Surviving: Being in a better place

[demonblaster]

Hi all 🙂
Thought this thread might be of use to talk about your stories if you like and where you're at now.
In a better place.

I have Bipolar, (BP) pretty sure all my life. Wasn't diagnosed, I approached them thinking I have this at age 46.
The ups (mania) are magic, ying and yang (opposites) evident with BP & in many other ways.
The downs, crippling. Still ..but I'm DETERMINED to beat them with time & effort and professional help.One of the psychiatrists said it can't be beaten, I say cause it maybe hasn't been done, doesn't mean it can't be.
Have come an incredibly long way so far.
Long way to go probs but HAS to be sooner rather than later, else this mother of a demon will get me, I live in fear of going under the line again which majority of the time the head goes South but looking back at those times knowing I got through & that it's not always like that helps.
SO many good times, happy times between.

The cycles have gone from Rapid cycling (4 or more a yr) to 8/10 a yr since the loss of my beloved partner of 28yrs to leukaemia.

My teens starting at 14yrs I attempted suicide 4 times.
You're in hell considering, contemplating & ultimately attempting suicide, we're going against our strongest basic instinct. Survival.

Wanted OUT, couldn't see anything but Black in my head, no light, no way out, no other choice, the depression beast had me engulfed as it does most of the time in cycles now too.
Rock bottom. The pits.

I've learnt a lot one thing is it doesn't stay this way.
Sleep's vital. We don't get a lot or quality when down, it affects how we feel usually in a negative way.
Life's so much harder when we're tired and exhausted, we see feel & react to things differently
That part of our brain that works at pulling us down, I think with everyone, not only mental illness or disorders

Self esteem rock bottom, still working at it, it's true we have to like/love ourselves works as a shield.
Great loving good parents lucky

If I'd known in suicide yrs I'd meet a beautiful loving partner and have so much love from family, friends and happiness between the downs, I wouldn't have attempted.

BP downs equate to heavy grieving alone without it on top.It slammed but now I'm looking back and Yes still hurts, always will but we owe it to ourselves to keep going. We don't know whats ahead and nothing stays the same.

I know that now.

[demonblaster]

Dear Grandy 👩‍❤️‍👩 hi good people ☺
This is last nights post that didnt land.

Thanks for always being here for me you're such a loving good bbff 💜

Yes and it was almost a last minute thought. Would have been REALLY hacked off if we'd gone. Phew.
I can see your 💪 very impressive that work out you did 😅

That's what I'm thinking too if there's anything they'd have said by now.

Woo hoo Grandz we did a walk today on the beach 🤝 and a little futher today so was closer to half hr walking. Stopped about 10 ish mins. Was nice.
Then I cooked a 🎃 soup for us for tea lovely if you'd like to bring 🚜 the cutes 🐩🐶💜 our gorgeous furs can play and entertain us.
Hoping you'll stay over hun.
I've made all their and your little 🛏 even though you have special ones for your loves.

You're sweet putting my dates in your diary. I love you coming with me.

It's been good having the nurses come. I'll tell her I got through my level yay. Yip so not long. Great it healed so well. Was nasty.

Ok huns I'll take notice of what you said and see if I can use his sander. Thanks Grandz I'm scared to stir the neck in case it makes the syrinx bigger. Shame I was keen to do but thats ok. I'll have to get a brush and varnish.

There was heaps of Algae today on several rocks and quite a few jelly blubbers they were almost transparent washed up. Not huge.
I had a yuk bad dream the other night it had my love I dream quite often with the darling in them but I wasnt too upset this one and had a really nice one too the other day but forgot what it was about 😆

Grandy ruok lovey? Truth plz.

Thanks Grandy you really are SO important to me beautiful friend.
L💜VE you too deeply sweety girl.

