Thinking about death.... all the time...

[Guest_1643]

Hi all

I've been struggling for 3 weeks with suicidal thoughts

My new GP is amazing

He tells me to think of suicidal thoughts as a symptom maybe a solution

Could he be right?

Today he assigned someone to give me a call to check in on my safety. I don't think that will happen. I've not received the call.
Small things like this lead to rage, hurt and fear for me.

And so I am left to deal with the thoughts alone.

[ecomama]

🙄 eye roll about the neighbour lol. JUST when you think things are going ok, well yeah, they don't.

Maybe you could give her some positive feedback about the TYPE of music you like without saying it that way, positive reinforcement?

LOVE the visual of your nails sparkling all over the place!
I absolutely loved a rattan lamp shade my family had when we were young as it shone in pretty patterns all over the ceilings and walls.

You're doing so well Sleeps!
I'm so proud of you - HUGS AND MORE LOVE coming your way lol.

I don't buy pomegranates very often but now when I even think of them, I think of you lol. The fruit is so pretty and rich. Absolutely I've put them in salads, there's not much I DON'T put in salads lol... roasted warm pumpkin pieces, any type of nuts, just about anything. Not a fan of potato salad, just me.

Omg Sleepy magnesium is a wonder thing, it really is. My Chiro put me on to it years ago but I forget then yeah... it disappears again lol.
I really think it's helped me sleep far better.... I've had a lot of discomfort lately (the word I prefer to use instead of 'pain')... so sleep is not as easy with physical discomfort.
But taking magnesium has helped me sleep for long hours even WITH these injuries re-surfacing, it's a miracle really.

One son uses my magnesium spray on his aches after an Epsom salts bath. He's as right as rain the next day.

Sleepy my friend, so many people have issues with a good night's sleep. You don't need to be so hard on yourself. I've had insomnia since almost birth lol! My family recanted hellish stories of all the strategies they had to employ to GET me to sleep as a baby, toddler and young person.... then it was over to me and I've been trying almost everything since lol.

Although it DOES help not needing much sleep when it comes to studying 🙂

Thanks for your sweet words about Yvette, she's such a diamond, as all girls are. So precious. She's ALWAYS been super strong. The disclosure stuff really knocked her down, confused her a billion %. She had RE create herself and you basically know the rest.
I'm happy she wants me to teach her more about cooking fanceee things lol.

Like Arancini balls... yah. Those.

She made up a recipe yesterday which is so funny to see, she's this blond Amazon sized young girl, who's an expert in Asian Cuisine lol. She's keen to learn other Cuisines now... like stuff BF is good at cooking (being half Italian and half German)... watch out world!

Hugs
EMxxxx

[Jstar49]

Hey Sleepy,

I was thinking of you today, listening to a brene brown podcast. It was such an interesting discussion with Oprah and a dude she co-wrote a book with, about trauma. I feel like the title may have had something like ‘ ‘what happened to you’ in it. The idea being that the story of what happened to us is more important than the ‘diagnosis’ or name given to our condition.
BUT ( and here’s where I thought of you) the comment was made that, no matter how good your therapist is, if you only see them once a week and then spend the rest of the time alone, you won’t get better. Because we need connection. It’s so simple, and I think on a deep level we know this, but to hear some pretty cluey ppl say it really validated it for me.
Human beings need connection. Whether that’s a phone call with a friend, or listening to someone else playing music, with all the painful practicing which is part of learning to play an instrument. Joining a group, feeling a sense of belonging at work.
We need it. We need to seek it out, in safe ways, demand more connection from our health care providers and social workers etc. fake it til we make it with online groups. (BB not included, cos there’s no need to be fake here 😉

cultivate that sense of belonging, wherever we can. It’s damn important!

Hey Em, thought of you today too as I used your phrase- onwards and upwards! So useful!

Love,

J*

[Guest_1643]

Hi all,

Katy what colours do u like for self care nails? I find different shades work for different scenarios.... and then there are 5he foolproof colours that always me happy.

I'm telling super sleepy on the meds tonight, it's different every night. Last night I anciently took two doses which was a weird night....

