Surviving: Being in a better place

[demonblaster]

Hi all 🙂
Thought this thread might be of use to talk about your stories if you like and where you're at now.
In a better place.

I have Bipolar, (BP) pretty sure all my life. Wasn't diagnosed, I approached them thinking I have this at age 46.
The ups (mania) are magic, ying and yang (opposites) evident with BP & in many other ways.
The downs, crippling. Still ..but I'm DETERMINED to beat them with time & effort and professional help.One of the psychiatrists said it can't be beaten, I say cause it maybe hasn't been done, doesn't mean it can't be.
Have come an incredibly long way so far.
Long way to go probs but HAS to be sooner rather than later, else this mother of a demon will get me, I live in fear of going under the line again which majority of the time the head goes South but looking back at those times knowing I got through & that it's not always like that helps.
SO many good times, happy times between.

The cycles have gone from Rapid cycling (4 or more a yr) to 8/10 a yr since the loss of my beloved partner of 28yrs to leukaemia.

My teens starting at 14yrs I attempted suicide 4 times.
You're in hell considering, contemplating & ultimately attempting suicide, we're going against our strongest basic instinct. Survival.

Wanted OUT, couldn't see anything but Black in my head, no light, no way out, no other choice, the depression beast had me engulfed as it does most of the time in cycles now too.
Rock bottom. The pits.

I've learnt a lot one thing is it doesn't stay this way.
Sleep's vital. We don't get a lot or quality when down, it affects how we feel usually in a negative way.
Life's so much harder when we're tired and exhausted, we see feel & react to things differently
That part of our brain that works at pulling us down, I think with everyone, not only mental illness or disorders

Self esteem rock bottom, still working at it, it's true we have to like/love ourselves works as a shield.
Great loving good parents lucky

If I'd known in suicide yrs I'd meet a beautiful loving partner and have so much love from family, friends and happiness between the downs, I wouldn't have attempted.

BP downs equate to heavy grieving alone without it on top.It slammed but now I'm looking back and Yes still hurts, always will but we owe it to ourselves to keep going. We don't know whats ahead and nothing stays the same.

I know that now.

[Ggrand]

Hello Beautiful Deebi👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩...

Just popping in to ask you my precious friend...RUOK.?

missing you.....Um did I say anything to upset you...if I did I am really sorry....

No pressure bbff....How are you feeling....truth please..

SSS love, care and hugs..

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Grandy...🕊🌱🌿🌳..

[demonblaster]

Hey Grandy 👩‍❤️‍👩🐺 🐾🐧🐒

No lovey I doubt you'd ever upset me 🤗 ? I've been a bit quiet.

Been a hard few wks on & off.
Mostly I can pull up a bit with dark moods. Horrid!

Not too bad with darling 😍Just moments & liking myself less after. He rarely reacts the dear love.
I ask how I've been.The precious holds back saying. I say it's ok to. So beautiful 😍

Think v.mixed episodes moreso this time

Do you/anyone know much about Schizophrenia? I've heard you dont have to hear voices.
I've always thought no. Just can't understand the onslaught of total crap thoughts with mild paranoia
So many scenarios always bad. It's always like my mind wants to destroy me

Multiple PTSDs this time again!

Anxiety gets hairy tho making some progress

Untold thoughts of what people might be thinking or going to say. ? anxiety or...

I feel totally stripped in the darks & vulnerable. Can't believe the crap that goes on in my head.

Nose nearly settled.
Arms part Rotator cuff & bursitis. Some ouches but a lot better. He's unsure why it felt like a dislocation. Pretty sure it was. Extreme pain different to the usual times

Tho I have/do get close to people it's easier not too. (You yes) Too damned sensitive. Most of us could do with better filters at times tho

Was unaware being in mh tho felt besty was having a go unintentionally which escalated fast on her part. We spoke openly & honestly. I defended myself calmly, happy bout that
Hoping tomorrows catch up we can talk more to put this to bed.
Have a couple of apologies. We're/will be fine. Beautiful soul love her v.much.

I get why some friends even with their besties don't want to be all the time together (I love it with partners) ? the
honeymoon doesnt last long

I'm more aware in mania going off topic on some threads.
Working hard to tame the beast & in highs. Not quite there yet.
I'm pretty sure I too hurt someone Grandy which wasn't/ever my intention.
If they're reading I am sorry. I responded in anger & was aware after posting before they'd several times commented and was already down on myself feeling like a fool

Fleetingly now days I think is it worth the pain. Yes we need to hold onto the goods.
Just so much to work through eh 😧

Dear Kitty thank you and Hanbah as well for your visits and support as well as everyone.

Best back to bed was up wee hrs. Nigh nite ☺

Thanks for your care time & listening good people

👩‍❤️‍👩💜🗯⚘

[Croix]

Dear DB~

I hope you managed to get some sleep. There seems to be so much going on inside you it can be hard. Add to that the physical pain and I'd be a bit surprised you can manage much at all.

