Surviving: Being in a better place

[demonblaster]

Hi all 🙂
Thought this thread might be of use to talk about your stories if you like and where you're at now.
In a better place.

I have Bipolar, (BP) pretty sure all my life. Wasn't diagnosed, I approached them thinking I have this at age 46.
The ups (mania) are magic, ying and yang (opposites) evident with BP & in many other ways.
The downs, crippling. Still ..but I'm DETERMINED to beat them with time & effort and professional help.One of the psychiatrists said it can't be beaten, I say cause it maybe hasn't been done, doesn't mean it can't be.
Have come an incredibly long way so far.
Long way to go probs but HAS to be sooner rather than later, else this mother of a demon will get me, I live in fear of going under the line again which majority of the time the head goes South but looking back at those times knowing I got through & that it's not always like that helps.
SO many good times, happy times between.

The cycles have gone from Rapid cycling (4 or more a yr) to 8/10 a yr since the loss of my beloved partner of 28yrs to leukaemia.

My teens starting at 14yrs I attempted suicide 4 times.
You're in hell considering, contemplating & ultimately attempting suicide, we're going against our strongest basic instinct. Survival.

Wanted OUT, couldn't see anything but Black in my head, no light, no way out, no other choice, the depression beast had me engulfed as it does most of the time in cycles now too.
Rock bottom. The pits.

I've learnt a lot one thing is it doesn't stay this way.
Sleep's vital. We don't get a lot or quality when down, it affects how we feel usually in a negative way.
Life's so much harder when we're tired and exhausted, we see feel & react to things differently
That part of our brain that works at pulling us down, I think with everyone, not only mental illness or disorders

Self esteem rock bottom, still working at it, it's true we have to like/love ourselves works as a shield.
Great loving good parents lucky

If I'd known in suicide yrs I'd meet a beautiful loving partner and have so much love from family, friends and happiness between the downs, I wouldn't have attempted.

BP downs equate to heavy grieving alone without it on top.It slammed but now I'm looking back and Yes still hurts, always will but we owe it to ourselves to keep going. We don't know whats ahead and nothing stays the same.

I know that now.

[Croix]

Dear DB~

I know your are having a very hard time - even discounting physical troubles, and old established problems and thought patterns are the hardest to reduce .

There are two very big buts though

The first is you think of others

The second (a real precious gem) is your sense of humor keeps on seeping though and blunting a little of the edges.

I always take encouragement from reading your posts

Croix

[Ggrand]

Hello Beautiful Deebi👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩, Croixy, Paws and everyone...🤗..

Oh no..Hyperventilating can very serious if you can’t get yourself to realise your doing it and calm yourself down...I remember so well that once in hyperventilating oI couldn’t slow down my breathing and my arms and legs twisted out of shape, because of lack of oxygen...Please bbff...If you can... try to catch yourself earlier on when you start doing it and slow down your breathing...or breathe into a paper bag....

Deebi...We should never berate ourselves ever....I know I have and still do at times...it gives our depression and self dislike something to feed off and grow...If you speak nice things about yourself, it starves depression and makes it weaker for a short time...eventually with lots of self care and compassion..depression just might get sick of trying and run a way....

Its okay to not be okay Deebi..and it’s okay that others know that your not okay...it’s hard and I feel keeping a mask on all the time does more harm to our mental health by trying to hide it...every time we go out with friends...Sometimes you just need to feel what you’re feeling...when you’re feeling it....and let it out and not hide it....

I hope Mr Deebi is improving with each second of the day and night...poor man....but the luckiest man in the world because he has a very beautiful, caring and loving partner...

Always here for you bbff if you feel to talk about anything at all....Stay safe precious friend...Eternal love and care..💚🕊🦋🌈🧸🤗🦄👼..

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Grandy..

[demonblaster]

Hi dear bbff Croixy and Pawsy

Thank you for your beautiful support bbl to reply properly.

Just wanted to vent for now. At least I was nearly out of poor mh still tired but my heads manageable tho out of anger more than anything else I just had a cry.

SO bloody angry! I'll leave any other expletives for home!

6 measley mths here struggling like hell paying $400 rent and the mongrels not only have offered a further pathetic 6 mth lease they're bumping the rent up to $425. MONGRELS!

We haven't even unpacked yet!

Then what after that pathetic! 6 mths. SO angry.

I'm going to say my bit to them face on and it'd better be for at least a year. Whats worse they know we both lost $200 each. It is that amount.

Mutts.

Sorry Grandy if me being so angry upsets you. I'm fuming but won't swear at them.

Blaming the climate! Yeah right Covid climate!

Goin to ring tenancy and $25 is a huge bump the .....

Love you bbff 🤗💜👩‍❤️‍👩🗯always. No idea what to do now the stinkin sods!! SO happy here pffttt 😭😢😤😡😠

Bbl thanks for listening and loving me Grandy.

[Ggrand]

Hello Beautiful Deebi👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩,

Please don’t be sorry to me that your angry...anger is a natural emotion same as all the others we have...To be honest, I wish I could get angry..

