When buttons get pushed

[Speak Your Truth]

Can anyone help ? My buttons have been pushed to the point of bringing on severe anxiety. Does anyone think this is curable ? I am desperate to feel relaxed and at peace again and to be able to enjoy my life. I don’t know how to cope

[chrissy1]

Hi speak your truth

i just read ur above thread, and really felt for u. Wanting to let u know ur not on ur own, I have those feelings as well. For some reason I’m struggling to write but I’m here for u.

take care💕

chrissy1

[Ggrand]

Hello Carla,

Please don't ever be sorry for putting down your feelings and fears here on the forums that's what it's all about..

My part of this beautiful country was overcast, drizzling, cold and gloomy, but that's how I like the weather to be, I don't feel so guilty about myself being sad, when the weather is..I slept most of the day...

Im sorry about the nightmares, Someone told me that to dream without remembering it are called fright mares.. you wake up physically ill and mentally shaken. This has also happened to me...I get up because I'm in a state of terrible panick, I try to ground myself then have a cuppa then, not wanting to go back to sleep, I'll find something to do until morning...Then I try and go back to sleep once I'm completely over all the feelings both physical and mental.

I don't watch news on tv if I can advoid it... but occasionally I do see and hear about them..It's sad that these people who seem to have everthing, do that..I think and it's sad that regardless of what you own, money, power you can still be depressed...everyone imo has some kind of struggle somewhere in there lifetime..Until we walk in there shoes we will never know..

Cala, Today your looking at your life that way, tomorrow will and I hope be different for you, each day we get through is a win for us, a step closer to our goal of wellness, we will have bad days however we do have good days...Can you ring a friend when you feeling this way, just talking to someone makes you feel less alone..if you can't ring up and talk to a frien, and you need help Please hun, can you ring lifeline or beyondblue..

Im wishing for you a much better day then today was...When the sunsets, write out your thoughts and throw them away. When the sun rises tomorrow you will have a brand new day, start It of with positive thoughts..

Kind thoughts and comfy hugs..

Grandy,,

[Speak Your Truth]

Thanks Chrissy. I hope you’re more on top of things today. I’m struggling still but tomorrow might be better. Cold, overcast, miserable weather here

[Speak Your Truth]

Hi Grandy or Karen - which name do you prefer ?

I wrote you quite a long post this afternoon Grandy and hadn’t finished it, but thanks to a drop out of the oh so wonderful NBN here I lost it all - well I do want you to know I am still thinking of you and wondering what sort of a day you are having.

I’m going to post this now and start again, so that at least you’ll have this much

bye now, Cala

[Speak Your Truth]

Here I am again Grandy

now I’m trying to put back what I lost ...

So how have you been today ? Has there been anything you saw or read or heard that amused or pleased you ? Overcast, rainy, gloomy weather days can be nice I guess, but how much better they would be with good company. It would be so lovely if you and Birdy and Sez and I were together chatting, laughing and commiserating with each other over a luscious cake and a steaming hot mug of hot chocolate (yummo - my favourite!!!) or coffee. As it is I’m here alone with my furry friend and a glass of water because my stomach is unsettled and food not sitting in it well

You’ve said before how lonely you are, but I’ve read somewhere that you often park your car at the back of your house so nobody knows you are home. That is rather sabotaging yourself Grandy, Please don’t cut yourself off. I’ve read so many of your lovely, caring, supportive posts to others as well as me and I would absolutely love to meet you if it were possible. You’ve had some very wise, intelligent things to say and I’ve been impressed by you,

yes, I do understand, of course, that depression/anxiety can happen to anyone, anytime, anywhere but it puzzles me that people who have so much going for them want to leave life. I’ve never heard that explained, even in a general way. He who left a few days ago had a partner who loved him, a young child who loved him, and an exciting career that he loved as well, and all the options possible to get medical help, so it’s a big mystery. I’m sure that I wouldn’t be where I am if I had love with a partner or a child.

I said to Chrissy earlier that it was cold, overcast and miserable weather here today and since then it has rained as well. I thought about going to a movie today but couldn’t be bothered, maybe tomorrow.

Did you read my post above from 8 June starting “That’s ok 👍 Grand Karen” - I’m wondering what you thought. Maybe you chose not to answer, that’s ok.

I think I’ve said here some things I didn’t say in the post I lost, and forgotten things I did, but never mind, you should st least get this post.

bye for now Grandy, Cala

[Birdy77]

Dear Cala,

How are you feeling today my friend? I'm not good for much lately I'm afraid, but wanted to check in with you and let you know that I am thinking of you.

I saw you posted a couple of beautiful support posts on our dear Grandy's thread, she's been doing it tough this week. Your posts to her were lovely.

I watched a really inspiring movie last night, called "Breathe", have you seen it? If not, you should get it out on DVD, bring your tissue box! It's based on a true story about a man called Robin Cavendish and his extraordinary wife ... definitely worth a watch.

Have you done your pied piper stint this week?

When do the cousins arrive?

I hope to be out of this hole soon ... I thought I was on my way out today, and sort of am, but today's been a bit of an epic fail all round.

