Surviving: Being in a better place

[demonblaster]

Hi all 🙂
Thought this thread might be of use to talk about your stories if you like and where you're at now.
In a better place.

I have Bipolar, (BP) pretty sure all my life. Wasn't diagnosed, I approached them thinking I have this at age 46.
The ups (mania) are magic, ying and yang (opposites) evident with BP & in many other ways.
The downs, crippling. Still ..but I'm DETERMINED to beat them with time & effort and professional help.One of the psychiatrists said it can't be beaten, I say cause it maybe hasn't been done, doesn't mean it can't be.
Have come an incredibly long way so far.
Long way to go probs but HAS to be sooner rather than later, else this mother of a demon will get me, I live in fear of going under the line again which majority of the time the head goes South but looking back at those times knowing I got through & that it's not always like that helps.
SO many good times, happy times between.

The cycles have gone from Rapid cycling (4 or more a yr) to 8/10 a yr since the loss of my beloved partner of 28yrs to leukaemia.

My teens starting at 14yrs I attempted suicide 4 times.
You're in hell considering, contemplating & ultimately attempting suicide, we're going against our strongest basic instinct. Survival.

Wanted OUT, couldn't see anything but Black in my head, no light, no way out, no other choice, the depression beast had me engulfed as it does most of the time in cycles now too.
Rock bottom. The pits.

I've learnt a lot one thing is it doesn't stay this way.
Sleep's vital. We don't get a lot or quality when down, it affects how we feel usually in a negative way.
Life's so much harder when we're tired and exhausted, we see feel & react to things differently
That part of our brain that works at pulling us down, I think with everyone, not only mental illness or disorders

Self esteem rock bottom, still working at it, it's true we have to like/love ourselves works as a shield.
Great loving good parents lucky

If I'd known in suicide yrs I'd meet a beautiful loving partner and have so much love from family, friends and happiness between the downs, I wouldn't have attempted.

BP downs equate to heavy grieving alone without it on top.It slammed but now I'm looking back and Yes still hurts, always will but we owe it to ourselves to keep going. We don't know whats ahead and nothing stays the same.

I know that now.

[Ggrand]

Hello Beautiful Deebi👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩..and everyone 🤗..

RUOK?....bbff..

Im sorry honey that you lost a big post...come here and some caring it’s okay hugs..🤗...

Awe Deebi..it’s okay about posts...I understand and I’m sure the other beautiful people here also understand.....Most importantly first is your happiness and health....and learning to set up and get comfortable with a new routines is hard....Please sweetyheart....Be okay with you..we all love you...especially me😁💜..

What you been doing honey?...are you okay?..are you taking long slow walks together along the beach?...is your mh improving?....haha so many questions...How did church go today?....No need to reply bbff...just know I’m here always for you...always and unconditionally just like my sisterly love for you...👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩💜🦋..

Only 2 more days left in 2019....wouldn’t it be so super extra special if the Beasty..[IT]xx.got left behind/trapped/lost.. and didn’t pass into the new year....hmmm..I so much wish this for you and everyone...

Goodnight my very special bbff.... always in my 💭 which I wouldn’t change for all the money in the world 💙..

Super warm bear hugs 🐻🤗..and lots of love.🥰💜...

love and hugs to anyone reading..💜🤗..

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Grandy💙👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩🐩🐕🐅🐆👨‍⚖️..my wish isp wawyip..🥰💜🕊🦋.

[demonblaster]

You're a beautiful person Mrs Grandy love.

Hi all you amazing other peeps too 😊

Thank you sweetyheart for yet another heartfelt beautiful post you never fail to fill my heart with love 💜👩‍❤️‍👩

Yip I'm good thanks lovely mostly. There's some absolute crap going on which has been a very long time that's just so bloody wrong a major roar deal that I've been speaking up about very carefully because if they erupt mark my words I won't hold back AT ALL! ...so far successfully but it could erupt soon but I think I have that ones respect and pretty sure the other one I do which helps. Makes me so bloody angry! when kind beautiful people like my gorgeous are affected. It's starting to slightly improve I'd like to let rip cussing but trying to maintain my record of a few mths no naughties here that majority have been accidental.

