Surviving: Being in a better place

[demonblaster]

Hi all 🙂
Thought this thread might be of use to talk about your stories if you like and where you're at now.
In a better place.

I have Bipolar, (BP) pretty sure all my life. Wasn't diagnosed, I approached them thinking I have this at age 46.
The ups (mania) are magic, ying and yang (opposites) evident with BP & in many other ways.
The downs, crippling. Still ..but I'm DETERMINED to beat them with time & effort and professional help.One of the psychiatrists said it can't be beaten, I say cause it maybe hasn't been done, doesn't mean it can't be.
Have come an incredibly long way so far.
Long way to go probs but HAS to be sooner rather than later, else this mother of a demon will get me, I live in fear of going under the line again which majority of the time the head goes South but looking back at those times knowing I got through & that it's not always like that helps.
SO many good times, happy times between.

The cycles have gone from Rapid cycling (4 or more a yr) to 8/10 a yr since the loss of my beloved partner of 28yrs to leukaemia.

My teens starting at 14yrs I attempted suicide 4 times.
You're in hell considering, contemplating & ultimately attempting suicide, we're going against our strongest basic instinct. Survival.

Wanted OUT, couldn't see anything but Black in my head, no light, no way out, no other choice, the depression beast had me engulfed as it does most of the time in cycles now too.
Rock bottom. The pits.

I've learnt a lot one thing is it doesn't stay this way.
Sleep's vital. We don't get a lot or quality when down, it affects how we feel usually in a negative way.
Life's so much harder when we're tired and exhausted, we see feel & react to things differently
That part of our brain that works at pulling us down, I think with everyone, not only mental illness or disorders

Self esteem rock bottom, still working at it, it's true we have to like/love ourselves works as a shield.
Great loving good parents lucky

If I'd known in suicide yrs I'd meet a beautiful loving partner and have so much love from family, friends and happiness between the downs, I wouldn't have attempted.

BP downs equate to heavy grieving alone without it on top.It slammed but now I'm looking back and Yes still hurts, always will but we owe it to ourselves to keep going. We don't know whats ahead and nothing stays the same.

I know that now.

[demonblaster]

Dear Grandy 👩‍❤️‍👩 and everyone hi 😊

Lovely Paws I'm so sorry I didnt mention your fantastic supportive post lovey. I really liked it and thought a lot but the only thing I could think was it was a love for those many yrs. I was in mania the first two breaks.

I'm ok not going. Naturally on my mind a lot.

Thoracic part of my back is in bad shape too which s ares me a bit as thats where the csf leaks sitting in a syrinx. Otherwise today too got out of bed without it catching tho last night in bed it did. Getting better hoping.

Love to you beautifuls here 🤗

Floss huge deep love to you precious frie d. PubAok need you 🤗

👩‍❤️‍👩🗯💜😚🎁🌱🦄👭🤞🤝

[Ggrand]

Hello beautiful Deebi 👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩and all....🤗.

I so much hope that’s it’s healing some for you honey..Just take it very slow and steady..and don’t take unnecessary risks...actually don’t take any risks concerning your back or neck.....How’s your UTI going lovely lady....keep that water into you honey as much as you can👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩🦋...

Does Mr. Deebi’s mattress cause your back to hurt?..or is it the in and out of car, or different lounge, chairs, etc..I know if we are used to our own bed, and lounge etc another different one, uses muscles we don’t normally use to sit down....Wondering also honey if you take your comfy pillow with you to use...

Oh yes Deebi..the days are beautiful..sunny, with cool breezes blowing..if I close my back door a certain way..the winds howls through it...😂..

Sounds to me that you’re gaining a lot of strength with your downs..you go Lovely one..put those boxing gloves 🥊 on and give it to Beasty 👿🥊 big time..you’re doing so very well...

Good girl..sticking to your goal..I’m so very proud of you..I know you can do it..you have a beautiful man to help you, who loves you deeply...it’s great to hear your nearly inseparable...warm my heart and soul knowing he loves and cares for you so much..and visa vera...

