Surviving: Being in a better place

[demonblaster]

Hi all 🙂
Thought this thread might be of use to talk about your stories if you like and where you're at now.
In a better place.

I have Bipolar, (BP) pretty sure all my life. Wasn't diagnosed, I approached them thinking I have this at age 46.
The ups (mania) are magic, ying and yang (opposites) evident with BP & in many other ways.
The downs, crippling. Still ..but I'm DETERMINED to beat them with time & effort and professional help.One of the psychiatrists said it can't be beaten, I say cause it maybe hasn't been done, doesn't mean it can't be.
Have come an incredibly long way so far.
Long way to go probs but HAS to be sooner rather than later, else this mother of a demon will get me, I live in fear of going under the line again which majority of the time the head goes South but looking back at those times knowing I got through & that it's not always like that helps.
SO many good times, happy times between.

The cycles have gone from Rapid cycling (4 or more a yr) to 8/10 a yr since the loss of my beloved partner of 28yrs to leukaemia.

My teens starting at 14yrs I attempted suicide 4 times.
You're in hell considering, contemplating & ultimately attempting suicide, we're going against our strongest basic instinct. Survival.

Wanted OUT, couldn't see anything but Black in my head, no light, no way out, no other choice, the depression beast had me engulfed as it does most of the time in cycles now too.
Rock bottom. The pits.

I've learnt a lot one thing is it doesn't stay this way.
Sleep's vital. We don't get a lot or quality when down, it affects how we feel usually in a negative way.
Life's so much harder when we're tired and exhausted, we see feel & react to things differently
That part of our brain that works at pulling us down, I think with everyone, not only mental illness or disorders

Self esteem rock bottom, still working at it, it's true we have to like/love ourselves works as a shield.
Great loving good parents lucky

If I'd known in suicide yrs I'd meet a beautiful loving partner and have so much love from family, friends and happiness between the downs, I wouldn't have attempted.

BP downs equate to heavy grieving alone without it on top.It slammed but now I'm looking back and Yes still hurts, always will but we owe it to ourselves to keep going. We don't know whats ahead and nothing stays the same.

I know that now.

[Ggrand]

Hello Deebi👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩, Croixy, and everyone...🤗..

Well done getting your trade qualification for a carpenter...During these lockdown we can get any qualifications we want to...Google style😂😂..

I love the extra you added to my room...can’t wait until I visit you next..,Live the pulsating 💓 wall...So beautiful thank you.....I think that with our imagination and fantasy you could and would make a wonderful interior decorator...

Thats okay using 2 sticks...Better using 2 then falling down and hurting yourself which could be serious.....I think Mr Walrus has been caring around an extra tusk/tooth under his unique jacket...for years, and transferred the idea onto his walking sticks....I think that’s a great idea..

Deebi... meaning to ask a few times now but it slipped my mind....How has your foot been honey?..

Thats okay to withdraw at times bbff...and give yourself some gentle self care....you have been busy these past few months..packing..then unpacking...getting yourselves organised and settled in...it all takes so much energy out of our mental and physical health....

Please take it easy bbff...eternal love to you dear bbff..💚🌹💜🧸🤗🌈🕊..,

Hugs and love everyone...💜💚🦋🌹..

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Grandy..

[demonblaster]

Hi good people ☺

Well hello Mr Croixy 🐧 nice of you to drop in.

Ohh the backs are cruel aren't they. For many yrs I had little/no reprieve from 24/7 excrutiating pain. Walking was OMG 😲 Turtles 🐢 appeared to be sprinting 🏃‍♀️in comparison.

These days I even have mild outs like this last one.
It seems the recliner spares the wicked heart stopping shooting pain on slight bending in the mornings. Either it's grinding as if my backs breaking or just the phenomenal pain. Either is hell beyond.

I literally was seconds too late for a very good condition electric lifting recliner for $150 at an op shop. Was happy the Mum who the chook was getting it for needed it but what a shame 😯. Hoping something will turn up doubt I'd be lucky to score one the same but we don't know what lays in wait ahead. I'm in need of esp in back outs that are pretty regular the mutts.

