Surviving: Being in a better place

[demonblaster]

Hi all 🙂
Thought this thread might be of use to talk about your stories if you like and where you're at now.
In a better place.

I have Bipolar, (BP) pretty sure all my life. Wasn't diagnosed, I approached them thinking I have this at age 46.
The ups (mania) are magic, ying and yang (opposites) evident with BP & in many other ways.
The downs, crippling. Still ..but I'm DETERMINED to beat them with time & effort and professional help.One of the psychiatrists said it can't be beaten, I say cause it maybe hasn't been done, doesn't mean it can't be.
Have come an incredibly long way so far.
Long way to go probs but HAS to be sooner rather than later, else this mother of a demon will get me, I live in fear of going under the line again which majority of the time the head goes South but looking back at those times knowing I got through & that it's not always like that helps.
SO many good times, happy times between.

The cycles have gone from Rapid cycling (4 or more a yr) to 8/10 a yr since the loss of my beloved partner of 28yrs to leukaemia.

My teens starting at 14yrs I attempted suicide 4 times.
You're in hell considering, contemplating & ultimately attempting suicide, we're going against our strongest basic instinct. Survival.

Wanted OUT, couldn't see anything but Black in my head, no light, no way out, no other choice, the depression beast had me engulfed as it does most of the time in cycles now too.
Rock bottom. The pits.

I've learnt a lot one thing is it doesn't stay this way.
Sleep's vital. We don't get a lot or quality when down, it affects how we feel usually in a negative way.
Life's so much harder when we're tired and exhausted, we see feel & react to things differently
That part of our brain that works at pulling us down, I think with everyone, not only mental illness or disorders

Self esteem rock bottom, still working at it, it's true we have to like/love ourselves works as a shield.
Great loving good parents lucky

If I'd known in suicide yrs I'd meet a beautiful loving partner and have so much love from family, friends and happiness between the downs, I wouldn't have attempted.

BP downs equate to heavy grieving alone without it on top.It slammed but now I'm looking back and Yes still hurts, always will but we owe it to ourselves to keep going. We don't know whats ahead and nothing stays the same.

I know that now.

[Peppermintbach]

Hi wonderful DB (and a wave to all),

I’m very pleased to hear that you have been able to go on some walks recently! That makes me feel very happy for you 🙂

Your brother sounds like a really warm and generous person. I’m sure you’re looking forward to spending time with him at Christmas. So much to catch up on, I bet...

Thank you for thinking of me, lovely DB. I agree with you that the people around us makes a difference, in terms of feeling a genuine mutual connection, or if they are mostly helping to fill a space/void. I suspect the filling spaces happens more often than perhaps some of us like to admit in the offline realm. That, or I’m possibly projecting a little...it will be the day when and if I finally find my offline people/tribe 😉

Sending you and the official cake tester (lovely Grandy) a lemon drizzle cake each...

Supersoul hugs and much love,

Peppystar xoxo

[demonblaster]

Hiya beautiful Grandy 👩‍❤️‍👩 Peppystar ☘ and all 🖐

Lovely Peppy I wish I have been walking but in virtual I have which isnt quite the same but I will get back to.

So sweet of brother to do that again, really enjoy the trips and usually stay at a good friends too which is nice as well.

I hope you do find your offline tribe hun 🤗

Oh darlin girl thank you very much for the beautiful lemon drizzle I cant get over how yum that sounds and it probs doesnt have icing 😲😆

Much love and care dear Peppy ⚘

Hey gorgeous yes you did scare me 😅 it's ok my hearts back in normal rythym.
Always so nice seeing you too.

Yes good girl thats pretty much the art. Stars would be nice.

I'm hoping the other little dog will remember I'm ok and ohh the lab she's adorable. Wonder if she'll dance with me again.

Funny you mentionec about foot in the salt water, a man on the bus said same recently and hes done all sorts of running etc.

Not sure I'd be fussed on quarterzone either hun. I'll have to check on that.

Good on you with brekky lovey, Marmalades yum. My dear Dad used to have that every morning. God I miss him.

