Surviving: Being in a better place

[demonblaster]

Hi all 🙂
Thought this thread might be of use to talk about your stories if you like and where you're at now.
In a better place.

I have Bipolar, (BP) pretty sure all my life. Wasn't diagnosed, I approached them thinking I have this at age 46.
The ups (mania) are magic, ying and yang (opposites) evident with BP & in many other ways.
The downs, crippling. Still ..but I'm DETERMINED to beat them with time & effort and professional help.One of the psychiatrists said it can't be beaten, I say cause it maybe hasn't been done, doesn't mean it can't be.
Have come an incredibly long way so far.
Long way to go probs but HAS to be sooner rather than later, else this mother of a demon will get me, I live in fear of going under the line again which majority of the time the head goes South but looking back at those times knowing I got through & that it's not always like that helps.
SO many good times, happy times between.

The cycles have gone from Rapid cycling (4 or more a yr) to 8/10 a yr since the loss of my beloved partner of 28yrs to leukaemia.

My teens starting at 14yrs I attempted suicide 4 times.
You're in hell considering, contemplating & ultimately attempting suicide, we're going against our strongest basic instinct. Survival.

Wanted OUT, couldn't see anything but Black in my head, no light, no way out, no other choice, the depression beast had me engulfed as it does most of the time in cycles now too.
Rock bottom. The pits.

I've learnt a lot one thing is it doesn't stay this way.
Sleep's vital. We don't get a lot or quality when down, it affects how we feel usually in a negative way.
Life's so much harder when we're tired and exhausted, we see feel & react to things differently
That part of our brain that works at pulling us down, I think with everyone, not only mental illness or disorders

Self esteem rock bottom, still working at it, it's true we have to like/love ourselves works as a shield.
Great loving good parents lucky

If I'd known in suicide yrs I'd meet a beautiful loving partner and have so much love from family, friends and happiness between the downs, I wouldn't have attempted.

BP downs equate to heavy grieving alone without it on top.It slammed but now I'm looking back and Yes still hurts, always will but we owe it to ourselves to keep going. We don't know whats ahead and nothing stays the same.

I know that now.

[Paw Prints]

Hello Deebi,

Just a thought I've had ( remember I'm not a dr so take this with a grain of salt & don't stress about it). Has your Dr checked if you might have golden staph. You have had so many rounds of antibiotics but the carbuncles keep coming back, it just made me wonder.

Hugs

Paws

[demonblaster]

Hi darling friends 👩‍❤️‍👩🐾 and readers ☺

Just jumping in to say a quicky hi and let you know I'm phew on the mend. The bad one my Goodness tha pain was mighty has burst. Still hurts but nothing like before I couldn't move without extreme pain felt like my armpit had been clawed out. Yet it's below the pit but the other ones in it.

Mr Deebi took pics I'll send to Dr showing how wide the infections (Pink skin slightly raised) around this one. Significant area seems to be much the same but at least not worse.

A few nights I drank a LOT from milk to copiious water then about 3 nights ago I just couldn't stop.

Wore a path through the carpet goin to China...let's say I did my 10,000 steps within about 4 hrs goin back and fro bathroom. Assuming the infection, surprisingly I didn't get physically ill with the size of this whopping one.

Sleeping a lot. Yes I think it's healing too.

You're so funny Grandy taking over hugs when Paws is wet 😂

You're both beautiful friends thank you so very much for your care.

Good thought Pawsy I'll ask in my email when I send the pics about ? G.Staph

Love to you both and Pawsy the bear hug was great hope you feel good and Grandy lovey you too.

I read and thought I'd replied yesterday so will see you tomoz beautiful. Love you deeply special one 👩‍❤️‍👩💜 oh yes wiwip honeyheart really do.

Nigh nite sweet people ☺

Thank you for your kindness dear loves. ⚘

🗯🤝👀🤗🍫

[monkey_magic]

Glad to hear you're on the mend DB but wow sounds very painful.

Glad you didn't get physically ill as well... you've already got lots on your plate.

Lol @ wore a path through the carpet going to China.

Love your humour

🤗

[Ggrand]

Hello Beautiful Deebi👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩, Paws, Magic and everyone..🤗..

Awe It’s good to hear from you..was getting concerned about you bbff..It’s good to hear that the worse infected one is starting to hurt less..

I could imagine in a way how terribly painful they are for you..when my boils pop up, to me they are so tender and painful..that’s only one..geez you have clusters of 3 or 4 together poor darling...I read somewhere that boils are mostly from infected hair folicals, but can like mine also develop from food intolerances..Also as Paws has said..G staph...I hope they investigate and find out for you..so you have some some idea to help prevent them from you having them...Good idea taking those pictures of the infected carbuncle..Do you physically see your GP..or is it mainly Tele health appointments?..

