Surviving: Being in a better place

[demonblaster]

Hi all 🙂
Thought this thread might be of use to talk about your stories if you like and where you're at now.
In a better place.

I have Bipolar, (BP) pretty sure all my life. Wasn't diagnosed, I approached them thinking I have this at age 46.
The ups (mania) are magic, ying and yang (opposites) evident with BP & in many other ways.
The downs, crippling. Still ..but I'm DETERMINED to beat them with time & effort and professional help.One of the psychiatrists said it can't be beaten, I say cause it maybe hasn't been done, doesn't mean it can't be.
Have come an incredibly long way so far.
Long way to go probs but HAS to be sooner rather than later, else this mother of a demon will get me, I live in fear of going under the line again which majority of the time the head goes South but looking back at those times knowing I got through & that it's not always like that helps.
SO many good times, happy times between.

The cycles have gone from Rapid cycling (4 or more a yr) to 8/10 a yr since the loss of my beloved partner of 28yrs to leukaemia.

My teens starting at 14yrs I attempted suicide 4 times.
You're in hell considering, contemplating & ultimately attempting suicide, we're going against our strongest basic instinct. Survival.

Wanted OUT, couldn't see anything but Black in my head, no light, no way out, no other choice, the depression beast had me engulfed as it does most of the time in cycles now too.
Rock bottom. The pits.

I've learnt a lot one thing is it doesn't stay this way.
Sleep's vital. We don't get a lot or quality when down, it affects how we feel usually in a negative way.
Life's so much harder when we're tired and exhausted, we see feel & react to things differently
That part of our brain that works at pulling us down, I think with everyone, not only mental illness or disorders

Self esteem rock bottom, still working at it, it's true we have to like/love ourselves works as a shield.
Great loving good parents lucky

If I'd known in suicide yrs I'd meet a beautiful loving partner and have so much love from family, friends and happiness between the downs, I wouldn't have attempted.

BP downs equate to heavy grieving alone without it on top.It slammed but now I'm looking back and Yes still hurts, always will but we owe it to ourselves to keep going. We don't know whats ahead and nothing stays the same.

I know that now.

[Ggrand]

Heel Beautiful Deebi👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩, Paws..and everyone..

Awe Deebi I’m sorry honey that I have taken a while to drop in to see you..but you’re always in my thoughts.,sometimes it’s hard to get the right words out...

I agree that if we don’t work on getting ourselves up and out of the BP..or PTSD downers quick, that’s when it takes hold of us..It’s hard and exhausting fighting ourselves..but as you’ve always said to me dearest bbff..it’s well worth it..I’m always holding your hand...never letting it go..ever..

lol I wish beastly would play with 🚗 🚙 🚘..😂..

Paws..I spent days repairing my roof...While I was up their Deebi....I built a few chairs on top of the roof....for watching the stars together....Forgot to build a ladder to get up their though..maybe an elastic tied to the gum tree and we could sling shot ourselves up their..😂.,enough chairs for everyone...

Please look after you Deebi....that’s goes for everyone..Be kind and gentle with yourselves..

Always deep love bbff...💜🐻🤗🦋🌹🌱.Umm I intersected the Kahlua...ooh they were yummy..um I left one for you on your patio table..☺️.

My care, love with hugs everyone..🦋💜🤗.

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Grandy..🌹🚘🦄🐉🌈

[demonblaster]

Hi lovely Pawsy 🐾 Grandy 👩‍❤️‍👩 and all 🖐

Thank you loves for popping in and always for your support 🤗

Pawsy that was a lovely healing hug sweet lass. Will always love that touch of Scotty. Lads nice too.

The last 3 ish yrs my bodies constantly giving me a hard time.
Great to be healing in parts.
Backs still iffy but ok today, with a nearly ouch or out unsure which. Respecting it.

Lovely comments thanks Pawsy 🤗
😂 Yes I think Grandy seems quite happy with my airconditioning ideas and how ingenious her moving the bath 😂

Love the commentaries on your gorgeous woofa 🐅
Hope you're seeing some better days lovely you certainly deserve some mental peace too. Hard yakka isn't it. We'll get there darl we're capable of change and learning. We have to cause depressions no life.

