When buttons get pushed

[Speak Your Truth]

Can anyone help ? My buttons have been pushed to the point of bringing on severe anxiety. Does anyone think this is curable ? I am desperate to feel relaxed and at peace again and to be able to enjoy my life. I don’t know how to cope

[Speak Your Truth]

Hello Birdy Sez Grandy and everyone

how are all of you ? please do tell

I had a doona morning until about 10am, but with some mixed feelings about it. I did enjoy it in a way, but also had a sense of feeling guilty about it thinking I was setting myself up to slip back after a good day yesterday. I volunteered locally and went out for a meal with a group of people thru meetup, so it was a big day for me. I ended the day feeling good, but very tired. After I left my cozy comfy bed this morning I set about doing some chores and became aware that I was coming down pretty heavily on myself for letting my chore routine slip so much. It was good that I had that awareness - a lesson in that for me.

Apart from that today I have felt like I’m ‘quietly better’ than I have been, but having to hold on tightly to that feeling in case it slips away.

thinking of you Birdy Sez and Grandy xo

[Birdy77]

Hey Cala 😊,

This is going to be a short one my friend.

It's cold and windy and 'orrible ... and I'm having a very cosy doona day. Just made a homemade pizza and am munching out watching a movie.

I hope you are alright today?

Whatever you are doing, I hope you're being very gentle on yourself.

I am so interested to hear about your volunteer workday and your meet up!! That's awesome!

Talk soon 😊

🌻birdy

[Speak Your Truth]

Hi Birdy

this is a short one too ... my cleaning support lady is here

I’m hanging in ok (I think 😯)

ive been busy so far today, changing sheets, making bed, 2 washingloads, tidying up ... am tired but I’m surviving

my volunteer time was at school near me helping/listening to grade 1’s with their reading and I will continue with that. The kids are mostly just so sweet

the meetup was a dinner at a busy noisy restaurant with 10 other new to me people and I will do something like that again soon. With this and volunteer session there was no time to think about me so that was good and what I need - less time to think of the hard stuff

Must go 😘 Cala

[Birdy77]

Dear Cala 🌞

You sound like you have been feeling a bit stronger lately? I read on the thankful thread that you pulled yourself out of an anxiety episode .... that's so good to hear! Celebrate that! Also, if you can identify how you took care of yourself in that instance, it could help to look back on next time.

And you listened to the littlies reading again yesterday? I used to do that, it was fun.

I am so impressed about the meetup dinner ... that's a lot of new people at once. Did you enjoy it? Did you meet anybody that you may like to catch up with again?

I have not been feeling so crash hot, sorry for the delay in my reply. Been down in the hole! But am gently trying to pull myself out.

How is your fourlegged fur buddy?

🌻birdy

[Ggrand]

Hello Cala, Birdy..

Birdy,...I'm really sorry your not feeling so crash hot...Take good care of yourself and Please be okay🌹..Maybe spend a little bit of time outside today and try to relax watching the antics of your feathered family.💜..

Cala, I used to listen to the little children read, it was something I enjoyed so much....I can't do it here there are only 12 students at this school and the parents usually have different days doing that....

I'm pleased to hear that you sounding a little more positive and that warms my heart. ..Meeting 10 strangers very proud of you, I know how hard it would have been for you to do that..🌹..

Please Cala, don't burn yourself out by doing to much at once, a little done each day, eventually it all gets done in the end...Please Take care of yourself Cala..

Thinking of you...both...🌹🌹.

Grandy

[Speak Your Truth]

Hello Birdy & Grandy
Thank you for your replies, it’s so nice to hear from you both.
Birdy I’m sorry you have been ‘down’ again & Grandy you didn’t say how you are today but I hope you are having an ‘up’ day. So many of us here dealing with ups & downs
Yes I pulled myself out of an episode by going to the school. It takes me away from my world to a completely different one. I felt like a pied piper for a while when we were in the library & I ended up reading 📖 some stories to them, the kids were sitting in front & beside me & 😆 to have someone read to them. Some get very little attention at home, sadly.
Going to the restaurant wasn’t difficult, I’m not afraid to talk with people. Didn’t talk with some - 11 people at big table nobody moved around. When Woolworths internet connection went down Australia-wide recently I was in a queue & had a nice chat with a lady while we waited.

Have had text message from that new friend a while back Birdy, but nothing happening yet. Have ordered that DVD Infinitely Polar Bear on your recommendation 😉
My big problem is having too much alone time, get tired so easily & have so little motivation, my kitchen is a mess, don’t cook, don’t walk, feel overwhelmed by time/distance/traffic to go places. I need/want close relationships - sharing, company, support, hugs, kiss, cuddles, meaningful conversation. I used to enjoy solitude, not nearly so much now. I find tapping does help but I have to do it to benefit of course, but if I feel I ‘have to’ or ‘should do’ something I put up resistance. Do either of you understand that or know how to change that?

i stayed in bed 🛏 till 11 today and it’s 12.30 now - so easy to stay there, warm, comfortable, drifting, avoiding the reality of getting up to face the day alone again - haven’t fed furry friend or even made myself a cup of tea yet. So hard to think that what’s left of my life will be like this.

It’s going to rain 🌧 again. Must feed furry friend, make me a cuppa.

