Surviving: Being in a better place

[demonblaster]

Hi all 🙂
Thought this thread might be of use to talk about your stories if you like and where you're at now.
In a better place.

I have Bipolar, (BP) pretty sure all my life. Wasn't diagnosed, I approached them thinking I have this at age 46.
The ups (mania) are magic, ying and yang (opposites) evident with BP & in many other ways.
The downs, crippling. Still ..but I'm DETERMINED to beat them with time & effort and professional help.One of the psychiatrists said it can't be beaten, I say cause it maybe hasn't been done, doesn't mean it can't be.
Have come an incredibly long way so far.
Long way to go probs but HAS to be sooner rather than later, else this mother of a demon will get me, I live in fear of going under the line again which majority of the time the head goes South but looking back at those times knowing I got through & that it's not always like that helps.
SO many good times, happy times between.

The cycles have gone from Rapid cycling (4 or more a yr) to 8/10 a yr since the loss of my beloved partner of 28yrs to leukaemia.

My teens starting at 14yrs I attempted suicide 4 times.
You're in hell considering, contemplating & ultimately attempting suicide, we're going against our strongest basic instinct. Survival.

Wanted OUT, couldn't see anything but Black in my head, no light, no way out, no other choice, the depression beast had me engulfed as it does most of the time in cycles now too.
Rock bottom. The pits.

I've learnt a lot one thing is it doesn't stay this way.
Sleep's vital. We don't get a lot or quality when down, it affects how we feel usually in a negative way.
Life's so much harder when we're tired and exhausted, we see feel & react to things differently
That part of our brain that works at pulling us down, I think with everyone, not only mental illness or disorders

Self esteem rock bottom, still working at it, it's true we have to like/love ourselves works as a shield.
Great loving good parents lucky

If I'd known in suicide yrs I'd meet a beautiful loving partner and have so much love from family, friends and happiness between the downs, I wouldn't have attempted.

BP downs equate to heavy grieving alone without it on top.It slammed but now I'm looking back and Yes still hurts, always will but we owe it to ourselves to keep going. We don't know whats ahead and nothing stays the same.

I know that now.

[demonblaster]

Dear Grandy 👩‍❤️‍👩 Pauly 🤗 Geoffy 🤗 Paws 🐾 and readers 😊

Wow...just WOW

Thank you beautiful people you have no idea how deep that all went.

It surfaced some deep tears.

We had a late sleep today I woke pretty early and couldnt not wake Mr D 😍 I suspected kinda mania but nah its stirred up from the gambling.

Where to start so much to say but for now I'll bbt (be back tomorrow) you amazing people.

I made a decision today amidst anger/understanding/hurt/deepgratitude to a dear friend which actually also gave me a wake up call. Without too much detail it was a bit of bitter/sweet. I talked it out with Mr Deebi he the precious listened stayed calm no judgement and suggested what to do which I will.

I'm not at rock bottom but done some pretty good damage in around 4 mths. It's all repairable.

Decision. Going to repay all debts and get back on top of rent and utilities.

Then go only when I've saved enough to go. No more borrowing for recovery.

That'll give me several mths to simmer the beast.

I'll still go with Mr I've always been in non gambling times ok to watch and not play.

Paws lovey 🤗 or was it you Grandy love 😚 I was in mania when I first broke and the 2nd time.

There's a great deal of the time I could walk out on top Floss. I HAVE to learn control which is what I've always here been about but man isn't beasty a big nasty piece of 💩. Absolutely love your tug of war.

REALLY appreciate all your Wings .. wow feeling them 😭

When I went to sleep earlier I was really down. Incredibly.. it just came on me but the couple hrs sleep did the trick and before I slept I said nah you're not taking me down.

Sending my respect (oh you too Grandy love) to you all deep appreciation and care. So moved. I'll be fine this is big but manageable.

I think about you all.. truthfully.. I do hope lifes being kinder to you 🤗😚

Floss my beautiful how are you going? I notice you beautiful lady when I'm struggling you don't talk at yours much. Said it before you're selfless love you so much huns. I'll be fine.

