Thinking about death.... all the time...

[Guest_1643]

Hi all

I've been struggling for 3 weeks with suicidal thoughts

My new GP is amazing

He tells me to think of suicidal thoughts as a symptom maybe a solution

Could he be right?

Today he assigned someone to give me a call to check in on my safety. I don't think that will happen. I've not received the call.
Small things like this lead to rage, hurt and fear for me.

And so I am left to deal with the thoughts alone.

[Guest_1643]

hey Katy

thanks for ur comment and for ur suggestion, it was really helpful and thought provoking

i would like to do some body stuff like that but never thought about yoga because it intimidates me a bit (lithe, fit ppl etc).

When I was in the health system I had some options to do free yoga and I didn't take it up. Interesting what blocks there are, reasons why we think that something isn't suited to us or isn't our "thing"

I felt the same way about art therapy, which I eventually gave a go, and now love.

Thanks for ur suggestion. It wasn't triggering and I am happy to have ur input here

[ecomama]

Hello my dear friend Sleepy, hi to everyone else too 💜

I heard about the lock down and wanted to reach out and let you know I was thinking of you.

I fell asleep at the beginning of the beautiful moon this week but felt the energy from it - new beginnings. I'm really glad you got to see it and enjoy it so much.

It's an amazing feeling part of a celestial universe.

I know you've mentioned the way we can store trauma in our bodies, we most certainly store in our minds and it's connected to our bodies in a feedback loop.
I had immediate first hand experience with this last week.
An event occurred with a specific person and my body reacted with a specific release directly correlated to my relationship with this person.

It was crazy for me to witness!

Dearest Shelll, I'm so sorry for your loss. Please accept my most sincerest condolences. Love to you and your whole body.

Dearest Boudica, you'll know when you're ready to see a MH professional. If you're not ready then there it is.
As with Sleepy and probably everyone else here on the forums, we've had the negative experiences, bad advice etc etc, it's about when to stop and change or have a rest.

Beginning the journey with a therapist can be so scary for so many people.
You're not alone in these feelings.

I hope you can intuit the choice of a great therapist and jump into the abyss if it suits one day.

Thinking of you all and sending lots of love and healing,
EMxxxx

[Boudica]

Greetings all,

Sleepy I really feel for you with lockdown. I know I am really affected by the physical space that I am in, so taking away the ability to control that is quite confronting.

In my mind there are two kinds of yoga: the instagram show off yoga, and then the old style community yoga classes (I don't know what trauma-informed yoga is). If you steer clear of the intimidating, cool person yoga, you will find classes of people of all shapes, sizes, ages. There is no judgement with the right ones. Traditionally it has always been about nurturing your individual body wherever it is at. All my favourite classes have been held by grey-haired soft spoken ladies, that seem to have been practicing since the dawn of time.

You've made me realise I actually think I need to go back to yoga myself. I haven't had time for this for years. It would really benefit me at the moment, it is really healing. Everyone is different though (maybe you would find it creepy!) I am not someone who can go for a massage as I don't like being touched by strangers, but yoga relaxes your whole body (in the same way as a massage for people who like that sort of thing). Wow, I didn't know I had a yoga rant in me waiting to come out!!!

Thanks Sleepy and EM, I think I will shelve the whole counsellor or psych thing for now. I may never do it, IDK. But I will try for a yoga class I think, thanks for reminding me of this Katy 🙂

[Guest_1643]

hi everyone.... how are u??

Hi EM thanks for thinking of me and wow re your reaction with ur friend i totally understand that and relate. thank u so much for u and Katy in helping me understand trauma and how it works.

Sometimes for me it's like a pull to the familiar things that hurt me.... it's a cycle for sure. Sometimes I just notice and watch my body and try and be kind about what's going on.

Sometimes that's too tiring even and I just.... flow... but it comes up sometimes in weird ways the trauma pain. I think excercise and yoga has an interesting r/ship to trauma and unleashing our bodies feelings that are pent up.... Maybe art too... ways to think without thinking... if u know what i mean.... that stuff has been surprisingly helpful to me (still haven't done the yoga...)

Hi Boudica... totally agree with what EM said much better than I ever could re being ready - and that all being okay. Loved your thoughts on this and how you were sparking ideas about yoga. Good for u !!!

Thanks for everyone's support during lockdown x

[Jstar49]

Hi all,

I Love yoga!

I love being alone with time and space at home, and putting on some Lorena mckennit ( music) and dancing and stretching.

I like doing salute to the sun. Apparently that series of poses works just about every muscle direction in your body. Except one. Too hard to explain!

I like doing yoga at home tho, it’s so lovely. I guess I’m one of those ppl who doesn’t like doing exercise for the social interaction. Hence my dog walking and solo dancing!

Hey Em did you look up your ‘dis-ease’ in Louise Hays?

is it cold down there Sleepy?
hope you’re staying well and warm.

cheers

J*

[Matchy69]

Hi sleepy I just checking to see how you are going.I know the lockdowns can be so frustrating and effect our mental health in ways that we didn't think it would.I lived most of my life in a self contained lock down and found hearing pollies saying we can't do things even though most of things I wouldn't want to do made me depressed and angry that our choices and freedoms had been taken away from us.

Good luck with your move.Are you moving to somewhere that has more privacy?It's not really private here and have one annoying neighbour who has gone to New Zealand for 2 weeks and I feel like going outside more into my garden now.

Take care,

Mark.

[Jstar49]

hi,

Ru moving Sleepy? That sounds positive.

Mark I know what you mean about privacy outside in your garden- that would really bug me too. We have a nosy neighbour and I can feel him watching me. I literally breathe more easily when I know I'm out of his view.

Can you plant or put up screens?

Cheers,

J*

[Matchy69]

Hi Jstar I try and go out in the garden when she's not home.She ask personal questions like what happened to my marriage and talks non stop.Shes an interesting lady was a nurse and owned a caravan park but I just hate being asked personal questions and don't like talking about myself.

[Guest_1643]

Hi all.. i so much relate to everything saying here... it's like continuing the things on my mind.

I don't have much privacy where I live and the neighbours are quite enquiring etc... it's also an older building with bad inslation, it was the final straw when they were messing me around about fixing my heater so i thought time for a new beginning. I haven't found a spot yet but am looking at a few places when I can, pending lockdowns. Not sure if I'd feel so comfortable to lease from a photo or video so that might be delayed but I can still chck out online using photos and videos to get an idea til we can open up again.

These lockdowns are horrible, another week! It's not easy mentally. I helped a small business today with some donations which made me feel a bit better about everything. I hate how hard this is on me and how confusing it is to be back here, but it's just so hard. Such a disappointment. I keeep thinking the worst case that it could go on a long time, while still trying to not be too cynical.

[Guest_1055]

Hi all,

Sleepy wish you weren't struggling . I am sorry. I have no advice or anything. But I am listening to you. And sending out a hug.