😅 that sounds so good lets try and wash the gorgeous's and that'll be neat with the bubble machine. You're so lovely 💜

Love you so much yes 🤝 sisters united against beasty 💪 we got this hun 😚🤗

Thank you both for dropping by ☺ so nice seeing youse 🤗

🌜👩‍❤️‍👩💜🌅⛅🌈💧🤝🐶🗯🌛

[Ggrand]

Hello Deebi👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩..

Just wanted to wish you a beautiful restful sleep...and some lovely dreams...

bbt to chat some....

Love you dear friend...

💖...🤝...🦄...👼....🐻🤗.....and yadimh 🌜💖🌛..

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Grandy...

[Ggrand]

Good morning Beautiful Deebi 👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩..

How are you?..it’s nice to see your smiley..you’re one that really helps me so much to get me through my day...

Awe Deebi, usually a doggie doesn’t forget smells..He/she will remember you honey....and in time I hope you get comfortable with each other and can spend some cuddle time together....

Oh we had so much washing our little kitties...They loved the bubbles and splashed around so much that the bubbles ended up in your hallway....The looked like pure white fluffy clouds with little eyes 👀 looking at us....They were covered from head to toes in bubbles..and then your idea of blowing the bubbles of them with your hair dryer got me into a giggly state as I watch the bubbles go all over me...😂😂...Um honey we’re supposed to rinse the bubbles of them first..While we were laughing the little rascals leaped out of the bath and ran around everywhere..slipping and sliding, right way up, sideways up, and even upside down....They had so much fun..using your hall way as a slippery, soapy, fun slide....Then ..we decided to leave them play and have a cuppa...ooops down we went, every time we went to get up we slipped back down..laughing so much...so we decided to join our kitties and play slippy slides with them...Weeeee...we slid all the way to your kitchen..then into your lounge room before we stopped...Yay cuppa tea time....eventual kitties fell asleep in a sea of foamy bubbles....What a mess we had to clean up...but it was well worth it...with the fun we had....We have to do this again soon but next time Deebi..let’s put 3 bottles of bubbles in their bath next time instead of 2....😂😂..more bubbles their are...the more fun we all have....I’ll help you clean this all up..then we can come to mine and veranda sit and chat about anything we want to...

Love you so very much dear friend...💖👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩🤗🐻..🐆🐅...

Kind thoughts..love and hugs everyone 💖💜😂🐻..

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Grandy...🦄👼..

[demonblaster]

Hey sweetyheart 👩‍❤️‍👩 and readers 👋

You're so lovely, oh didn't they look so cute in amongst all those bubbles and just the little eyes showing. Oh they're so clean and sleeping like little angels. Grandy look they're snuggled up to Kya and Ebony ohhhh cute or what 😀😍

Thanks hun yip I'm not down but pretty much spending my life these days sleeping eating TV.

I want to go walking the days are glorious and I'm just ..just...? Pfttt. Ok though not unhappy. Oh and playing my game that I've been stuck on a level for days.

The nurse dresses my wound which is starting to heal yay and occasional visitor text call etc and here in bits.

I know I should be getting moving.

Thank you for your beautiful post about our gorgeous loves and you just being such a love. You too hun you have no idea how much light you give me.

Love you deeply sweetyheart. Thank you for your beautiful friendship.

👩‍❤️‍👩💜✨🌈🐻🤗🤝💪🐩🐶😍😚

[Ggrand]

Hello Beautiful Deebi👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩...and everyone 🤗..

Im sorry honey that you are not feeling much light in your life atm....and spending your days sleeping eating tv..Gee I hope your okay eating tv...do you want me to make you a lovely chocolate mud cake..it would be more tastier then the tv😂....Awe sweety..I know what you meant just felt like being a bit sassy....I really deep into my heart wish you were feeling better then you are💖👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩..

