Surviving: Being in a better place

[demonblaster]

Hi all 🙂
Thought this thread might be of use to talk about your stories if you like and where you're at now.
In a better place.

I have Bipolar, (BP) pretty sure all my life. Wasn't diagnosed, I approached them thinking I have this at age 46.
The ups (mania) are magic, ying and yang (opposites) evident with BP & in many other ways.
The downs, crippling. Still ..but I'm DETERMINED to beat them with time & effort and professional help.One of the psychiatrists said it can't be beaten, I say cause it maybe hasn't been done, doesn't mean it can't be.
Have come an incredibly long way so far.
Long way to go probs but HAS to be sooner rather than later, else this mother of a demon will get me, I live in fear of going under the line again which majority of the time the head goes South but looking back at those times knowing I got through & that it's not always like that helps.
SO many good times, happy times between.

The cycles have gone from Rapid cycling (4 or more a yr) to 8/10 a yr since the loss of my beloved partner of 28yrs to leukaemia.

My teens starting at 14yrs I attempted suicide 4 times.
You're in hell considering, contemplating & ultimately attempting suicide, we're going against our strongest basic instinct. Survival.

Wanted OUT, couldn't see anything but Black in my head, no light, no way out, no other choice, the depression beast had me engulfed as it does most of the time in cycles now too.
Rock bottom. The pits.

I've learnt a lot one thing is it doesn't stay this way.
Sleep's vital. We don't get a lot or quality when down, it affects how we feel usually in a negative way.
Life's so much harder when we're tired and exhausted, we see feel & react to things differently
That part of our brain that works at pulling us down, I think with everyone, not only mental illness or disorders

Self esteem rock bottom, still working at it, it's true we have to like/love ourselves works as a shield.
Great loving good parents lucky

If I'd known in suicide yrs I'd meet a beautiful loving partner and have so much love from family, friends and happiness between the downs, I wouldn't have attempted.

BP downs equate to heavy grieving alone without it on top.It slammed but now I'm looking back and Yes still hurts, always will but we owe it to ourselves to keep going. We don't know whats ahead and nothing stays the same.

I know that now.

[Ggrand]

Hello Beautiful Deebi👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩, Paws and everyone.....🤗.

Thats So not fair about the lease..I remember when we rented, we always had to sign a 6 months lease..then after the first 6 months it was optional if we wanted another 6 months or 12 months....Things are so different in the world lately...seems everything is in favour of the rich....

Property prices are going up in regional NSW...as people are wanting to move into rural and get away from COVID....Houses 2/3 bedroom in the little towns and villages here are still well under $150,000...Doesn’t make sense does it really..the same house here for let’s say $100,000.00 sells anywhere from $400,000.00 plus in the Sydney suburbs...

I’m sorry Deebi...You misplacing something...geez I do that a lot..put it in a safe place I’ll remember...then a week after completely forgetting where I put it.😔...it does get frustrating and annoying...

Talking coherently while in a downer is near impossible for me...I start by starting in my notes..sometimes it can take many hours...days even...but eventually it gets done...Never no hurry to do things...

I love it that you and Mr. Beautiful are talking walks together...that’s so sweet...Wow 24 kilos it a lot of weight to loose..,that’s like 48 containers of margarine...So proud of you bbff....I changed my eating habits and lost 9 kilos..but slipped up when problems came my way...and put another 2 kilos on..,,comfort eating dux,,,but sometimes it’s as good as a hug 🥴.

You’re doing a great job precious bbff, with what you’ve been up to....Bi-Polar is one heck of a thing to manage...and you’re really doing that amazingly.....as well looking after yourself your also looking after Mr. Deebi..

I ready all the post that you write out....and couldn’t find any you botched up...You’re a beautiful and gentle person Deebi... your posts help lots of people here...keep posting when you feel, that you can help someone...because you always do..,.you have and still do help me so much, in ways you’re unaware off..,

Big love and deep care for you bbff..💚🧸🤗🦋🌹🕊...I really hope you’re better then okay... 💭 are daily honey with care and respect....🦄👼.

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Grandy...

[monkey_magic]

Hello,

Just checking in here after a long hiatus to wish you well. No meds, no puffs and a 24kgs loss plus a new place is huge!

I hope you are secretly or very proud of all of those achievements!

No security isn't great but here's to hoping things continue to go you are Mr way! You've also held onto a long relationship which is another big achievement!

Doing well on all those fronts DB!

