Surviving: Being in a better place

[demonblaster]

Hi all 🙂
Thought this thread might be of use to talk about your stories if you like and where you're at now.
In a better place.

I have Bipolar, (BP) pretty sure all my life. Wasn't diagnosed, I approached them thinking I have this at age 46.
The ups (mania) are magic, ying and yang (opposites) evident with BP & in many other ways.
The downs, crippling. Still ..but I'm DETERMINED to beat them with time & effort and professional help.One of the psychiatrists said it can't be beaten, I say cause it maybe hasn't been done, doesn't mean it can't be.
Have come an incredibly long way so far.
Long way to go probs but HAS to be sooner rather than later, else this mother of a demon will get me, I live in fear of going under the line again which majority of the time the head goes South but looking back at those times knowing I got through & that it's not always like that helps.
SO many good times, happy times between.

The cycles have gone from Rapid cycling (4 or more a yr) to 8/10 a yr since the loss of my beloved partner of 28yrs to leukaemia.

My teens starting at 14yrs I attempted suicide 4 times.
You're in hell considering, contemplating & ultimately attempting suicide, we're going against our strongest basic instinct. Survival.

Wanted OUT, couldn't see anything but Black in my head, no light, no way out, no other choice, the depression beast had me engulfed as it does most of the time in cycles now too.
Rock bottom. The pits.

I've learnt a lot one thing is it doesn't stay this way.
Sleep's vital. We don't get a lot or quality when down, it affects how we feel usually in a negative way.
Life's so much harder when we're tired and exhausted, we see feel & react to things differently
That part of our brain that works at pulling us down, I think with everyone, not only mental illness or disorders

Self esteem rock bottom, still working at it, it's true we have to like/love ourselves works as a shield.
Great loving good parents lucky

If I'd known in suicide yrs I'd meet a beautiful loving partner and have so much love from family, friends and happiness between the downs, I wouldn't have attempted.

BP downs equate to heavy grieving alone without it on top.It slammed but now I'm looking back and Yes still hurts, always will but we owe it to ourselves to keep going. We don't know whats ahead and nothing stays the same.

I know that now.

[Ggrand]

Hello Beautiful Deebi 👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩....and all....🤗..

I love hearing that you went out 4 times..that’s really good for you...Little quaint cafes..and walks as well..I am so very proud of you bbff...,Ohhh Indian food...love curry..the 🔥 hotter the better...

Good girl writing out the immense pain you’ve had..I hope they listen to you..although I think they will because if they deny you a mri where you want/need it..they are not doing their duty of care..and if something is wrong that shows up later..they will be in trouble....Keep pressing for it honey...Please..Just not fair you’ve been in so much pain over so many years without proper investigation happening..

I am beginning to believe that happiness is an emotion..Like every other emotion it comes in good times when we do things we like, when we are with people we love and care for..then it dissolves and we are neither happy or sad..just normal....Just my thoughts Deebi...

Awe I think that’s so cute and sweet buying each other little prezzies and taking each other out on dates....🌹🕊🌱...

Mania is good isn’t it...Please bbff try hard to not let the downs put a cloud over ther feelings and thoughts of mania..once it’s gone....If we wrote out our mania thoughts, maybe in the downs we can read them..so we remember that beauty is only a temporary tenant in our brains...

Okay sweet Deebi....I am wishing you a beautiful sleep with peaceful dreams..,and that the brightest star tonight drops some brilliant star dust over you for tomorrow...

Deep love my bestest ever bbff... with all my care and kindness I have...🕊🌱💜👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩🧸🤗🕊🌈..

Good night precious Friend....and everyone...

Grandy👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩....🌜🕊🌱🌛🤝👀

[Peppermintbach]

Hi wonderful DB (& a wave to all),

I smiled when I read about how you’ve had some dates and quality time with Mr Deebi. He sounds like such a loving and reassuring presence in your life. I’m happy that you found each other 🙂

The back pain that was exacerbated by your bushwalking doesn’t sound so pleasant though. It sounds excruciating...

Much love, some blueberry muffins and Supersoul hugs xoxo

[demonblaster]

Dear Grandy 👩‍❤️‍👩 Peppystar ☘ and readers 👋

BP. Day ?
I'm nearly out of it.
Wow was able to handle the darks. There were a few but when I snapped out of the avalanche of feeling [IT]🤗⚘🕊 geez it takes you deep I stopped the negative thoughts and tried at times to see positives in the sitch or thought about happies. Worked! Very few scenarios or intrusive thoughts. Joy.