PubAok lysvm awyis yAdimh sss bbff gg 🗯 always. You mean so much to me and I know many others too sweet Grandy 🐻🤗

👩‍❤️‍👩💜🗯🎃🐻🤗🛏🚜🐩🐶🤝

[Ggrand]

Hello Beautiful bbff Deebi👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩..and everyone 🤗..

Of course I’ll stay over Deebi..I love staying at yours and visa versa..pumpkin soup sounds great..hmm I’ll be orange soon...🎃 I’ll bring the garlic bread..it’s a pair made to go together....

Im pleased you’ll think more on the sander for the chairs...I’m concerned because after I have a bit of a sanding....my wrists and elbows are tired and I feel some little ouchy in my shoulder....It will still be fun for you..maybe try little bits manually at times..but please dearest bbff...Be very careful of your neck, shoulders and wrists...

Jelly blubbers..I used to like watching them as they bounced around in the water..they looked like they were dancing, with there tentacles floating with the movement of the ebb flow....I miss the beach, the sea air, the salty breeze..one day I might find myself living near the beach..if I knew where to go...

Love and care beautiful friend so much..your in my 💭 daily and I’m with you in spirit 24/7..please take really good care of precious you..🤗💖👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩..

Kind thoughts...Love and hugs..💖🤗🤗..

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Grandy...🌜🐻🤗🌛...🌱🕊..

Im sorry about your yucky dream..I’m pleased you were okay with it...I wish you always dreamt of your treasured and beautiful memories....

I hope your doing good lovely friend...Your such a bright light for me and others...and you had some good times today...

I’m doing okay Deebi...👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩🤗💖🌱🕊...will visit mine soon...

[demonblaster]

Hiya bbff 👩‍❤️‍👩 and other nice people ☺

So nice seeing you ☺
I too love staying over at yours and vice versa. Wiwawyip 😢
Garlic bread would be superb thank you mam mmm.

Yes maybe I could do little bits and see how it goes with sanding. 🤔 They're thinish bits to sand.

Pretty neat the jelly blubbers aren't they. These were transparent which is hard to see, they're cool.
You love the beach it'd be so good for you Grandy.

Then this morning I had an incredible one about a besty in NZ and her family.

Thanks Grandy that was lovely about the bright light you are very much for me beautiful friend.

I'm very pleased again I'm getting a good long break from BP no matter how good it's still very hard work both sides.

I'm keeping positive memories as often as I can and often think of gratitude (Wolfy) which is helpful too. The negatives I've been able to choof.

I think maybe the AD's have dulled my emotions, it's hard to cry now though I have at times but not for long. Maybe the downs are a bit shorter hard to say really. In betweens are pretty much the same I think.

Good you're doing ok huns.
Love and care very much dear sweety friend 👩‍❤️‍👩💜

You make a massive difference Grandz thanks for an amazing beautiful friendship 🐻🤗

🗯🚜🤝🎃⚘

[Ggrand]

Dearest Beautiful Deebi👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩..

Hello honey, When I first started my ADs, I can remember that for the first few months, I couldn’t cry, then after around six months of taking them my emotions came back..crying...my anxiety etc..maybe it takes time to start balancing out our emotions but not as strong as before..I mean now I seem to have more control of my emotions whilst out in public..then when I get home and feel safe..out they come...Just my thoughts dear friend...

I have tried many times to keep diaries..but idk...I just don’t seem to benefit from them...I know it works for so many, and I’m really happy that it does...

Sounds like a beautiful dream..of your friend in NZ...I hope that it stays with you and you remember it for a long time...

I so much hope your BP break last for a lot more longer time ..it’s a relief and we get stronger between cycles...

Im very concerned about you sanding, please honeyheart, promise me that you will stop for breaks and if you feel even a little niggling of ouchy...I know they will look beautiful once you finish..I’m not at all good with varnish..I leave brush strokes all over it...I remember my hubby re varnishing our bedroom suite, and he used a rag..but also had difficulty..it didn’t go on thick enough...I’m wishing you all the best with the chairs...maybe google “How to varnish chairs”...