Thanks for listening 👂 Birdy and Grandy Bye for now, thinking of you both xo

[Ggrand]

Hello Cala,

You said...
""My big problem is having too much alone time, get tired so easily & have so little motivation, my kitchen is a mess, don’t cook, don’t walk, feel overwhelmed by time/distance/traffic to go places. I need/want close relationships - sharing, company, support, hugs, kiss, cuddles, meaningful conversation....but if I feel I ‘have to’ or ‘should do’ something I put up resistance. Do either of you understand that or know how to change tha"?...I took a bit out but this is exactly what and how I am..The loneliness overwhelms me so much on most days..I have no physical contact with people..ie Hugs..kiss...conversation...r/l support,caring, and sharing....and I know this is what is slowly..very slowing destroying my soul...and it will be a reason...if I can't get on top of this...

Im sorry I talk about me on your thread..but for some reason I needed to...

Kind thoughts and super comfy hugs.🤗...

Grandy...

[Speak Your Truth]

That’s ok 👍 Grand Karen, not a problem at all.

I know from your posts that you live in a very small town, & here I am on outskirts of a ‘big smoke’ - & we have the same problem. That’s almost worth a laugh, do you think?

I think I’ve read that you bought the house you live in so it could be a problem to sell, but is it possible for you to at least investigate if you could move to a bigger town - not a big smoke, just (a lot) bigger than where you are ? Where your son(s) live maybe ?

I’m remembering now that you find it hard to leave the house at times. Could you ask one of your sons for help to achieve an improvement in this situation ? I can’t help thinking there must be a way for you make changes for the better.

Maybe you could look at sharing the house you have. That way you would have company & more options at least. You can’t be the only person who wants or needs to live in a small town. Or could you share a house in a bigger town? Do you know there are websites where people advertise about sharing a house? I know that could be a problem too - finding the right person to share with.

I do at least have options, even if I do have to make a big effort to get there.

I could only live with someone else now if it were a very, very, very special man & as I say that I know I’m dreaming. If ever that very, very, very special man does come into my life we would still have to keep our seperate homes. I’m way past all the things I’d need to do and be to share with anyone.

On the subject of motivation I’ve looked back at my last post & read “So hard to think that what’s left of my life will be like this“ - I have to admit I’m feeling sad & sorry for myself, but if changes for the better are going to happen I’m the one who has to make them. It’s the same for you too Karen. I’m not comparing my situation with yours - there’s so much that we don’t know about each other anyway - but I have had to push myself way out of my comfort zone to get as far as I have. It’s not easy for either of us, or others like us, but in these extreme situations we all have to push past our comfort zones & make the effort, ask for help & get the ball rolling as the saying goes, or nothing will change. We mustn’t go down without a fight. Find that little spark in you that wants things to be better & fan the flame 🔥. You are stronger than you think you are Karen.

I’m thinking warm, kind thoughts of U Karen, send you a biiig smile, an even biiiigger cuddle & a kiss on your cheek. Cala

[Birdy77]

Dear Cala and Grandy 😊

Thank you both for your caring posts. I am going gently today, I bought a lovely jigsaw puzzle on special for five bucks at the post office last week, so I am going to start that this evening ... it's dreary and gloomy and cold here, so I have put some music on and am going to pour a wine soon and start separating the edges/corners/colours.

Thanks Grandy, i am entertained on a daily basis by the ladies down in the hen house. I cooked them their favourite treat earlier, quinoa. They love it so much they even know how to say it, they call out for it regularly: "keen-waaaaaaaaaaah". Clever, yes? They also know how to say "moooooore". And one other word but I can't remember what it is right now. I will fill you in if it comes to me later! Sorry to leave you both in such a state of suspense 🐔🐔🐔

Yay Cala, I am pleased you have ordered Infinitely Polar Bear! I think you will like it. You will adore the kids in it.

Your description of being the pied piper was adorable! So great that you love going and have found such a lovely way to volunteer and connect.

Cool that you received a text from that potential friend! ... are you making plans to catch up?

When are the cousins coming?

I do understand what you mean about putting up resistance if you "have" to do something. I am hopeless with this so won't be much help. Do you find tapping helpful? I don't know much about it, but a friend of mine was really into it a few years ago. Have you felt it helping you?

Thinking of you both. Go gently xo

🌻birdy

[Speak Your Truth]

Hello Birdy or Karen or Sez or anyone else

no action from you 3 today that I’ve seen, so I hope it’s a good day for you all

Im sorry to be posting this but it’s how I feel

Its been so cold and dreary here today - not the sort of weather good for us, most of us I guess, some people like it cold, overcast, wintery tho

Last night and today have been awful for me, worst night in a long time, when I went to bed I was ok but then couldn’t sleep, ended up feeling really bad with a headache and aching arms shoulders neck back. Took an age but finally got to sleep, and woke in the morning with really strong discomfort in my gut and feeling like I’d been thru a terrible trauma. If I dreamed something traumatic I don’t remember it. It was a bad start to a difficult day

its been in the news about quite a few people lately who have done themselves in and I have to wonder about it. These people have money position power careers families - everything most of us don’t - but still they want to leave. I don’t have any of those things and when I’ve have these bad days I wonder how much worse I would have to be to ...

I’m not considering it but I feel so lonely, so lost, disappointed, disillusioned, discouraged with my life and the world - the future looks really tough

if there is a God out there please can tomorrow be better