Surviving: Being in a better place

[demonblaster]

Hi all 🙂
Thought this thread might be of use to talk about your stories if you like and where you're at now.
In a better place.

I have Bipolar, (BP) pretty sure all my life. Wasn't diagnosed, I approached them thinking I have this at age 46.
The ups (mania) are magic, ying and yang (opposites) evident with BP & in many other ways.
The downs, crippling. Still ..but I'm DETERMINED to beat them with time & effort and professional help.One of the psychiatrists said it can't be beaten, I say cause it maybe hasn't been done, doesn't mean it can't be.
Have come an incredibly long way so far.
Long way to go probs but HAS to be sooner rather than later, else this mother of a demon will get me, I live in fear of going under the line again which majority of the time the head goes South but looking back at those times knowing I got through & that it's not always like that helps.
SO many good times, happy times between.

The cycles have gone from Rapid cycling (4 or more a yr) to 8/10 a yr since the loss of my beloved partner of 28yrs to leukaemia.

My teens starting at 14yrs I attempted suicide 4 times.
You're in hell considering, contemplating & ultimately attempting suicide, we're going against our strongest basic instinct. Survival.

Wanted OUT, couldn't see anything but Black in my head, no light, no way out, no other choice, the depression beast had me engulfed as it does most of the time in cycles now too.
Rock bottom. The pits.

I've learnt a lot one thing is it doesn't stay this way.
Sleep's vital. We don't get a lot or quality when down, it affects how we feel usually in a negative way.
Life's so much harder when we're tired and exhausted, we see feel & react to things differently
That part of our brain that works at pulling us down, I think with everyone, not only mental illness or disorders

Self esteem rock bottom, still working at it, it's true we have to like/love ourselves works as a shield.
Great loving good parents lucky

If I'd known in suicide yrs I'd meet a beautiful loving partner and have so much love from family, friends and happiness between the downs, I wouldn't have attempted.

BP downs equate to heavy grieving alone without it on top.It slammed but now I'm looking back and Yes still hurts, always will but we owe it to ourselves to keep going. We don't know whats ahead and nothing stays the same.

I know that now.

[demonblaster]

Hey my/our beautiful Grandy 👩‍❤️‍👩 and everyone 👋

Louie how's da family my friend...(bit too hard a slap on da back) ... I'm your longest surviving friend man ...I wanna keep my head here...had my hair done tuvver day... so be cool boss...Hey...haven't seen lou-e-gee for too long and won't be fluffing around wit his name again either... is he still in da business...I got some things in the fire too louie.. I say things cause I dunno whether it's pokers or what ya see louie... so Mums Da Word,..My good man ... hey can I have a drag on your big fat cigar Louie...OH yeh good job my man...so I'm over da top of the world Louie...got in touch wit a long lost friend ...yeh we gunna meet up when we go to stay with my brother Bruno you know him...I was gunna go later cause I wanna shift the beef but too excited ...hey ya don't tell da boys ok Louie ...so I'll get off at least some Ov da kilos...so if I see my udder friend as well dat I stay with like usual...you know Polly...I call her dat cause I can't fink of her name...so, Da boyz would be jealous if they knew but they not gunna...which reminds me gotta pack my rocket launcher in case we meet up with Busters gang...lucky my 🍫 choccy eating fingers 🤘 growin back from our last bust up...I got one at da op shop...and hey...oh...yeh...I've been workin out wit gummy...shame his teeth don't grow back too...so louie I got da happies shakin my soul...but truth be known it's only in my dreams workin out cause see my uvver foot it got shot up by that 3 yr old and her water pistol ... but me I'm gunna tell my luvly Dr...hey keep dat quiet too...don't wan da boyz knowing I think he's a class act ok...also later gunna go at them politely see till day suss my back trubbles...I know & so dus my bbff Ginger who looks out for me SO good Louie...can't do it wifout her...she's my light along wif Mr Deebi known in the club as Mr beautiful...so da plans feet first ...see I'm walkin like I got one leg shorter cause it canes Louie every dammed step...and sometimes in between...good otc helps da pain...& woke up hard crying ..my head was like it had been shot... but dat was the other day...I've just gone through waking 5 days straight with full on pain near migraines...geez Louie I tell ya...gimme another head and I'll polish your Pink shoes...Hey Louie give my luv and heart to Ginger ok ...nah man ...put it away...you know I love her to bits...she's my lifer bbff 👩‍❤️‍👩💜😚🤗

[Ggrand]

Hello Beautiful Deebi...