I hope you enjoy your day beautiful bbff...Look after you the way I would if I was their....and sleep all you need to sleep..it’s healing...

Love you dearest bbff.. In my 💭, constantly..with kindness, love and care...🌈💜🤗👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩🕊🌈🦄🦋🍰.

sending my love and hugs to everyone 💜🤗🤗..

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Grandy..

[demonblaster]

Hi beautiful bbff 👩‍❤️‍👩 and lovely people ☺

It's always SO good seeing you Grandy you're such a lovely lady and a great friend. Adore you 🤗

Thanks hun I have been very careful with the back. Yes it's so comfy Mr Deebis bed but it caught hard so didnt stay for a night 😐 but together again. He's so easy to be around the sweet 😍

Think my bods fighting the UTI which is great tho its still there a bit. I'll keep an eye.

I have a nice flat soft pillow at his too.
Thanks for your care and thought beautiful Grandy 😚

You too hun we're starting to get a grip but wow how deep and fast. It's mental torture isnt it.

Yip lovey going to get my debts sorted and stick to my goal. Too much grief in a short time.
Dear Mr Deebi didnt complain but when I asked is it a relief I've stopped he said yes the darling. I owe him too. Shaking head. On the up now.

Oh hun so nice it not being stinking hot isn't it. As you do I too love the cooler weather

My gf and her family had to cancel their trip from NZ over here but later hopefully. Cause of the Corona virus. Government rules to protect everyone.

Backs still giving slight catches but finally seems to be settling down thank goodness. Same the thoracic slowly settling.
Grandz its not completely better but I do think archilles is finally settling too. Really hope so.

Did I say I'm going to stand down from sport. Havent been there for yonks. It'll be a bit of relief actually. Did some stuff for it recently.

Oh yes the bbq's still are on but I havent been for soo long. Not really sure why. I enjoyed them but dropped off along the line.

Hope your days been good my dearest besty love ☺
So so glad to have the privilege of having you as my best besty 🤗😚
Thanks for everything.. all of you beautiful people 😊🤗

Love you deeply Grandy ☺ and so appreciate you 👩‍❤️‍👩

👩‍❤️‍👩💜🗯👭🤵😍🦄🤝

[Ggrand]

Hello Beautiful Deebi👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩..and everyone...🤗..

I hope your archillis is on the mend..it’s lasted a long time..I really mean that honey..I can still remember the pain and how it effects the entire body....

Whatcha been up to bbff?...I’ve done a bit of this and a bit of that...😂 today..but mainly sitting outside and relaxing...Oh this morning I was sitting in my lounge room having a cuppa...when 3 magpies came onto the veranda to feed..1 was eating and 2 was sitting on my veranda ledge..then they started singing the beautiful harmonies they do...So very lovely listening to them...It was a perfect start to my day...

Thats sad about your gf..hopefully they can rebook for later..better they stay safe..and more anticipation for you looking forward to a later visit..💜🤗..

Deebi..Honey..thats okay about sport and bbq..maybe one day, you might feel to call in and have a coffee with the lovely ladies...🌹..

I was wondering Deebi..as it’s getting cooler, the beach ocean becomes deserted..I searched in my 💼..and my thinking 🎩..and I’m not sure if this will work...I’ll run it by you...I got heaps of copper pipes..and joined them all together..I’m underwater doing all, this..(just thought I’d let you know that)...Kilometre after kilometre of copper pipe..took me 4.4 seconds. 😅 phew..then I found 💼..hundreds of solar panels...and tied some special wire around the panels....and lassoed them around the clouds..then I joined a hose to the panels then into the pipes.. that carries hot water through the entire hundreds of kilometres pipes...and in an instant the ocean beach water is very warm and comfortable for swimming in through autumn and winter...Do you think it will work bbff?

I hope your okay beautiful spirit soul sister...and feel more rested then earlier in the week..been thinking 💭 about you and how you’ve been feeling...I feel so privileged to have you as my bbff...🌹🕊🤗🌟🌈🐻🤗..Love you, so much..over the 🌓 and back...

I hope you and everyone sleeps good tonight...