Deebi...Tuesday at work I took 10,504 steps..wow..and my step counter said I walked for 1 hour and 57 minutes...and yesterday only 859...today maybe less...I’m meh today...so I’m just sitting out front or laying around inside today....It’s okay honey about walking..I can guarantee when you go shopping with mh guy you take quite a few steps...plus all those dr visits you’ve had as well...when the time comes that you feel up to walking...I know you will..but atm honey your foot is still sore..it takes so much time for it to heal and I also can remember the 😢 I cried when I had the same..it’s so painful on the heal..I just hope you don’t have as long as I did.😢..

Im pleased to hear your wound is starting to heal..I bet that you feel better about that...I know I feel relieved for you...I hope it’s easier now to sit comfortably....

Oh Deebi...I have been stuck on stages of games for a while as well..it gets so frustrating for me that I’ll play something else..then go back to it later on...

Youve probably told me before..but I have a silly mind that forgets...what else do you like to do...or is their something that you always wanted to try but haven’t as yet...I often think the art you do would be so entertaining for a little child to add colour to it..like a colouring in book...

It’s okay...Deebi..take your time with you..geez poor darling you’ve had such a tough few weeks, with scans..Drs appointments... travelling...tests...surgery...getting your dressing changed daily....please be gentle on your precious self...give your body time to heal and recover properly...please 💖🤝..

I hope today is better then yesterday beautiful friend..I’m always here for you..not letting go..🤝..I’m sending you lots of care, kindness.. and love 💜 to the best bbff in the world..

Kind thoughts, love and hugs everyone💖🤗..

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Grandy.....DB=🐻🤗 💖👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩 🌜🦄👼🌛.l

[demonblaster]

Hey my gorgeous bbff 👩‍❤️‍👩 and everyone 👋

😂 yes please I'd love a choc mud cake 😆. It wasnt too bad I was on the cooking channel 😆
Love ya sass ya gorgeous 🤗

Yip not unhappy just being, rather than doing. Always been an issue Grandz. I do things at times and with people but happy watching or eating TV ☺
Nothing much holds interest. I cant and havent for ages played sport. Absolutely love being in the water.
Go in and out of things.

Geesh you did some steps huns wowsie bet you're tired from. Huge good on you. Rest up lovey.

Your foot sounds worse than mine tho at times it was pretty rough. You poor love. Glad its better now.
I will walk soon. Being lazy.

I considered doing the art as colouring books for adults or any age really. I need to finish them off.

It has been a tough few wks, I'm over the exhaustion just sleeping for the sake now. See doc 23rd re the thickening. Good report post op.

Thanks honey you're true to your word you've never let go have you beautiful lady.
Love you so much Grandy thanks for being such a loving beautiful person

I hope you're doing better today darlin 🤗😚💪⚘

🐻🤗👩‍❤️‍👩💜✨🤝🐶🌈⛅🌲

[Ggrand]

Hello Beautiful Deebi👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩..waves and hugs everyone 🤗..

Its hard isn’t it to find something to do then do it..although I have plenty that needs doing just never motivated to do them until it really needs doing...then it’s a slap happy job just to get it done as quickly as I can...Why I don’t know..why I want to finish early because it just means sitting around again doing nothing...geez our minds are so silly at times and have no logic in some things...I think I just don’t like doing things....I have a few shows I like to watch now..thanks to you my dear friend...Friends, Big Bang, Mash, Nanny..Frasier, and some movies....

Maybe when you’re up to it honey a nice walk to the beach and just sit somewhere nice and soak your feet in the water and look over the ocean and imagine all the beautiful sea creatures that live within the waters....or maybe watch out for boats, those water motor bikes 🏍...I used to like watching the people with kits on their sail boards and the people high in the sky riding their huge kites...oh what about surfers...I admire them..they fall off and get straight back on...they don’t give up trying...to get that 5 minutes of fun, enjoyment and happiness... they get out of riding the waves.....Please my dearest friend NEVER give up trying anything you think will bring you some happies...

I thought before a colouring book...I know it would be something you could do..maybe their is a few kids around you that would love them..or even making a few different designs on paper and taking to the nursing home or hospital for the patients to colour in...Just my thoughts...

