Surviving: Being in a better place

[demonblaster]

Hi all 🙂
Thought this thread might be of use to talk about your stories if you like and where you're at now.
In a better place.

I have Bipolar, (BP) pretty sure all my life. Wasn't diagnosed, I approached them thinking I have this at age 46.
The ups (mania) are magic, ying and yang (opposites) evident with BP & in many other ways.
The downs, crippling. Still ..but I'm DETERMINED to beat them with time & effort and professional help.One of the psychiatrists said it can't be beaten, I say cause it maybe hasn't been done, doesn't mean it can't be.
Have come an incredibly long way so far.
Long way to go probs but HAS to be sooner rather than later, else this mother of a demon will get me, I live in fear of going under the line again which majority of the time the head goes South but looking back at those times knowing I got through & that it's not always like that helps.
SO many good times, happy times between.

The cycles have gone from Rapid cycling (4 or more a yr) to 8/10 a yr since the loss of my beloved partner of 28yrs to leukaemia.

My teens starting at 14yrs I attempted suicide 4 times.
You're in hell considering, contemplating & ultimately attempting suicide, we're going against our strongest basic instinct. Survival.

Wanted OUT, couldn't see anything but Black in my head, no light, no way out, no other choice, the depression beast had me engulfed as it does most of the time in cycles now too.
Rock bottom. The pits.

I've learnt a lot one thing is it doesn't stay this way.
Sleep's vital. We don't get a lot or quality when down, it affects how we feel usually in a negative way.
Life's so much harder when we're tired and exhausted, we see feel & react to things differently
That part of our brain that works at pulling us down, I think with everyone, not only mental illness or disorders

Self esteem rock bottom, still working at it, it's true we have to like/love ourselves works as a shield.
Great loving good parents lucky

If I'd known in suicide yrs I'd meet a beautiful loving partner and have so much love from family, friends and happiness between the downs, I wouldn't have attempted.

BP downs equate to heavy grieving alone without it on top.It slammed but now I'm looking back and Yes still hurts, always will but we owe it to ourselves to keep going. We don't know whats ahead and nothing stays the same.

I know that now.

[Ggrand]

Hello Beautiful Deebi..

I have been thinking 💭 about you today...like always...and wondering how your feeling...I hope your doing okay and getting plenty of quality sleep...also I hope your not to sore...

Try hard to not listen to beastys , and remember only the good positives in your life...you have so many...the wonders of the beach...singing birds...lunches with your besties..weetbix tree....Destiny and Eternity....our 💼...

Good night dearest bbff...love you 💜🌱🕊🦢..Big 🐻 🤗 honey...

sending my love and hugs to everyone...💜🤗

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Grandy🦢🌱🕊💖

[demonblaster]

Beautiful Grandy 👩‍❤️‍👩 and tweety darlings 🤗

Thank you for your lovely posts.

I have a back out I think it'll come good fairly quickly but catching sigh.

Very tired.

Lovely time with Mr Beautiful lol love you Grandz you're so gorgeous I read your lovely posts he was smiling.

I had 2 anaesthetics the second because apparently I had a big bleed so they woke me and calmly explained.

Told my dressing nurse I was tired so had another sleep. We get on very well lots of laughs she said she loves coming to mine 😆

Just for a change of pace I have a bit of a back out making it hard walking with sticks it'll come good.

Wound she saids really big and the doctor said it was hard over a big area but not much to scrape out.

Tweety that was a deeply moving post and so lovely to see you. I cant tell you how often I've meant to at your thread support you. Love to you sweety I hope lifes keeping all your feathers in order sweety 🐣

Ahh Mrs gorgeous hello darlin 🤗 and how are you going my precious friend always love in 🗯 Thank you for your absolutely beautiful support too.

Love so very much darlin really do hope you're ok.

Bots a bit sore atm but mostly happy and doing well with it.

Always deeply appreciate you beautifuls

He's a sweety we've been having such lovely time and laughs.

😚🤗👩‍❤️‍👩💜🤝👭🕊🐣🔥

[Ggrand]

Hello Beautiful Deebi👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩..and everyone reading🤗..

Awe honey..you’ve gone through the wringer...poor bbff..💖..

please be very gentle on your poor back..and don’t push yourself too much...maybe back out from surgery..the way you were laying...not sure honey...just a thought..

I was wondering if they slept you..now I know..Looks like your nurse will continue to come and change your dressings..it’s nice you get on well and can have some laughs and good time...That’s precious Deebi...

Do you still have the special cushion to sit on?...

Take good care of your precious body and mind lovely bbff..

Love and care a lot for you Deebi......please be okay....always...🦢..🌜🐻🤗💜🌛

Kind thoughts...love and warm hugs everyone.💜🤗🤗..

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Grandy...🦢 🌱🕊 🦋💐🍫👭

[monkey_magic]

Bots and back oh dear. But im sure it's not funny.

I know all to well about the back thing oh geez it's crap. Mines getting better but still kinda stiff and sore.

Still watching the tv...bride and prejudice is really good.

Just a quick swing by to wish u a speedy recovery.

Hi Grands, Birdy and others...

