Surviving: Being in a better place

[demonblaster]

Hi all 🙂
Thought this thread might be of use to talk about your stories if you like and where you're at now.
In a better place.

I have Bipolar, (BP) pretty sure all my life. Wasn't diagnosed, I approached them thinking I have this at age 46.
The ups (mania) are magic, ying and yang (opposites) evident with BP & in many other ways.
The downs, crippling. Still ..but I'm DETERMINED to beat them with time & effort and professional help.One of the psychiatrists said it can't be beaten, I say cause it maybe hasn't been done, doesn't mean it can't be.
Have come an incredibly long way so far.
Long way to go probs but HAS to be sooner rather than later, else this mother of a demon will get me, I live in fear of going under the line again which majority of the time the head goes South but looking back at those times knowing I got through & that it's not always like that helps.
SO many good times, happy times between.

The cycles have gone from Rapid cycling (4 or more a yr) to 8/10 a yr since the loss of my beloved partner of 28yrs to leukaemia.

My teens starting at 14yrs I attempted suicide 4 times.
You're in hell considering, contemplating & ultimately attempting suicide, we're going against our strongest basic instinct. Survival.

Wanted OUT, couldn't see anything but Black in my head, no light, no way out, no other choice, the depression beast had me engulfed as it does most of the time in cycles now too.
Rock bottom. The pits.

I've learnt a lot one thing is it doesn't stay this way.
Sleep's vital. We don't get a lot or quality when down, it affects how we feel usually in a negative way.
Life's so much harder when we're tired and exhausted, we see feel & react to things differently
That part of our brain that works at pulling us down, I think with everyone, not only mental illness or disorders

Self esteem rock bottom, still working at it, it's true we have to like/love ourselves works as a shield.
Great loving good parents lucky

If I'd known in suicide yrs I'd meet a beautiful loving partner and have so much love from family, friends and happiness between the downs, I wouldn't have attempted.

BP downs equate to heavy grieving alone without it on top.It slammed but now I'm looking back and Yes still hurts, always will but we owe it to ourselves to keep going. We don't know whats ahead and nothing stays the same.

I know that now.

[startingnew]

hi DB

im not sure what to say but offerring a listening ear, hugs or hand holding for comfort whenever you need them

xoxox

hey Starwolf, how are you holding up

[demonblaster]

Thanks hun xx

I'll get through, just gotta not let the downs consume, or ackowledge them.
Once I catch up in sleep, gunna try for some more soon.

Had couple more manias lately in process of coming down but it appens.

Thx 🙂

[startingnew]

DB you can still acknowledge your feelings. its important to acknoeldge them instead of squashing them. it doesnt mean you have to act but rather see it on a cloud and watch it float away or see a leaf floating down a river with your troubles and imagine them just floating away.

dont deny yourself of your feelings, it doesnt help.

im sorry youve been having it rough though but i guess its part of life and having a mental illness. we all ahve those good and bad days

hugs xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxox

[demonblaster]

thx hun yeah acknowledge wrong word actually, I should say not to dwell or let them pull me down which I for a while had few tears and then pulled up.

Sleep helped no end, had couple hrs or more.

IF that's the worst and the other downs before and during I'll be happy cause have managed it all this time without sliding deeper and staying put.

[Starwolf]

Thank you for letting me know my ravings can help make a small difference.

It sounds like you've had a few major wins just recently, music to my cyber ears. You are lucky to have a brother you can discuss life and all else with. Nothing like sharing a good laugh with someone who knows you well, is there ?

I have been feeling really unwell (physically). So atm spending days on the road to have tests done. Those long, painful drives leave me feeling like a shredded rag so I'm keeping a low profile. Of course no one at this end to take care of "business as usual" while I'm away.

Hi SN. Sorry I haven't visited your thread for a while for the above reason... though keeping an eye on how you're doing. Your chance to enjoy time off from my nagging 🙂

A peaceful, restful evening to you both.

[Peppermintbach]

Hi DB,

I'm glad you managed to get a little sleep, and moreover, that it has helped you.

You sound like you're managing the blues well. It's good that the depression hasn't caved in on you. Much credit to you. I'm happy to hear that.

Sending love,

Pepper xoxo

[startingnew]

hey DB

thats a better phrase. im glad you dont let them get to you. demonblaster you are arent you

i hope you sleep continues to get better though for you

sending lots of hugs

xoxox

Hey Star- YOUR NOT NAGGING! i love having you around, i see no nagging in your posts at all jsut genuine care and compassion. thank you for keeping an eye out but you need to look after you too which im glad your doing. i wish someone was there helping you though.

sending a big cyber hug to you xoxoxox

[demonblaster]

Ahhh Rock that's not good chooks, really am sorry to hear ,would like to know what's happening if you wanna say. Can ambo pick you or community transport, sounds like you're doing it rough .

You NEVER NAG OR RAVE, your input is solid GOLD, so much empathy, support and wisdom......((( ROCK ))) STAR
You're respected here with damned good reason, it's earnt. Know that dear lady .... Thankyou I'm so glad we've met

Can RSPCA help out when you're not able or sick like now?

Guys this I hope but need to not only hope but to believe and keep determined & keep at self talk & get this mind fully made up. Gunna get this.
Been getting through the hards. This is bloody mammoth. IT CAN BE DONE!

So to learn to make and Keep resolve. Making up the mind. Let's go.

Rock you be ok dear friend. Wish I could help you, what about talking to GP to see what help you can get?
((( x )))

Thankyou dear Peps, hope you're travelling better than recently. We can get this Peps. Gotta believe aye, you do too, half the battle with anything's believing it can be done I reckon.

Thx lovely people 🙂

[demonblaster]

The deepest darkest of depression has had me all my life Starts, have over time got the super highs (type 1, down to mainly type 2, beeeeeautiful but more control) so I've always said I'm gunna beat this but not till now have started working harder on the downs well in a more productive way better description. I like thinking and put a LOT into this, huge emotional control needed, for us all. Doable with time and patience.

RockStar can you let us know here how you're going plz even if just in for that, we can keep an eye on you cyberly

Enjoy reading you saying a peaceful restful evening, makes me feel calm. To you too Rock

Breath Starts you're strong to hack

[startingnew]

hey DB

i know ive gotta work on the lows too, (i jsut honestly dont have much hope left) just as you are and seem to be doing quite well. of course youll have bad days but thats part of life i suppose....

glad your doing ok though. im glad

xoxox

breathing is a start isnt it