I'd not worry too much about any post you made, after all what might seem bad to you others might not even notice. Plus on the times I've felt my post was a mistake I've simply REPORT POSTed it and asked it be taken down - a safety net.

It's not always easy so write a balanced piece when angry or in pain - or tired for that matter, so please cut yourself some slack.

I'd have to agree htat a little distance at times can be good, sometimes I"m not in a good mood and any conversations can go downhill - same for others. I guess Mr DB is a bit of a treasure

You wanna watch out for mmMekitty's 'stew'🍲. If it is anything like we had at school it will change you perspective permanently:(

OK, I'm off, have penguin🐧 - no don't thank me I've got plenty (🐧🐧🐧🐧🐧🐧🐧🐧🐧🐧🐧)

Croix.

[Ggrand]

Hello Beautiful Deebi 👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩, Hi Croix, MmMeKitty, Paws

I do hope I put no pressure on you to post.....I do get very concerned when you’re not around....in r/l I would ring you daily to check on you....I can’t do that...the only way I know if your okay is through these forums..😢..

Deebi, so sorry your doing it so hard right now..mixed episodes are the pits aren’t they....they seem to never end..but they do dear bbff....things change constantly, you’ll come out of this the other end...just that tiny bit stronger then before...each time our resilience does strengthen....I know it probably doesn’t feel like it does...but it does...

Hun, you would never hurt anyone intentionally or otherwise...please remember that you have help countless numbers of this beautiful community and everything you say to anyone is from your heart to help them through there struggles...you are one awesome and beautiful lady...I have done what sour wise Croix has said...deleted a post by reporting it, after I realise that my words could be taken the wrong way.....it’s okay Deebi...please don’t let that get you down...I know it hurts us deeply.....to think we hurt someone...I just went through that....the pain does ease as we read only...then we read a post and we know that we can help them......then we start posting again...feeling a little less hurt....You are very much valued on these forums beautiful lady...

I am so proud of you, gently defending yourself and being able to talk openly and honestly with your friend...I hope today, that you both can sort it out and have a nice besty hug...and put it all behind you....I only have in r/l...one besty...”Betty”....as much as I love and care for her...I still keep a bit of distance between us....trust is a big issue for me...

I feel sadness that your bursitis is playing up on you...same for me..The colder weather is no friend to my arthritis, which in turn starts off the bursitis pain.....I find a heat pack warmed up in the microwave does help a little at night...

running out of characters...so I’ll send you all the love I have in my heart and soul to you bbff...💙🕊🌱🦄🧸🤗🤗..with my 💭 kind care..

hugs everyone, with love and care..💜🌹🤗..

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Grandy..

[Ggrand]

Oh no....please Deebi...I need to apologise to dear Croix..

I am so really sorry...Dear Croix..I just re read my post here..I meant to say...I have done what our wise Croix has done...not that other word...I really am sorry...I really should proof read my posts before posting them....

Please forgive my typing error....😢..it’s not what I wanted to write..

Grandy...

[demonblaster]

Oh I love you Grandy 👩‍❤️‍👩

Thank you so much and our favourite Croixy penguin 😄 for such comforting posts. Seriously I really appreciate the beautiful people here.

I have yet to reply properly to your caring posts so for now Grandz I had such a warm smile and giggle inside re the other word because I know you'd never say that 😂 oop sorry hun it reminds of another one between us I still love it. I'm positive he won't be at all rattled. Our Mr Croixys Gold and definately clued up to know if someones having a go.

Slept a lot yesterday so postponed today besty till Sunday. Hoping to today again and walk struth there's sun!

Oh had a lovely catch up with other one. Love her v.deeply too. Shes one that doesnt like too often but also often v.busy.

Bbl beautiful people ☺ Many thanks again for your comforting replies that are really appreciated.

Absolutely no pressure felt btw Grandy I know I'd be the same if rl and hey it's a besties job to keep track on eachother. In hard mh I often start but don't finish posts like one for here but was pleased that I dod finish a couple. S.times its just have to do something or go out.

Goin to walk today 🐢 ...😅...that's about it then on rare occasions I'm off like a zippity doo da

Huge love Grandy 👩‍❤️‍👩💜 always 🗯 be at yours today hoping 🤗😚

[Croix]

🐧

Humph - "sour Croix" indeed! 🐧 Goes off grumbling, grumble, grumble grumble ...

🐧🐧

Dratted penguins

🐧

[Ggrand]

Hello Beautiful Deebi👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩, Croix and everyone....

I have spent a huge 8.6seconds knitting you a triple layered, super soft snuggling into blanket with a hood on it to keep your head warm.....Winter has arrived here at mine with full force...it’s freezing...

How are you feeling honey...both of course physically and mentally?....I hope that beasty has been taught a lesson from you and [IT]xx...has run away for a long time...

Did I once say I prefer the winter?...What was I thinking 🤔. This year I am feeling the cold so much..I do hope that you are keeping warm....