I will try again tomorrow I guess ...

Hugs to you Cala,

🌻birdy

[Speak Your Truth]

Hello to you, my friend Birdy. Thank you for thinking of me when you’re not in a good space yourself, that’s so kind of you and I do really appreciate it.

Aaah the ups and down we go through. Not easy is it Birdy !

I think I’ve somehow got the idea you are in the south of Oz where it’s really cold so if you are getting overcast, cold rainy days it won’t be helping - may the sun shine 🌞 brightly in a big blue sky for you tomorrow. Fingers crossed.

A few comparatively little things have set me back this week - very difficult when feeling so vulnerable. I’m working out (I think) that a lot of what I have been going thru, having made some huge changes in my life, has been shock and then grief that this last year hasn’t worked out the way I had hoped. But slowly I am seeing that it is what it is in various ways, the error of my choices and coming to terms with the reality of it all, so I can move on. But being older, not feeling wiser at all, and essentially dealing with it on my own, makes it so much harder to cope. I’m so glad you have been there for me Birdy - thank you.

Yes, poor Grandy 😢. I’m sure we all wish we could pluck her out of her situation - but how ? There are no answers I guess. Of course we’d all pluck each other out of the mess if we could.

Tomorrow (Thursday) is my day to play pied piper and I’m looking forward to it - I’ll tell you how it goes.

Yes, the cousins came and went overnight last week. They came earlier than expected and at short notice. From my point of view it was not a hugely successful visit, not that they know that. Best to let some things just go right over the top sometimes isn’t it ! LOL 😏

The Polar Bear DVD hasn’t arrived yet but shouldn’t be too much longer now. I haven’t seen Breathe, but it sounds like my kind of movie so I’ll look out for it, thanks for the suggestion Birdy. Tonight I watched “Sophie and the Rising Sun” - a bitter-sweet story about inter-racial love and small town bigotry pre WW11 in a little South Carolina town. It was a beautifully made movie - I rated it 10/10.

Bed time for me Birdy. I hope you wake in the morning feeling much, much better. Cala xo

[Birdy77]

Dear Cala 🌞

How are you Ms Pied Piper? Have a successful stint? One of my most favourite things ever is reading books to children ... I really miss it. I used to be a teacher of young kiddies, and reading to them out loud was something I utterly enjoyed.

I am sooo going to check out Sophie and the Rising Sun! Thank you! Yes I think you will enjoy Breathe. It is about a guy who contracts polio ... I don't want to spoil the story, but it's just really inspiring.

Yes, I am on the south coast of new, it's been rather windy and cold, but I went out and about today, got some things done and am feeling good, after 12 days of utter bleak in my mind. Cracked open a bottle of wine and am going to set out a (vegan) grazing dinner for me and my lovely lady. Would be great if you could join us!

I think I kind of understand some of what you are talking about with the grief and things not turning out the way you expected. I have had a very similar experience, but mine has stretched on for longer, coming up to 2 years now ... I had grand plans ... it is very hard to wade through those feelings. I too have grief, from other issues, and it all gets in the  way of life, agree?

Hope you have had a tooty frooty day and have a lovely sleep. Hugs to the fur buddy xo

🌻birdy

[Speak Your Truth]

Oh Birdy I am really jacked off - last night I made quite a long post to you, but I hadn’t finished, and then as seems to happen often, the page needed to be reloaded and I lost it all. It was enough to bring me down, but it was time for sleep anyway so I went to bed and this morning I had no motivation to get up. I had to drag myself out to feed furry friend and put the bins out.

Have I talked with you before about lack of motivation ? I can’t remember. Poor Grandy, I feel sooo sorry for her in the situation she’s in. I think I would feel the same if I had to deal with it. I’m not at all isolated in terms of the size of where I live. It’s very complicated to explain here, but for different reasons with the various people I know there is no-one I can call or visit to get the sort of support I need and want. I think it may have been Grandy I said to once that I feel like a big baby needing a warm and caring mother. The stressful atmosphere, the loneliness and not a lot of nurturing I lived with as a child has really come back to bite hard and deep now.

Its stupid but there are things that I know will help me feel better but I don’t do them - I have so little motivation. It would help so much if I had regular company and plenty of encouraging, caring support.

Birdy I must go have some breakfast and then do some other things - I have that much motivation, why don’t I do the other things I ask myself - so I have to go. I don’t want to lose this post either.

you get lots of hugs from your partner I know, but I’m sending you a big warm hug 🤗 too. I hope the weather for you is better today. By the way I used to go on holiday to Pambula and Merimbula and places like that as a kid. Such a beautiful part of the country. A few years ago some friends and I had about a week at Mollymook. I remember it well.

bye for now Birdy, Cala 😃

[Speak Your Truth]

About 40 minutes since my last post to you and you’re still in my thoughts, in my heart ❤️

I didn’t realise you had 12 days of utter bleak - that must have been really hard. Im so sorry

will be thinking of you thru the day Birdy.

Flowers for you 💐

cala