MM

[Ggrand]

Dearest Beautiful Deebi 👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩..

Just popping my head around the corner to wish you a very refreshing sleep with some beautiful healing dreams..💜🦢🕊🌱🦋..

I hope your feeling okay lovely bbff...🦢..It’s only the day after your operation..I’m guessing your sore....poor Deebi😢....Please honey..take things very easily and slowly...and try very hard not to lift anything at all....and sleep as much as you need to Deebi...

Please be okay...always..🦋...

If you look on your bedside table...you’ll find a little 💝 gift for you....I know you like birds..I got a broach made up into a 🦚 lyrebird..at the end of each tail feather is a beautiful clear crystal...while along the tail feathers are tiny sapphire crystals that catches the suns rays and collects the rays into the clear crystals at the tip of the tail feathers...then they sparkle so bright that it lights your way through any darkness your traveling through....I think the broach would look lovely pinned to your hand bag..up to you honey were you wear it...

Sending you deep love and warm care...Deebi..love you sister Deebi..💖🤗🦋🦢💐🍫🌹💭..wiwawyip ..yadimh..

Good night beautiful people...sleep deep and dream sweetly..Love and hugs 💖🤗..everyone..

Good night bbff....💜💖👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩🦋💭🦢🦚..

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Grandy..🌹🦢....🕊🌱....

[demonblaster]

My/our beautiful Grandy 👩‍❤️‍👩 Magic 🐒 and all ☺

Hello my dear friend how are you 🐻🤗 you're a love arent you thank you for being so supportive and to so many amazeballs 🐣 here too.

Haha Monks ☺. Great yours is improving oh yeah its wicked pain.
I Must've been due for a batch of rot to balance all the goods 😍
Thanks huns for swinging by hey watch that branch I had to use bandaids its a bit wobbly on it.

Phew the back after slamming I could walk roughly with 2 sticks it was a different place thank goodness and shortly after with movement it eased right off. Still the odd catch and need to be so careful on movement and bending. Fragile.

Yes she's really lovely we crack up. Dear thing she told me something shes only ever told her husband. Not telling a soul

Oh other day was on the landline & the mobile call was the bloke that I told neighbours. I'm fine with that decision and am surprised he hasnt rang by now because we got on very well but seriously he didnt at all sound good. He was trying to see who's number it was he was trying to get someone. I said if he wants to ring back thats fine or if he doesnt thats ok too up to him. Poor guy he sounded defeated.

I knew early with my love and we moved in together pretty much straight away.
Same with another bf but didnt have that feeling of knowing like with my love. It was a hard one lot of hurt but still was a good man mostly.
But this guy as my love I know hes a lifer. Absolutely beautiful. Love him already. Talking about living together if its not now it'll be a bit later. SO happy. So nice someone so beautiful to talk to cuddle laugh. God hes sweet. Nice having someone to wake up with. Grandy I wish So Much wyip😢 hold onto Hope eh 🤗

Hard coming down when I have the lurvv bug happening but am. Before we got together I said beasties not taking me down tho in hospital in quiet times it slammed but started doing things with the thoughts like rubbish bin for crap and some challenging. Was happy mucken around joking chats otherwise.

Pretty wrecked. Had a couple extra nanny naps today it all helps.

Always beautiful that'll never change or raving on about you.
So much love warmth and care beautiful. You too darlin please be ok. Always need you truth. U ok lovey?

Thanks lovely friends 😊👩‍❤️‍👩💜👭🕊🗯🐻🤗✨🎄🎃🐒

[Ggrand]

Hello Beautiful Deebi👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩..

I hope your back is a little better today..My real wish is it was 100% better...please honey take it very easy as you said it’s fragile....

I am sure you would give anyone you come into contact with a bright light and happiness into their soul...

I really hope things go good for you with your new guy...and you can give each other some beautiful happy times and memories.....Hearing you say your so happy warms my heart honey...and I’m so happy that you have someone who cares about you and can give you their love and comfort, also not being on your own...and be there for you and visa Versa. That’s Gold...

That’s okay Deebi....If you need to sleep..do so honeyheart..It means your body and mind are in need of it...yes it does help..more then we realise...

I hope so much today is a good day for you...enjoy every moment you can lovely bbff.....life’s to short not not..Please you be okay...always ...How are you feeling today..both mentally and physically....I imagine your getting your dressing changed daily again...that will give you more time with your lovely nurse....

I’m always here for you honey..I’m not letting go..wiwawyip 😢..Love and care heaps for you Deebi..bbff..💜🌱🕊🦢💭..Big gentle 🐻🤗..bear hugs...

Kind thoughts...love and hugs to all that’s reading..💜🤗🤗.

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Grandy...🕊🌱🦢... in my 💭..with L&C...

[demonblaster]

Beautiful bbff 👩‍❤️‍👩 hi any readers ☺

Always in my 🗯 and 💜 dear 👭 I was going to chat earlier but we're both extremely tired so got more sleep.

Thanks askin lovely backs good now. I'll try and be mindful on bending.