It's after 🎃 time beautiful so bbt if ok.

Other news might be improving bodily tell yaz tomoz.

Very happy with the gorgeous man.

Looking forward to weight loss and exercise in ny going to take the housemates with me and eat healthier here and theirs so we all get healthy. Hills part of exercise HAVE to sort this damned Archilles

Love you heaps honeyheart thanks so much for comforting me about posting it is full on but in a v.good way.

Some not good news either on a couple but not stroking out over them ..more suspense precious soul sista 😄🤗😚👩‍❤️‍👩💜🤝👀 hope you're going good back home for a bit and so nice havi g them with you so happy for you Grandz.

Ditto always 🗯 really don't know where I'd be without you Grandy love and the amazing peeps here and bb.

Night nite beauty/s catch ya tomoz 🤗

Love

[blondguy]

Hey Hey DeeBee 🙂

I hope your Achilles heel gives you some peace....sounds awfully painful DB...ugh

Nearly finished a huge retaining wall and my feet (and achilles heel) have been difficult to walk (hobble) on with the pain...its bad news DB. I feel your pain

I hope you have a really great New Year in 2020 and have the happiness you deserve

you are and always have been a wonderful person

Bear Hugs

Paul

[Ggrand]

Hello Beautiful Deebi👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩..and all 🤗..

Its heartwarming to hear your feeling good..❤️🔥...😁..

Awe honey I can understand you being angry about something that is hurting good people..that’s your beautiful soul stepping in to protect your friends and also to help right a wrong..so proud of you honey..but dark can you try hard to not stew on it..regardless of how it works out..As long as you know you are right..that’s all that really matters..idk..maybe I think different from you as I don’t like conflict....You always have me on your side...probably I’ll be a hindress rather then a help to you because my sense of wanting to flight sets in..Sometimes I think I am not a worthy friend for you if we met in r/l..because I run from trouble or conflict, even if I know I’m right...I wish I was more gutsy like you are....I don’t like me....the way I am so not strong in that field..

Good idea honey..forming a little group for walking and healthier eating...you’ll all be great support for each other...I wish I could join your little group in r/l....

Thank you Deebi...I’m doing good with my ys and family here...unfortunately they go home tomorrow.😢..

Most importantly my beautiful bbff..I want to wish you and everyone reading a very happy, restful, peaceful and productive new year...🎊🎉🎉🎊🎁...

Im giving everyone reading this an empty crystal jar, with a little gold pen and lavender scented paper..(366 pieces ) each day you write one thing you have achieved or your grateful for or a happy time you had on that day...and then you write it on a piece of paper and seal it daily in the jar..Then next New Year’s Eve..you open it and read each piece of paper...Then you’ll all see that their are some beautiful memories in amongst the bad...

Love you Deebi..bbff each and everyday..The more I learn about you the stronger my love grows for you..💜💙🧡.it will never end....🕊🌱💭🕊🌱..

Kind thoughts honey with so much love and hugs 🐻🤗..and all my good thoughts of you daily..😁.

Love and kind thoughts with super hugs everyone..🤗💜

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Grandy....

[Paw Prints]

Dear Deebi,

Thank you for all your support this year, you are a beautiful kind person. I hope 2020 brings you relief for all your health issues. May the love you have found with Mr Deebi continue to blossom & grow. Happy New Year to you both.

Huggily Hugs

Paws

[demonblaster]

Hi there dear people 🤗

Thank you for your beautiful visits you're all so lovely I really hope 2020 is good to you all.
God knows we go through enough so time to start a new decade fresh healthy and happy.

