Surviving: Being in a better place

[demonblaster]

Hi all 🙂
Thought this thread might be of use to talk about your stories if you like and where you're at now.
In a better place.

I have Bipolar, (BP) pretty sure all my life. Wasn't diagnosed, I approached them thinking I have this at age 46.
The ups (mania) are magic, ying and yang (opposites) evident with BP & in many other ways.
The downs, crippling. Still ..but I'm DETERMINED to beat them with time & effort and professional help.One of the psychiatrists said it can't be beaten, I say cause it maybe hasn't been done, doesn't mean it can't be.
Have come an incredibly long way so far.
Long way to go probs but HAS to be sooner rather than later, else this mother of a demon will get me, I live in fear of going under the line again which majority of the time the head goes South but looking back at those times knowing I got through & that it's not always like that helps.
SO many good times, happy times between.

The cycles have gone from Rapid cycling (4 or more a yr) to 8/10 a yr since the loss of my beloved partner of 28yrs to leukaemia.

My teens starting at 14yrs I attempted suicide 4 times.
You're in hell considering, contemplating & ultimately attempting suicide, we're going against our strongest basic instinct. Survival.

Wanted OUT, couldn't see anything but Black in my head, no light, no way out, no other choice, the depression beast had me engulfed as it does most of the time in cycles now too.
Rock bottom. The pits.

I've learnt a lot one thing is it doesn't stay this way.
Sleep's vital. We don't get a lot or quality when down, it affects how we feel usually in a negative way.
Life's so much harder when we're tired and exhausted, we see feel & react to things differently
That part of our brain that works at pulling us down, I think with everyone, not only mental illness or disorders

Self esteem rock bottom, still working at it, it's true we have to like/love ourselves works as a shield.
Great loving good parents lucky

If I'd known in suicide yrs I'd meet a beautiful loving partner and have so much love from family, friends and happiness between the downs, I wouldn't have attempted.

BP downs equate to heavy grieving alone without it on top.It slammed but now I'm looking back and Yes still hurts, always will but we owe it to ourselves to keep going. We don't know whats ahead and nothing stays the same.

I know that now.

[Ggrand]

Dearest Beautiful Deebi👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩..and everyone 🤗..

How are you feeling today honey?...🌜🤝🌛...

I am sorry honey that your going into BP...Please try hard to keep your negatives starving...and feed your positives as much as you can...There are so many positives in your life beautiful friend...I can think of so many, because of the beautiful, gentle, kind, compassionate person you are...you bring light, comfort, understanding, love and care to everyone you speak to here and in r/l....24kt..Gold....

I want to thank you firstly for being honest to me and the other beautiful people here about your sore chest and jaw ache....the other night....You’re so right in saying an aching jaw is a sign of a heart attack....honeyheart...I love you big time...Just very gently talking to you as I love and care so much about....I am a little upset that you didn’t call the ambos....It’s not good to just ignore any chest pain no matter how light it is when their is also jaw pain, neck pain or arm numbness or pain...Please Deebi..if it happens again..call them sweetheart..just in case....They usually always will give anyone an ECG when they come in with chest/jaw pain....they will check it for you...It’s always better to be sure... 🐻🤗💜...

Well done honey..getting a nanny nap in BP...That’s awesome...

How are feeling today bbff...Have I told you....that I’m sitting with you through this episode and not letting you go 🤝 🎀.until your into your normals...then I’ll loosen my grip...but still not go....

If you need to talk...I have a huge 👂...and am here for you through hard times and happy times...always 👭💜👭...

Hoping you can get some good quality sleep tonight...and dream peacefully...

Thank you for being in my life...Love you dearest bbff..please be okay...always..🌜👭🐆🐅🐩🐕🌛..our beautiful family💜🤝👂..

Love and Hugs everyone...💖🤗🤗.

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Grandy..🦋🌈🌹🌱🕊🐚🤖🥁

[demonblaster]

Hey beautiful 👩‍❤️‍👩 and all other beautifuls 💗

As always thank you for you time devine friendship and beautiful supportive kind posts.

I know I should have and I suspect the jaw was headache related and didnt notice it until I was laying down which is when my head was griefing me. Thank you and I loved how you said your bath and you'll be over to talk to me and honey there's something lovely and secure about that 🤗

Pretty tired huns. My mood was a bit up and down took some work today but besty wouldnt have known. It was a really beautiful spot we went and we're going to go somewhere different each time. You've no idea of the beauty here God I wish Grandy. Was thinking so many people I care and love here that are struggling I have a spare room and comfy bed esp you and Doolsy love the beach. It gets me Grandz big time 😢

Going to tea at the bloke friends Sat. I'm not liking him that way so much now but pretty keen on his flatmate. He seems a real sweety. Couple other acquaintance/friends going too. I'm going to cook next time after that. Lamb oh baby yummm. I'll save you some esp roast spuds.