Both up/down it makes you feel things SO much stronger. You're completely roar even tho in full blown mania you're bullet proof, still sensitive plus though.
Not so much bullet proof now but insanely happy and everything else.

Can't believe I'm coming out with minimal hards.

Barely exhausted either wow how refreshing, just a bit tired unless I'm still in mild mania.
Slept a lot today. Maybe 2moz too.

Heya gorgeous bbff 🤗
Oh hun you can have the 🔥 mine was mild. Yebaa just a bit too much breathing fire. Deendys 🐉 got nothing on me.

Oh Mr Deebi 😍 shouted me lunch and a couple of things we need in the house. He remembered I loved a little stuffed toy the gorgeous I was so spoilt. So cute 💗

Oh happies they rang today about the MRI. I spoke to the secretary about getting my other 2 areas of the back scanned.
Hoping ok tho missed a couple of calls from them today.
Apparently he did write for one area, I hadn't said about the other but have now. It didnt appear on the request so its good it was cancelled cause it can be done hoping soon around here.

Really good thinking about happiness darlz. There's a lot of sense in that.

So we need to concentrate on what stops us then we can work out the how to get around it. Yes depressions nasty business alright.
We'll work it out sweetyheart 🤗

Temporary tenant in our brains. Good wording Floss 👍

Ohh SO nice the brightest star dropping star dust 😀 thanks Mrs gorgeous.
So so much love. So nice being so close to you my dear besty friend. Thank you for a beautiful visit ☺🤗👩‍❤️‍👩💜👀🤝🔥

Hiya dear Peppy and so nice seeing you thank you for your visit ☺

Yep the backs given me unbelievable extreme pain over the yrs. Glad I realised why it became stirred again so yip away from soft sand so hard to walk in too.

He's precious Peppy so in love.

Please take care of yourself huns I know you're doing it hard/er lately.
Huge loving warm 🤗
Oh and thank you loven the muffins love and soul hugs are a beautiful treat ☺💗

Nigh nite lovely people sleep well and wake refreshed and ready ⚘🍃

[Ggrand]

Hello beautiful Deebi👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩, lovely Peppy and all....🤗..

Wow so good Deebi..you’re getting so much stronger getting out of the BP darks....Thinking of positive and happy thoughts does work and lifts our spirits high enough for beasty to be blasted right out of the middle of that volcano..hopefully a long way away so it takes longer for him to find you....Keep those happy thoughts alive dearest bbff...

I am hoping so much that they listen to your concerns about your back and follow through for you honey...I mean really you’re already getting the other parts done, while your there doesn’t take much more to do the other 2 parts of your back..Hmm Dr Grandy will definitely have to have a word or two with my apprentice Drs...😂..

Soft toys are so cute..and can be good to talk to..they have a magical way of making us feel good when we hold them close to us...Here you go bbff..another soft toy for your collection... um thinking 🤔.. thinking 💭..oh yeah..howz about a fluffy 🐿.squirrel.. and a nice tiny brush so you can brush the bushy tail, for some mindfulness..when needed 🕊..

Your Welcome with the Star dust...I have millions of stars 🌟 looking at me every night...they remind me of our beautiful fun times we have and still will have...love you very much dearest bestie friend...🐿🤝👀🌟🌈🧸🤗💜🤝

Hello Peppy...I know you’re struggling so hard at the moment..sending you a beautiful peace bird 🕊..with a calming rose scented candle being carried in its mouth..

kind wishes and caring thoughts dear everyone..🦋😂💜🤗

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Grandy...🌜👋🌛

[demonblaster]

Hi beautiful Grandy 👩‍❤️‍👩 and readers 👋

Yes it's really good starting to handle the downs. I don't and may never trust that they'll always be easier but that's probs beasty nag!

Even if it's in mania which as you'd know everythings clear and easier, although you don't have as many highs. I reckon that's so unfortunate because we know how deep the darks go poor love 🤗

Think my emojis are being naughty and not going to show.
🤔 Wonder if Croixy put a hex on them 😉

Definately Grandz hapoy thoughts and thinking about what I'm grateful for which is a lot.