I will be back later this evening/night..

I really popped in to ask you if you posted the wrong post on here...as it’s to your beautiful friend Louie...

Love always dearest bbff..💜🦋🌹.

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Grandy..🐇🐿🐛🐉🍭

[demonblaster]

Hey is dat you my bbff Ginger. I was wit the boys see so I had to slip into character.

Don't think mania just felt like mixing it up a little.

Love you shweetart always hope you're just peachy 😉

[Ggrand]

Hello Beautiful Deebi👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩..

Sorry I didn’t get back to you yesterday...I mowed my lawns, and a few other things and was so sore on my back..and exhausted...I fell asleep on the lounge...Silly me..

Awe I’m sorry about your daily migraines..and crying through the pain...so much wish I could be there with you and our cloud soft cloth...I will have to reach Mr. Deebi..how to use it....and where to get the magical water that I use with it....poor honey..are they gone now...Gee I hope so....Ummm..Are you drinking at least 1.5 litres of straight plain old water...Yep I’m a broken record..but I notice like me..you head hurts more in warmer/hotter times of year then the cooler ones...

I hope your feeling okay honey...Sleeping as much as possible to strengthen your beautiful self...

Hows our cute kitties going through this heat..I might bring mine down to yours for a visit as soon as I can..maybe the gentle sea breeze will make them feel better...There’s something healing in the salty sea air...and the salty ocean water...one day..gosh I hope so 😢..getting harder..

Wishing you a beautiful and peaceful night tonight dearest bbff...Need My bbff time..or I’m not good..you give me light precious friend..Love you heaps and for eternity..💚🐻🤗...🐉🐛🕷🐜...yadimh..Please Dear Deebi..pubaok..I need you..🐻🤗🕊🦋💭🚜💨.

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Grandy🕊🌱🦋💫🌈☄️

[demonblaster]

Hey Bbff 👩‍❤️‍👩 and ☺

Not a worry hun. At least you had a very good reason.
I worry about you doing all that work. Glad you had a big sleep

Hope your back settles yikes.
Heat helps relax the muscles.

T'was a zany gangster post. So much to tell you & forget.
I thought post in bits & felt zany. S'ok marbles still there 🤹‍♀️ I often think of you once doing a James Cagney I think. A friend and I on forums mucked around with gangster style was fun

I've heard & believed Bursitis is v.painful.
I've got in my foot.
The other to keep doing excercises very gently. Told him I overdid it before he said probs stretched a ligament/tendon. Only short walking to avoid Bursitis foot seizing up in my words & rest otherwise.
Think the last 2 days it's slightly easing but not much walking. Swine!

Thanks lovey you're so caring thx it finally came good. The flatter pillow was working a treat mostly. Since recliner sleeps it's going bonkers.
Today ok it seems they sit in waiting. Can come on in seconds.

Still need a lot more sleep.
Moods good now. Dropped savagely other day. Told Mr 😍 we went for a sleep but it's happened before thought I'd wake worse.

Him just being his beautiful self we often chat when we lay down about anything it was lovely and completely cleared my mood to normal. It was in a very hard place.
Dear love he is.

Yes drinking plenty hun actually having a bit of fluid, have to watch that. Forgot to say to GP.

Had a huge whinge that they're missing something with my back.
Told him the hard truth as I told them.

