Thinking about death.... all the time...

[Guest_1643]

Hi all

I've been struggling for 3 weeks with suicidal thoughts

My new GP is amazing

He tells me to think of suicidal thoughts as a symptom maybe a solution

Could he be right?

Today he assigned someone to give me a call to check in on my safety. I don't think that will happen. I've not received the call.
Small things like this lead to rage, hurt and fear for me.

And so I am left to deal with the thoughts alone.

[Katyonthehamsterwheel]

Hi Sleepy

Yes, I feel that way too. And you’ve described it well - it’s heavy. Sometimes crushingly so. I wonder if that’s something you can explore with your psych? It sounds like you’ve found a good one.

What do you do with those feelings when they come? Is there anything you find helpful?

I find being outside playing with my pot plants often takes me out of my feelings and back into just being, without any conscious effort on my part. Other things often seem difficult and purposeless and make me moodier.

Why do we humans with our big brains find life so hard? With our forward and backward looking and inability to just be here right now. I’m coming back as a narwhal in the next life. I’m just going to swim around and poke stuff 😉

Sending you a big hug (if you like hugs) x

[Guest_1643]

Just saying hi Shelll as I never acknowledged your posts, deepest apologies.

I ate a passion fruit today, the best fruit!

I've not tried magnesium but that is interesting and I woild be quite inclined to try something if a holistic practitioner suggested it, like Ur dentist

[Guest_1643]

Hi all,

I like that you remembered the puffer jacket Shelll, it also turns a sad thing into a smile....

Thanks all for sharing what heaviness can feel like.

I have felt lonely and had it projected onto me. By a sort of insensitive person.

Weekends are frustrating and my family have entered my mind.

The psych I see currently, as well as the medical practitioner gave an example of self care as multiple cups of tea. MULTIPLE.

I guess I just add and increase. Or coco. Drinking one now, and binging TV, and painting nails. That's my self care, when this sadness pops up.

I'd like a friend to chat to, at times, or a partner, and oddly today was thinking abut children, wanting one.

[Guest_1055]

Ahh that's ok Sleepy.

You asked if anyone felt a drop after experiencing a postive event. Yeah I have, it's like you get this emotional high from the positive event. Then when you leave and go back to the norm (sort of) it can plummet. I think it is a bit like that "happy hormone".. what is it dopamine, endorphins? Good to be thankful for those positive events I think. Write a list of them or something and read them when we feel on the drop down. Just thinking out loud as I write. I may just write such a list myself. Because it is a challenge to remember the good times sometimes.

Multiple cups of tea... Is that literally multiple cups of tea? If it is well their are so many varieties out there. It will feel like a adventure trying out all the tastes and smelling the scents of them all.

It's not odd at all to think about having children. This thought happens to a lot of us, I am guessing. Including me.

And yeah I remembered your puffer jacket. I imagined the scenario of the feathers floating out gently in the air. Have you still got the jacket Sleepy?

Nice painting your nails. I was looking for a more natural type of nail polish. They can look so pretty can't they.

[ecomama]

Hey Sleepy! Waves to all others reading - WAVE!

Multiple cups of tea is AWESOME lol or coco or anything warm and comforting to drink.

Did you get a weighted blanket after all? One of my sons swears by his, he loves it. So does one grandson.

Passionfruit are the best aren't they?
I like popping pomegranate seeds into my mouth and crunching on them, so nice in fresh juice too.
Thankyou for my pomegranate on my thread lol. You're so kind!

Magnesium is so great. It can really relax muscles all over your body. You don't have to ingest it either, we have a magnesium spray to put on our body after a wash. It does leave a kind of salty feeling to the skin but works wonders. Taking it orally is good too 🙂

How are you feeling today?

I'm absolutely filthy after doing so much grimy gritty filthy work downstairs erggghhhh. Council pick up tonight and the pile is SO HIGH, hope they take it all!

Have you got a list of FUN things you'd like to do when things open up more for you there?

Love and hugs
EMxxxx

[Katyonthehamsterwheel]

Hey Sleepy

Just a pop in to say hi. Hope you’re going ok. I love painting my nails for self care too. The women at work all get lovely fake nails done - I wish I could afford them, just once, for fun 🙂

Busy busy with uni here. Will be nice to finish and relax. Should finish in December. Phew!

Anyway, no pressure to respond. Just wanted to say hi. Hope you’re going ok. Hugs, Katy

[ecomama]

Hey Sleepy and waves to Katy and all reading

How are you doing my sweet friend?

Has your pretty nail polish held up well?

I'm getting lost in YouTube short stories lol. Plus lots of study and work - not so much fun.

Hope you're doing well,
Love EMxxxx

[Guest_1643]

Hi Shelll,

I like Ur ideaof noticing and paying attention to happy events, would that be like in a way of gratitude? Sorry if u don't like the term or think of it that way .

That coat is still around!

I had a bit of an emotional few weeks but am surviving. My neighbour has been singing and playing guitar and I know some may dislike it, but it's a beautiful soothing nice to me. I like the sounds,like not intrusive or brash, but reminding that there is a living, breathing person around.

Sometimes it is just scales or exercises so a bit repetitive but otherwise doesn't bother me at all.

Have got some support from a really nice pharmacist here, re my need to take medication for sleep. I'm upset at ,useless for needing it but if it helps it helps, I wake up brighter and it helps , short term. I'm not big on taking anything at all, as I remember talking about with u, love natural remedies.

I've heard good things about magnesium, and I think EM maybe if I'm not remembering wrong was using some as well?

I find burning oils isn't so helpful, but I like the visuals of soft light from candles, scattering candles around and watching them flicker is nice at night. Sending hugs

[Guest_1643]

Hi EM,

That's a cute I,age, popping off the juicy pomegranate arils and enjoying the crunch!! yum!!! Such a great treat. I think of u when I get them ! I saw a salad recipe including them the other day, did u ever chuck them in salads? I did for a while and then it was too mu n effort, but they are so gorgeous that way, too!

my nails are sparking all of the place LOL, marie kondo style. It is so,ething I do in lockdown. I'm grateful my nails grow long and look nice.

I really would like to plan something little for myself when we open up. I'd like to see a show or movie but it may be a while for that. And always, the brows. I would love to get my rows done.

I read with interest on ur thread about how supportive u are of Yvettes choices. U are amazing giving her strength, I'm enjoying watching her grow into a strong young woman with Ur help and love. Hope Ur OK. Thank u for sending love which I really needed and valued ! Xox

[Guest_1643]

Maybe spoke to soon about the niehjbour, who is now singing a rock band I hate ! Hoping the tunes change but otherwise nice