Grandy hey sweety 🤗 you too I really hope you're getting some reprieve from the constant nags geez they hound. Don't like you doing it so hard by yourself not that you are as you know here you're very loved 💜💗

Truth darlin. I love seeing you daily but I don't expect that. Hun there's times we're not up to posting boy do I get that. And you have extra resposibility being a cc.i'm not reliable enough to commit to anything & my heads South so often self doubt etc. Proud of you ya know. You're so beautiful sorry if I made you feel guilty, hope not. Just didn't feel comfy not seeing you yesterday for some reason.

That DBT sounds promising doesn't it. I'd like to but am making some ground tho no idea under stress how It'd be.
Can't trust the mind yet but at least it's not the deep horrors. How it is lately's hard enough!

I thought it might be more for people that have had heavy trauma, was thinking of you lovey.

Yes the quicker if we can be aware of how we're feeling helps a lot.

Grandz I was a mess for a while this episode it was sporadic and not super deep but god doesn't it ware you down. SO much goes on. Bloody scenarios memories self dislike picky not so much anger these days which is great. Feelings of insecurity a little paranoia at times. Concentration goes wow memories a joke. Was having trouble a couple days at times even putting sentences together wow. Crap pretty much but still easier. Flipping hard tho eh.

Absolutely rapt with this dear lovely Mr Deebi 😍 He's so easy to love. Beautiful having love again and viceversa.

Grandy deep love dear soul sis. I so hope you're finding reasons to be happy in your days. You're the best huns💜👩‍❤️‍👩🦋🌈💗👀🤝

[Ggrand]

Hello Beautiful Deebi 👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩..Paws...and all..

Hi honey..Please don’t feel insecure with me lovely bbff..I am always here for you..I hope you know ht..I do know hat BP does make us feel confused and insecure..it happens to me quite a fair bit...The sporadic/mixed episodes are much harder to manage...You’re doing a good job Deebi..and I’m very proud of you...

On my way to work yesterday..I was mesmerised by the beautiful scenery...The hills and mountains re so green with a gumtree here and their, It really is a beautiful drive, passing hills, mountains, cows, sheep and llamas grazing on the greenness...I think more farmers are adding llamas..

on one side of the road..oh it’s so peaceful..the canola flowers are blooming full on..against the dark green of the rolling hills..in front is the prettiest yellow canola flowers coving all in the foreground..So beautiful I wish you could see it...The other side of the road is dark green canola plants with the odd flowers here and their.no doubt by next Tuesday they will be in full bloom....A lot of farmers after loosing their cattle to last year’s drought, must have planted the canola...

The DBT sounds interesting and I will research it, when I have some time...I think it will be good, to learn more..

Awe Deebi..no sweety you never made me feel guilty..was doing it hard for a while, but okayish now...I hope you are okay bbff...please be okay...love you so much..💜🐻🤗 ..

It is hard, coming from a clear mind.,then bang it closes that far that joins words to make sense is nearly impossible..Always here for you..in good and especially bad times..I’m not ever going away...🤝 👀...never..you’re in my heart and soul deeply and warmly tucked away..💜🌹🦋..

I hope your day is good today..it’s rainy here a little...my pyjamas are still on me 😂..not doing much today...

My love, care and hugs everyone..🦋💜🤗..

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Grandy..

[demonblaster]

Hey there bbff 👩‍❤️‍👩 and all lovelies ☺

Thank you Grandy I really appreciate that, well all of your posts tbh. You're a beautiful friend and yes I do know you're always here for me I'm so lucky.
Same for you just as you know wow it's similar to a stroke it's in your mind then disjointed on delivery.
It feels when you're down that it'll never change doesn't it but it does every time just sometimes it takes longer.

Ok now thx lovey but still a few negatives floating around.
In it it's rapid fire from every angle to pull us down isn't it and yes mixed is even harder work.