How are you feeling today bbff..Truth please...

Maybe a peaceful walk along one of the beautiful beaches and a foot soak in the healing natural salt water..only if you feel up to it...and your foots not to ouchy...It’s a beautiful day here today..I’ve been sitting out front now for over an hour..I really do need to get inside and at least sweep and mop the floors...and wash up last nights dinner plate...hmmm maybe later...

What you up to today dearest Deebi...Whatever it is, I hope you enjoy your day honey...

Love and care for you so much.....[” 🎶You light up my life, you give me hope to carry on.🎶”]...Truth...🤗💖👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩👭..

Kind and caring thought, with love and hugs..💜🤗.

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Grandy🌜🕊🌱🌛..🌜🐻🤗🌛..

[demonblaster]

Hey beautiful friend 👩‍❤️‍👩 and other lovelies ☺

Good thoughts hun. I have on occasion cried but short ones mostly not that I want to be but for release.
6 mths chemist said for the serotonin to reach levels so that was July.

Sometimes I write stuff out not often but did in earlier days a fair bit.

Same Grandy thanks darl its seriously like a holiday having a good break. I'm so glad cause they were coming in quickly. Keeping my sanity.

The bloke that mentioned the sander visited today so I asked him if I can use it sometime. Ahh right so the varnish is a bit tricky eh.
These chairs are so nice and comfy. I wouldnt be fazed if its not perfect I just want to protect them being on the veranda.

Truth good hun thanks but a 🤕 I woke with it and was strong but not bang bang I think depending how tired I am then its worse cause I dont move or wake as much. Have to take more otc meds.

Dont know but I'm suss on the little lump at my heel may need an op.

I'd like to soak my foot actually would like to jump in the water but cant for now with the dressing 3rd and 4th daily now not packed. Its flush with the skin so just needs to close over she said.
I'll have a rest and maybe walk later if I dont sleep ages. Heads pulling me down a bit.

Oh I cooked us rissoles and veg have a few frozen (rissoles) and did about 3 days of veg so we'll be good for a while.

You too gorgeous you're such a major light in my life. Ahh the song was gorgeous sweety thanks ☺😚

Hope you're having a good day today lovey. The next 3 are bigs for you. Go easy if you can at work hun for your poor hip.

Love you beautiful friend thank you for being so lovely 🐻🤗

🗯🤝🎃🐩🐶👩‍❤️‍👩💜👀💗

[Peppermintbach]

Hi wonderful DB (and a wave to all),

I see you’ve been doing some cooking! Veggies for days 😉

It sounds as though you have a few aches and pains though...that must be unpleasant.

But it’s nice to hear that your BP has been more manageable/giving you a bit of a break recently. What a relief for you!

I think you have a lovely attitude. I’m glad your positive thoughts and gratitude is helping 🙂

I’m giving you a freshly baked chocolate cake and a pot of herbal tea to share with lovely Grandy and your other friends here 🙂

Supersoul hugs and much love,

Peppystar xoxo

[demonblaster]

Dear Peppystar hi darlin always appreciate your ongoing support and friendship ☺ thanks huns ☺ You're a sweety you really are.

Thanks noce what you said about my attitude.

So yum and how thoughtful for the cake and tea to share.

Mean this darl you're one of my lovelies here I do often think about with much love and many super souls 🤗

Hope life's giving you some goods my friend you're certainly deserving of.

Take care lovey 🤗

[demonblaster]

BP day 2 ?+ couple days ago some negatives happening and more activity.

Loved the break. So much easier to cope when theres been a few wks in "normal". Not having to work at sanity and freeing pain.

Not ideal in that the motivations pretty much non existant but I'm ok content and not depressed as such. Happy enough but not like earlier today wow. It's true real happiness. You feel alive and want to be part of it all and appreciate everything! Your mind wakes up. It's incredible to experience. This must be achievable. I think the keys to learn to open the mind cause thats what happens. I think achievable through meditation putting pain to bed fantasy because reaching outside the box and ?