Loven folding a stick & carrying it.
One day I plan to make a large material bag/s pockets galore plenty of room. I'll do that thx.

I hope yours isn't giving you too much grief.

Be visiting you sometime ☺

Thanks Mr Croixy 🐧 Hope your days are good you really deserve good for the amount of good you have/do for the community. Thank you ☺

Keep on keeping on nice and steady marey

⚘🐧 oh I bought you some lunch too...🐡... it's a puffer fish so that you feel pleasantly full and content which is a must because as you can see it's only very small. I'm good like that see... always looking out for the local Walruses esp the ones that have lost a tooth...Ohh Grandy I cracked up 😂 at you saying about Croixys Walrus tooth for a stick...you're a classic girl 🤗

Grandy gorjy (gorgeous) I'll bbl hun. Started a post 😚👩‍❤️‍👩 I'm in BP so pretty much here and there as you'd know 😄

Cyaz 😊⚘

[demonblaster]

Dear Grandy always good seeing you dear besty 👩‍❤️‍👩 hi everyone ☺

I will say the 13.5 yr master carpentry course went quite fast.

Thx and funny you mentioning my/our interior design skills... cause see being a master and all I was offered considerable $ for design by several delux companies.
The extra $2 should be of great benefit don't ya think 🙄 thinking we could go halves.

Thanks for asking sweetygirl my Achilles is only slight now hoping nearly gone but the cursing bursitis is still there. How's yours going hun?
Probs get the needle 😲 no hurry from what I've seen/heard. Can live with but does ouch.

My biggest concern apart from cursing hip 😭 is the back of the thighs walking. I'll look into it. Bad news yet the other day I was as good as Gold apart from hip. Twice now it's been good.
Have been doing more walking & slowly building to more often.

Grandy I really appreciate what you say Bbff.
Ohh yeah SO over the un/ packing yes it's been mths.
At least we've nearly moved Mr adorabubble 😍 oh Grandy what a beautiful easy man.
So home run at last. Seriously are we bloody there yet.
We did a big stint yesterday quite chuffed.

Often in BP I really want to talk but that don't vice gets stronger. It all passes but also still so hard to express in those times. I think that we can get through BP depression and ptsd and anxiety there's high hope for people without those or some. It's so terribly deep isn't it. More manageable in type 2 but still evil hard.

We're having a go not getting anyone in. It'll improve soon when I finish repayments to centrelink loan and next year we'll finish repays to bond loan.
So just gotta win the lotto in the mean time. We're not greedy... just a few million will be fine.

In BP it's still very hard but not as mighty as type 1. I miss terribly the booming highs and ecstasy though. It was a major sacrifice although I do still have touches of supreme bliss and enjoy the mind waking and the productive side which I'm learning to channell.
You want to be alive in mania. I understand why people want to hold onto life. Between times I'm happy but ok to die because I guess from the thrashing my mh has given me over my life killing self esteem creating inferiority complex etc.

I deeply love and appreciate you Grandy like you wouldn't believe. Thank you for our amazing friendship and time. Never forgotten.
PubAok sweetyheart I need you 🤗😚👩‍❤️‍👩💜🤝👀💗 oh oh 😅 making a special 🎁 shouldn't be too long ✨

[Ggrand]

Dear beautiful Deebi👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩, and everyone....🤗..

Isn’t great that here on BB, we can become whoever we want to become😂..

Im so pleased to hear that your foot is not as bad as it was..I hope it continues to heal for you..even though now mines been gone for a few years... If I walk barefoot or in thongs I feel the slight bruising feeling on my heels...then I take note and wear proper shoes...

You’ll get their with your unpacking..it takes time..and I think a very tedious and heavy job...Once you’re finished I think you both will deserve a beautiful day off to sit on the beach and enjoy watching those waves throwing themselves into the shore, saying hello to everyone...I used to put a shell to my ear...and listen to the ocean..you really can hear it...if you listen intently...