Thank you sweetylove yes and it made me feel very cared for Grandy I really appreciate your friendship so much honey. I'm ok atm sweets you get yourself back on deck and yes I've been doing a lot of the positives. Does make you feel better doesnt it.

Should sleep tonight oh and today its not mania as such but I've noticed before such a shame tho great to get that sleep but it breaks the magic part up. Needed sleepers last night and tried sleep sarvo but nada. Early days I'll get there.

Going to try for a gentle walk tomoz. Don't want to overstimulate at this stage but need to exercise.

Love you very much dear friend. Please always ubok 🤗😚

Headachy but holding them off sometimes with meds. Mostly not the sedative type. Boom.

Caio ☺👩‍❤️‍👩💜🐩🐶 I 😂 as soon as I saw our family U R 🦄👼💗👀🗯

[Ggrand]

Hello Beautiful Deebi👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩..and e🤗..

Im pleased your having dinner again with the guy with the roommate and other friends as well...You’re getting out sweetheart and that makes me so happy for you..Sounds like you had a good time with your besty even though you weren’t feeling the best..I’m so proud of you..

I wish so much as well honey..Truth I cry 😢 over it a lot..I tell myself I have here with you..but not the same...

The positives do help, strange isn’t it..we know that’s how to help us..but in deep depression the positives just pack their bags 💼 and go on holidays...Letting Mr negative take over...

Hows your headache 🤕 today lovely..I’ve been noticing that you seem to get some cluster headaches over a week..then not long after go into BP..I might be wrong...just something I’ve noticed...I get a migraine for a couple of days then I go into BP...I’m wondering if the headaches is a warning that our chemicals in our brain is shifting..and if we should try hard as we can to then..to push our negatives away...hmm maybe I’m thinking wrong..

Did you go for your gentle walk honey🙇‍♀️..it’s okay if you didn’t...When you feel ready you will..Please don’t push yourself too much..I get so concerned at times that you may push yourself too much...

Love so much our spirit family..🌜👭🐆🐅🐩🐕🌛..it gives me you to love and care for....💜🤗👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩..and it gives me times to think about and go to when I’m down..

Howz your day today honey?...are you feeling okay?

Its so hot here.Maybe I should look in my 💼..and get out all my construction 🚧 🏗⛓..and a few 💣🧨 and blast a deep hole right through to the under ground springs we have here, Oh has to be in my backyard...then take my 🚜 and pull our 🚚 behind me to the beach, then fill it with sand and dump it near the spring, then back to the salt mines..fill up 🚚 with salt and dump it in the water and then..just like that we have a 🏖 beach...Everyone is Welcome...

Please you be okay..always my beautiful sister...I’m sitting here tonight...🌜💜 love 💜🌛 you so much...please call on me if you need to talk...about anything at all...👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩💖🤗..

Narnia..”The lion, the witch and wardrobe” is on tonight..I might watch that...not liking the white witch though...

I hope your night tonight is peaceful and beasty free..her you go honey...I copied your pattern and made you a beasty Buster 💣 beanie to wear when you need to....

Love and hugs everyone 💖🤗🤗....

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Grandy...🕊🌱🦋🌹.. 🦢

[Peppermintbach]

Hi wonderful DB (and a wave to all),

I’m happy to see you have been socialising more recently. I think it’s nice to engage with people, especially if you’re more extroverted 🙂

It sounds as though you have quite a night tomorrow. I hope you have lovely time.

Thank you so much for thinking of me and the lovely post you wrote earlier 🙂

Did you end up going on the walk today?

Supersoul hugs and much love,

Peppystar xoxo

[demonblaster]

Bbff 👩‍❤️‍👩 and good people hey 🤗

You move me... often lovely 🤗💜
I think about beautiful moments.
You're 🦄 bbff 💜 and all of you amazeballs 🐣 here 💗

😄 loven your plans to get a beach happening 😂 😀

It's nice being around people.
I'm so glad to have learnt to live with myself. Noticed in the past few mths. Major hurdle.
And another I'm liking myself more.
Thanks in large to here YOU 💜 other amazing people here beautiful friends & families. Me too with head work.

Ohh lovely deep sleep no sleepers last night
And so pleased mania came back today but beasty keeps gatecrashing.
So far been able to catch and choof majority of down thoughts. A fair few. Mostly thinking that was then and some positives from it
And thinking anything good in general as well so I leave that thought on an up.