Kind thoughts sent with my love and hugs everyone.💜🤗.

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Grandy..🕊🦄🦋🌟🦅🌹🌱👭

[demonblaster]

Hey gorgeous bbff 👩‍❤️‍👩 and everyone ☺

Always so lovely seeing you beautiful 🤗 thank you for being such an amazing friend hun.

Grandy Julie looks fantastic! What a great job you did of her 😃 Good on you precious lady. Hope you're wrapped. I saved it. You stuck with it hun. Power to you 👍

Thanks lovey I think it's slowly starting to improve the achilles geez hope so.

Love that about the Maggies their warbles a superb sound isnt it. Was thinking about that.. so nice Grandz 😊

Not much I'm recovered from BP and think the uti's nearly gone but still sleep a lot. We just chat laugh snooze etc. Want to do another walk today with Mr beautiful again.
It's hard the backs making the thighs at the back hurt on walking have to stop a few times but anythings better than not so worth doing.
We're happy watching tv and been doing some jigsaw on occasion.

For sure better to be safe.

😂 love your zany antics oh Grandy you're a classic my girl. Should do the trick hun 😅 let's get wet.

Backs still clicking fairly often mostly in bed and yesterday walking which I try to avoid. Not as painful but the thoracic is giving serious grief on turning. It usually doesn't grief.

It's a gorgeous day I think Mr beautiful Deebi if you don't mind and our cutey little furs 🐕🦊 might come over and sit on your veranda with you if that's ok & we might stay if all good. Tomoz I'm cooking a slow cook meal so I'll bring it over gorgeous and we can all watch the stars at night listen to the Maggies and birdies through the day.

Love you my beautiful dear friend. Please please ubAok honeyheart. You're so incredibly important to me and I know many others here and rl.

Huge love beautiful bbff 👩‍❤️‍👩💜

🤝🗯🍦👭🕊�🦊🐕🦄👀😚

[Ggrand]

Hello Beautiful Deebi👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩..and everyone..🤗..

Thank you for liking Julie..Ebony seems to love her and lays next to her with her head on her knees...

Thats okay honey..about sleeping..it’s healing for you and mostly Beasty free...☺️..

It would be so nice if you both could came over...we can relax and watch the stars and moon..always better with beautiful friends then sitting alone..same with eating...🥺..

Did you go on a peaceful walk?...It was a beautiful day here as well..I love the Autumn sunshine..the way it warms our skin and you can feel the warmth soaking deeper into our skin...

I wish so much that your back would heal...Please honeyheart when you feel up to it..can you get it checked out with your Dr...I’m sorry if I sound like a tape recorder..it’s that I hate so much that you have had pain for so long...😢..I wish that it would go away..🐻🤗

I like my slow cooker..not long before we can make some soups and casseroles..yummy with heaps of vegetables 🌶🥕🥔🍠🍅🥬🥦🍆...

Love you Deebi..💜🕊🌱🌹🐻🦄👼🌈..Thank you for being my bestest eva friend and staying with me...Your a very beautiful lady..with a heart of gold..💛

Good night Deebi...and everyone..stay safe and be very kind to yourselves....

Caring thoughts, with my love and hugs everyone.💜🤗.

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Grandy...🐻🤗🌹🌹🕊🌱🌈👼🦄

[demonblaster]

Gorgeous Grandy 👩‍❤️‍👩 and all lovelies hiyaz ☺

Ebony the little precious taking to dear Julie like that how adorable the dear love. You really have done so well hun and I really admire and love that you stuck with your project.

Didnt sleep today tho we were late out of bed. I don't see harm in It. I agree it's healing.

Actually we ended up sleeping yesterday so didnt walk and today was pretty icky for walking.

That's quite ok hun I love that you care so much which is reciprocated lovely 😚 I have my name down for the specialist I think now but oops missed my app with neuros about my neck. Didnt hear from them for reminders and didnt get to postponing yikes! But I'll mention the thoracic pain cause its where the leak is geez it spasms and locks hurts like billyo 😲🤤

Oops didnt get the meal cooked yet maybe tomoz or weds. We going to Mr Deebis area tomoz to do a couple of things.