In depression someone saying think of positives can be like yeh right and be water off a ducks back but it really does help doesn't it.

Yes it doesn't seem too unreasonable them doing my other 2 parts of the back. Very needed.
There's big $ with MRI's I don't remember exactly but think it was just the syrinx or neck that would have cost around $2,000. Through a specialist it's bulk billed thank goodness.

Today the mongrel in the morning caught twice. I only had one catch yesterday and thought good its mending again.
Disappointing over and over but I need to desparately get this weight off.

I have started littles with naughty 🍫 ...bad choccy ..behave yourself...no darling not really...I was just twicken I love you O great choccy bar ... can I stop bowing now it's no good for my back...please come back to Mama.

Oh I do love Dr Grandy 👩‍🏭 😅 you tell em huns 🤗 hands on hips...foot tapping...

They are lovely and cute soft toys and colourful too. Yip they keep secrets 😊

Ohhh SO cute the little squirrel thank you Floss and how's that gorgeous little brush I can use it on our virtual kitties too 🐶🦊 after I frizz up the tail.

Ohhh I think and think about your gorgeous stars and bushy areas with wildlife just love it all.
Oh Grands swod (some way some day) 💗

Thanks always dear friend. You mean the world to many I know and especially me 😚🤗 bbff 💗

👩‍❤️‍👩💜👀🤝 this glue will never unstick.

Hope you're holding up ok sweetyheart. We're right here gorgeous love 🤗

[Ggrand]

Hello Beautiful Deebi👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩...and everyone...🤗..

I hope they do, do the other parts that need doing...too much hurt you’re having daily and of course you would have anxiety worrying if and when it will catch you again...poor honey..

How are you feeling?...

We had some sunshine today..but still to cold to sit out front...maybe tomorrow...🌞...

I have been eating choc Wheaton biscuits..haha half healthy...half not..😂..Loven the conversation with your inner critic...over the chocolate 🍫..you won that round...

Swsd...it has to happen Deebi...

The wild life is dwindling away from the front of mine..to much culling..(to put it more kindly)... out my way...so sad..I hope that the callers come back as kangaroos...not nice to say..I know but a life is a life regardless of what form it takes at birth...

I hope you and Mr.Deebi are making many happy memories to talk about, with some happiness in your beautiful hearts and souls...

My love to you dearest bbff...today and 4 eva....bear hugs which warms your souls lovely bbff...💜🧸🤗👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩🌜🌈🌛..

My Care and kind wishes to everyone...🌹🤗🦋💜.

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Grandy...🌟🔥🎉💭🕊🌱

[demonblaster]

Hi bbff 👩‍❤️‍👩 and all 😊

Always love your company lovey & that you so genuinely care, many thanks Grandy 🤗

Touchwood my backs healing again. Yes the anticipation/dread is quite a trial.
Well after over a mth from the extreme worst sitting on the side of the bed I avoid cause it caught so much. Confidence regains with recovery.

Never before on back outs has my butt cheeks & back top of thighs felt pain and difficulty walking.
They know. They've often asked re the syrinx.
It's freaking me a bit but what gives me some hope is further into the walk I'm a bit better.

Neurologist said the muscle damage in my arms from the syrinx. It pains and cramps instantly on certain movements but otherwise functional.

The mania lasted longer than I thought and a little refreshed I think from walking. Such a fine line balancing stimulation.

My mood yesterday wasn't whooptee. I'm starting to be able to pull out of those dreary downs or being a bit short which I try so hard not to be and with dear Mr 😍 Deebi
He's fine about it. I apologise immediately and trying to remember it's not intentional if he's slow on learning something that I have patience in normals and usually mania or if he misunderstands a direction.
He's so lovely and I feel like a heel if I'm like that.

The depression changes completely how we see things and react. That sweet man has thick skin..must ask where he got that. Wonder if it's cheap 😄 otherwise a few times I caught the avalanches of deep downs and wow what a horrible nightmare I was so damned happy to wake from yesterday.

This time I had some not many sleepers. Needed two night before but halleh can honestly say more ups than downs WOW!

Keeping the positive thoughts gratitude and realisation about whats going on.