This guy has compassion is supportive explains etc.
I'm unsure where we go from here.
Yes Grandy usually a shooting pain goes across my back then bulging disc. This stuffs way closer to the nerve. Can't go through it again made that VERY clear.

Oh the kitties I got a widdle tiny fan for them so they have no choice but my lap nya ha ha ...cuddles...

Oh Grandz it gets me so much...btw love you and the furs to come and stay anytime. We can do beach walking talking loven our time...H*O*P*E* ...Oh so much I hope 😢

Ditto Grandy I too need my bbff time it's so calming and secure.
Such a fantastic friendship supporting and a strong close love. Gold 👩‍❤️‍👩💜

Oh Soo so happy about getting in touch again with a long time Beautiful friend.
We're goin to brothers in late April can't wait. Easier to meet from there than here

Beddy time lovely thank you dear friend 😚🤗🕊⚘🤝

[Paw Prints]

Hello Deebi,

Oh lass you are in wars aren't you... if your Drs can't see what is wrong with your back then they better start looking harder... let them know you will let your ferocious bb friends loose on them if they don't...

As a former (thank the stars for menopause) regular migraine sufferer I know how it drags you down & you don't care how, you just want it to stop... I wish I knew something that guaranteed to make them go away... you can by cool pads to lay your head on... the cold can help for some sufferers.

It sounds lovely you having your visit to your brother to look forward to in April & catching up with friends.

I hope your foot comes good soon.

Hugs

Paws

[Ggrand]

Hello Beautiful Deebi👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩..lovely Paws and everyone...🤗

Awe Yes bursitis is very painful Deebi...I have it in the hip..When it hurts a lot, anti inflammatory meds work the best..I know you cannot take those..I think the next best thing would be a soak of your bursitis foot into some cool/cold water..or better still a nice soak or slow walk just in the water where the waves crash in to the soft cold sand...I say cold, because cold refuses swelling, and if your bursitis is hurting it means they are inflamed or swollen,,,,

I like the way you and mr beautiful talk of a night when laying down in bed..and it can change your mindset into a calmer one..He is so precious to you and..um me.,me because I know that he cares and loves you very much...and that makes me so appreciative for you to ave him in your life

You were very brave telling your GP. How it is with your back...I hope he will investigate further for you...

You make a good gangster..but not in real life honey..your to sweet and honest for that...here on BB mucking around you are the best gangster I know...I was afraid that I was reading someone else’s post...after you explained I was all good again,,,,

Paws like you I use a cold wet towel around my neck..if that doesn’t work in an hour or so..I run the cold shower water over my head...and freeze myself to cool down my body temperature to ease the migraine.....They really do knock us around a lot....

I can only imagine how excited you are to see your brother again....and his family,,,I think if I remember he has an older Labrador and a widdle new puppy..at your last visit..Wish I could go with you...but I’m afraid of flying..now if I had been born with dragon wings..woohoo I would fly next to the planes windows and give everyone a wave..😂😂

I hope your day was good today...I am lazy today..no motivation at all.,,Yesterday I made a large pot of fried rice..enough for 4 nights..so at least I don’t have to worry much about cooking if I don’t want to....You’re all Welcome to join me...

Deebi,,,,pubaok.,yadimh.,onsd..never loose hope.🌈.much love to you my bbff..🐻🤗💚🕊🐉&💭always..

My love, care and hugs dear lovely Paws and everyone...🤗🦋💜..

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Grandy.....🌜💫☄️🌛..

[demonblaster]

Dear Paws 🐾 Grandy 👩‍❤️‍👩 and readers hiyaz 🖐

Hi girls thank you so much for your caring posts and beautiful support. Lovely seeing youse 🤗

Phoo had another horrid head space for a fair while yesterday. Wasn't angry frustrated or anything but how on earth do you explain something making you feel so stinkin horrible. I think if I could understand why it came like that... Grandy you know that awful headspace aye. Last nights sleep helped.

Think I had 3 separate manias, one was before I went to sleep, was giggling away at things in the past it was lovely although short. The first was longer maybe 3/4 days and last maybe halfa day. 2 mood drops quite deep but not into depression as such but was struggling.