Actually today I managed to get over the anger that was nagging and looked at the whole picture talking to Mr love and altho a bit slacked off still with two good reasons. I did speak directly without argument and with love. Our friendships too good to fall out. Potentially be more discussion.

Pleased that my mind alliwed me to look at all angles and I saw a lot of positives (Wolfy)

Nigh nite awesomes 😊🤗😙🤝👩‍❤️‍👩💜🌱

[Ggrand]

Hello precious Deebi👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩..🐻🤗..

I’m so very very proud of you talking things out with Mr.Deebi...True Love has no judgement..and I deep down knew he would offer you some loving advise...

Good girl....for your decision making...I know it’s not going to be easy for you..but I know you can do it...because you have the want....

Self talk works bbff..do you know why?...It’s because we are adding positives into our brain, every positive pushes Beasty further away from us...You’re taking charge of your own self.....You are a very brave, courageous, beautiful, lovely person...and I love you, always will..💜🤗👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩...for who you are inside and outside, you are precious..

Im okay Deebi...when someone needs help..and I try to be there for them...it is healing me....it’s been my whole life caring for others..and it’s the only part of me that I like....

Im pleased to hear you got over your anger...anger is Beasty....trying to get you stirred up..to cause trouble with the people you love our who love you...Words cannot ever be taken back..whether said in anger or love...words are better said in care and love...

I want to thank you so very for trusting your beautiful friends here enough to open up about what’s been going on..I am so thankful you did...we are all here to support you..no matter what you’re going through...🐻🤗..

Alway here beautiful bbff..watching 👀..listening 👂...holding your hands 🤝...and giving you plenty of warm caring supportive hugs 🤗...you are in my thoughts 💭 and heart 💓 lots of times through the days and nights...love you biggley bbff..🐻🤗💜.

Kind thoughts to all you beautiful caring people..with my love, hugs and respect..💜🤗🌹..

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Grandy..🕊🌱..

[Ggrand]

Hello Beautiful Deebi.👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩..and everyone..🤗.

I just finished cleaning up my home and stuck my head in your door and took a peep around the corner and decided I had better dust the cob webs of your thread..So I could get through to see you and ask you RUOK? ...bbff..

Do you take time for yourself to sit on your patio..or Mr. D’s Patio and just watch the clouds...or the beach water as it moves with the ebb flow.?...Please if you don’t can you try it for around 15 minutes per day for a week....That’s a little challenge I hope so much that you will take on.....If I had your address I’d send you a beautiful wind chime, so while your watching them, the gentle sounds of a wind chime will give you something enchanting to listen to...

How’s your mental and physical health doing honey?...really I want to know.😚...because of my deep love and care for you..👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩🤗🐻🌈🦄💓🦋...

Been 💭 and wondering what you’ve been up to, and if your still seeing your mhw regularly...

Sending you my love, care, respect, hope and beautiful wishes..

Love and hugs dearest bbff...🐻🤗💜💜.

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Grandy...always here for you...

[Peppermintbach]

Hi wonderful DB (& a wave to all),

I think your other lovely friends & supporters have said it all, so I have very little to add. But I will say that I feel very proud of you for your own insight/self awareness into your gambling 🙂

As your other lovely supporters have said, a gambling problem is a complex issue. So I think it’s great that you seem to be working on a strategy for yourself to manage it...

Mr Deebi sounds like an incredible support person. So loving, patient and encouraging. I’m so glad he is holding your hand through all of this...and of course you have your BFF, lovely Grandy and all your other friends & supporters too 🙂

Warm super soul hugs and much love,

Peppystar xoxo

[demonblaster]

Heyaz Grandy my dear bbff 👩‍❤️‍👩Peppystar 🤗 and all other lovely people reading and/or posting 🤗

Just popped in to not only thank you all very much for your support it's so appreciated.

Peppy I read some more at yours recently bbl darlin friend.