Deep love endless affection and care sweet beautiful friend sis by choice sss. PubAok really do need you precious friend.

Always 🗯💜👩‍❤️‍👩👭✨🕊😚

[Ggrand]

Hello Beautiful Deebi👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩..

How are you my bestest bbff?..physical and mental health honey?...

I hope you and Mr Deebi are handling the isolation okay....and are able to get enough food, drinks etc..I haven’t been to the shops yet but will next week some time..that will be my first out in a couple of weeks...

Oh no..missing your neuros appt..I’m sorry hun..they should have rang you the day before or sent you a reminder by sms...Please Maybe give the office of the neuro a ring and try to get another appointment..the referrals usually last for 12 months...Good girl..by letting your dr know about your pain..I just hope that appointment isn’t to far away...it’s not fair sweety, that your getting those spasms..They sound painful 🐐...

Deebi, please try to keep your distance from strangers, when your out n about with mr Deebi or by yourself...I’m concerned about you...and everyone...I wish all this would go away....

Thats okay about sleeping..it helps us a lot... Is it much people traffic on the beach near you...if it is maybe Theirs a nice quiet place that you could both go to for a small walk..

I done a slow cooked meal yesterday..enough for a few day..Love the colder weather food, casseroles, soups, curries...all yummy..your both welcome to come and help me eat it....

Deeply love and care for you...bbff...yes sisters by choice..the best friendship I’ve known is with you...and it’s been formed by our hearts and soul..💜🦋🤗🕊🌱🦄👼..Put This rose 🌹 next to your bed tonight, turn the top leaf like a key 🔑 and it will play...You are my sunshine”..

Good night Deebi and everyone..love and care for you all...💜🤗....

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Grandy..🕊🌱🌹🦄👼🦋..

[demonblaster]

Hi there beautiful 👩‍❤️‍👩 and all ☺

Thanks for dropping in sweetyheart it's always so good spending time even if not rl 😢

Thanks asking hun becks still clicking but not with pain I'm very careful still getting out of bed. It's the middle of my back is at times extremely painful sigh. It'll eventually come good well the occasions in the past not often that area has.
Mentally goodthanks hun. Very content and happy with the beautiful Mr Deebi he's a real love 😍 at times my mood goes a bit South but mostly good honey how bout you.
Btw I was so sorry and didnt mention my concern that your ear and jaws giving you grief again you poor love 🤗I really hope it settles sooner than later.

It's bad news isn't it.
We're pretty much only going where we have to.
I'm very happy in loves company but it'll be so good when this settles for sure. It's bad news.

Yip I bestcontact them the neuros. My arm muscle often cramps doing menial things it's not good and sometimes my fingers lock for a wee bit. had recently a couple of days with intermittent arm pain from the neck/nerve thank goodness it settled quickly.

Thanks sweety we'd love to share the slow cooked.
I did ours too with Mr gorgeous my darling helper it was lovely.
Hope you enjoyed it too when we had it at yours...I wish so much Grandz 😐

True our friendships grown through ourhearts and soul beautiful huns.
Ahh that's so beautiful the rose .. thank you sweetyheart absolutely lovely 😚

Grandy you too gorgeous keep distance wash your hands everyone 20 secs and be very careful.

Really love you Mrs Grandy sss pubAok honeyheart you're absolute 🦄

👩‍❤️‍👩💜🍫🦄🗯🤝✨😍⚘

[Peppermintbach]

Hi wonderful DB (& a wave to all),

It made me smile to read about how content you feel with Mr Deebi. I feel your love & adoration for him through your words.

He sounds like great company for this period of social/physical distancing. I think you’re wise to try to stay home, & limit going out for only essential reasons. I know it’s hard though, but I think you’re doing the right thing.

Your back sounds painful though. I wonder, could you book a FaceTime or Skype appointment with your GP for advice?

It’s moving to see your growing friendship with the lovely Grandy. I’m glad you keep each other company & lift one another up 🙂

Free choccies for all today!

Supersoul hugs & much love,

Peppystar xoxo