You get so bloody tired & worn out.
70% of todays been awesome.
In the cruisy productive stage.

Been mths stuck on mils art. Today amongst doing other things I've needed to for mths I've made several changes and really liking it again. Got some oomph to keep going again.
I'm going to fix up one I've done that's just right for her & use this one as one of the pics to make the colouring book.
Need to stick at it. A good motivation's the beautifuls not getting younger.
It'd be the ultimate for her. Me to her colouring my art.
More ideas about that too.

So grateful precious you being here if I need to talk ☺

Each mania I'm learning more.
It initiates deep thought
I'm better at focusing mainly on one or 2 tasks in mania but ya do other stuff 😅 hard not to do several things but they get done.
Start your engines annnd 🏍 vroom

Nah not the same darlin. It does hurt 🤗

Getting hard to write taking an age too
Not complaining just saying

Beautiful you noticed that with headaches ☺ Seems so often. Then a wk or more use to be mths without. Bliss.
A few I dont mention cause I get on top early with/out meds.
Finally got it thanks after 2 lots. Seem to linger 3 ish days
One day I'll chart & with BP I have some dates from before here too. A graph would be good.
Think this break was 7/8 wks. Felt like 3 months.

Laid down twice. Might have nodded if no 🤕 but it was relaxing.

No walky 😯.. "ok if you didnt" so comforting. I really do need to start. It'll be soon.

Yuk heat Grandz and 🚿restrictions too

Tons of love gorgeous 🗯 👩‍❤️‍👩💜👼😚

[demonblaster]

Our lovely gentle Peppystar ☘Grandy and hi any readers ☺

Thanks Peppy darl for a lovely visit. Phew I had some of that gorgeous cake you left and so fresh still don't ya love virtual food. Can salivate just a shame we can't taste it.
Yip I think I need to not coccoon for too long it's easy to do. Even the odd bus trips are enough quick chat smile or just being around people or a walk. Often out and about I have quicky chats or comments maybe a giggle that fills my tank for a while but very easy to slide on coccoon land esp that I'm ok in my own company now which I'm thrilled about.

A friend told me my other bb passion (big brother) is coming back 😀😀😀😀👍👍👍👍👍boom boom boomer! If they have the forums I need to time manage so I dont neglect here. We'll be catching up soon when I see the gaenacologist for results soon.

No lovey 🤐 I am but trying not to get to down on wanting to walk. Had the odd one. It's a wonder I haven't been jogging..god forbid please 😅 being in mania but boyo got a few bits done 😅 loven it.

Esp happy the art darl. Getting past the block on mils card for mths in the last couple of days (mania) has reignited my 🔥 for it all so I just need to keep at it. I'm pretty sure doing art and this style too will be a major towards opening the mind to think outside the box which is what happens in mania and it's real living.
I'd think too because of the observation looking at angles working on 3d affect shading length width proportions etc my previous v.good psych was teaching me cbt and one thats proven to help create new neurons was basically looking at the 3d of anything around that I continue to do.

Hope your life is improving and you're getting time to do your art I know you get a lot of pleasure lovely.

You're very welcome btw Peps ☺

Love and always super souls dear friend 🤗☘🌱

[Ggrand]

Dearest Beautiful Deebi👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩...and everyone 🤗..

Popping my head in through my iPad...Ohh you look gorgeous...love the outfit you chose..👖👚👢....wishing you a beautiful time tonight...I’ll be waiting up for you..with a nice cup of coffee and some cookies...and a scented jonquil candle.....Then you can tell me all about it....

I also read that bb is coming back..I know how much you like that show, I’m really happy for you..I hope it starts soon for you.....good distraction for you watching..

Good to hear your back to doing your art..sounds truely beautiful..and complexed....mil would feel so special knowing you done especially for her..and you will be so proud as you see the finishing touches by mil colouring...I am learning a bit about colour schemes with the colour by numbers...

Well done throwing beasty out...You definitely don’t want it gate crashing into mania too much...it tries to...but we are stronger then it...keep up those happy and beautiful memories you have in your thoughts honey.....It has to get tired of trying soon....doesn’t it?

Okay...please enjoy your roast lamb tonight with company..food taste better when eaten in company...oh..um..don’t forget my potatoes 🥔...I’m looking forward to them so much....you make the best crispy and fluffy potatoes 🥔...

Love and care for you Deebi...🥰..💜🤗..I love the swan..🦢..graceful and gorgeous...just like you..

Kind thoughts.. Love and hugs everyone 💖🤗🤗.