Grandy you beautiful lady I'm sorry I said I'd bbt and it's now about 3rd day later oops.

Sleeping a lot. Coming down from BP no matter how mild takes you to the brink of exhaustion so hoping in next couple days quicker recovery.

My back on Mr Deebis has stirred up dammit and sarvo an attempted sleep hurt severely laying on my back. It's so quick yet so bloody painful it completely shakes your confidence.

Grandy yes it is hard but surprisingly it's more so guilt yes it's a waste of an emotion and realisation how much damage I've don in such short time. But I'm also excited about the future saving to play again. I know... I can here you all ☺ I have probably easily a year to convince myself how to play with control. Anything with a made up mind is possible. Mine is. I want very much to play but will wait and straighten my and others lives first.

Grandy Peppy my love to you both and deep care for you all. I'll be back peeps.

It's quite late again.

Yes Grandy I don't see a psych anymore but do and am seeing mhw tomoz.

Love you so much Floss please please ubAok 😚💜👩‍❤️‍👩🗯🌱🎁👼💪🌈🦋

[Ggrand]

Hello Beautiful Deebi👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩..and everyone..🤗.

Im sorry Deebi, Dusting off your cobwebs..I didn’t mean because you said but didn’t bbt...I was just being silly without thinking first..I really hope I didn’t upset you at all..

Awe poor my bbff..Maybe lying on your back is stretching it too much..maybe a very thin pillow under the lower part of your back that doesn’t touch the mattress to keep it supported a bit better...

Sleep dearest bbff as much as you can to choof off the exhaustion your feeling in recovery..I’ll silently sit next to you and sing you a nice song...but first I have to get you to put your ear plugs 👂🔌 in or you’ll never sleep..😂..Maybe Beasty will take a hike if I sing a song to you...😂..

So true Deebi..a made up mind with determination and want..anything is possible at all...I know you can do it..and saving a bit each fortnight will give you something exciting to look forward to...I’m so very very proud of you sweetheart...🌈🌹🦋🕊💓🐳🌟💪..

Please look after you Deebi...and get plenty of sunshine, fresh air, drink plenty of water and if possible try to stay away from crowed places...💜🤗..

love you biggly, deepily, my bbff..one day maybe we can 👭together on the beach for real..

sending everyone my love and hugs..💜🤗..

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Grandy🐻🤗💪👭💓🦋🌹🕊🌱

[demonblaster]

Hey my beautiful bbff 👩‍❤️‍👩🤗 and everyone ☺

I plan to bbl to reply to thebeauties that took the time in their days to care and support me 🤗

Sweetyheart I didn't give that a thought 😅 absolutely loved your cobwebbing you're so gorgeous adore you 🤗

Just read and loved your post at yours and here too. I WILL bbl is safer 😄

Yip sleeping heaps hun. Lucky didnt quite altho very close to full exhaustion hoping in about 3 days more sleeping be ok again.

Got a bloody UTI urinary track infection now. It's just non stop but a lot of people way worse off.

Yip it's very disappointing when my back hurts again it's I think going on 2.5 mths now maybe wrong. Wears you down.

As I do anyway everyday so often hun 🗯 of you. We had lunch at a beach area then went for a bit of a walk. Hip area curry and had to stop a few times backs affecting the legs but not only got sun, did some excercise. Happy about that. Nearly did art today and yesterday going to have a go tomoz.

Love you so deeply dear friend. Oh I can only hope hun 👭 you mean the world to meprecious amazing friend. Thank you for an incredible friendship. Magic 🦄 beyond 🤗

Remember everyone keep looking for any light no matter how dim it helps strengthen and pull out of the dark.

We got the goods

Nigh nite beautiful lady sleep well sweetyheart. You da best of da best 😚💜👩‍❤️‍👩🎁soon 👼🗯🦄🤗👭🌱🦋

[quirkywords]

Hi db

I drop by a bit and read but rarely post.

I can relate to little sleep and now a UTI so am feeling drained and tired.