Okay 23rd...I’ve written it my diary..I’ll be at yours early and come along with you..I’ll look over your results first just to make sure the Dr knows what’s he/she is doing....after all I am a fully qualified Dr. 👩🏼‍🔬..now...but I lost my stethoscope 😂...have you seen it anywhere?....hmm must find it first...then some lunch at a yummy hamburger place and a large choc milkshake...

Rain is forecasted for this afternoon..although I doubt it..I wish so much it does arrive...Gee the dust flying up from across the road is unbelievable..Its all over everything..Maybe I should take my feather duster across the road and dust the trees down😂..wouldn’t I look funny doing that..

I hope your day today is better then yesterday dearest bbff..sending you so much love to you because I do love you heaps...wiwawyip...Truth...💖..

Love and hugs💖🤗.

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Grandy...🌜🎂🌛...

[demonblaster]

Hi there beautiful Grandy 👩‍❤️‍👩 and everyone ☺

It is really hard to get into action isn't it. Manias my normal. It's when I have energy want ideas enthusiasm etc and do things. Dunno Grandz.

So pleased you're watching shows.
When I see something you might like I wonder if you're watching it. You might like Doc Martin too lovey, beautiful scenery too.

Yes I want to do that with the beach my gorgeous, I'll take my bbff with me. The days are so perfect and I'm inside or sleeping.

That's right eh hun never to give up if it could give us happiness. Wiwawyip beautiful 🐻🤗

I thought a while ago doing mils card a colouring book would be cool. Good girl we have our thinking hats on 🎩

Oh you make me laugh 😂 I'm so glad you're on the job Dr Grandy gorgeous. Oh dear your stethoscopes gone. 🤔 now where did I see it... ⛑ .. no I've looked and looked hun can't find sorry lovey

Oh yeah hamburger and choccy milk shake yummo.

Ugh the dust sounds blaghh. Hope you get some rain to pack it down. Haha good idea to go and dust the trees 😂 you're so easy to love 😚

So much love back at you gorgeous Grandy.
Thank you for your beautiful caring company. Hope your day was a good one lovely.

👩‍❤️‍👩💜⛑⛅⚘

[Ggrand]

Hello beautiful deebi👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩..

I want to thank you for your beautiful escape on mine..I really felt we went together...Why can’t it be awyip😢...aloneness and loneliness is so overwhelming at times..

Deebi...I don’t get much mania..unfortunately more mixed, with short bursts of mania..then back down to the never ending sadness of depression....hmm not enough time for me to get the mania mind....I’m happy for you that you have them reasonably good..but sad that you go down far....

I have watched Doc Martin a few times..but he yells at people and is very sarcastic with them as well...and he never seems happy..... I do like the countryside scenery though...Sometimes I’ll put on without voice, when nothing else on...

I understand your sleeping etc...poor Deebi...I hope that you are okay.. I worry about you cocooning yourself..your a peoples person and I know you love to be around them...You lift them..and they lift you....but sweetheart it’s okay..when your ready you will enjoy yourself when you go out...

“Great minds think alike”.. beautiful friend.. I’ve heard before....shows how much similar we are in our thinking...

Thats okay Deebi....I will make another stethoscope..I have some beautiful pieces of gum tree branches..I’ll scrape out the middle of three of them...then super glue 3 together in a perfect 3 way join..then I’ll um..let me think a sec...oh yeah I’ll dismantle a microphone 🎤..then place it on the heart listening bit and on the ear listening bit..then I’ll have the best stethoscope ever....Orders please Drs...

We got a few dots of rain last night...yay...I counted 34 raindrops fall on my roof😂....

Im making a for real mudcake today...not sure why...probably just something to do...I so wish I could have it with you..oops 😢..With a nice coffee, tea and chat...

The weather is unbelievable here..from two days heatwave to snowing close by and now sunny but freezing cold strong winds....Isn’t nature awesome...

I hope your feeling better then yesterday honey, with some light shining through for you...Love you dearest bbff....Your a very treasured and true friend...💖👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩🤗.

Kind thoughts with Love and hugs everyone 💖🤗🤗..

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Grandy...🌜🐻🤗🌛..