Its raining here today..I love listening to it on my tin roof..so peaceful...I hope your day is good everyone..whether it’s sunny, rainy, cloudy, cold or windy..Just like the weather changes constantly so does our lives....Enjoy your day lovely people...

At least that’s one way to do 10,000 steps😂..nah I’ll stick to my pedal machine.....deep love to you bbff..and so much warm care..💜🦋🧸🤗..Always in my 💭..and 💜..

My care m love and hugs everyone..🦋💜🤗.

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Grandy..🌜🕊🌱🌛🌹💭🦋.

[Ggrand]

Hello again..beautiful Deebi..

I hope you are okay dear bbff...

I have been searching the net and came up with this..although you would probably know it being a nurse..but thought I would share with you...and hope it can help you a bit...

Home Treatment for Carbuncles

The cardinal rule is to avoid squeezing or irritating a carbuncle, which increases the risk of complications and severe scarring.

Warm compresses may promote the drainage and healing of carbuncles. Gently soak the carbuncle in warm water, or apply a clean, warm, moist washcloth for 20 minutes several times per day. Similar strategies include covering the carbuncle with a clean, dry cloth and gently applying a heating pad or hot water bottle for 20 minutes several times per day. After each use, washcloths or cloths should be washed in hot water and dried at a high temperature.

Washing the carbuncle and covering the area with a sterile bandage also may promote drainage and healing and help prevent the infection from spreading. Over-the-counter medications..ask your chemist.. can help relieve the pain..

Thinking of you dearest friend....My heart hurts for you with so much pain....love to you with deep care..💜🧸🤗🦋🌹..

I hope tonight you sleep deeply and wake up refreshed..

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Grandy....🦋🌹

[demonblaster]

Hey gorgeous Bbff 👩‍❤️‍👩 Magic and all ☺

So lovely seeing youse thank you always for your care and support. Such a comfort 🤗

You're such an awesome friend Grandy being worried and looking up for me. I would probs have known that if I was an RN. Yip really fluffed up. Oh struth and paid severely for it but luckily am so much better just minimal pain now. Wow it hurt but I only did it because it worked on botty in the start.

Grandy love yes doc said about the warm soaks. You're so kind doing that 💜

Backs caught at times lately, seems touchwood to have eased. Wasnt super ouch but ouch and quick 😡

I'm so angry. I have the referral now to get a local MRI rather than travel yes good.
Was so happy the neurologist said yes he's (neurosurgeons) written about other back sections.
I specifically asked about that for the MRI at least twice but Nah can see its just to check the dam syrinx! He probs was reading the dammed notes.

God I've suffered horrendous pain over 35 yrs intermittently often.

I said these short bursts of pain are so damned intense I'd be looking for other options... meaning the worst.

At least I know so can get the 3 other sections checked further again. Geez guys LUSTEN! (Left the U there for my accent 😄)

I've had previous MRI's on it. Not happy Jan!

I know theres damage to the entire back/neck but these are phenomenal outs always have been & these are different again. Not bad atm.
Owh SO hacked off!. Sorry big vent

I'll put in writing my history and tell how bad it was. Could barely walk in screaming pain to turn in bed get out move etc. Unbelievable agony and excrutiating it was everytime.
Clearly I didn't emphasise enough how bad it is now. Crikey!

Yes Tele health Grandy with Carbuncles lovey.
I'm on 2 more pkts antibiotics to be thorough.

Oh Pawsy if you're around lovey forgot to ask but thinking G.Staphs multi resistant to antibiotics and phew these do respond too but I'll mention when I think of ☺

Grandz I think the heat packs helped them burst. I'm the Carbuncle Queen 👑 if anyone wants some they're quite cheap.

Monks thanks lovey for dropping by and your support hun. Good seeing you 🤗
Yip reckon I'm pretty fit now from the 💃to China 😅 yip Grandz thinking to enter the Olympics.

Tired. Thank you amazing people. Love to youse. ☺

Grandy it really goes deep dear lady you're such a friend. Never will we not be bbff's 👩‍❤️‍👩💜💗👀🤝👂

Night huns 😚🤗

[Ggrand]

Hey Beautiful Deebi👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩, and everyone..🤗..

Waves 👋 and hugs 🤗..Paws and Magic...

Can you ring up the referring doctor and speak to him about getting the other part of your back mri ed as well...maybe he can fax another referral over to the mri people...just in case he forgot to put it on your referral....I’m sure he would do that for you since you’re going there anyway...Please..try again to get him to understand your pain and concerns..🤗.

I think I will pass on the offer of cheap carbuncles...thanks anyway...bbff.....

Deebi...honey, I know pain can be very intense and we think that it will never ease...but thinking the worse..( I know what you mean😢)...as an option is so not true...A call to the ambulance, is the option you should think about, they have ways of quieting the pain...and might investigate your back further then you have been investigated..if that makes any sense...

