UPDATED: Dealing with my partner's anxiety. Just want to talk

[Belthizor]

Hi all, I'm new here, my name is Sheldon and basically I just want to talk to others about how to deal with my partner's anxiety. For the past couple of months, she has been having anxiety-related issues, but only very recently have these issues intensified. In the past two days we have been to the ED twice, Seen the Doctor twice and been to see her psychologist. The attacks are getting worse, and I am really worried for her. She has even been having suicidal thoughts. This of course worries me even more, but I feel that I have to stay strong for her sake. I love her very dearly and it just breaks my heart to see her so upset. She's crying, has involuntary hand movements, feeling nauseous and has even physically thrown up. She has recently been prescribed a benzodiazaprene and tomorrow we will be going to the doctors to review her current anti-depressant medication. I love her with all my heart and I don't ever want to lose her. While we are doing everything we can to address these issues, it's still hard - especially for me, and I would love someone to talk to who has been through this, or even just someone willing to bend an ear but not judge. This girl is my whole world and without her... I don't know what I'd do.

 Thanks for listening, I know I rambled on a bit, but I do that.

[blondguy]

Hi Sheldon

No apologies necessary from you. Always great to hear how you are going. Nothing you say is weird Sheldon..I appreciate and understand where you are coming from. I remember exactly how your GF felt.

I will keep my comments as caring to you the carer as possible Sheldon. (and this is only my experience)

Your GF was most likely too tired because of her anxiety in the first place..Even though she is tired..its still the after effects of an anxious state. Your GF has to heal...The anxiety symptoms will decrease in time. Your GF would have loved to have been there for the swim but even though there are no 'current' panic attacks the anxiety is still present....which is exhausting....

Your support is wonderful Sheldon...And your plan with the animal shelter too...with your GF having support with her mum and yourself.

Just a little tip...if thats okay....Please wait in the carpark for approx 30 minutes....just incase your GF  has any difficulty. There is no need to let her know that you will be hanging around....just quietly 'be there'...Its just my humble opinion but your GF was in very bad shape just a few weeks ago....Anxiety can heal quickly but usually takes a lot longer for the severity of the symptoms to decrease....so she can heal properly.

Your heart is very kind Sheldon....and I do understand your GF is strong but try to be in the carpark for a little while..(I am walking on egg shells too)

You are a decent and loving person Sheldon

Thanks for your input....

Be 'Gentle'

Paul

[Belthizor]

Hi Paul,

I am very pleased to report that today was a complete success. We didn't wait the 30 mins in the carpark as you suggested, I only just saw that suggestion just now, but there were no troubles whatsoever. My GF only stayed for a couple of hours, which we expected/anticipated but she has said that for future days she'll be able to take herself there and will stay longer (but in the meantime, she will work her way up in terms of hours).

No panic/anxiety at all which was great! As for the swimming, I don't think it was the anxiety, to be honest. There was a different "feel" to it. Being a bit of an empath, I am prone to picking up on certain strong emotions and I didn't 'sense' any anxiety or the like. It seemed like a normal kind of tired. I hope that's not too far fetched, lol! (The swimming session thing was in the morning, and a morning person my gf is not).

After we picked up my gf today (sorry for being all over the place here, but I write almost purely by rote - it flows into my mind and out into whatever medium I am writing on, lol!) we then went out to the local shopping centre for lunch and to do a small bit of shopping (new phone case, HDMI Cable and two game pre-orders) then home. She's presently laying half asleep on the bed - again it's more of a physically tired kind of tired and not so much anxiety based (though that might have had a hand in it).

Anyway, that's all from me for now, more updates later!

Cheers!

Sheldon

[Belthizor]

Hi all,

 Just a quick note to say that my gf is having some very mild anxiety-like symptoms. Nothing hugely major. She wouldn't talk much about it, but basically said Re: Volunteering tomorrow she is going to base that on how she is feeling tomorrow rather than how she is feeling now, and that's all she was going to say about it.

This is very tiring, as you all know, and it's especially hard for me who sees a problem and just wants to fix it. We're both baffled as to where this all came from as one day she was fine, then the next it was just, like, THERE. Bam! Anxiety.

Of all the mental illnesses out there, anxiety would have to be my most hated!

[Graceeeeee]

Hey my dear friend Sheldon!!

Glad to hear that everything went well, and yes exhaustion can be caused by both physical and emotional things definitely, so don't worry. And it's so awesome that everything went well for her today!! No attacks, what a great news!!

And the volunteering is definitely exciting too, what a big and courages step for her 🙂

And I know what you mean by "walking on egg shells", sometimes I feel that about myself haha, but don't worry, I think even you trigger things at times, she knows how much you love her, that you are supporting and trying to understand, it might vary for people but for me, knowing that my friends mean well really just suits me well already 🙂 

Sheldon, you are a legend! Keep being just the way you are, your partner is lucky to have you, and you are both inspirational people!! Keep us updated 🙂

So much love to both of you ❤️ ❤️

With Love,

Grace xx

[Belthizor]

Hi all,

I think a lot of what she is feeling today is exhaustion. Both physical and mental. She went to bed early tonight, suffering from a headache and not having eaten very much today, so I made sure she was comfy in bed, gave her some pain medication and am now presently sitting in the lounge room-area just winding down (I just finished watching a martial arts movie). I think I'll head to bed shortly soon... hoping the bedroom is cooler than where I am at the moment. With a bit of luck, I'll sleep well tonight.