Lovely that you had another catch up with your other bestie...that’s really nice...it’s so good staying in touch with our friends when we can....we’ll done...

I think our lovely Croix has been riding his iceberg around my area and left a freezing zone spell in my little village...I often wondered why his iceberg doesn’t melt when he has his blazing wood fire on...It’s because he leaves it near my place....so it stays frozen 🥶....

I hope you like your new hooded 3 ply blanket....I knitted it in Sapphire Blue...with tiny jonquils embroidered all over it...

Much big love, care and warm hugs bbff..💙🦋🧸🤗🦄👼..stay warm and cosy and please after yourself..

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Grandy🕊🌱🌿🌳

[Ggrand]

Hello Beautiful D👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩, Croix and everyone...🤗

Deebi...RUOK.?....I read on mine some things that I can’t remember what I heard...as the post reported by you has disappeared into cyber space...It was okay you posted it on mine...as we are spirit Soul sisters...what’s mine is yours...and your welcome to post whatever you want to on mine/our thread...

No hurry to reply precious friend, but um...I do worry about you if I don’t Here from you in over a few days...that being said..no pressure at all...

I do remember that your doing very good with getting your passwords in order and easier to remember..very confusing aren’t they?...

What you been up to, this past week, apart from redesigning your passwords?...I hope you’ve been using your fluffy warm 8.6 sec, sapphire blue, embroidered with jonquil blanket to keep you warm...

I’ve had temperatures below 8 deg for around 6 days now..it’s so cold to do anything except lay on my lounge under a blanket....I do need to make a doggie bed..my new dog Peppa has taken a shine to Ebony’s bed...so I’ll have to make one very soon...I have all the materials necessary to make one...all I have to do now it to get my motivation going....got my sewing machine out a few days ago and now it will probably need dusting and oiling because it’s sitting still doing nothing, in this cold damp air...Do you like sewing bbff...I do but after only a few minutes the arthritis between my shoulder blades (on my spine)...really starts to protest about all the movements and begins to cause me lots of pain....I think by the time I start and finish her bed...it will be Summertime and Peppa will be sprawled out on the floor 😂...

Sending you my eternal love...if you go to your window in about 7.32.6789.1 sec...you will be able to catch my 🐻 🤗 I sent down on our golden thread 💙💫💙=🧸🤗..

My care, hugs and love to everyone..🦋💜🤗.

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Grandy..🕊🌱🌿🌳..

[demonblaster]

My gorgeous bbff Grandy 👩‍❤️‍👩 Croixy 🐧 Pawsy 🐾 Hannah 🐕Monks 🐒&readers 🤓

Yay back in so happy. Couldn't get in. Was goin to post at yours 👩‍❤️‍👩 😆 not my stuf. Warm thanks that was beautiful 'our thread precious soul 🤗 ditto lovely☺

Yes quite a few probs goods happening. Socials too👍

Lovely friend visiti today & probs meeting with sick friend later. Heart wrenching knowing we won't have him much longer😢 Palliative care soon 😥

It's SO hard his brother always talking about "when he dies" etc and its all about how it'll affect him! My heart split when friend said it's really getting to him. At times I'm being direct but not making an issue. I'm one of the very few that'll say anything. I want to talk to him sometime geez this guys fighting for his bloody life he doesnt need that he needs strong support and love that he gets from everyone else and us. I do know it affects him tho.Think I'm the only person that sees some good in him which I mention occasionally to people. He's not a bad person but lacks compassion understanding care factor. To be fair he suffers MH as well. It's bloody off though!

In the process of getting extra MH support incl a counsellor. Still can see a psychologist. I'll see a clinical one who can diagnose then do NDIS reports.

They can do lawns (smallish) that I enjoy-Grandy I'd be at yours in a flash mind you it'd take more than a flash to do 🤔 a week sounding ok

Limited housework/cooking if need in poor mh. Coach for motivation/goals new device & digital teaching. BOOMER!

Doing daily physio exercises OMG painful to start on stationary bike. A few pain screams & sitting up like I have a rod in my back eases it. I can even v.carefully pick up speed. 6 mins fast 💃 walking, stand ups from seat no hands will increase in time. Pushed through the last couple days.Stoked

Oh SO good just LOVEN our play 👩‍❤️‍👩 hey those dropped stitches worked a treat. I wear my gorjy blanky as a coat. It goes over my head. Score! & so quick 😂 Ahh Jonquils 💗

Croixy thx u really comforted me re post back there

I'd love you to teach me to sew Grandz. Poor love the damned pain. So glad you've been doing some. 😄 dusting/oiling.

Slowly weights going. 3kgs to lose what I gained then about 25 more. Soon after by the sounds the hip op.

I'll repost the uh oh one 😅

Hoping in next 3ish days to finish p.words YAY huge one.

Grandy I love you so deeply. Often I imagine us together doing stuff talking 😂 like we do.

Thank you all 💗💜👩‍❤️‍👩⚘