💞

[Paw Prints]

Hello Deebi, wave to Mr Deebi,

How are you going lass?... You should be proud of you getting off the puffs (for any length of time)... plus being out & about getting gentle exercise... I love that you & Mr Deebi are doing this together... it sounds like Mr Deebi has made a good recovery.

Wow 24kgs is amazing... I hope you are finding losing that much along with the walking is helping to reduce some of your pain...

I'm keeping everything crossed for you lass that beasty goes away... you deserve a break from all its nonsense...

Huggliest of hugs

Paws

[Ggrand]

Hello Beautiful bbff..Deebi👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩🤗..

Thinking of you precious friend...

Hoping so much you’re okay..

Just wanted to drop in and give you a big bunch of deep purple daisies for your kitchen table....and a crystal vase wth a beautiful red rose 🌹.....

Repeat after me.....

I am strong...

I am beautiful....

I am loved...

I am a winner...

I am Demonblaster...👿 🔫....The beautiful and caring Deebi ....

How are you feeling dear bbff...

Love, care and hugs....💚🦋🤗..

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Grandy...

[demonblaster]

Hi dear bbff 👩‍❤️‍👩 Pawsy 🐾 Magic 🐒 and readers ☺

Thank you lovely people for your time care and support it means a lot. Very appreciated.

I'm good thanks Grandy and all just spending a lot of time playing poker. Free but you can buy chips not expensive but adds up I guess.

Dear darling Mr Deebi 😍 tomoz is having another op to get a large stone out hopefully from the bile duct. He'll be in o/n the sweetheart.

We have nearly all his furniture here now so he's been ploughing quietly through the endless paperwork. We've done stacks already. Stuff you don't get round to over the yrs. Painful jobby. Still heap of boxes to unpack we're just taking our time.

Oh emailed them (rental) finally and gave a lot of thought how to respond.. with no anger Grandz yay 😊 and said my thing respectfully. Asked for a yrs lease too which we got yay. Oh btw Grandy sorry yes we did have an initial 6mth lease.

Grandy thank you for saying those lovely things 🤗 about posting you're so lovely and that gorgeous last post. I love and always appreciate you and what you say.

Yes Pawsy I am getting some good hip relief tho lately some severe leg ache I think from there. It's not as bad as it's been. Also walkings not as bad at all at the back of the legs. Phew.

Been pretty naughty with choccy & have to have blood tests done. Been avoiding that but need to.

Beautiful day here as mostly is. Did I say we're doing bits here and there unpacking.

Love it here so nice and this area.

Magic thanks too for your visit darl. Nice seeing you too ☺

We're just off for a walk and lunch.

Thanks girls ☺🤗🐾🐒⚘

Huge love always 🗯👩‍❤️‍👩💜👀🤝👂💗🐉 dear bbff 🤗

[demonblaster]

Grandy love

😢 I thought I was a true friend to you too like you are to me

👩‍❤️‍👩🤗💜😢

[Ggrand]

Hello beautiful Deebi👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩...

You are my true friend...I’m sorry if I said wrong..😢..

Please talk to me honey and tell me why you’re doubting our beautiful friendship....I am always here for you with unconditional love and care....💚🧸🕊🌹🦄👼...

How is Mr. Deebi after his operation and o/n stay at the hospital....I hope he is doing good and you of course bbff...

Thats okay being naughty with the chocolate...I know I can be at times when I get a craving...I don’t buy at shopping any chocolate anymore..and the long trip into town makes me think twice before I drive in to buy some😁...

I am very proud of you not getting angry when you had your say with an email....Sometimes when people are angry they say things they regret later on..it’s always a good thing to sit back for a day or two until the anger leaves you...so that way out thinking is more rational... Well done beautiful bbff..I know that would have been hard for you to do.....

Deebi...Please try hard honey to believe that our friendship is solid ...as solid as the purest pieces of gold that can be found on the universe....Which links our hearts and souls together forever....

I am really sorry that I made you feel 😢...Please believe in our friendship...every single second of each day...

Sending you my love, care and gentle bear hugs to your heart and soul my beautiful bbff...💚🦋🌹🕊🍀👼💕🧸🤗.

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Grandy...🌜👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩🌛...4 eva My bbff 🌜💚🌛

[demonblaster]

Hey sweetyheart 👩‍❤️‍👩

I should have explained why... sorry darlin. Was reading back on Hannahs thread and read you saying your only real friends Betty which I'm eternally grateful you have her. Maybe you meant in rl. I thought that later.

