Surviving: Being in a better place

[demonblaster]

Hi all 🙂
Thought this thread might be of use to talk about your stories if you like and where you're at now.
In a better place.

I have Bipolar, (BP) pretty sure all my life. Wasn't diagnosed, I approached them thinking I have this at age 46.
The ups (mania) are magic, ying and yang (opposites) evident with BP & in many other ways.
The downs, crippling. Still ..but I'm DETERMINED to beat them with time & effort and professional help.One of the psychiatrists said it can't be beaten, I say cause it maybe hasn't been done, doesn't mean it can't be.
Have come an incredibly long way so far.
Long way to go probs but HAS to be sooner rather than later, else this mother of a demon will get me, I live in fear of going under the line again which majority of the time the head goes South but looking back at those times knowing I got through & that it's not always like that helps.
SO many good times, happy times between.

The cycles have gone from Rapid cycling (4 or more a yr) to 8/10 a yr since the loss of my beloved partner of 28yrs to leukaemia.

My teens starting at 14yrs I attempted suicide 4 times.
You're in hell considering, contemplating & ultimately attempting suicide, we're going against our strongest basic instinct. Survival.

Wanted OUT, couldn't see anything but Black in my head, no light, no way out, no other choice, the depression beast had me engulfed as it does most of the time in cycles now too.
Rock bottom. The pits.

I've learnt a lot one thing is it doesn't stay this way.
Sleep's vital. We don't get a lot or quality when down, it affects how we feel usually in a negative way.
Life's so much harder when we're tired and exhausted, we see feel & react to things differently
That part of our brain that works at pulling us down, I think with everyone, not only mental illness or disorders

Self esteem rock bottom, still working at it, it's true we have to like/love ourselves works as a shield.
Great loving good parents lucky

If I'd known in suicide yrs I'd meet a beautiful loving partner and have so much love from family, friends and happiness between the downs, I wouldn't have attempted.

BP downs equate to heavy grieving alone without it on top.It slammed but now I'm looking back and Yes still hurts, always will but we owe it to ourselves to keep going. We don't know whats ahead and nothing stays the same.

I know that now.

[demonblaster]

I'm thinking to get hope back Starts, is first to believe and want to get through, want as in determined to.

You can & will Starts, you've got strength kicking in and out, it's practice aye. In the couple of mths or so I've known you I've seen the goods rise, you'll get there, just keep at it and good you're listening to people here, everyone has experience of some sort, we all wanna reach a common goal, to be free of pain, I truly believe that if we really put our minds to it we can find & use the tools.

Believe

That's right there'll be days, just gotta not let the flow continue, cut it off after the thoughts if they're just downers, work on the stuff that needs work.

(( good soul touching hugs )) for whoever needs em. Hugs release goods too, so does smiling.

[Starwolf]

Yeah, I'll have one of those soul touching hugs. Thank you.

Please do not worry about me. Yeah, seen some GPs. One of the problems with rural area is that most of the doctors are not here by choice. Just fresh out of med school or/and cannot afford their own practice. So they don't really want to be here and are mostly inexperienced. It's ever changing series of new ones. Then tests happen a day's drive away. Too difficult if you're exhausted or in pain. Also too costly if you don't have regular employment.

The dogs here have all been written off before by rescue orgs for being unworkable so their fate is linked to mine. It's an accepted thing. So is my choice of lifestyle so I'm mentally and emotionally OK with whatever comes of it. I'm no Spring chook. Never thought I'd make it this far (I'm 68 !). I've been unbelievably healthy and fit so far. So I've been luckier than many.

It breaks my heart to see younger people being denied a normal life because they're coping with chronic pain or physical disabilities. To me you guys are heroes. This kind of endurance and resilience is more to be respected than the odd single act of courage. Add to this mental issues (I sure know what that feels like !)...do you realize how special you people are ???

Hope today treats you kindly.