Pauly (busting to call you Blondy 😁 ) so lovely seeing you thanks for your lovely words they went deep. Archilles is a mutt isnt it hope it goes quickly for you. Mines been over a yr now grr.
Good on you getting the retainer done it sounds like you put a lot of work into the garden well done. It'd be lovely seeing good results from hard work.
Take good care good man 🤗 Thanks for being you matey ☺

Hey Paws 🤗 Always good seeing you too dear friend.
I really hope you're improving huns.
To you too lovey thank you so much for your kindness and fantastic support it makes the world of difference.
Take good care darlz.
Care very deeply about you lovely. Your support and advise is always sound.

Hey beautiful bbff 😀🤗😚 So good seeing you gorgeous friend.
You're so kind saying such beautiful things.

I'm so glad your ys and family have been with you. Look how far you've come since we first met sweetyheart. You continually blow me away. You're an incredibly strong resilient brave kind loving lady who I'm so incredibly lucky to have the good fortu e to have as my bbff always.
Beautiful heart warming comments I feel the same totally. Love grows as my darling late love said, he's so right it does 🤗☺

Thank you for your beautiful friendship support and company we've been through so much together 🤝 and never let go because there's no stronger bond that genuine love and care.
Grandy don't listen to beasty you mean the absolute world to me, we can learn of eachother. I love your advice yes I'm trying not to fixate and get on very well with one of them we're good friends. More to say but unsure how much here geez how often I want to be able to pick up the phone and talk to you Grandz and be here for you too 😢 wiwip god every day is a day less with my bbff in rl.

Darlin I love you so much
Oh love that jar what an awesome idea I'd like to do that. Thanks precious lady.

In my head I have some of your 🎁ready it's a special so have to work on it more.

Had a stinkin 🤕 today and as per tired so if ok gorgeous bbt honey.

Happy new year darlin much love 🎉🎈🎊✨ you have no idea how much. 🤗👩‍❤️‍👩💜 and everyone that has been so kind supportive and caring 🤗🍫

See you tomoz huns with more reply 😚

[Ggrand]

Good Night Dearest bbff...

I hope your 🤕 goes away honey for the start of your new year...

Lots of 💜 and 🤗.with wishes of 🕊.with 🌱....for both you and Mr Deebi...👫....

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Grandy..🥰😁...

[Ggrand]

Hello Beautiful Deebi👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩..and everyone..🤗..

Hey honey..been thinking about you a really great many times today..and am wondering if your 🤕 has gone or eased off a little...poor darling they pull us down don’t they?....Maybe a nice cool shower running the water over your head to cool it off for you..or our super cloud soft cloth dipped in cool water..and place it across your eyes....🤗🤗.

I don’t know where you live Deebi..south or north coast..just wanted to tell you..that if your near any fires..or the air is smokey..please try hard to stay inside so your not breathing to much smoke..

What did you do for New Year’s Eve?...I stayed home with my youngest son and family..had a glass of wine with them.....as it was his last night here..They left early this morning...and are now home safely..

My grandson is a very smart boy..he scored in the top 10% in the Australian test this year..I’m telling you this because I want to tell you about his home made Christmas card..he gave me...

He wrote...”Merry Christmas Nanny..the creator of my dad..who then become the creator of me....Love you Nanny from your creation”...So cute....

Honey...I really hope your better then okay...I still worry so much about you..even though I know Mr.Deebi takes good care of you...

How special that would be to be able to ring you and chat with you..I doubt I would put the phone down for more then a week...😂..Your ear 👂 would be hurting a lot.😁...waiting and wishing for that day to arrive is so hard.😢..

Dearest bbff..I hope your sleep tonight is a good deep sleep...with dream so peaceful that you wake with a peaceful and positive mind...

Love you Deebi...Thank you for being you..please don’t ever change..You are perfect the way you are...💜🕊🌱🐻🤗..sss....The golden thread that’s holding our hearts and soul together is getting brighter by the day..because my love and respect for you grows daily....

Big love and bear hugs{{{🐻🤗🐻🤗}}}..my super special bbff...yadimh...wiwawyip...your in my 💭....lysvm...