We (her mum and I) are both very proud of what she has accomplished today and I am especially proud of the way she handled her anxiety with such maturity. Where previously she has suffered from anxiety particularly bad on the night before beginning something new (volunteering, Work for the Dole, etc) and this has inevitably prevented her from beginning that new event the next day, tonight she decided to see how she was feeling TOMORROW before making an executive decision. A huge part of it may have been due to her exhaustion, I still think that is a huge leap forward.

Her next appointment with the psychologist is on the 4th March and the psychologist has suggested my gf see her on her own (so I'll go and have something to eat or something while she goes in for her session). With a bit of luck, my notes will actually be viewed (they've gone from me attempting to write the ABCs of CBT to just generalised notes of how she has been feeling, mostly when she's had an anxiety attack - such as how bad, what triggered it, what she was feeling, what we did to try to overcome it, etc).

Huge leaps and baby steps, but ultimately I believe that we will overcome these issues. And yes, I am "caring for the carer" as well - that's what these posts are for! To talk to such lovely, supporting and understanding people such as yourselves!

Hope all is well,

 Sheldon

[Graceeeeee]

Hey Sheldon!!

Good afternoon, thanks for sharing all the information!! Yes I can see that your wife is definitely making progress, what a tough person she is 🙂 And keep making the notes, I'm glad you have that idea, it would definitely help even if the professionals wouldn't want to read it, keep being just the way you are legend!!

And 4th of March is coming soon, so I hope everything goes well for you guys then, keep us updated!! Love and thoughts are with you and your partner 🙂 Take care!!

With Love,

Grace xx

[blondguy]

Hey Sheldon

You are doing so very well (and your GF's mum of course)..Your replies are appreciated and thankyou for letting us be there for you!

It is great that your partner is making a decision on the actual day of the event...instead of overthinking about it the day before. That is good news.

I do understand what a huge help you and your girlfriends mum are Sheldon. Anxiety can take some time to heal from. I know you will let your girlfriend heal day by day in her own time...Its very much like a broken limb...it cant be healed straight away....The anxiety is still the same...It does take time...but I do realise you know that anyway...Thankyou again for you getting back and responding Sheldon. I do hope you and your girlfriend have a good day today

Kind Thoughts

Paul

[Belthizor]

Hi all!
We haven't had the greatest of days just passed, but that's been totally unrelated to anxiety (though it was mentioned). It was all about me as a bf and stuff. Long story, won't go into it. Though she did say that she was feeling all right in the evening yesterday for a change. Previously she hasn't and has been silently suffering from mild anxiety in the evenings (probably because it's quieter and there's less going on).

Yesterday we joined a gym and she is thoroughly impressed with the one we chose so she is definitely looking forward to that, plus the exercise will do us both good (especially for her with her anxiety).

She has an appointment with her psychologist on the 4th March which she is supposed to go to alone, but she told me that she doesn't feel ready to do that just yet, so we will just wait and see what happens. I will continue to try and encourage her to go alone, but will try not to push her into it.

I'll let you all know how things go,

Cheers,

Sheldon

[Belthizor]

Hi all,

Nothing exciting has happened so far, but my gf and I were talking tonight and she has told me that evenings/nights are the worst for her. She says she feels "uneasy" and "off balance" more at night than any other time of day. She suspects that maybe it's her anti-depressants starting to wear off, but I'm not so sure.

She's also not looking forward to going to her psychologist's appointment tomorrow as she feels there is a lack of progress, and her psychologists rubbed her the wrong way last time by saying that she thinks my gf becoming a carer was not a good idea as she feels that my gf would not then be dealing with her anxiety issues. This is not true. This is all very tiring and frustrating as I have said many times before and it's hard watching and not being able to help.

The future is worrying me a bit, as I want her to be able to deal with these issues on her own as I believe that she is sort of using me as a bit of a security blanket. Don't get me wrong, I am always going to be there for her, but I don't want her to become too reliant on me. 

Anyway, I just wanted to get that off my chest. Hope you're all doing well and will hear from you all soon

[blondguy]

Hi Sheldon

Always great to see how you and your GF are going and thankyou.

You are definitely doing everything you can Sheldon and Kudos to you and your GF's mum too.

When time permits can you elaborate on your GF wanting to be a carer? If she wants to be a carer...it could (just my humble opinion of course) be a good way to vent and 'cope' with her anxiety, providing that she has had some 'recovery' from the anxiety she has been going through...Regular visits on her own to a psychologist etc.

It is very tiring and exhausting Sheldon...I do admire you for doing everything you can...and doing it well too!

Your words are spot on with the future but your GF will recover 'in time'. You just being there....is a huge bonus to her recovery. Your presence alone would be 'a gift' to her. Just let time pass here Sheldon....recovery does take time...

You are a true champion by being there and allowing your GF to heal 🙂

Be 'Gentle' to yourself

Paul