I stay home and pick a feel good movie on Netflix most nights , avoiding the cases and news but from what I do hear it's not amazing.

My dr has become really good, supportive. I've felt less dependant on helplines as I understand myself more.

thanks lovely J for thinking of me. I love a self help bit, I definitely think therapists as a concept is misunderstood... once a week for an hour, and that's frequent, for the rest were in our own.

Hi EM, how are the videos going? soothing. Lovely about Yvette, I want to hear all about her becoming her self more and more , such a strong girl

[Guest_1055]

Hi dear Sleepy

Yeah I think paying attention to happy events could be like gratitude.

As to the burning of essential oils, that doesnt appeal to me. Think the heat changes the properties of the healing part of the oil or something.

I like listening to soothing guiter music. I know you like music, have you got a guiter as well or have you played a musical instrument?

Reason I asked that is some can let out their emotions through music. Just a way to get it all out I guess. Maybe it would help you in some way, if you liked that sort of thing.

[Guest_1643]

Hi Shelll, I wander if you have to habe a sort of talent for music? I play guitar, just basic twinkle twinkle stuff, but cant hold a tune...I do love listening to songs, I like gentle guitar too.

I've never been successful with oils. I think something about the candle calms me because I like how it gently burns down and melts, marking the passing of time, in a cosy way. I light the, all around the house. I buy different scents, cheap and more fancy. Do you like having them around too?

I have had a rough few days, even cooking and cleaning have been too much. It's all heavy at the moment. I thave had trauma therapy and at the moment it is frustrating,yesterday my therapist said something about cognitive scripts.

I think it is how we recreate painful situations, or relive trauma.

I was like.... hey doc... u do know some stuff....

It has been raining and cold and it's dark and overcast...hard to know what to wear. Boots or sandals? Socks? Leggings

and I never get it right. I'm always in a patched up puffer with floating feathers flying out! Dear.

I went to the pharmacist today for my meds and I really appreciated talking to him, I sound pathetic but he gives me safe, soothing vibes.

I'm lucky to have good people to see. It took me a while to find them.

[Katyonthehamsterwheel]

Nothing pathetic about you, lovely

I buy a lot of fish n chips because the man at the counter smiles and calls me honey and I wish he was my Dad.

Life’s hard. Take the good feels wherever we can find them.

I think I’m with you on the different colours for different days nail polish thing. The latest one to take my fancy is peach. Maybe it suits the spring vibe?

Im going to hop into bed early with a big fat kebab. It’s been a long week. Netflix here I come!

Cognitive scripts hey? I’m going to google that if I remember. You’re learning so much!

hugs x

[Guest_1643]

Hi Katy, are you doing OK? I was thinking about what u wrote about how life's hard. Just wandering if Ur doing OK too.

Ur message was so kind and Ur so full of support and understanding, it was really helpful and gave me a smile.

Peach is such a fun girly colour. I have peach in my roster. Netflix sounds good, I was watching Russian Doll, it's meant to be sad and triggering but i find it soothing, and it does have funny moments. I find weird things sad and not.

[Matchy69]

I am just seeing how you are sleepy?

[Guest_1643]

Hi Mark,

I'm doing okay

The weekend was hard I'm frustrated I can't sleep well and I woke up this morning distressed and flat, I've been worrying a lot and lonely.

I went to the park today and watched the birds, trees, and grass. It was nice to be outside. I made a smoothie now which was something I don't usually drink.... feeling still bit lonely and sad

[Katyonthehamsterwheel]

Hi Sleepy

Thanks for asking about me on your thread. That shows how kind you are. I’m a bit down too.

Is your sleep medication not helping? I’m a big fan of magnesium, which I think others have mentioned. I use a spray but you can get pills too. Have you tried lavender on your pillow? I haven’t but my gp did suggest it.

Is anything particular making you feel lonely and sad? You don’t have to share of course. But youve plenty of friendly listening ears here if you do.

Well, bed time for me. Stormy dog is already snoring. Hugs and peachy caring thoughts sending your way, Katy