This beautiful man I love deeply and him me too helps no end as well.
If we talk about needs he doesn't meet some of my main ones that some I'm slowly introducing him to which is hard because he's not automatically that way but he tries where he can.

I also realised he meets a great deal of needs though because I adore the man he's such a love and for many other reasons and very easy to love and be with.
We're in some ways similar /opposite. He's quiet but chats. I'm loud & chatty usually

Hope everyone's managing to think of good memories hopes or something that makes you smile.

Heaps of love Grandy and so much gratitude having you in my life and being here.

👩‍❤️‍👩💜😍🕊🏋️‍♀️💃love her🌜🌞🌛

[Ggrand]

Hello beautiful Deebi👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩..

Its good you think your back is beginning to heal..and your taking precautions of what you know puts it out...good girl....yep confidence does grow within us when things start to heal...but please dearest bbff take things nice and slow....I wish the specialist back surgeon etc..knew more about back/spine/nerves etc...Treatment has come a long way..but still a long way to go....The spine and neck is under investigation for new treatments and will be an ongoing learning experience for the med students, doctors, specialists...so much can go wrong with it..and so delicate as well...

Awe that’s okay honey...Mr Deebi, loves and cares for you...he knows the person you are, gentle,kind,caring. He knows that BP is making you a little short..It doesn’t change who you are...BP is a part of you..and Mr.Deebi will always love that part of you as well...I know I do..🤗..

If you find out where to get the thick skin from..please let me know😂..

Being grateful daily is a lovely idea..today I’m grateful for the warm sunny day today...for you my bbff, always holding on tightly to me...and this wonderful BB family...Howz about you Deebi,,,,are you grateful for some things from today,,.,Hmmm.I pass you on my word and get just a crumb of 🍫 ..I thought at least 2 crumbs.😂..

Keep those positives running through your brain and thoughts Deebi..they can only help us...lots of love bbff..swod...will happen dearest friend..👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩🌟🧸🤗🤝👀💜thoughts 💭 24/7..pubaok....

My kind wishes and caring hugs everyone,,👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩🦋💜.

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Grandy.

ps...Good night dear friends..

[demonblaster]

Hi sweetyheart 👩‍❤️‍👩 and readers ☺

Thanks huns for such a lovely post as always. Your and others support means the world.

It's quite late atm so I'll bbt probs later darlin ☺

Bbq tomoz with Mr 😍 besty friend and couple other friends then we're going shopping then depending if pretty tired another day sleep.

Wow thought I'd come out of BP but nah was a bit blaghh teary and in general yuk. Pulling out I can manage better now but still hard work just not devastatingly hard.

Not exactly complaining because its great how far I've come but may have been mania the follow through that made me think I was ok again. Still more ups than downs phew.

Mhw today so we had a little blat. Oops managed to lock us out today so had to get the key took some time off our drive and we did a little shopping too which is easier for tomoz.

Yeh so was pretty average and unexpected this morning. Probs relaxed too much and beasty thought I left the door open for [IT] 💗

Catch you tomoz bbff. Really hope you're ok lovey, see you tomoz at yours. Have read huns ☺

Sending through the computer tonnes of love my gorgeous friend. Always dear Grandz ☺🤗

🌜👩‍❤️‍👩😍💜🕊🌱🌛

[Ggrand]

Hello Beautiful Deebi👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩..and everyone...🤗.

I hope you’re bbq went great today honey and you had lots of yummy eats and heaps of laughing talks and some warm hello hugs...

Youre doing an amazing job, the way you’re pulling out of the downs...you are doing really good and wow you really have come a long way...I am so proud of you..I hope you are as well.....more ups then downs..Well done honey..

Oh no..you locked 🔒 yourself out of your 🏠 home...Did you have to try and climb in through a window? or does a neighbour or friend have a spare key 🔑...Poor darling 😂.

Here you go bbff..a key 🔑 to lock that door 🚪 of yours..so beasty..can’t sneak in..[IT]..can squeeze through the smallest speck of that little darkness we all have in us...We need to close the door tightly each night we go to sleep...leave yesterday behind the locked door, and start fresh every day..

Big love Deebi..💜🌹🦋..SSS...yadimh always...4 eva...swod..swsd.....💭👀🤝...

Good night dearest bbff and everyone...I hope you all have a good sleep...

Sending my kindest wishes with my care,,,🦋🤗

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Grandy...