Taking antidepressents for the first time tomorrow morning.

[Cesca1557]

Hi,

Im not really sure why im posting this but Im feeling really unsure about taking medication tomorrow. I have had depression for about 7 years, but at the beginning my mum thought i was too young (i was 12-13), and its only now that I have finally decided that I need something else to help as I cant seem to make myself happy on my own.
I am really hopefull for what the antidepressents will do, but I am also really worried. My father has bipolar, and I am really worried that by taking them, it could trigger it in me. I dont have bipolar my self, but due to the genetic predisposition to it and the increased chance of getting it as my dad has it, im really worried that this might be enough to set it off.
As much as I want to be happy, if it risked me going through what he has gone through and put us through over the years, I wouldnt do it.

Sorry, im not really sure what the point of this was, I think I just wanted to vent a little bit.

Cesca

[Cesca1557]

thanks KMTE,

ill have a look at it today 🙂
hope youve had a nice day

[Cesca1557]

hey em,

thankyou! Im trying as best as i can 🙂
I was 17 lectures worth of notes behind on wednesday night and now im only 4 lectures behind with writing notes (hopefully ill write out another 2 more by the end of the day) which is great! am so close to completely catching up, if only i had another day before my lectures for the next week started but oh well
i will! he is the loveliest dog, so gentle, playful and full of energy.
meds are going well, im on day 16 today so just over two weeks. how long have you been on them now for?
hope youve had a nice weekend x

[Pysis]

hi C

Yeah I've covered the biggest one but there are to many to cover them all.

i didn't end up at the colour run I sleepy in by accident and mum wanted me to look after my little brother and his friend any way I enjoyed the extra sleep as well. I'm feeling a bit better today it's easier to breath.

hope your ok

Nath

[startingnew]

HI Cee


thats ok as long as you have another appointment to aim for and to know its there for you if you need it.
Yeah so most of it is just literally breathing through things. Know they wont hurt you and just continue to breathe through it and let things just 'be' in the moment.


Yeah unfortunalty ive had to learn to hide and suppress my thoughts and feelings that much no one knows and the contunous blame from family and my words being used against me ive had to learn to hide things. The other day I had a panic attack after having an argument and tey said abosulty nothing. I just sat there, no movement. I dont even know if my breathing rate changed. Its upsetting in a way that if I show this I get it used against me just as it has done tonight, over a news report they yelled at me again.


I hope you were able to get outside and able to catch up on some studies too

hello to everyone else here too

[swtpotato]

Hey Cesca,

Wowow that is a lot of lectures, nice! Has it been interesting? Sounds like you're really on a roll! I'm so glad.

Yes, love dogs. Always good.

I have been on the half dose for 6wks and standard for 4wks. I'm a little bit better than before I think but can still get really low. It has improved my IBS by soo much now tho, I can now eat and not feel lethargic/sick for hours after! woo - gotta try hard to count the positives on those bad days.

Hey Nath, Pepper and SN - hope things are going ok.

Em

[Cesca1557]

ill get around to replying to all the messages in a second, have just had a bit of a frustrating night
my dad came over for dinner and long story short he ended up getting angry at me and my brother for how we were cooking dinner, and commented several times that he wished he just stayed home instead of coming over and that he doesnt want to be here.
that made me angry because we invited him over (which we didnt have to do) yet all he did when he came was complain and get angry at us. then me and my brother had a fight because apparently i wasn't being reasonable by being annoyed at him.
my brother said we have to make an effort because he is our dad and he wants our dad to be a part of his life, and he wasn't happy when i said that i didn't.
dont get me wrong i understand that he is family, he was my best friend throughout my whole childhood and i stuck up for him longer than anyone else did. but i can never look at him the same way again after everything he did and said to me, and us. i just dont really love him anymore. atleast not the way i used to. and i don't mind if i don't have any relationship with him, at least for the moment.
i just wish my mum and brother stopped trying to make me feel guilty for not wanting him to come over often.

[Peppermintbach]

Hi Cesca,

I am honestly the Queen of Typos 😉

On a more serious note, yeah, I hear you about how the right combination of activities and environmental factors can make a world of difference.

Congratulations on getting through 13 lectures! Amazing. I hope you get through the remaining 4 soon...imagine how relieved you would be then 🙂 Also possibly exhausted...

Hey yourself, Em 🙂

kind thoughts,

Pepper xo

[startingnew]

HI Cee

how are you travelling?

[KMTE]

How's everything going Cesca?

[Cesca1557]

sorry everyone, ive been a little MIA for a few days. have been feeling a bit off, dont really know how to describe it but i would come on here and read everyones posts (so i am up to date), i just didnt have it in me to reply and felt quite anxious about it. But i cant sleep so im trying to reply to a few people now

hey sn,
i had my GP appointment this morning which went fine, i basically told her that the side effects had subsided but havent really felt any of the benefits yet and we have another appointment in about 3-4 weeks for when i have reached the 6 week mark of taking the AD's.
i wish i could be right next to you and give you a hug! i havent had hidden panic attacks in front of anyone before but i definitley know what it is like to hide a huge surge of emotions and it can be so so incredibly draining and isolating. i wish they wouldnt take out anger at you, you seem like the most lovely caring person! i just hope you have people who are caring and kind towards you as well
thanks, i didnt have a productive day at all today. i was in bed for most of it, drifting in and out of sleep and then just staring at my laptop while i watched different tv shows or videos, tbh i cant even tell you what i watched i was just staring mindlessly at the screen.
i also had a migraine later on in the day (ive had 4 in the last four or so weeks which is really frustrating), my doctor said they are brought on by stress and lack of sleep so i need to work on sleeping better
i also found out that my grandfather passed away tonight which is quite upsetting to say the least. my mum is completely distraught and im not sure what to do to help her.
thankyou for you kind words and checking up on me,

ill reply to your thread post either tonight or tomorrow morning, i probably should get to sleep as i dont want to have any more migraines