Grandy and peeps I don't want to upset anyone. Last night I know you'll rightfully rouss on me Grandz I didnt ring ambo. I was having a heart wobbly without pain. Well was 🤕 and there was slight jaache which can be a sign of heart attack. I've had palpitations before this was different. It was a chest flutter that got my attention and the pulse was erratic fast slow missing and faint at times.

I thought maybe my time might be up and wasnt at all stressed or concerned. I thought ok. Sorry.
Also thought I'll be ok and its good normal again. Strong steady & behaving. I'll see GP.
Wonder if it coincided with mania onset with the brain changing its routine. Wow maybe in sympathy with you bbff 🤗

I have however been thinking which BP mania brings on thought that I need to get into life. It also enhanced my frustration and pain of not being able to see you in rl bbff. Lifes fast and can be over in a single breath of time. Grrr.

Ok before I run out of characters.
Had a mammoth achieve today. Was tired from mania onset and heart bizzo had me up till wee hrs.

The cruisy part of mania the 1st stage my minds awakened. Very peaceful and cruisy. Thinking a lot on a lot. Needed nanny nap. Wasnt going to happen.

Tried some meditation was sporadic then remembered noticing the eyelids are restless and tense when not sleeping.

• Successfully SLEPT THROUGH MANIA! unheard of!
  
  • So deep breath in
  • Holding until I felt my eyelids completely relax
  • Slowly out
  • While consciously feeling shoulders and neck relaxing.
• Be aware of breathing

• Repeat over and over.

AWESOME!

Funny not caring if I left because it was the onset of mania but that good part came today and dagh after needed sleep the magics gone but still feeling good.

Thanks listening ☺

[Ggrand]

Hey beautiful bbff Deebi👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩.. hello Peppy.🤗..

Just calling in before I go to sleep...to wish you a very lovely time with your besty tomorrow for catch up...lots of nice chit chat and some hello hugs...

Good girl..even if you borrow the sander and use as well..it will help you..The chairs sound really comfy ..When your finished I’ll come over and we can have a nice cuppa, maybe a Neapolitan slice, caramel slice or vanilla slice and just sit back and enjoy each other’s company as we watch the waves coming onto the sand....and chat away..I painted the lounge out on my front veranda a couple of years back...it is a cane lounge with cushion on it...a very nice cream colour...The colour is called..Truth..sand and sun..

I hope your headache 🤕 has gone honey... Don’t like you ouching so much...especially the head it brings us down...

Once you completely heal..I hope you have the best jump in the water time ever....We can do it together...

yummy rissoles...veggies hmm yummy as well..I haven’t for ages made rissoles...I might do again soon..there good for having with salad...Yours were yummy...thank you..

I hope your okay honey....I do worry about you so much..wiwawyip..that way I could look after you..that’s a big part of me that’s a huge want..is for someone to care for..as in a friend....I have done it all my life..and that part of me is being starved and I’m missing it so much...😢..

Please enjoy tomorrow and have some giggles....

I hope you sleep very deeply tonight and have the purest of dreams...Love you so much dearest Deebi...Thank you for being you and being my bbff..yadimh .sss. 🌜🕊🌱🐻🤗🌛

Good night everyone...sweet dreams...

Love and hugs..💖🤗🤗..

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Grandy....🐻🤗🦋👭👭🤝🌈🐚💭💭.

[Ggrand]

Hello beautiful Deebi, 👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩..

Awe it looks like we posted together..

Ill be back tomorrow honey..to talk to you...If that’s okay...would like to now..but I’m so sleepy..I took my sleepers early..

Always here for you bbff....Walking right next to you through your upcoming episode....holding tightly 🤝..Well get you through this...

Love and hugs beautiful besty friend..💜👭👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩.

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Grandy..