Thinking about death.... all the time...

[Guest_1643]

Hi all

I've been struggling for 3 weeks with suicidal thoughts

My new GP is amazing

He tells me to think of suicidal thoughts as a symptom maybe a solution

Could he be right?

Today he assigned someone to give me a call to check in on my safety. I don't think that will happen. I've not received the call.
Small things like this lead to rage, hurt and fear for me.

And so I am left to deal with the thoughts alone.

[Katyonthehamsterwheel]

Hi Sleepy

Another week is really challenging, I'm sorry to hear this. It was interesting to read the way you phrased art as thinking without thinking. I participated once in an art therapy class (as a student on prac) and found it really cool. I'm sure I kept the picture I drew, and I'm going to search my shed for it today. Do you know if there is any particular method to it, or do you just draw whatever comes? It was so long ago when I did it, I don't recall. But perhaps I could buy some materials and give it a go 🙂

Keep well. We're here with you. Katy x

[Delectable]

Hi Sleepy,

My social worker mentioned about Fibromyalgia, which can be trauma induced..widespread pain throughout your body.

I have taken to rubbing ice gel through all my sore areas, on my bowel for my endometriosis, on my legs for the severe cramps and have started having hot baths in a third full.
I cannot afford heating so have a hot water permanently on me.

I’ve been bleeding a lot, for long periods like 6 days heavy. 3 lots of periods in 5 weeks, the dr doesn’t know why. I’m not going to bother going to GP as it’s not worth it when you’re living poorly.

I envy that you can laugh, it must be nice. I envy all the people that were treated well from birth to leaving their parents even if only some of the care was ok for a few years.

This lockdown is hard again, maybe only the poor and needy will be left in Melbourne as the rest seem to be moving to Queensland.

I hope you get the care you need, take care Sleepy.

[ecomama]

Hey J* and hey to Sleepy too ofcourse with this being YOUR thread lol!!

Hugs to everyone.

I didn't need to look up the disease because it wasn't. Not sure if I told you I've been willing menopause on for AGES... well no sign of things since November last year so I was like YAHOO!
Easy and goneskis.
THEN the thing with Alexa (my first born) and wham that night it was back after 6 month's blissful absence lol.

Talk about the body keeping score - 100%.

Just wanted to note that... back to reading the thread.

Love EMxxxx

[ecomama]

Hey Sleepy

How are you?

I see you're thinking more seriously of moving house now.
Bestest wishes for the perfect place.

When you mentioned creating art, it sounds like you're in a mindful state during this time.
Do you think that's close?

I also do Salute to the Sun in my own way if I'm on flat ground lol.
I'm often in the garden now when the sun's rising with my new chickens, sweet girls they are.

Alexa found a great Yoga Instructor on YouTube called Cole Chance if I remember correctly?
She does "Sleepytime Yoga" to get a person ready for sleep which was the only way Alexa COULD get to sleep when she was first separated from the kids.
Alexa even reached out and contacted her and they had lots of kind email exchanges, so she's a person with heart.

I practiced Satyananda Yoga for years and still do the alternate nostril breathing (without using my hands though lol) if I'm in boring lectures and meetings or dealing with challenging work colleagues hahaha.

Good luck Sleepy and I'd love to hear how you're going.

Love EM

[Delectable]

Look sleepy mentioned pain and I just mentioned fibromyalgia as my social worker mentioned it to me, it can be trauma induced. 

[Boudica]

Hello Sleepy,

Thinking of you, how's things?

I am sorry if the lockdown is getting you down. It is frustrating, VIC has just been so unlucky. They seem to be rolling out the vaccines there much faster than here, which is good. It is a strange reality to be in, very dystopian. We would never have thought 2 years ago that we would be living like this.

What attributes will you look for in your new place? I discovered after living in a dark house, that natural light is really important for me. I also need somewhere nearby to walk, like a park, trail or beach. I also must have hard floors (asthmatic with dust allergy).

I have been really low this week, feeling very burnt out, so I let myself off all the things I should be doing yesterday and instead did some youtube yoga, went for a walk, had a really long bath listening to the philosophy podcast from abc, and spent time gardening. These are all things that help, and I feel a bit better today.

Hope your day is peaceful

[Kuroodetto]

Hi Sleepy21,
I'm checking in on your welfare. Looks like a lot of other people are too with the posts above.
With love.

[Jstar49]

Hey Em,

Aha! I see what you meant by release now!

our bodies are truly amazing!
cheers

J*

[Jstar49]

Hey Sleepy,

it’s been cold-ish here, for us anyhow, so thoughts of you down south.
Did someone- Delectable?- say that everyone’s moving to Qld? I can’t understand that myself! (could be the upcoming state of origin is stirring up border rivalries lol!)

This time of craziness will pass. We will get thru this.
Delectable that sounds like a huge drag on your energy and focus, not to mention the concern you must be feeling.
When I was experiencing heavy periods my Dr mentioned the connection with my low iron levels. Taking a natural supplement has helped my well being heaps.

all the best,

J*

[Guest_1643]

hey all

i've had a really horrible time with lockdown.

J - why is Betty Blue so awesome?
everyone who mentions it to me and recommends it gets a teary look. Something special about it.
I watched Lars and the Real Girl recently and was in tears.
Now on to nature documentaries, I think.

Hey Shelll and katy, thanks for popping in. U brighten up everyone's day here, thank u 🙂

Hi Delectable - Thank u for writing here.

Hey EM - the body always keeps the score!! I think the art has shaken up my creative juices and gotten me to respect myself. Today I was delievered three puzzles, something I'd never had done before. Trying new things seems to me a sign of health. And doing those things imperfectly. I'll be the first to say i'm no pro at a lot of things I try But it isnt about that. Hoping you are okay.

Hey J xx