Surviving: Being in a better place

[demonblaster]

Hi all 🙂
Thought this thread might be of use to talk about your stories if you like and where you're at now.
In a better place.

I have Bipolar, (BP) pretty sure all my life. Wasn't diagnosed, I approached them thinking I have this at age 46.
The ups (mania) are magic, ying and yang (opposites) evident with BP & in many other ways.
The downs, crippling. Still ..but I'm DETERMINED to beat them with time & effort and professional help.One of the psychiatrists said it can't be beaten, I say cause it maybe hasn't been done, doesn't mean it can't be.
Have come an incredibly long way so far.
Long way to go probs but HAS to be sooner rather than later, else this mother of a demon will get me, I live in fear of going under the line again which majority of the time the head goes South but looking back at those times knowing I got through & that it's not always like that helps.
SO many good times, happy times between.

The cycles have gone from Rapid cycling (4 or more a yr) to 8/10 a yr since the loss of my beloved partner of 28yrs to leukaemia.

My teens starting at 14yrs I attempted suicide 4 times.
You're in hell considering, contemplating & ultimately attempting suicide, we're going against our strongest basic instinct. Survival.

Wanted OUT, couldn't see anything but Black in my head, no light, no way out, no other choice, the depression beast had me engulfed as it does most of the time in cycles now too.
Rock bottom. The pits.

I've learnt a lot one thing is it doesn't stay this way.
Sleep's vital. We don't get a lot or quality when down, it affects how we feel usually in a negative way.
Life's so much harder when we're tired and exhausted, we see feel & react to things differently
That part of our brain that works at pulling us down, I think with everyone, not only mental illness or disorders

Self esteem rock bottom, still working at it, it's true we have to like/love ourselves works as a shield.
Great loving good parents lucky

If I'd known in suicide yrs I'd meet a beautiful loving partner and have so much love from family, friends and happiness between the downs, I wouldn't have attempted.

BP downs equate to heavy grieving alone without it on top.It slammed but now I'm looking back and Yes still hurts, always will but we owe it to ourselves to keep going. We don't know whats ahead and nothing stays the same.

I know that now.

[Ggrand]

Hello Beautiful Deebi👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩..

I hope you’re okay precious friend..

I have been yesterday, last night and today..trying to be patient and hold my fingers, so they don’t do the walking talking for me....but unfortunately they escaped my 🎗 loose tie..😁 and I couldn’t stop them...

RUOK?.....How did the x-ray go....please be getter then okay...always...always here for you...special bbff...

Its so hot here, the roads are melting..I coulod climb up my ladder onto the roof then could put a pot of water with 2 eggs 🥚 in it and it will cook on my tin roof.😁..Oh I may as well add a couple of bacon 🥓 rashers..while I’m at it.😂..and a pot of tea...want to join me Deebi..or anyone..🥵

Hoping so much that everything went well for you...

Love and special huggly huggle hugs...🐻🤗💜..for my bestest ever friend...

Love and hugs to all you amazing readers/posters.💜🤗.

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Grandy..xx🕊🌱xx

[demonblaster]

Hey Grandy 👩‍❤️‍👩 Paws 🐾 and other lovelies ☺

Bbff darlin 💜🤗 thanks sweety not sure of results yet but if I still have an abscess in the wisdom tooth if it's eating into the bone he'll have to take it out. Hes not a specialist (none here) but I think it'll be ok no pain.
2 impacted which are dangerously close to nerves I've been told this one there's risk of ending up with a numb lip either temporary or permanent. No thanks! 😲🤤
The other is more serious. I've been told could have face paralysis 😲 jeez. Anyhoo see how it goes.

I'll be back just want you to know I'm ok.

I've been gambling again badly oops. Was off for about 15 ish yrs and have done tonight moreso put myself in a position the average person would be beside themselves in deep depression and stressed beyond. Nah not happy at all but not freaked out. Damage control now. I've really done the wrong thing by myself but yrs of gambling survival mode kicks in. Shame but life goes on. Not the excitement just pretty much picked up from when I gave up which was rock bottom how often. Have by fluke some money for food. This is not at all my darlings fault it's completely my doing. Foolish very.

Backs been a mutt but think its easing off still scared and delay getting out of bed it's mostly herendous pain fortunately just the once after getting up trouble is its unpredictable. It really plays on you mentally. Truly with the bad catches it feels like its breaking.

Paws Grandy loves thanks so much for your support and everyone I'll be back.

Girls I'll be at yours soon too. Church tomoz and not long home its witching hrs so need to get some 💤

Love and care about you so much Grandy god i wish I could talk to you. Anyway I'll continue holding onto hope, whats the good of anything without it eh.

Hope you're both doing it a bit easier.
Thanks again everyone 🤗

👩‍❤️‍👩💜🗯🚜🐧🌹🦋
🐾🤗🌹

[monkey_magic]

Hey DB,

Sorry to hear about your back, teeth, and gambling loses.