[startingnew]

hey DB

Giving up isnt in my vocabulary DB. I dont give up. Sometimes I stay on the floor because I cant get back up but I WILL get back up.
Everyone has their own experiences and soemthing to add, its up to myself r whoever is receiving advice to take it (or not) as the please.


How have you been? Managing your pain ok?

sending some special hugs your way

xoxox




Star, I give squishy sister/grand-daughter hugs, you can have as many of those as you like.
Star, we wont stop worrying about you, you mean a lot to myself, clearly DB and many others here whether your here or away from the forums we will worry (and we are allowed too 😉 )


hmm yes rural isnt fun at all, hopefully you can come a cross a good one and can find out whats going on for you and actually help you and not send you all about the country side hey.
Your not old, but no not a spring chook and we and you want yourself as healthy as possible.


I cant speak for everyone Star but you have had a massive role in my resilience and endurance building. If I hadnt of come here and let my paranoia get the best of me to not sign up I might not be alive today because as you know I havent got much at all outside support, psych and gp. Thats it and I find when Im struggling I dont turn to them, I do the opposite and turn them away. But you and the lovely people here have helped me get to where I am now

xoxoxo

[demonblaster]

Thx Rock for reply esp when you're not feeling so good. Yes I do worry about you, as you may have noticed lol, I think very highly of you & care deeply.

Is it something serious as in heart or kidney etc or other which is rotten but treatable.
Bumma re the docs, & having to say same old every time a newbie. Pretty poor isn't it.

Hey thanks for what you say about people with pain. I at least re coop, some poor buggas chronic acute. Not that I haven't had torture multitude of times, GOD, nearly do anything to avoid that except not have chocolate that is 🙂

You're such a brave lady doing what you do for those dogs, scares the beejeezus outta me lol but understand & appreciate why you do this and how your mental telepathy came about. What a legend you are lady. ((( soul ))) good you're taking the soul hugs, I love hugging but am realising more here to try to go easy as some don't for many reasons.
haha giggling bout what you said bout lab teaching me to train it for food every 5mins, YEAH AYE, is that all dogs.

Plz keep us informed dear friend,xx

Want you to be healthy ALL time like you have been till now

Deep care Rock

[Starwolf]

Deep care received. Thank you.

Most dogs -not all- are food oriented but Labs take the cake and eat it too. They're usually kind, compassionate, playful dogs but their brain is firmly anchored in their stomach.

[demonblaster]

Mwah

Cool, from you and had bits of dog knowledge and brother/sil learning more and more.

Tinsy winsy bit .... if something happens but she's the true beautiful nature of a lab, and soo damned tired still so it'll be fine, enjoying this time here, magic.

usually not a stressor.

Hey didn't ask how you are today Soz. Been thinking tho

[Peppermintbach]

Hi DB,

I just wanted to pop in quickly to say hi and to send some love and care your way. I know you've been up and down a fair bit so just know that I'm thinking of you.

Warm thoughts,

Pepper xoxo

[demonblaster]

Hey sweet, thankyou, you too are a real sweety, so glad to have you as a friend here

Ditto love and care to you, you're so deserving xx

And talking about deserving, how are you today ROCKSTAR (( soul )) hope you're getting some answers.
Be well dear friend

Thx beautiful people 🙂

[demonblaster]

Status:
Have been doing really well this long cycle, very long and had a couple of mini manias lately during the coming down, the odd downs but got through

Phooo I guess it's not gunna happen over night, bit teary atm, situations changed for a bit now & feeling a bit alone, but have to keep that resolve I had in the mania, not gunna let this pull me down. It is atm but I've gotta I reckon let the tears go and pick back up. I CAN DO IT. ... just tell my eyes that 🙂

[Peppermintbach]

Hi DB,

Thank you 🙂

It's good to hear that you seem to be managing your cycles even if you're feeling teary.

Yes, I also believe, tears or not, you can get through it.

You said it yourself, "I can do it."

Caring thoughts,

Pepper xoxo