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Grandy..👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩 {🐆🐩🐕👨‍⚖️}

[demonblaster]

Hey beautiful Grandy 👩‍❤️‍👩 and if any readers happy new year to all 🎊🎉🎈💃

Dear Grandy thank you for your beautifully spoken gentle wisdom.
I do get very angry but lately have managed to at least let things go until the nxt time. Seems I got through to one of them but I'm so bloody angry with them. Unsure about how to tackle the other one grr.

You beautiful lady 🤗 darlin I think along the same lines that in rl you may not like me as much but you see and I think know & understand me much more than many do. I love and believe u saying unconditional love. That gives so much security and warmth. Thanks Grandy I love and deeply appreciate who you are, no chance not loving you in rl. My wish too huns you've no idea 😢 I hold onto hope too. Couldnt bear not having you in my life sweetyheart you mean the 🌏
I think as mentioned we'd be good for eachother to learn off. Our friendships very solid and deep 💜🤝

Thanks sweety I too 🗯 about you daily often. God I wish it could be wiwyip

Wow not much break with the 🤕 damn nuisance aren't they. Have another now & this morning.

NY eve we had at Mr Deebis place with his housemates, quiet but good.

Love the Xmas card how gorgeous. Kids have a unique view on things. Cute as 😊

Grandz I've taken a couple of steps back. One is something for yrs I've been off.
Had a couple of wks on/off smokes but not keeping with them.

Beautiful the Golden thread holding our heart and soul you're so lovely and same with me hun it grows daily. Love you so deeply. Absolutely adore you 🤗 my life without you 😭 can't imagine it.

Grandy & all I'm so happy with this beautiful man he's absolutely precious we love eachother very much.

Really hope lifes being a bit easier on you I'm always so proud of how you're getting on and coping.

I had a beautiful dose of mania about a wk ago, lasted an hr or two. Have had some lows and boy doesnt it change how you see life and people. Ok now just this bloody 🤕

We're always in this together sweetyheart 🤝🗯✨🌜👩‍❤️‍👩💜🐩🐶🐕🐅👫🌛 pubAok lysvm yAdimh honey. You're absolute 🦄🤗😚

[Ggrand]

Hello Beautiful Deebi👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩...and everyone..🤗..

Oh Deebi....I absolutely love your beautiful heart and soul...loving them is loving you..completely unconditionally..I know that would grow even deeper if we every met in person..💜..I am so pleased to hear from you....When I saw you reply I was so happy.....umm..I have been missing you..

Good girl..letting things go, until next time..helps the spirit mend a little...and maybe time to think of a new way of explaining things..to help them understand that’s its not okay to hurt other people with words and actions...Once words are said they cannot be taken back...and words said in anger are usually not the words people would say if they were calmer....So well done bbff..I’m proud of you so much...

I still have ciggy most days..but I know I need to stop again..just atm to much going on..they help me relax a bit..

Awe poor honey with the 🤕 is your head hot?..maybe Deebi..wet your hair with cool water through the day..to try to cool your head off...or a few cool showers through the day...with the cool water on your head...Wish I could wish it away for you...

I was so happy to read the love you have for each other..You are both beautiful gifts to each other...🌜🌜⭐️💫⭐️🌛..Two shining lights connect to each other by golden starlights...💜💫💜..

Life looks great through mania...Changes our way of looking at us and life..maybe next time honey..you could write your thoughts down on a piece of the lavender paper..and when your down and thinking beastly will win...read those mania thoughts and know that you will win over beasty......[IT] xx is not unbeatable..just an annoying beast that needs taming....You, me, anyone can tame the beast with not giving up looking for peace..🕊🌱..

take care of you and mr beautiful...and each other...beautiful friend...never give up hope on awyip...I never will..Deep love my bbff...💜..with some squishy 🐻🤗...

Love and hugs everyone..💜🤗.

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Grandy...🕊 peace...🦋💫🙃⭐️🐅🐆🐕🐩👨‍⚖️👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩..