing spots to hang them? I've a stack of frames waiting for that as well!!

I've still been struggling out of this hole I've been in ... not really firing on all cylinders yet, but I had a really good afternoon. I did a heap of work outside, pruned a bunch of stuff, pulled out masses of weeds in the garden bed next to the driveway, did a stack of reorganizing in the veg patch. Now I am cooking a mushroom risotto, sipping a red wine 🍷 and messaging you.

Wish I could invite you over for dinner!!

How was pied piping yesterday?

❤ thinking of you ❤

🌻birdy

[Speak Your Truth]

Grandy that is typical of you to be so caring and kind and generous 😘😍🤗.

Thank you so very much for your post.

I really, really, REALLY hope that is true, that you are not saying that because you don’t want me to feel bad, which is also so typical of you - to not want anyone to feel bad.

I have been consumed with guilty feelings to the point of feeling sick. To be responsible for you, or anyone, to go through what you have these last days would be a terrible thing.

So this has been a very big lesson for me, which is a good thing, so pleeease don’t YOU feel bad about that.

I send you a lot of love 💗❤️💖💟 💕 and hugs 🤗🤗🤗🤗 Grandy

Cala

[Speak Your Truth]

Hi Birdy, thanks for your post - good to hear from you 😃

You certainly have been busy in the garden today Birdy, good on you. It must be good to have a burst of that much energy. I hope it last longer than just today 🤞 (fingers crossed). There is a bit of gardening I could be doing - but the lack of motivation 😏 ... and I don’t like being out in the cold and wind.

But I’ve been watching Gardening Australia while typing this, making me remember the benefits to the soul of being in the garden, so I must get out there & “Just Do It” as Nike says

So a mushroom risotto for dinner at your house tonight 😋 yum-o. Sounds great ! I had fish, some veggies & a salad.

The frames - yes, deciding where to put them is a work in progress. Really hard to work out. Part of the problem is that I don’t think they suit the house I’m in now.

The shed - I won’t say another word ! 😉

I visited the only neighbour I know for a while today. She knows a little about me dealing with depression & I told her a bit more today, which only made me feel worse than before I went next door. Wished I hadn’t said anything. Briefly Christmas came into the conversation - aaargh ! This year more than ever I want to escape it, but where to go is the huge, giant question. I can hardly bear to think about it.

This week a lot of my thoughts have been about worrying myself sick that I started Grandy off on her recent very bad time with a couple of my stupid posts (but she says I didn’t) & not being able to shake off thoughts of “I wish I had someone to love, someone to love me”

The kids at school were lovely yesterday, although some of them weren’t well, not badly though I don’t think. They are very varied, of course, in their reading ability but I give them all lots of praise - everything from “that was very good” to “you’re doing really well” to “I’m proud of you” - & of course they love it. I don’t remember ever being told “that was very good” or “you’re doing really well” & definitely never “I’m proud of you” & I know how much it would have meant to me if I had. I can see the hope, the light in their eyes, after being praised which is so rewarding for me. I was told a lot of the kids don’t get much attention given them at home. Very sad. I do wonder why people bother to have kids if they don’t spend time with them, to enjoy them.

Birdy the Infinitely Polar Bear DVD arrived yesterday 😃 so I just might watch it tonight. So my review to come ...

Give yourself a big hug from me Birdy 💖, Cala