Had a lot of trouble yesterday putting sentences & words together. Couldn't think on some things jyst my head couldn't be bothered.

Backs 95 % better thanks girls being very careful still. Big relief that.

Good news too, foots starting to ease right off wow thank goods. GP said could be what I thought from recliner my foot may have been a while in a funny position. Yes Grandy I thought of your hip do at times wondering how you're going.

It's unbelievable how long it takes to get over the deep tiredness for a mild BP. Not long up from a big sleep still tired as sigh but getting there.

Love woofa being pleased the cows being back how gorgeous and Grandy little fur having a bath 😂 then jumping all over you Oh no hun that's halarious tho.

Great memory about doggies Grandy.

Oh I didnt opt for anti flams. So glad its easing off wow.

Paws the migraines are shockers had a good last 3 days phew. Good yours seem to have settled.

Thank you lovely friends it means a lot you both being there 🤗

Love to you both dear friends. Hope you're both in a good or better place. Often 🗯

Floss beautiful sending much love. That'll never change. Deepest respect care and appreciation for a Golden solid friendship. Always 🗯👩‍❤️‍👩💜🕊🤝☄⚘

[demonblaster]

Dear bbff 👩‍❤️‍👩 Paws and readers

Hi. Just wanted to update and may not be as much here over next 3 days.

You just can't relax can you. Thought I was coming out and yet another dose of the horribles. Another sleep helped but still not good but much better. More manageable atm. Sheez

Talking of both being better. Had a headache most of the day, will need a 3rd lot of meds by the feel it's not budging.

Back a bit stirred up but slightly different area. Should settle I think.

We going to Mils Grandz for a couple. First to Mr Deebs for a night.

Planning for Xmas too at Mils & lates lovely family (mine too through defacto) but we'll see how it goes. Tricky with transport around that time but we can get there and back.

Dunno seem to be still mostly in withdrawal. Hard to figure out why but at least very happy in our 😍 bubble. Would be a huge bigger mess if I didnt have that sweetlove 💗

So this BP i'm still in. Still tired but nearly back to normal. The downs came each time out of the Blue.

Really bummed think I got it wrong again in BP. Thought I'd be catching up with good friend but unsure now,. At least for a while I was excited and so looking forward to. Pfftt. That's life huh. Probs go to brothers later now. Bugger it!

SO sick of my body and mind causing so much stinkin pain! If it's not one it's the bloody other!

If I knew what the triggers were might be able to work on them. Know of a couple

Foots still improving.

Nigh nite lovelies sorry pretty down post. I'll be ok soon till the next time.

Love Grandy always 👩‍❤️‍👩🗯👭😢💜🗯

[Ggrand]

Hello Beautiful Deebi👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩..

Awe Deebi...you’re not sounding the best precious friend..I think it will do you a lot of good to get away from your place for a while...you have had such a bad year this year, with a lot of bad news...I think you have been a tower of strength for yourself and now that tower is slightly bending...and needs a break away for a replenish and refresh of your poor tired body and mind..

Im very pleased your going to spend some time with mil...I hope you can be a comfort for each other over the next couple of days...but please remember dear bbff..to look after yourself while your away...I am a bit concerned that this will be a very emotional visit..Sweetheart if you need to cry..it’s okay to do so....

My heart goes out to you..with your migraines/ sore back/ feet..I so much wish you didn’t have so much pain...If you remember and need it...Please take your pillow...sometimes it’s hard to sleep on an unfamiliar one..

Im going to miss you dear friend..I’m always here for you if you need to release your feelings...Please look after you and be gentle on you....like I would be towards you precious bbff...

Much love..💜💚...with many big hugs🤗🤗🤗..Our golden thread...superglued...from soul to soul....💚💫💚..always here for you...🤝👀👂. 🙏🦶..never letting go...

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Grandy..🕊🌱🌱🦋🌈💫