I am sorry you have a sore back. I find when I am run down physically I get emotoinally down and when I am down emotionally I get physical ailments. Go figure.

I hope you are feeling better soon.

Quirky

[Ggrand]

Hello Beautiful Deebi 👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩, Quirky and everyone...🤗..

I had a few times UTI..and it’s very uncomfortable..Please Deebi..drink as much water as you can as it helps to flush it out quicker..and URAL...is also good to help flush it out...I always have URAL at home and will drink it 3 times a day once a month just in case...I hope you heal quickly honey...

Yes your backs been sore now for going on three months..I’m thinking that I think it’s time for you to visit your gp..to have it checked out..just in case that last time you hurt it, you didn’t do more damage..it’s been a long time since you last had your back seen to...Can you please try hard to make a visit with your gp..Don’t like you hurting at all bbff...💜🤗..

Having lunch at a beach area sounds beautiful Deebi...eating while your watching the waves, listening to the sea gulls..and watching them looking for food..I’ve seen on fb a vid..of people walking/ sitting along the beach eating, biscuits, fruit, chips etc..and the sea gulls glide down and pinch the chip out of their hands..😂😂..Walking on the beach is something I love so much..but can’t do because of the distance I am away from them.🥺😢.l

Its sprinkling on and off here today..plus a cooler day..it’s really nice the cooler weather...

Sleep as much as you can lovely bbff..It helps our mind as well as our body and soul to rest and heal...

Same with me Quirky..It’s like a circle isn’t it?..Sleep and getting enough of it is paramount to our mental and physical health..I noticed my gp..WW worker and psychiatrist all ask the question about are you sleeping okay...It’s a big part of our healing journey..

I hope everyone is feeling good today..

Love you deeply also bbff. 💭 about you each day🌜🐻🤗🌛pubaok..

sending you all my love and hugs with Kind thoughts.💜🤗🌈.

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Grandy.🕊🌱👭🦋💓🌟🦄..

[demonblaster]

Hiya everyone 😊

Pauly was so lovely seeing you thank you and never feel bad please about not being here. You're flat out and there for so many. Awesome you really are such a good bloke 🤗 Thanks Paul 😊

Geoffy also lovely seeing you. I was moved by your beautiful comments thank you very much. I've always felt same about your posts.

Take good care lovely people 🤗

Quirky how lovely to see you and knowing you read gives a lot of comfort thank you 😊

I'm hopeful the UTI might choof. Yes btw Grandy love been drinking water and might get some more Ural it's good. It doesQuirky make you feel tired and drained.

I hope you're ok I heard Grandy being concerned about you but I wasnt sure where to post for support but you're in my thoughts hun 🤗 hoping you're ok with hugs.

Hey Grandy my love always treat seeing you too my beautiful 🤗

Uti's they're not comfortable well worded. Was going to go to church then hospital butthe potential usual hours waitings not appealing. Hoping my immune system can beat it it's not burny today. See how it is tomoz. Thanks Grandy ☺

Bliss today no catches with back. 🤞oh I hope its on the mend. Think I'll veryreluctantly have to not sleep at Mr Deebis till it behaves properly 😣 we're nearly inseperable the gorgeous man.

Oh Grands if only it was different here you could be here as Longand often as you're beautiful heartdesires with y/our gorgeous furs and mine 😅 and of course Mr beautiful he' so lovely and easy to like/love.

Isn't the cooler weather a treat and so close to the season for a change. Our fave season.

Yes sleeps the biggy with our whole bodies I feel I'm out of BP wow hard going but justthe couple ofdeep downs. The nostalgia was spun out. It was so deep and so sad. I guess beasty trying new tactics.

I'm committed to my resolve. Not too hard surprisingly and glad to say. Really screwed up several times but I can't change that just can fix learn and not repeat same foolishness.

Our loves deep Grandy. A lasting friendship with so much love and care gives immense warmth and security.

Thanks for everything honey and that goes for the incredible people here and bb 💜👩‍❤️‍👩🤝🗯😚🎁🦄👭🌱🐣