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Grandy🕊🌱🦢🦋🌹

[demonblaster]

Heya beautiful bbff 👩‍❤️‍👩 and all lovelies 👋

I love that you peeky boo at my outfit which I meant to say and I know you would realise I wasnt being weird but in case anyone thought I was when I said I was glad you peeked maybe beasty made me think it sounded weird but it was and is the interest you show. I adore you Grandy you really are such a beautiful friend 👩‍❤️‍👩💜

I've been getting a bit dressed up the ONLY ok about weight gains that my cloths arent hanging off me. I felt good being dressed nicely and guess what I did 😀 truth. That sweety bloke I mentioned I put the hard word on but gave him every opportunity to say no and said I won't be offended but would a bit sshh and I think I probs blew his socks off 😅 Hes such a love and I also said if not thats ok cause we get on really well and have a lot of chats he laughs at my jokes always a bonus 😅 so we'll see how it goes. He hasnt said yes or no but he's worth a chase. Like him a lot. Said I'm not after a relationship just casual if hes interested. Everyone is behind me. Hes really a sweety.

Had a lovely night. The chook I know from previous outs was a nurse an RN we might have worked together when I was doing agency after training. She worked where I trained as well. Small world.

Moods been ok but not cruisy as much but live wire tonight when I'm comfy I joke talk a lot but most respond well and listen too.

Mostly beasty plays at beddy time maybe cause no distractions but still choofing and rationalizing most thoughts are junk so hearing and letting them slide.

Oh this chook also has BP.

Could be mania I'm feeling very positive I'll get through this without much pain but if I think and believe this and keep the goods flowing balancing not too much excitement

I've gone back to similar but new I thought of something simple not a big word that I like. I love rock formation so each letter thought of only good
R.. Rock and remembered the beauty
O.. cant remember
C.. GEE wonder if choccy came to mind
K.. forgot too. It helped

Also think of stars water rock it keep positives & pleasure. Till I re read and learn mindspot more to handle the ptsd rubbish. Occasional thought challenge.

Not sure if there was spud tonight but put some in the oven for you darling 😊

Love you so much sweety. I'll visit yours and chat tomoz honey 😚🤗

Thanks darlin always lysvm yAdimh BPaly I wish SO much 👼🏍💗

Goodnight lovely people hope you're doing alright loves 🤗☺

[monkey_magic]

Hey DB,

Love your bravery with the guy you're interested in...go get him gal.

I'm behind you also.

Hey Grandy,

MMx

[demonblaster]

🤗 Magic 🐒 Grandy 👩‍❤️‍👩 and readers hiyaz ☺

You're another one that in a few words can move me thanks huns really sweet & deeply appreciated.
I was thinking heaps about u and glad you saw it cause I was going to tell you.

Think I'm possibly in with a chance. But either way good friends. Friend said he's shy mmm not with me or when spoken to so maybe needing a different word. The friend that I liked liked not the kiwi & don't as much now but I'm meaning he's a really good fella I have a lot of time for him has been a friend 40 yrs with this bloke. V.genuine

Boyo last night stimulated me biggly. Sas buzzing. Good still havent had the racey adrenalin excitement part which booms stress. Hoping to avoid. This is turning into a longer mania. I might come down if I dont have much more people stimulation.

Unusual from 1st mania day for the 2nd to not be. ? a day job. In retrospect it was sneaking in earlier then came back which ? from opposing beasty with positives being another form of stimulation.

At supermarket saw a friend not seen for ages hugs & catch up.
Then a chat/laugh waiting at checkout with a lady who was one of 3 last night that said I have a good sense of humour. Nice hearing.

Some hugs from the two last night I havent seen in a while. I'm starting to introduce with like bloke & friend that we have before but I backed off cause I was keen. His brothers very shy. Was sweet think he was waiting for me to shake my hand. He hasnt before. I like gently bringing shy people out of their shells. He ate with us last night for a change too.

Ouch another bloody Carbuncle I think 😠. Don't think it has a head yet. I dont want to but better hospital. P.transports a shocker on w/e. I might be able to put fuel in and catch a lift with lovely or and

Going to have them to mine for a meal sometime. I dont like not giving back. Did some housework for them & bought bulk of grog for friend and I. JD and Cola nearly as good as Kahlua 😍
Looks like this might be regular with the other friends too.

Might be lucky to catch this in time with antibiotics & avoid another op. It goes rock hard in a radius maybe a 50 c pce now and in a worse place close to tne other. Bus in

V.tired. Happy still motivated for art.

Had 4 puffs last night. Not taking it up again.

Thanks for listening.

PubAok Grandz love you treasure 🤗😚 you too Magic 🐒
Hope peoples days are good ⚘🌱