No idea but before we got together something stirred my hip/groin strongly. At times in bed or walking moving the legs extremely painful. I had that in hospital. Sometimes pain from it stays a couple minutes doesnt sound long but makes up for in intensity. Settling.

Headaches around but holding kinda. Had a heavy not quite bang bang this morning otherwise catching and removing pillow mostly helps or otc's. Having some soon. Better than having the sedative ones esp in BP.

Mentally good when with Mr beautiful whos stayed 5 nights so lovely distraction getting to know eachother its beautiful.

During that time beastys been trying but more so from exhaustion rubbish thoughts general doubts and at times just blaghh

Very angry with how someone I care Deeply about is being treated esp one of the culprits is from a long term mate whos a friend of mine who I'm as I get to know more saying it straight or tactfully which so fars been fine. I absolutely want to say something but first need to think it through get as much info as po and approach carefully could go South. Have to weigh up options but I do have one for the person, Potentially it'll work out for the better for them., So often Kind Genuine gentle people get used makes my blood boil. This instance I need to wait before I go for it 😠 grrr. Otherwise have a lot of time for the offending friend who tho does look out for him but also put him down recently. I said just a couple of words he looked at me I wouldn't have budged and no more said but will be if it happens again!

Yes daily again dressings and is good seeing her. Its a tad sore but to be expected early days. Think theres more popping up god I'll have no huhhymm left ..hymm comforting thought 😅

Thanks darlin. He has some Special qualities that add to his being a pure genuine beautiful quality bloke and I suspect mh which I'm slowly going to research, heard bits over time and here. Fairly sure but not an issue just need fully understand and am and can help a lot. Its such a pleasure he has a beautiful nature. Other health laters ☺ So so lovely 😍

Love you SO much always need you and looking after eachother. You make amongst many such a difference. Thank you beautiful/s

SO much wiwwyip 😢👼✨🕊🌱👩‍❤️‍👩💜🤗

[Ggrand]

Dearest beautiful Deebi👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩..

I really hope you are alright..I’m quite concerned about you..I can’t help it because you matter so much to me...

I hope your back has improved a bit for you...and your latest surgery dressing changing are also not giving you to much ouching..

I wanted to call in and wish you a good sleep tonight...I’ll be sitting here next to you if you..if that’s okay...

If beasty is whispering or yelling in your ear...in a deep big meaningful voice tell it he can just go and fly away..you’re not listening to it...You’re strong Deebi..so very strong with a lot of want and determination to beat the beasty..I have faith and belief in you....This episode is only temporary and beasty will buzz off if you tell it to....please honey. ...please be okay...I know how deep we can go in BP....💖🌱🕊..

D..delightfully sweet..🍫.

E..evening star 🌟 your heart shines like one.

E..everyone who knows you is blessed..👼.

B..beautiful in every way..🦢.

I..I love and care for you..💜🤗. You’re in my 💭..through my days/nights..🦋..🌝🌔....🌜🐻🤗🌛..

Good night bbff 👭..I hope you sleep deep and peacefully with calming and sweet dreams..🌹🦋🕊🌱🦢🦚💐..

Good night all...hoping your sleeps and dreams are restful and calming..

kind thoughts.... love and hugs..💖🤗..

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Grandy....

[demonblaster]

Hey bbff 👩‍❤️‍👩 and any readers 😊

You're a beautiful friend Grandy thank you so much.
I don't know what's ahead but at least they're doing what they can for now. I had a carbuncle on my chin yrs ago. Not quite the look ya go for 😆 Chin was itchy still is. It's a healing bit of a rash and now its hard like they go and I think the more I scratch the worse it gets. Nearly impossible to ignore the itch. With luck it'll go. I'll see doc or hospital again if it worsens.
Nearly out of these strong antibiotics (2 daily for 5 days) it says immediately before eating. Unless I put them on the seat even then moved them and forgot before meal at least I've not missed a day I don't think.
I'm guessing it's not a good germ which is proving to be true.

As per which seems quite common often a lot happens at once but all the other pains are settling or manageable. I'm ok sweety thank you. Love your concern but I too am tough like you for different reasons. Had a LOT of incredible pain over the yrs pretty much result from nursing. The body pays later.

Btw yes still have cushion. Might be repeating

Had a big sleep still needing a lot more but starting to come back up.

Looks like the worst of beasty was in hospital. Considering how good mania was overall probs coming out with hurts but overall not so much depression. Was able to not have the pump part. Was a longer lurvleey mania. Not sure if a wk long maybe 5/6 days

Was warranted saying my short few words in hospital. I think by his (nurse) later actions and genuine sweetness he was maybe not sorry but could see where I was coming from. I understand why his non action but .. Beasty wanted to latch on to both nurses attitudes and words but I was able to at least slow [IT] x I wasn't rude and didnt carry it on.

Beautiful darlin 🐻🤗 the letters and you. My life would be a lot more complete wiwAwyip oh and yes always ok for you sitting with me darlin thanks 👼☺

Going to bed had pills brekky. Com nurse early sarvo.

Hope you and others here are in reasonable to good headspace.

Nigh night 😚🕊👩‍❤️‍👩💜👀🤝💗