Please be very careful with your back...I do worry about you that you do too much at times...

Thinking of you with warm ness, lots of love and care..💭💜🦋🧸🤗..and super soul hugs..definitely 100% 4 eva bbff’s..

Sending my care, hugs and love to you all..🦋🤗💜..

[demonblaster]

BP follow on from last.

Day 6ish bought on ? through pain.

First one. About 3 doses of mania. First two short bursts.
Surprising not realising till later because you feel SO amazingly good. Wayyy better than normal.
Maybe cause it puts you fully in the moment. How to explain something so incredible. Ditto for the opposite.

I love how the brain sharpens. It's like everythings in sync working at optimum.
It's when flashes of genius sneak in.
You see clearly what and how you can achieve things. Mindblowing

I'm starting to learn how to drive this magnificence.
As with depression we need to direct where we want our thoughts going. I've been doing in normals mainly focusing on positives and gratitude.

Still all over the shop but slower and more controllable thinking.

2nd BP. This one's been not too bad so far.
GREAT mania. Alert as you do become. Appreciating pretty much everything as ya do.

When the downs at times try to take me further I'm starting self taking more successfully. Working. I don't like being short or feeling that way. Hard enough even when it's calmer let alone having the turds.

Now I definately understand type 2 BP.

Manias still the ultimate but in a more relaxed way. Although the last one was calm my body was still very tense which happens.

Still very mixed episodes.

I still think this potentially could be bought on with control as I was hoping. We'll see cause in mania anythings achievable which nearly is true anyway.

Pulled out of the 1st one ok. Wow good to say.

Handled about 1 to 2 hrs of solid ptsd constant thoughts although not taking too much to heart it was annoying but stayed calm and dealt by not allowing further thought or feeling on the hundred subjects.

Was so beautiful the main mania but was quite tired and
managed to day sleep needed but a shame to lose the bliss on waking it mostly choofed.

Over about 3/4 days previous to mania at various times I had extreme bursts of that horrid distressing feeling I assumes extreme anxiety. It distresses me as much as the deepest darks. You need to bust out of your chest. Horrid. Like you're smothered & desperately trapped.

When I became aware self talk settled me. Truly bloody awful!

Thanks for listening and for incredible support ☺

[Ggrand]

Hello Beautiful Deebi 👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩...

Sitting with you...holding tightly.🤝 👀..

A gentle reminder..to don’t forget to tell yourself positive things daily.....To keep Beasty running in the opposite way...

🌹🦋💜👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩🌈💭🧸🤝👀

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Grandy...🕊🌱

[demonblaster]

You're such a beautiful friend Mrs bbff 🤗 hi everyone 👋

Thank you always precious lovely ☺

mmm nice mania lasted around 3 days this time. Yum & so mild.

Caught my thoughts going South a few times. It's easier to stop the trance like downs this may sound a little warped. If you're aware you're thinking them. It's kinda autopilot otherwise.

Been out 4 times lately it's been so lovely with Mr gorgeous 😍 a couple of times lunch at a beautiful spot and smallish walks YAY 👏 . Tea tonight with his housemates we talk often on ph with his besty who's a good friend of mine too.

Now I just have to tell my non mania side that I intend to keep walking. Foots ouching but not bad. Definately next on the list.

Blow it didn't think about soft sand in parts on tiny bushwalk hills stirring my back. 4 medium ouch catches today. Never good.

Went to Indian tonight was yum. Darling shouted. We do for eachother at times and buy little prezzies.

Yes thanks Grandy lovely I'm going to I think write about history of my back & now. I asked Mr 😍 if I emphasised enough about the pain and he said yes. Then ask GP on the same email to back me up tho he's not seen the worst of back probs but has seen some.

Grandy I've in the past not that often gone to hospitals but I have some. Do you know I've never thought apart when I couldn't stand up even filled with the zonking meds calling ambo. Over the yrs I've just hacked it as much as po but filled with pain relief. These days I'm pretty much like Croixy have mostly here what they give their. It's cruel savage pain.

Yes I knew you'd know what I meant. Honey I do also have other options like them giving me knock ya silly needle before getting up. Seriously I'd rather soil the bed than do that particular back breaking pain again. But sadly yes that's a very last choice but I'm getting onto this hun I'm still bloody angry but won't let him know just yet I don't want to get excuse the pun 😉 peoples backs up. Easier to get things done in good harmony but if I need to speak up no probs either.

Manias how it should be. You're alive. You want to breathe & be in it. I don't mean I'm unhappy other times in fact Mr beautiful said I'm the happiest person he's ever known and that's a strong thing peeps like in me but it's not this.

Been meaning to say Grandy darlin I loved and think so often what you said in Paulys thread that you don't think we're always happy etc.

Running out 💜u4evsbbff 👩‍❤️‍👩💜⚘💗🗯👀