I hope in time to enjoy the mania which is reasonable levels now and have full control over the downs. Sheesh don't they rule but it's in us I know it is!

I think what makes it so hard for any type of depression is it's I'm guessing usually connected with lack of or broken sleep that saps our energy and depression feeds on the little we have.

The llamas are cool aren't they.
I love when you say about the surroundings. The animals, nature flowers they sound beautiful Grandy. I too wish I could see it all and you here it's so beautiful you'd love it and others too from here including Doolsy re beaches. Spare bed too.

Hope work went well 🙂 You're good continuing doing that and those people you didn't know before. You're doing just fine my lady 🤗

I'm pleased I've started lately not in mania I don't think, who'd know 😆 to do houseworky things that my back has prevented me from.
I want to do something, doesn't have to be a biggy daily.
My back ached standing so I ironed over 3 days. Don't mind ironing, think I'm the only one in the world 😂
And to start a few things like an activity booklet for MIL and if it works out maybe make them for elderly stuck at home and lonely. Not sure if I'll go further but a thought.
Mils been very sick and in hospital too. Out now recooping poor love.

Yes understand okayish which is okayish 😊 because shame our recoverys not as instant as PTSD downs. So okayish means we're lifting back up again.
What an ordeal it all is. Constant conflict against our own minds. Bizzare Isn't it.

You too precious Grandy in my heart and soul always 🗯 love & appreciation.
You're a darling. Don't let beasty tell you different dear lady ever! 🤗👩‍❤️‍👩💜🦄🤝👁💗

[Ggrand]

Hey beautiful lady...🐻🤗👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩

Its Good you’re doing some houseworky things..but please be careful not to twist or turn the wrong way...little bits each day is fine and eventually it will all get done..Their is no hurry....Ohh ironing Deebi..I don’t hate it but I don’t like it either...I try to buy everything that doesn’t need to be ironed...Younger days I used to iron everything...not now though...

It is so beautiful out here, except when in drought..The road into town, is a winding one, over and around hills I enjoy the drive each time I take time to take it all in...

I wanted to call in and wish you a good sleep tonight..and hoping no nightmares tonight lovely lady..I am sending my little dream fairies to keep your dreams nice and a beautiful rainbow for you to sleep under to keep you safe..

Good night precious friend...Love you...4 eva..💜🌹🦋🐻..

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Grandy..

[demonblaster]

Mrs gorgeous 👩‍❤️‍👩 hi all ☺

You're a sweety aren't you 🙂 always so good seeing you but remember darlin as long as I know you're ok precious.

Had a whopping 🤕 other day. Most nights in fact I think every one I have the pillow away from my head. They come on in seconds on the pillow. At least can usually manage them that way a lot better.

Yes was pleased I got the ironing done. I used to iron shirts/shorts for my late love and for Mr Deebi now. Not much of mine. It's starting I struggle with 😆

The dream fairies and Rainbow are very beautiful you dear love thank you so much.

Oh meant to say to you and Pawsy I have choccy cameras set up. You'll never get away with it nya ha ha my little lovelies.

Oh and love the chairs on your roof huns great idea. Yes lets try the sling shot. I'll just take some measurements...back in a ticky.

Hope everyone has good sleepies.

Love sent to you dear Grandy wrapped in a big bouncy bubble. Can you see it bounding towards you filled with ohh what a shame I ate the choccy but a Tia Maria Simon and Garfunkle a Coffee frappe no allergies a night night music tape and all the love from your beautiful friends here including all our furs.

Sleep well beautifuls. Always 🗯👩‍❤️‍👩💜👀🤝🌈⚘

[Ggrand]

Hello Beautiful Deebi👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩..and everyone..🤗..

Awe honey, sorry you’re getting those horrible migraines...Just a thought Deebi...maybe a couple of drops of eucalyptus oil on you pillow or even maybe on a tissue near enough to be able to smell it....Good you can move the pillow away and it helps..they really drag us down....hope they stop soon....