That's scary what can happen with pulling out the teeth- I really hope it doesn't happen. There are always risks involved with anything but in most cases it ends up ok I'm sure.

I've also got an injured back. Cortisone injections have helped. Only had two out of the four injections though. They put them in deep and I wanted to see how I went with the two. It's not 100% but better than what it was. How did you injure it?

Yes, gambling I'm familiar with what you are going through. Sounds like you're managing what happened well. Just a blip in the road that you can recover from. I play pokies on my pH now, much cheaper than the real thing. I haven't played this year which is something I promised myself last year- to play less.

It's been very hot where I am, hopefully you're ok and keeping cool.

Good luck with the, teeth back, and staying away from gambling...

Geez it's already muggy and I'm sweating....

MMx

[Ggrand]

Hello Beautiful Deebi👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩,..hi Magic, Paws and all..🤗..

So very sorry about your tooth..poor darling...I will be praying that everything goes okay for you...

The Drs. need to tell you everything that can happen with operations...which only make us more stressed...I am hoping with all my hope that you will be okay after the operation..big long comforting hugs honey..{{{🤗🤗🤗🤗}}}

Awe honeyheart...it’s okay about the gambling.. It’s only a slip up..and you recognise in yourself that you want to not do....I have faith in you that you will get it under control again...Maybe Deebi, sit down and talk to Mr. Beautiful and ask him to help you...together you can conquer the world..

I play on line slots for distraction, but that can and has caused me to waste so much money...I need to stop..

Deebi...sweetheart did you or have you spoken to your Dr. since your back decided to be naughty...? ....Please do so if you haven’t, there must be something they can do to help you..it’s just not right that your struggling with horrendous pain..it’s so unfair...that you have to struggle so much with the pain😢..

Its okay Deebi, about posting on mine..Rest up precious bbff..concentrate on you...with sore teeth, back it’s easy to go down..and I don’t ever want you down ever...Look after you...please....you for....for me...and the other beautiful people here....Your a VIP...always..

Love you Deebi...and I would give anything to be able to talk to you..😢...I’m holding on to that hope...💜👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩🤗🐻🤗...never letting it go...or you 🤝, 👀...ever..

Sending my love and hugs to everyone..💜🤗..

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Grandy..🕊🌱..🌜👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩👨‍⚖️🐕🐩🐆🐅🌛..4 ever ..

[Ggrand]

Dear Beautiful Deebi👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩...and all..🤗..

Holding hands with you, is like a promise that we don’t have to face the world alone..and I’m holding yours tightly as I can precious friend..🤝💜👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩...Love you heaps bbff...unconditionally...

Please be okay...always..and look after you .the way I would if I was their with you....🤝😚...

sending you my love and hugs.....💜🤗.....

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Grandy....🌜🕊🌱🌛...

[demonblaster]

Hey there Grandy 👩‍❤️‍👩 and all lovelies 🤗

I noted a BP post. Was scrolling & off it choofed. Took over 2 hrs Luckily but have to edit again I had a similar one. I remember you saying Grandy you do another copy. I wish 😢, But unsure. If I'd end up doing it. So thats to come it's annoying eh

Dentist appt Fri. I'll know then if the tooths coming out. NO! Thanks for your support loves I'll let youse know. I think/Hope its going to be ok

Backs easing thank goodness. It'll take a few days to get confidence back. Its still catching but was a 2 on the scale as opposed to a 10. Grandy thanks I will start getting it looked into.
Monks it's from nursing. Wear and tear it first went out when I was about 24 yo then over the yrs I've gone through unbelievable pain barely able to walk. Bulging discs and use to not be able to stand up straight can now. Excrutiating/agony. Getting outta bed I would be screaming in pain. Turning was in about 6/7 movements. Thats how it was for many yrs. Not that I could handle that pain omg no but this one I can't handle its doing my head in but Im ok
When I was at my heaviest the same pain happened and now so I guess the weight. I'm working on that and cooked a couple of healthy meals yay.

Carbuncles hopefully Fri last dressing woot. I should have shares in antibiotic companies.

🐾Paws 😂 ok a thimble it is do they come in chocolate. Needed one the other day should have seen my thumb after hand sewing. Should see the sewing for that matter 😅
Thanks for a caring lovely post 🤗
Really appreciate the reminder for water walking. I want very much to and going to take my gorgeous Thanks for the wave he's waving back and smiling he has the most beautiful smile...and eyes 😍 Absolutely adore the darling.
Yes I do ask him and he helps without blinking the sweety job.
So hope you're feeling at least a little brighter hun 🤗

Monks thanks hun for the info I'm sussing.
Well done less gambling.
I've read a fair bit at yours. Be there near future & a few others too
Hold strong lovey 🤗🐒

My bbff 👩‍❤️‍👩 heya sweetyheart so lovely your posts they never fail to make me love you more and comforted in such a beautiful friendship, we "talk" laugh fantasy chat support I'm wrapped to have met you. Huns I'm ok but sifting through exhaustion actually too ok think I'm still a little manic tho mild.
bbt to reply I know you're ok but 💜

Thanks everyone esp that I haven't been supporting

👩‍❤️‍👩💜🗯🤝

[Ggrand]

Dearest Beautiful Deebi 👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩...and everyone..🤗..