$25.00 is a huge bump up..and so unfair since you only recently signed the lease papers..,I don’t know about leases etc.,,I thought once a lease is signed for a certain amount per week, they couldn’t change that price until the lease has expired..I am probably wrong though.,To me it seems just so unfair..,,If I could I would certainly be you and Mr Deebi’s house partner....We could help each other so much...I think..

Deebi...honey, yes if you feel to say your bit, which I know your entitled to...Please try hard to not let your thoughts overtake and say the wrong things to them....I know when anger strikes my husband...words he spoke to me or our children could never be taken back....So Please honey.... have your say as much as you need to..to clear all this up...just be careful of the words you choose..because afterwards like anyone else with mh..you will go over and over the conversation in your mind and I don’t want you to feel down by what you said.....Sorry if I’ve said wrong..just that I live and care so much for you and don’t want you downing/berating yourself at all.....

Always here for you my bestest bbff...whenever you need to vent, just go for it honey..that’s what here is for..

My deepest care, and love precious friend...🦋🕊💚🧸🤗.

Grandy...

[Paw Prints]

Hello Deebi, wave to everyone,

Oh lass you are in the wars aren't you... you have every right to be angry about the rent increase... I won't say what I really think of them as you would have to wash my mouth out with soap. I really hope you have been able to get help from the tenancy mob.

How are you coping lass?.. Are you & Mr Deebi giving yourselves some time out from all the worry & just doing something nice together each day?... Even just looking at each other & soaking up how wonderful it is that the two of you found each other.

Lass all your friends here are in your corner... we have lots of ears if you want/need to vent & lots of shoulders if you need a cry... plus I will whip up a yummy calorie free chocolate cake with Kahlua cream & icing that we can all indulge with over a cuppa...

Be gentle with yourself

Huggliest of hugs to you both

Paws

[Ggrand]

Hello beautiful bbff Deebi👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩..

Just popping in to do a friendship check in....

Are you okay?....no pressure to answer honey...

I made a delicious chocolate cherry cake with crushed walnuts on top of a very creamy rich chocolate icing...and also bought over with me some hot chocolate with mini marshmallows on top.....

I thought that we could all enjoy them together while we prattle about what ever we want to prattle about😁..

Sending you some love and care on that golden thread of ours...💚💫💜..always 💭 24/7...🧸🤗..

Love and hugs everyone...💜🤗..

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Grandy...l

[Croix]

Dear DB~

I'm doing the same as Grandy -seeing how you are. It's horrible to be gouged by some greedy person and not be able to do anything.

Croix

[blondguy]

Hey DB

Grandy summed it up so well....just a friendship check

Bearhug if thats okay

Paul

[demonblaster]

Hey lovely people

Thank you.

I'll be ok and am often at times. Then like today haven't stopped crying since I got up around hr and half ago. Funny thing is I'm not exactly sure why. Just release I guess. This ones been long hard and thrown a couple extra day jobs of mania in for good measure. Couldn't have me getting through hell too quickly.

If there was no mania. Yeah well. And there is so that's what I should be focusing on.

Talk to youse properly another time.

You're all very appreciated, again thank you.

👩‍❤️‍👩💜🗯

[demonblaster]

Hey Grandy 👩‍❤️‍👩 Paws 🐾 Croixy 🐧 and Paul 🤗

Many thanks for your support beautiful people ☺

Croixy thank you I was deeply moved.

Grandy love I'd have you in a heartbeat living here geez it'd be amazing. There's even a doggy door to outside in the courtyard. We're growing very impressive weeds there 😆

This is if they give us our first lease Grandz apparently they dont lease for the first 6mths. I get that but SO hacked off this is only for 6 measley stinkin mths. No security we have what so ever. I had to say our bit so mailed a reply today. We were told a long lease by previous estate agents. Grrr big time.

Otherwise I feel they're walking over us which they pretty much are anyway! Wasn't rude just said my piece and asked at least for a yr. Troubles here is going insane with property $ with covid. Probs have to leave here sometime 😓 really love it here but that's da breaks eh. Enjoy while we can I guess. Still not moved in properly yet.

It's so hard talking through the hards. So much I want to say but doings another thing. This was very long and hard but no harder than before. There's hell and hell. Happy not on meds.

We've been doing fairly regular not long but walks and have lost about 24kgs. Mr 😍 has lost weight too the gorgeous darling.

We see other besty quite often which is great we live so close now. That's where I could imagine you being so comfy Grandy.

I'm getting closer to finding the Damn thingy I've Been looking for. I know I'ts B... close 😆 there no swears but annoys me that I go hard at things for a while then the mind wanders but I'll keep at it I really wanna pinpoint it. Pfftt to moving eh 😕

I botched again a couple of times here, cant say much more but our dear Wolfy made good sense. Not doing those threads anymore I repeatedly unintentionally botch.

Slowly coming good out of this mess. Off the puffs again too. Going to bite the bullet this next MH mess costing a small fortune and borrowing. Adds to stress. Sigh.

Very happy with this beautiful darling he's a lovely sweet man the precious 😍

Stoked here without security though.

Hope lifes being good to you all.

Grandy so much love darls seriously you're always in my mind. PubAok yAdimh lySvm sss 🤗👩‍❤️‍👩💜👼🌞🗯😍🕊🐧🐾

Thanks again lovelies 👋☺