Oh..no camera is going to stop me Deebi...I have an...wait a sec 💼..gotta looky...🎹..oops not that one..🎨.nope..ahh here it is..🎪..my invisible tent..I go inside and the tent and I are invisible.....hehe..

i hope your feeling mentally okay..it’s hard isn’t it..going to bed and not knowing if our brain slept enough to wake up good...or no good...It’s kinda like drawing a lottery ticket each night...Winner gets a clear head...looser gets a chatty head....😁..

Love my night time present....All my favourite yummies..Thank you beautiful bbff...

Ivecstarted on a new 🎁 for you....Patients lovely lady..I’m working 🔩⚙️⛏🔨⚖️ on it...

Sending you lots of good night wishes along with my deep love and care...💜🐻🤗🕊💭👀🤝..

Love, hugs and care to everyone..💜🤗🦋.

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Grandy...🌱🕊🦄

[demonblaster]

😂 you're so gorgeous Grandy Floss love you to bits 🤗

Yip glad I'm able to hold most 🤕 by moving the pillow. Got a super flat one like a pancake geesh even thats often too much.

I'm told they're from my neck so not sure it it'd work but thank you for the thought lovely one unless could that ease them hun?

Yes good mentally finally thanks sweety how bout you my dear lovely?

😆 love you're doing a prezzy for me coool. Been thinking of yours heaps but can't hook onto it. Have some ideas but it stays there.

Love you heaps beautiful thank you for your sweety post you're such a light in my life. Adore you. Always 🗯🤗💗👩‍❤️‍👩💜🤝👀🌈🦋

[Ggrand]

Hello Beautiful Deebi...and everyone...

So happy to hear that your mh is being good for you...

Oh honey, those headaches are awful for you I wish I could discover a way for you so they choof of forever, coming from your neck injury makes it so hard to stop or ease them, until it runs its course...Do they seem to come more when you lift something up that’s a bit heavy..or twist your neck the wrong way..,,..

I hope your okay bbff...

Oh it’s going to be a super special present 💝...that’s the only hint I’m giving you😂..

I changed my lounge room around yesterday..and decided to donate a lot of my ornaments and my doll collection to Vinnies...around 50 dolls..I am going to keep one doll, my grandma gave me when I was around 10 years old...Getting rid of a lot of things I don’t really see/look at anymore let someone else enjoy them....

I hope your day is as sunny as mine...and you can manage to soak up some sun...it’s healing..

Love 💜 to you my bbff...with some gentle 🐻 🤗..

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Grandy..🕊🌱.

[demonblaster]

Hiya Grandy 👩‍❤️‍👩 and readers 👋

So nice seeing you thank you for popping in ya gorgeous lady 🤗

When you're in poor mh it feels like it won't stop doesn't it. I must keep remembering it won't stay. Yes good thanks lovey.

No I avoid lifting much now days with the back. The headaches come within seconds laying on a pillow. This is very flat and seems to be warding them off. I've been having it slightly under my shoulders seems to be working. Hoping anyway. Thanks sweety girl 😊 you're very sweet.

😀 haha the only hint eh. Phooey pretty stuck on this one. Can't wait. Geesh not getting further with yours tho a few ideas. Love our time Grandy. We cover so much. You're really beautiful ya know 😚

Wow you've been doing so well at home. Well done hun. Change is good for us I think.

The dolls good on you Grandy love. I imagine that could be emotional? Glad you're keeping your Nans one.

Missing my darling 😍 he's staying at home cause his friends having a hard time and I didnt want to risk my back on a different bed yet. He's a dear man Grandy. Love him very much and vice versa the honey.

Yes gorgeous days here I really must get out and walk. Also follow up on the foot. I can see the area it's naughty as well as Archilles.

Grandy wishing you the very best for tomorrow my/our lovely darlin.

Always my bbff who I love and care about very deeply precious friend. PubAok lysvm awyis yadimh sss bbff gg swod 🤗😚👩‍❤️‍👩💜🗯👀🌱