BP is hard bbff....and I also believe that we can through BP depression, anxiety and even though it’s harder PTSD as well....everything changes....we change each second of the day and night..nothing ever really stands still does it?...Life can be hard in BP....but it can also be very beautiful as well...It’s just trying to balance life the best we can...

You’re a wonderful person Deebi...not just saying that either...it’s the truth, your always putting in the hard yards and coming out on top..as well as helping anyone you can...A really great inspiration to everyone here...

Eternal love dearest bbff..💚🌹🕊👼🦄🌈🧸🤗..

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Grandy..

[Paw Prints]

Hello Deebi,

Oh lass that is not good Mr Deebi being in hospital... especially hard that you can't visit...

I am sending lots of healing vibes & Woofa sends feel better soon snuffles... he did offer to snuggle up with Mr Deebi... but I don't think it would do Mr Deebi any good being squished by Woofa however well intended... 😅

I hope they work out quickly what is wrong... knowing what it is & how they can treat it is important.

Do take care of you lass

Hugs

Paws

[Ggrand]

Hello Beautiful Deebi👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩, Paws and everyone....🤗..

Awe I’m really sorry that Mr. Deebi..is in hospital...My DIL has had pancreatitis and I do believe it’s very very painful...send mr Deebi a very gentle hug and a get well card..with some flowers 💐 and a packet of his favourite chocolates....

Its sad you cannot visit him...I know that would be hard for you to do...as your love for each other is strong...I wish you both only the best in life..💚🦄👼🕊....sending you both my deep love 💚, lots of gentle hugs👼🤗 through our golden chain that holds us together as the bestest bbffers.....Haha new words to add to the dictionary..😂...

Please take good care of you Deebi👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩, while your home alone..no heavy lifting...

Very much love precious ladies..💚🦄😁..

Here for you Deebi, if ever you need to talk..

Grandy.,.🦄👼🌈🦋..

[demonblaster]

Thank you both very much 🤗

Yes Grandy want to talk soon
Thank you very much beautiful for that comforting comment about being there if I need to talk.

Eyes are so close to falling out gorgeous came home yesterday.

Back on Tues for removal of Gallstones. Gravels worse pain than big stones wow I remember once nursing seeing a biggy that also are very painful.

Surgeon said there are risks. Unsure if that's a general comment to all patients which is reasonable because of anaesthetic or & any operation age etc...and here we had anxiety going to town...they're going to look around too & operate if need be. I'm unsure if they've ruled out Pancreatitis that btw has no surgical intervention. Just analgesics (pain relief) and ride it through.

I suspected it was bowel & they too queried obstruction then of course anxiety pushed me further ? Cancer and if anything else.
Him dying is a strong one with/out being so crook.

The dear loves worried about complications. He's only in his life had 1 biggy at a young age.

Hacked off he was sent home without pain relief.
The big one wasn't helping much only eased it a bit.
He's going to say at hospital ...nicely. Good on him.

Anxiety if I let it take hold by thinking on an on it'll add to stress and depression.

Atm I'm trying to settle for it being on my mind concerning me and same Grandy I'll have to deal with it all at the time if anything else that's a worry.

Gotta zonk out now nigh nite. It's only early.

Love to you both lovely friends. Pawsy I'll bbl to reply to you darls ☺

👩‍❤️‍👩💜🐾🕊🤝⚘

[demonblaster]

Hiyaz bbff 👩‍❤️‍👩 and Pawsy 🐾 and all

Lot to say just been so full on.

My darlin had his gallbladder out today. He also has Pancreatitis the dear man. No clue how he is hes not in a ward yet. Starting to worry 😭

Last I heard they were trying to get on top of the pain.

Been looking everywhere for something and cant find it.

I love this dear darling so much.

Heard today covids been here. Sewerage ok.

Tired and really worrying now

👩‍❤️‍👩👀🤗

[demonblaster]

This is cruel they should ring me!

[demonblaster]

Ohh hes on the ward. So glad.