Good luck for a Friday with the dentist. 🦷..

I hope they don’t need to take it out..but if they sweetheart..I’ll make you and Mr.Deebi..a smooth yummy pumpkin 🎃soup....Try not to worry honey, I’ll be there with you...holding your hand..💜..

If they do take it out..Oh please don’t forget to ask for the tooth 🦷back...Place it in this tooth pouch I made for you...it’s purple silk, with bright pink ribbon 🎀and a little golden tooth on the front of it...Once you put it into the pouch, place it under your pillow..then through the night the tooth fairy will come visit you...and sprinkle some fairy dust all around you and your pillow...Then if you’ve been a good girl..just like magic ..the 🦷disappears and you will find some $$$..inside the pouch.😁..enough $ for you to buy us (Mr.Deebi and me) some chocolate....Poor my bbff..you’re not allowed to eat it..(sore tooth and all)....but I’ll let you have a good smell of the chocolate..then you can taste it in your mind..while we devour it for you...🍫😁...

Honey...pain is your body’s way of telling you that your back needs looking at...Please Deebi..listen to your body and help it, when it’s asking you too....I’m so happy Mr Deebi..is there for you..it’s really heartwarming to hear...

I will sometimes write out a post in notes,.then copy it onto reply...but a lot of the time I forget to do..

We had a good amount of rain here today...yay..It really sounded beautiful on my tin roof...I hope you had some as well...it must be really relaxing watching the rain fall into the ocean water...

I hope you have a nice day today sweet bbff...

Love you so much dearest, bestest..bbff...💜🤗🕊🌱🤝.

Kind thoughts love and hugs to everyone.💜🤗..

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Grandy......🤝👀👂..always ..

[demonblaster]

🤗👩‍❤️‍👩💜 hi everyone 🖐😊

You are such a bright light in my and so many lives ya gorgeous thank you so much you had the gorgeous Mr Deebi laughing he really liked it and oh yeah he loves the 🍫 too. You're a classic chicko 🤗 love you to bits.

Oh and back some you did a beautiful touch of fantasy loved it sorry darlin didnt respond. Keeping very late erratic hrs lately.

Think prey my backs nearly normal a little bit to settle yet also if Im 2/3 hrs in bed its less likely to hurt.

Yip honey going to get foot and back seen to and grouss my Dr's back I heard, rapt.

Very tired but going well think still hypomanic.

Had a good win today and laughing with people. Saw some I know. Gotta be very careful I know.

Grandy I really hope work went well and helped with some light. You always make me proud.

Thank you for being the amazing friend and sweetyheart you are. I cherish our time.

Got a couple of thoughts for a fantasy prezzy will have to make it for you just gotta chisel varnish polish and use a gleaming Weetbix paste over it. Twicked ya that's not what it is...just to put you off the scent 🕵️‍♂️ nya nya nya....sneaks off giggling...trips over....gets up quickly looking around to see if any one saw 😷😶

Ok quicky neighbours watch.

Thank you for well wishes my gorgeous 🤗 gut says it'll be ok damn it, hope so.

Goodnight darling and all the beautiful people here 🤗

👩‍❤️‍👩💜💗🦄🍫🗯 really groove you Grandy floss 😚

[Ggrand]

Hello Beautiful Deebi...

I cant wait any longer..will Mr.Deebi and myself be getting chocolates tomorrow?

Please my precious friend...see your Dr. about your back and foot ASAP.....Honey new things are happening in Doctoring all the time...we never know if something new has been found to help us..if we don’t regularly visit..😚🤗...

Awe I’ve been thinking 💭 all day what my new present 🎁 is..I can’t wait.

Awe..so so angry with me right now..I noted a post, then instead of copy I pressed paste and lost the lot..poof..it just disappeared...I can do silly things at times....😢..

I really hope you’re okay bbff...Love you deeply and care so so much for you...bbt...if that’s okay...

sending you lots of love and hugs🐻🤗💜💜..

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Grandy...🌜🕊🌱🌛..one day bbff..

[Peppermintbach]

Hi wonderful DB (& a wave to all),

I feel it’s very exhausting and stressful to have so many physical health conditions. I really feel for you...

Personally, I find that when I’m not feeling my best physically, it really does affect my mental health too. That interconnection...

I think your BFF, Grandy, is wise to suggest maybe another visit to the doctor might help...

It sounds like you had a good time with people. I presume you were out socialising?

I think some laughter and good company does wonders for our spirits 🙂

Enjoy your fantasy adventure with dear Grandy. Although I have my theories about where you got all those choccies that Grandy mentioned. Hmmm...

Let’s just say you’ll be getting an invoice from me soon. My choccy bar empire isn’t a charity 😉

Supersoul hugs and love from you top student,

Peppystar xoxo