Thanks sweet yes I do believe in our solid bbff-ness 😄 always thinking of you and wishing we were rl 😢

You don't ever say things wrong Grandy that just caught me at a tender moment I guess and wasn't thinking further.

Thanks darlin for asking after this dear Mr Deebi 😍 the surgeon had emergencies again so it's on this Monday.

Grandy its daily choccy often... oops but walking seems to be keeping it ok. Oh but yum. Yip we'll have to do same and not buy. Was going well having hardly any. Put on a couple kg I think. Going to sometime increase walking.

True better to say things later and about more thought coming through. I left it a long time. Good a yr but would love longer with the lease. Hope so for next one.

Grandy same you have no idea how much our friendship means. It's a beautiful feeling of security isn't it. Yes we are very solid sweet thing ☺😚🤗

How are you doing lovey I'm sorry to put a heavy on you when it's so hard atm for you lovely one.

You're honestly never far from my thoughts so often from day to dark. So much love and care dear friend. You're so beautiful Grandy ☺ pubAok yAdimh lysVm 🌞💜👩‍❤️‍👩🦋🤝👀🗯🌈😚🐁🕊

[Ggrand]

Hello Beautiful Deebi👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩...

I am sorry Deebi👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩...I hurt you...Definitely you are a true friend...SSS friendships cannot be broken...ever...You’re everyday in my 💭..and I am 💯 % honest in saying that..💚🦋🦄..

I was talking about in r/l, I was thinking about how it’s hard for me to get very close to anyone that I feel safe enough to confide in...Mrs NSC started to be really kind and caring a while back..and we both confided in each other...The she can turn around and be bossy to me..knowing how I can be triggered....She made me feel like she can just abandon me anytime she wants to like at a drop of a hat..,..I don’t think real friends can do that to another person...

If I could go out for walks.. and the walks take away the chocolate I ate....wow I too would be everyday having some.. I try not to eat because of my health, I’m over the worry about being over weight...Just trying to get more healthy as my cardiologist and Dr. have suggested...😁..

I hope the operation goes good for Mr. Deebi....Mine has been cancelled for the abscess/cyst on my back...and it’s starting to fill again with that yucky stuff....If they have to lance it again..that will be 3 times...😢..

I do hope you can stay their for many years...as you said you like it their, plus your closer to your friends and it’s a very beautiful place to live...Are you right on the coast, can you walk to the beach and can you see the beach from your apartment?....so many questions..it’s okay if you don’t want to answer..

Always here for you my precious friend, in mind and soul..wish it was physically possible...Keeping that hope alive that one day it will be possible....

Sending you my eternal love, care and heals of hugs..💚🌹💜🕊🍀🧸🤗..

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Grandy...

[demonblaster]

Thank you gorgeous bbff 👩‍❤️‍👩

That's quite ok darlin I didnt think further till after. Thanks for being so easy to talk to ☺ This is what real friends do. Love you very deeply dear Grandy 🤗💜💗

Thanks hun re Mr Deebi I pass your msg's on and from Pawsy. So nice of youse. He says thank you both for your care.

Oh and Pawsy he waved back btw it looked so cute.

Where I was, was a few steps from one of the beaches Grandz. Here we're at the other end which is a few minutes drive away. Not far. A few beaches here.

Yes I think be careful with Mrs nsc she seems to turn and sounds domineering. Probs deep down she's lovely but rough outside. Oh darlin I wish it was easier for you beautiful lady 🤗

Ahh that damned cyst. Ouch I bet. Icky hun. Geez it must be difficult to cope with poor love.

We're slowly getting things sorted here geez it'll be good when we get the last cupboard and have our gear stacked away as much as po. Be so good having a home with order not stuff everywhere. Getting there which is good just frustrating at times and hard to get things done at times.

Ok gunna choof and play some more poker for a bit. I'm trying not to play hrs on end that way I got some bits done sarvo. Wanna start getting more sorted here and get stuck into the art.

Me too Grandy I hold onto hope too. God I really hope one day.

Ok lovely one I'll drop over to yours tomoz hun. Have read ☺

Dunno where I'd be without you dear friend. Thanks for being the beautiful person you are. A privilege being your bbff 🦄🌞👩‍❤️‍👩💜 always ☄like Gold unbreakable yes 🗯🤝👀🌈🦋

Tons of love precious soul 💗 nigh nite huns. I always think of you when I hear birdies and see the stars and moon amongst many many thoughts my gorgeous 😚

Nigh nite lovely people out there 👋 we can do this!